Chapter Text
Stiles is sitting on the floor, eyes closed against the sharp burn of tears. His clothes are still damp, but he doesn’t want to move. The smell of chlorine is heavy in his nose, it lingers on his clothes and keeps him from leaving the moment. The moment he let him slip. It’s all Stiles fault, he let him go. He let him slip all for a stupid phone, a stupid fucking phone, to call stupid fucking Scott. It’s all his fault. It’s all Stiles fault. He’d tried, he’d tried to save him, pulled him from the pool despite the monster. Even when Scott had gotten there it had been too late. He was too late. Stupid fucking werewolf, stupid fucking Alpha, for all his power, he had to go and fucking drown.
Derek is dead and Stiles doesn’t know what to do.
***
Scott hangs up and Stiles throws the phone, lets it drop to the bottom of the pool. He takes a deep breath, dives down that eight feet to where Derek rests. His eyes are closed, dark hair fanned out around his head. Stiles heart is in his throat, please be alive, please Derek, please, please, please… is like a mantra in his head, over and over again. He gets his arms around Derek and hails him up through the water. It’s so hard, Derek is heavy, but he makes it to the surface. He gasps and chokes, but Derek doesn’t. Derek is silent.
“Come on Derek! Breath damn it!” Stiles pants, shaking the limp Alpha. “Breath you damn sourwolf!” In an act of desperation Stiles presses his lips to Derek’s, tries to force air into the wolf’s lungs. It’s awkward in this position, but Derek’s still not moving, still not breathing and Stiles can feel himself panicking. He can’t panic, this isn’t the time. Stiles doesn’t hear the creature, he wouldn’t even if it was still there. It didn’t matter, he needed to get Derek out of the pool. Stiles dragged the limp wolf towards the edge, Derek was cold in his arms, it was worse than when he had just been paralysed. At least then Derek had talked, bitched at him, now he was cold and limp. Dead weight, the thought came to mind and Stiles shoved at it viciously, he wouldn’t let Derek die.
“Stiles!” Stiles’s jerked his head up, looking up to find Scott standing at the edge of the pool. Scott held out his hand, beckoning him closer.
“Please, Scott, get him out.” Stiles shoved Derek towards his friend. Scott hauled the Alpha up, rolling him over. Stiles is trembling when he pulls himself out of the water, he feels twice as heavy, his arms shake, but none of the stops him from crawling close to Derek.
“He’s not breathing.” Scott says.
“I know,” Stiles sounds hysterical. “Please, please, god, Derek, breathe.” Stiles knows CPR, he’s Dad made him learn. He presses on Derek’s chest, breathes air into his lungs. Over and over again. Stiles can feel the panic rising in his chest again, he can’t squash it down. His sight is burred, he knows he’s crying, but he can’t stop. He can’t pull away, or spare even a second to wipe his face. He won’t let this happen, he won’t, he can’t. no, no, no no….
“Stiles!” Scott’s hands are on his shoulders, trying to pull him away. “Stiles, let him go.” There are other hands yanking at him, they trying to pull him away from Derek. Derek who’s still limp and cold in his grasp.
“No, no, no, Derek, no, you can’t… Please Derek, please, breath you stupid wolf!” He can hear someone talking, someone declaring time of death. They’re trying to pull Stiles away, but he’s not going to go. He clings to Derek. “Please don’t be dead Derek. Please don’t…” The tears come fast and hard, Stiles pulls Derek’s head into his lap. Strokes the wet hair from the wolf’s face, he can hear his own sobs, his whimpers, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about dignity or pride, Derek’s gone and its all his fault.
“Stiles…” Scott’s voice is soft.
“Go away Scott.” Stiles breathes through his tears.
“Stiles, please, they need to… They need to take him away.”
“No…” Stiles sighs, leaning down to press his lips to Derek’s forehead. “Just… just give me a little longer.” Stiles looks up pleadingly at Scott, sees the tears in Scott’s eyes. There are others standing around, EMT’s, policemen, Erica, Allison, Boyde, Stiles is sure that even Isaac is close. Stiles’s Dad is standing behind Scott and Stiles’s feels more tears well up in his eyes. “He’s gone, but…” Stiles brushes Derek’s hair back again. “I don’t want him to be alone, I won’t let him be alone again.” There is a long silence, they’ve all heard what he’s said and they can all see the pain on Stiles’s face.
“Ok Stiles…”
***
Stiles sits on the floor in the hospital waiting room. The doctors have looked at him, declared him fit. But Stiles can’t make himself leave. Derek is here, down a few floors, but he’s here and Stiles can’t leave him. He can’t… Stiles bangs his head back hard against the wall. He knows they’re watching him. The pack, his Dad, Scott, even the hunters.
“I’m sorry Derek…” New tears fall. “I’m so sorry. I promise you…” He sniffles and tucks his legs up to his chest, burying his face in his knees. “I won’t let you’re death be for nothing. I’ll look after them for you. Say hi to your family for me…” Stiles dissolves into tears, alone. “Love you, you stupid sourwolf.”