Chapter Text
Natalia woke still dressed in a strange bed with the scent of selenias in her hair. A sudden disorientation – memories of last night's full moon – lasted only a moment.
The inn's sheets were rough against skin long-used to silk. She sat up, glancing down to where Anise slept face-down in her pillow, black curls piled on her head. On Anise's far side, Noelle had at some point wrested control of most of their quilt, only the top half of her face peeking out. Across the room, Jade and Guy shared the other bed, Mieu cozily wedged in the space between Guy's head and the wall. Tight accommodations, but no one, not even the colonel, had thought to bring much gald yesterday.
Looking around, Natalia drew in a breath to let the laughter come spilling out – but caught it back – she didn't want to wake the others – but she couldn't keep from smiling. Goodness. How had any of them slept?
Across the room, there was a slight movement as Jade tipped his head just far enough to catch her with one red eye. He smirked. “I believe it's going to be a late morning.”
Natalia beamed.
As she slipped out of bed to put on her shoes (the colonel somehow making it to the door ahead of her, undoubtedly to occupy the inn's communal bathroom) Natalia felt another rush of laughter. And, with it, a sharp pain through her heart. Neither would be going away, she knew. She'd have to find a way to reconcile them.
But still – what a wonderful problem to have, what a wonderful cause for a problem –
Unseen by her friends, Natalia dropped to her knees and clasped her hands. With the Score silent for two years, the whole question of praying to Lorelei was still being debated all across Auldrant. Nonetheless, Natalia closed her eyes and offered a quick quiet prayer that was so fervent it hardly involved words at all.
“Thank you,” she whispered at the end. “Even if – even if we couldn't have – everything.”
Then, even as she smiled, she pressed her hands over her heart, waiting for the pain to recede.
In that moment of stillness, she could almost hear the wind as it pushed through the tall selenia flowers last night, down in Tataroo Valley. When Tear had run forward, Natalia had stumbled back. Even as her heart swelled with awe, with happiness, she'd thought to retreat farther, turn away.
This wasn't for her. She wouldn't be wanted here.
And then Guy had taken her arm. Gently but firmly, no hesitation. And stepped forward, bringing her with him. In that surprised moment, she didn't really notice that he'd managed to touch her. It didn't seem worth questioning. Maybe he simply saw her stepping in the wrong direction and instinct had told him to stop her.
Either way, she knew now she could never thank him enough. Because of him, she'd been able to walk forward as if she felt nothing but joy.
With a sigh, Natalia climbed back to her feet and walked over to the inn's window. It was indeed late morning, the sun halfway up the sky. Outside travelers were passing by on the road, guests of this remote Malkuth inn eating outside, everyone enjoying the warm weather. On the far side of the road was a field, and in it she could see two figures. A sharp turn of the head flicked Luke's long red hair over his shoulder and he pointed at something. Farther off, Natalia saw a grazing deer. Only after a moment – even from here, Natalia could feel the reluctance – did Tear turn away from him to look. Natalia leaned her shoulder into the window frame, watching Luke, recognizing and reacquainting herself with his figure, his movements. After coming back from death, shouldn't he be less familiar?
What would she have done last night, had Guy not pulled her along? Shown her regret? This morning, she wondered if she hadn't still. If through her tears of happiness, Luke also saw that her lips quivered. That when Guy released her, her hands clasped each other tightly. That she hesitated before embracing Luke, then tried to make up for it by hugging him with all of her strength.
She was happy. She still wanted to laugh. But she also still wanted to cry, and this time shed very different tears.
No. Luke was far more than enough.
“He's hardly changed.”
Natalia turned. Noelle was sitting up, though speaking in a whisper. She hadn't been part of that first happy fluster in the valley, waiting back with the Albiore. “I was a little shy to come up to him, you know? But he just came right over and gave me a hug.” She blushed. “I didn't want to get in Tear's way though...”
“I'm glad.” Natalia glanced back out the window. “When he first appeared, he seemed so different. It would have been heartbreaking to have him back but altered.”
Noelle nodded, looking at Natalia speculatively. “How... how are you?”
Natalia hesitated, then put on a bright smile. She liked Noelle a great deal, but she wasn't sure they were close enough for the real answer. She wasn't sure anyone was. “It's wonderful. And – how incredible, to believe in miracles like this.”
All during their early lunch, Mieu had been batting against the window like a very large turquoise moth, watching for Luke's return. None of them had spoken to Luke since last night, and while they were all eager to see him again, it seemed to be wearing on Mieu the most.
“When he's coming back? Maybe he's in trouble?”
“I'm sure he and Tear would enjoy you rolling up and breaking up their... discussion,” Guy said, smiling over his spoonful of chowder.
Mieu blinked in confusion while Anise let out a ladylike whoop. “If you're right, we probably won't see them all day.”
“As delightful as it is to waste time accomplishing nothing in the company of my intellectual inferiors,” Jade said, pouring himself some more tea, “I hope Luke does show himself before the day's over. Some of us have jobs we need to get back to.”
“And by some of us, you mean all of us,” Anise said. “Or does personally overseeing the training of the new maestrist bodyguards not count?”
“Oh, congratulations!” Natalia said.
Anise preened a little as the others shared their well-wishes. “I was planning on telling you guys yesterday, after we'd all left the valley and perked up again. But, I don't know, something came along and it somehow slipped my mind.”
“I'm still getting over the shock myself,” Natalia admitted.
“I concede,” Jade said, “it takes some getting used to.”
Guy tipped his head. “Threw you for a loop, huh, Colonel?”
“Certainly not. I was prepared for any contingency. I told Luke that years ago.”
“What's that?” Luke asked, coming through the inn's back door, closely followed by Tear.
They all shifted, sat up, some of them beginning to rise from their chairs, and the moment clearly teetered on the brink of a repeat of last night's hugs and tears and even some kisses from Anise and Natalia. Luke's eyes widened just a tick and he held up a hand, and Guy snorted and Anise rolled her eyes and – a bit shakily – they subsided again.
Only Jade had done no more than turn in his chair and lift his brows. “I was just saying that you proved my theory wrong, Luke. And so proved my second theory that you will always surprise me. Ergo, I am still correct.”
Luke answered that with his own eye roll, and it was so absolutely himself that, again, Natalia's thoughts flashed back to the previous night. How, after they'd talked themselves hoarse with questions and explanations - and exclamations - they'd all turned to the mouth of the valley, heading toward the Albiore. The moon and the sea had been at their backs, casting their faces into shadow. For a moment, Luke had left Tear and turned to Natalia. She'd thought he was going to speak. She was about to insist that no one was upset he wasn't Asch.
But he hadn't spoken. He'd looked at her, and his eyes had narrowed, and for a moment their clarity dimmed. She had never seen him, Luke or Asch, look so distant.
Then the light returned to his eyes and he smiled, stepping over and giving her another hug, and for a moment Natalia felt like she was the one being welcomed.
Lunch was giddy; it seemed Luke still couldn't come into their presence without all their emotions bubbling back up, Noelle starting to cry again, Guy throwing an arm around Luke's shoulders and having to be reminded by Anise that maybe Tear would like to sit next to Luke – whereupon Tear went red. And so, very much his old self, did Luke.
Natalia couldn't help wondering what he'd felt, experienced during those two years while he'd been dead. But now wasn't the time to ask. They all of them needed to settle down, perhaps Luke more than anybody.
After the overwhelming lunch, everyone seemed to sense a need to give Luke some space. They broke up in smaller groups, Luke walking off with Guy and Mieu. Noelle went to prep the Albiore for flight, and Anise dragged on Jade's arm, clearly intent on asking him to explain just how exactly Luke had come back.
Natalia watched Luke and Guy go, heart aching with fondness, then realized she was still sitting with Tear. Tear, more than Luke, looked relieved to have some space.
“Should I go?” Natalia asked. “I'm sure this has been a lot to take in.”
“Oh? No – no, it's fine.” Tear released a deep breath, smiling. “It's only just starting to feel real.”
“Indeed!”
“Actually – to be honest, it comes and goes. How real it seems. Sometimes it's like he was never gone, and then other times it hits me all over again.” Her smile turned thoughtful. “It first started to feel real last night, after we came here to the inn.”
Natalia blinked, surprised Tear would even broach such a topic. “Oh – well – then I'm glad the rest of us were able to – ” she couldn't help the blush, but the blush itself was even more embarrassing than her thoughts “ – to get another room and give you both your privacy. We thought it might be, um, desired.” Oh dear, why hadn't she just said preferable, why did she have to say desired?
Tear looked at Natalia, her eyes rounding. Then, much more slowly than Natalia, pink filled her face, her cheeks and even to her chin. “Um...”
“No matter.” Natalia waved her hand in what she hoped was a sophisticated manner. “We were happy to, truly.”
“Luke and I... we, um... we didn't.”
“Oh!” Natalia said, feeling less sophisticated by the millisecond.
Tear's blush was receding, but not quite gone. “We talked most of the night. He fell asleep for a while. I couldn't. In separate beds,” she added with firmness.
“Of course,” Natalia said, but her thoughts weren't on her words just then. She supposed it was in character, that Tear might feel such a moment was too overwrought for such things. But Natalia felt a stab in her heart, an almost physical sensation that was equally uncertain and jealous. Had it been Asch who'd returned, had it been he and she alone in that inn room, would they have...?
To pull herself out of that, Natalia said the first thing that popped into her mind. “Are you going to?”
Tear's eyes widened again. “Natalia?”
“Oh dear!” Natalia covered her mouth – then burst out laughing. “I'm becoming as bad as Anise.”
To her relief, Tear laughed too.
Natalia offered the use of the Albiore to any of them, but they'd all made their own traveling arrangements. Tear was headed to Saint Binah on behalf of the Order, and no one was surprised that Luke would be going with her.
They were the first to leave, and while it felt cruel to lose Luke after such a short time, Natalia couldn't really think of him as lost. Not ever. And part of her welcomed some time alone to reflect. She hugged Tear, then let herself be caught up in a lingering hug from Luke.
“Will we see you soon?” she asked. “Back home?”
“You'll definitely see me again.” He let her go, reaching back to scratch his neck. “I don't know how long I'll stay though. I want to see this new world. I guess it's... I guess it's almost like seeing it for the first time when I left the manor.”
Jade smiled. “When Tear carried you off.”
“Yeah, Tear.” Anise grinned. “Have fun carrying him off again!”
“Okay, you can all just shut up,” Luke grumbled – but laughing behind it, accepting one last arm punch from Guy before he, Tear, and Mieu climbed into their rented carriage.
When the Albiore was ready and it was Natalia's turn to go, it was Jade who saw her off. They'd been engrossed in a discussion of Peony's aggressive push to make it easier for replicas to become Malkuth citizens, but when they came to the gangplank, he broke off, giving her a speculative look.
“And for just what exactly are you sizing me up, Colonel?”
“An impertinent question.” He clasped his hands behind his back and waited until he had her eye contact. “Natalia, back in the valley, when Luke appeared – did you think he was Asch?”
Her lips parted, but she hesitated before speaking. “I was confused. I wasn't sure either way. But then, as soon as I saw how he carried the Key of Lorelei, I knew. Why?”
“I confess, when I saw him, I wanted to think it was Luke. But I thought that it must be Asch. By the laws of fomicry as I understand them, it should have been. But then, my studies have never – ” He broke off abruptly. Something must have shown in Natalia's face. “Ah,” he said, leaning back slightly. “Forgive me, that was rather callous of me to say, wasn't it?”
Natalia didn't answer, pressing her lips together, not trusting herself to speak.
“The rest of us can be happy it's Luke. But you cared for them both. For you, there really can't be a happy outcome.”
“I'm very happy!” Natalia said, voice breaking. “Go on,” she said, wiping her eyes. “What were you saying about your studies?”
“I was only going to say that my studies into fomicry failed to analyze the personality of Lorelei, let alone its restorative abilities. A gross omission on my part, pioneering science utilizing seventh fonons without understanding the Seventh Fonon itself.”
“Yes. That makes sense.” Her voice became natural again. “I imagine this will inspire many more scholarly papers from Dr Balfour.”
Jade glanced to the side. “That bastard is perpetually overworked. Well – I take my leave of you. Safe travels.”
“And you, Jade. And thank you.”
He raised his eyebrows.
She reached over and squeezed his hand, a liberty she never would have taken two years ago. “For sometimes being wrong.”
Natalia couldn't hold herself back. She managed to disembark from the Albiore sedately, waving at the small crowd that had gathered at Baticul's harbor. And she greeted the guards who had come to escort her into the city, and she walked with a graceful measured pace to her air car.
But once she was in the Upper City, she couldn't help herself. Ignoring the surprised exclamations of her guards, the one who faintly called out – “Princess – please, let us precede you!” – she broke into a fast walk, then into a light jog, then a run. She felt buoyant, as if each step bounced her up and up towards the castle. Her heart beat faster, but it only felt delightful.
She reached the lift first and could barely make herself wait for the guards to catch up.
Natalia beamed at them as they all thudded in and the lift made its ascent. Despite their helms, she could sense their confusion as they looked at her, then each other.
“Your Highness?” The guards weren't generally supposed to speak to her unless she addressed them. “Has there been – is there some news?”
“Wonderful news.” She had to say it. But she squeezed her hands together, resolving not to say anything more. Not yet.
“Thank you very much, you're dismissed!” she trilled even as the lift was clanking into place and the doors were rattling open. She heard one last surprised “Your Highness!” as she dashed out. Heedless of any rumors she was at that moment birthing, she ran not towards the royal castle, but across the courtyard of Regal Square to the Fabre manor.
As she entered the grounds, she glanced to the north lawn, where Luke's and Asch's obelisk gleamed in the sun. The chairs from yesterday's coming of age memorial still stood, and the groundsmen were working quietly, gathering up the garlands, the wilting flowers hiding the mourning bands they'd worn for two years.
Natalia stopped, looking up at the obelisk, her smile spreading. Then with a breathless laugh, she hurried inside, not noticing that the groundsmen had stopped to stare at her, her lavender gown bright in the sunshine, her curls thrown back with delight.
“Your Highness!” Ramdas exclaimed as she swept inside. “Are you – are you quite all right?”
“Oh my – I probably look a mess. Is my aunt at home? Can she see me? And Uncle Crimson?”
The front hall was hung in black, the ancient war banners and shields covered, as they had been since the fall of Eldrant. The staff all wore mourning bands. Ramdas still seemed to be taking Natalia in, staring at her as if she were an abstract painting he needed to interpret.
“Yes – yes, His Grace and Her Highness are at home. I believe Princess Susanne is in the library. Shall I annou – ”
“Thank you, Ramdas, please don't bother.” And she swept past him, feeling a mad urge to grab one of the black curtains and wrench it down.
She decided to take a shortcut through the courtyard, throwing open a side door and all but flying outside – and into something solid that stumbled back and yelped. Thrown off balance, Natalia also tumbled, thudding down – not onto the hard paving stones but onto the same unfortunate person.
Natalia tried to pick herself up – realized she'd jammed her elbow into his chest – and rolled off with as much princesslike dignity as she could. “Lieutenant Colonel, please forgive me!”
He coughed, catching his breath. “Is there some emergency – oh! Oh – Princess Natalia – I mean, Your Highness! Are you all right?”
Paul Lefevre was a young man, not much older than Natalia herself, but a good bit taller, his body still filling out. Though he was a professional soldier, a lieutenant colonel in Kaitzur's Royal Border Legion, he opted not to go armed as a rule, his sword belt currently free of its scabbard. His hair was a bright red, cut short, and he blinked at Natalia from behind narrow rimless spectacles.
“I couldn't be better.” Natalia checked her palms and knees for blood, then climbed to her feet and held her hand out to him.
He stared at her hand, then up at her. Then, cautiously, took her fingertips and and drew them towards his lips.
“Oh – no, please don't,” Natalia said, though still giddily. “I only meant to help you up.”
“Oh!” His cheeks flooded with red. “Forgive, me I thought I was supposed to – ”
“No, hand-kissing isn't customarily done, outside of plays and novels.”
“I guess I still have a lot to learn about being – about the nobility.”
She still hand her hand out, but he lurched up to his feet unassisted. Shrugging it off, Natalia smiled. “I'm so sorry for running into you like that. I'm just eager to see my aunt.”
“Is there some problem?”
She laughed again. “Goodness, why does everyone keep assuming it's something bad?”
“Well, you look, um... you look...”
“Never mind how I look, it's not important. I have to see my aunt. Will you excuse me?”
“Oh – of course.”
She gave him a little wave before dashing off. Finally she was at the library. She collected herself enough to knock, rather than throwing the door open and proclaiming her news. “Auntie, may I come in?”
“Natalia?”
Natalia stepped inside to find Susanne seated in the light of one of the windows, a closed book on her lap. She didn't have to look carefully to see that Susanne's eyes were red-rimmed.
Natalia had known she'd been expected to be at the coming of age memorial. It had weighed on her for weeks, and choosing not to go had been so freeing she'd felt more relief than shame. Now, seeing her aunt, the guilt hit her. Natalia went over and kissed her cheek, then sank down to her knees, keeping hold of Susanne's hands. “Auntie – I'm sorry – ”
Susanne was shaking her head, her black veil rustling over her shoulders. “No, I understand. Looking at it, I'm sure Luke and Asch would have been happy with you celebrating them in your own way, and I – ” She gave Natalia a gentle, puzzled frown. At the name Luke, Natalia knew she'd grinned, and Susanne's confusion, perversely, made her smile wider. “Natalia, what's – ”
She'd left the door open and there was a single knock on the door jam. They turned to see the duke standing just in the room. There were no signs of tears on his face, but his black tunic made him look strangely pale, and his tone was even brisker than normal. He looked impatient, as if he needed to get away quickly. “Ramdas says you have news for us, Natalia?”
Natalia squeezed Susanne's hands, and a tear slipped down her cheek.
“Natalia?” To her surprise, Crimson's voice lowered with concern, and he walked over to her.
“Dear, she's overwrought,” Susanne said, freeing one of her hands to touch Natalia's forehead, then cheek, checking her temperature. “I'm afraid something terrible must have happened.”
Natalia laughed. “I've seen Luke!”
There was a silence as she looked from each to the other. They looked at each other, then her.
“Natalia – darling – ” Susanne was still very gentle. “I think you should sit down and very calmly tell us what happened.”
“I'm going to call for Ingobert,” Crimson said, turning.
“No!” Natalia reached over and caught his hand too, another familiarity she'd never attempted before. “No, you two need to hear this first. I promise I'm absolutely fine. And I don't need to sit down. I feel like I've been holding this in for too long.”
“Natalia?” Susanne's voice shook; Natalia thought she recognized the tremor as hope. Unwilling hope.
Natalia held on to her aunt and uncle, but she did her best to make her voice calm and authoritative. She'd practiced saying this in her head time and time again on the flight over. “Luke was the isofon of Lorelei. When Lorelei returned to the Fon Belt, we think it was able to take Luke with it. And there, through its power as the Seventh Fonon, it healed his fonon dissolution and returned him to Auldrant.”
It sounded like something out of a textbook, or even a catechism, but when she was done she giggled.
Susanne's free hand was now pressed to her heart. Crimson swallowed. “What... what makes you think so? There have been – Natalia, you know there have been impostors.”
Literal dozens of them. Just then, Natalia didn't even feel the usual anger she felt when thinking of them. “This was Luke. We all saw him.” Her uncle might need something logical, irrefutable. “He had the Key of Lorelei. None of the impostors could have known what that looked like.”
Susanne made an inarticulate cry in her throat. “You're – you're sure?”
Natalia squeezed her hand. “Yes.”
Crimson took a step towards her. “And Asch? Is he – ”
“No.” Natalia couldn't help that her smile faltered. “No, I believe he must have been too – far gone – for Lorelei to restore. But – but Luke is back. It's a miracle.”
Susanne broke into tears. Natalia squeezed into the chair next to her and put her arm around her. Crimson was still staring at her, Natalia, intensely dazed.
“You're sure?” he asked.
Natalia smiled up at him. She was willing to answer as many times as it took.
The duke and princess clearly wanted to believe it, but were still afraid to hope. Ingobert wanted to have faith in her, but at the same time he very firmly told her to reveal Luke's existence to no one. Natalia could only assume he didn't want people to think she was crazy. And that all three of them were still expecting the news to be false.
Each day that passed felt excruciating. Natalia was still bubbling over with happiness, and she knew people were noticing and drawing their own conclusions. After a week, she couldn't help thinking that she'd only wait a little bit longer before walking into the throne room while the court was gathered and announcing it at the top of the lungs.
She thought it, but then she laughed. But then she winced. People were still looking for reasons to see her disinherited. She didn't have to just offer herself up to them.
So she tried to remain calm, and philosophic, and above all patient. Luke would announce himself on his time. And then – how wonderful it would be, having him back and being able to celebrate it.
And not to have her family worrying she was happy but insane.
More than a week after Luke's coming of age, Natalia again went to visit her aunt and uncle. It varied, how much they believed her news at any given moment, and they were particularly cautious that day. The duke even took her aside while she was leaving and, very sternly, told her to stop toying with her aunt's emotions if this was some kind of prank.
Natalia couldn't keep her indignation back. “Uncle, do you really think I'd do that?”
He hesitated before answering. That moment of uncertainty showed her how tense he really was. How much this was affecting him. And she forgave his sternness, realizing that, like Asch, he was attempting to show strength instead of fear. “I don't know what to think. Natalia, I – I do hope you're right, but – ” He finished by shaking his head, seemingly more at himself than anyone.
While he retired to his study, Natalia let herself back into the Fabre courtyard, tipping her head back to catch the warm sunlight, then swung her foot out and did a little twirl.
It was only on her second spin that she realized she wasn't alone. Much of the staff and knights had known her since she was young, and having them witness this wouldn't have been so bad. But as she lurched to a halt, she realized it was Paul Lefevre again, sitting on one of the benches with a small tower of books next to him. Histories of the Fabre family, she supposed.
He'd stood, according to protocol. “Good afternoon, Your Highness.”
“Hello!”
“If I may, Your Highness...?”
“You may.”
“The staff says you've been... giddy. Of late.”
Natalia laughed at the word “giddy”. Somehow, the exact news had been kept from both Lefevre and the royal and ducal staffs. Personally, Natalia thought it was a bit ridiculous, trying to keep a secret like this when everyone could see the royal family was in a tizzy.
“I suppose I am giddy.” Sweeping her hands down her skirt as if to straighten it, she strolled more composedly over. “I would share my giddiness with you too, but His Majesty thinks it best to keep it under wraps for the moment.”
“I see,” Lefevre said, though Natalia rather doubted he did. He looked at her attentively, hands clasped behind his back, something nervous in the way his brows remained lifted. “Um, I trust it's good news... directly related to Your Highness?”
Natalia frowned, unsure what he meant. She'd known Lefevre for almost a year now, both from his dealings with the duke and meeting him informally on the manor grounds. Lefevre was an amateur but skilled artist, and at Susanne's suggestion Natalia had sat for a sketch for him, but he hadn't talked much. She knew what to expect from him socially, a mild, careful, intellectual man, but she couldn't say she really knew him.
So what he was driving at, she had no idea, only that he was leaning slightly forward and waiting on her next word. She wasn't sure he was even breathing. “I don't believe I follow you, Lieutenant Colonel.”
“Only that – it seems Your Highness is – personally very happy, and I would think there were few things that could bring about such an outcome?” Yet again he finished it as a question.
Maybe he just needed to be relaxed a bit. She smiled. “Please, speak more directly. I think after all this time, we may allow that.”
He nodded, then drew himself up. “Is it that I should congratulate some lucky man for securing Your Highness in her engagement?”
There were quite a few things wrong with that question. The first was that etiquette insisted that the higher-ranking member of an engagement was to be congratulated; customarily, this was the man, but in Natalia's case, it simply couldn't be. The second was the triteness of the phrase some lucky man. The third was the use of the word securing, as if Natalia was a wayward donkey. The fourth was the grammatical lack of agreement between Your Highness and her. And the fifth, bypassing the awkwardness of his phrasing, was the sheer presumption of him assuming she was about to marry when she'd never encouraged any man of the court yet, not one, not since they'd begun scenting her at her coming of age.
Natalia felt her cheeks go hot with annoyance, but she bit back her words. It was not, she made herself acknowledge, unreasonable for Lefevre to jump to such a conclusion. Since her coming of age, the whole kingdom, not just the court, had been waiting to learn whom their princess would marry. Romance aside, and few people expected it in the first place, her choice would play a large role in Kimlasca's politics for the next generation and beyond.
It wasn't something she wanted to think about. It was stressful, thinking ahead to that kind of decision. And it was stressful to think of herself married, living with, raising children with someone when she didn't feel ready for it.
And then there was still the memory of Asch, a ghost that accompanied her, sometimes constantly, sometimes less often, but never truly vanished from her heart. He probably never would be, not completely, she thought. And she couldn't begin to think of marrying until that pain had eased more.
If she ever married at all, a quiet voice said to her.
That, all of that, was far too much to tell Lefevre. She shook her head. “No – it's not that, Lieutenant Colonel.”
“Oh! I'm sorry – that is – ”
He was blushing, so awkward she didn't have the heart to stay annoyed with him. “Don't worry yourself about it, please. As I said, with all the time we've spent together, you're free to ask me personal questions. In fact – ” maybe this would help “ – why don't you call me Natalia from now on and I'll call you Paul?”
He let out a slow breath. “Very well. Natalia.” He said the name carefully, enunciating all four syllables. Luke and Asch had a rather endearing way of sometimes sliding her name into three syllables, but she wouldn't have liked hearing it from a mere acquaintance. “Then may I ask you another question?”
“Certainly.”
“I've been so grateful during my year here in Baticul, to meet His Grace and Her Highness and His Majesty. But most of all, I'm grateful to know you. I followed your doings all through the Score War, and even just through articles and interviews, I could tell you were a woman of rare courage and ability.”
He must have practiced this. Natalia felt a momentary misgiving, an instinct to retreat, but she pushed it to one side. Even if she barely knew him, Paul wasn't someone she could just dismiss. She'd never been under any illusions about why he'd come to Baticul in the first place.
“And since then, knowing you in person has only increased my admiration. I'll never forget those times I accompanied you to the Royal Hospital, and the asylum in Laker, and your relief shelters in Chesedonia.”
“Thank you for doing that,” she said, hoping he'd follow up by saying he wanted to show his appreciation by making a donation or painting a mural.
“And I'm inspired by your work with replicas. I admit, I struggled in the past to adjust to them, but after coming here and meeting so many through you, I feel terrible about my past behavior.”
She nodded, unsure how to answer that.
And he kept going. “I firmly believe that knowing you has made me a better man. I have every hope that... that in knowing you longer, I will only become better.”
She started to speak, to tell him of course not, she'd done nothing, but he held up his hand. Natalia held her breath, bracing.
Paul took a moment to compose himself, then dropped to one knee. “Natalia – I know I may not truly aspire to you – not as I am now – but I still must ask you – ”
“Whoa – !”
Natalia turned quickly, at first only desperate for a distraction. Then her heart hit her chest with a happy bounce. Luke stood just at the edge of the courtyard, blinking at her and Paul in bafflement.
“Luke!” she trilled – and not as a show, she still felt almost as excited as she had that first night. “Paul – ! This is my cousin Luke, he's alive! Luke, you're here! I didn't think you'd come home this soon!” She was hugging him now, laughing as she knocked him back several steps. “You must have given Ramdas a heart attack. Is Tear with you? Oh – but you need to see your parents!”
Luke had given Paul one confused eyebrow, then focused his attention on Natalia. He shrugged her off, about as affectionately as a person could. “Do they know? You told them? I don't want to startle them, especially Mother.”
Despite being jettisoned, Natalia took it upon herself to straighten his jacket over his shoulders. “They're still recovering from the news.”
“Oh, do you think I should wait?”
“Absolutely not!”
“I don't want to wait.” He looked around the courtyard, his eyes lingering on his room, the flagstones where he'd trained with Van, the small table where she and he had eaten so many lunches, the distant trees that he'd climbed just to get a view of the world outside. “I didn't think I'd be so happy to be back.”
She took his hands. “You aren't trapped anymore.”
“I guess. Maybe it feels more like it's really part of me now.”
She smiled into his face, just luxuriating in holding his gaze. “It is so good to have you back.”
He squeezed her hands, then lightly shoved her away. “Well – okay!” He gave a nervous little laugh, an abstracted glance over at Paul, and then walked across the courtyard towards his parents' room.
Natalia watched him until he vanished, and only then remembered about Paul and what had been happening. She looked quickly over.
Paul was on his feet again. Though he was unarmed, something in the way he stood reminded Natalia that, behind his blushes, he was an officer. “That was Viscount Fabre?”
“Yes.”
He hesitated, but continued to speak with dignity. “Then what am I?”
Paul was wise enough not to press his suit, at least in that moment. Natalia escaped without either of them referring to the proposal. She knew what her answer would be. She'd refused four proposals already. The first had left her anxious, but hadn't touched her heart. Whether a nobleman admired her or not, she knew his primary motive was practical. After that first one, she had no difficulty refusing them.
But Paul, she thought, whether or not he was also ambitious – she thought he really did care for her. For the first time, she suspected rejecting someone would hurt, both her and him.
Heading towards the Fabres' front hall, she took a moment to check in with Ramdas and did in fact find him at the dinner table, seated in the duke's own chair, leaning back, staring off into space, only belatedly noticing her. After seeing he was settled and ascertaining that Tear hadn't accompanied Luke, she hurried on to the castle, excitement bubbling up in her anew as she figured out who to tell first.
Paul Lefevre must have stayed out in the courtyard for ages. At least, when Luke stepped out that evening, just when the first stars were emerging, he was still there, sitting on a bench and frowning at the pavement between his boots.
He stood as Luke approached him, his movements quick in a way that reminded Luke of his father, of Van, of Tear. Professional. As skilled as Luke became in the blade, he doubted he'd ever get that part right, but it didn't bother him too much.
“You're Lieutenant Colonel Lefevre?”
“Yes. Vi – Lord – ”
“Call me Luke.”
Lefevre seemed to be waiting for Luke to say something else. Luke wasn't sure he was going to, still sorting through his meeting with his parents. The happiness, and then the news.
Finally, Lefevre spoke. “Do you know who I am?”
Luke nodded. “It makes sense. Father thought I was dead. He'd still need an heir. How exactly are we related?”
“Third cousins.” Then Lefevre clarified: “Our grandmothers were cousins. And then my father, he came from the Velian branch of the family. I wasn't the closest relation, but – well – ”
He wasn't too far off from Asch and Luke in age, Luke reflected. And the duke would have liked that he was a soldier, and such a good one apparently. “I get it.”
“So...”
Neither of them spoke. Neither said that the duke had brought Lefevre here to vet him, to see whether he was worthy of being named the ducal heir. Neither said that Luke reappearing changed everything. And Luke certainly didn't say whether or not he intended to stay and take up the inheritance and carry on in his father's footsteps, because he sure as hell didn't know yet. Tear was down in the Lower City, and while he was happy to see his parents again, a lot of his mind was looking forward to getting back to her.
Nobody speculated where things went from here, at least aloud.
“So.” It was Luke who said it this time. He stared evenly at Lefevre, and for a moment his eyes grew distant. “You were proposing to Natalia?”
Lefevre took a deep breath. “Yes.”
“Is she going to accept you?”
Lefevre met his eyes. “I hope so with all my heart.”
Luke's eyes flashed, showing far more emotion than the rest of his face.
But for some reason he smiled.