Work Text:
Chat between You and ‘Touya-nii’
Todoroki Shouto
Hello, touya- nii.
(Shouto was running, his shoulders and wrist was burnt and he was pretty sure that his left leg was broken. He really didn’t know how could he still run with injuries like this.)
(But he couldn’t stop running, not until he was far away from him and everything he owns. He tried to forget that he was his masterpiece. Not until he didn’t hear his rage-filled screams: Telling him that if he didn’t stop now he will get angry. At a more normal time, Shouto would have been more scared, too scared to anger him- too scared of burns to ever think of keep running. But it was not, Shouto was at his limit and he knew it, he knew in his bones that if he had stayed one more night in that house with that man- he would break.)
(so he didn’t stay.)
I don’t know why but I feel like I have to write this to you. Even though I should probably call Zuku right now.
(He stopped only when he couldn’t see or hear his fa- him. Every part of his body was hurting. His breathing was too fast, too short. He didn’t know if it was because of running or something else.)
Anyway.
(He and Zuku didn’t think his escape from that hell would be like this, but he didn’t think Izuku would be angry at him. Yeah, they planned it to be with less screaming and with less wounds.. But he didn’t have a choice, not at that moment. )
( He didn’t do anything wrong.)
I had a talk with Zuku about this- it has been far too long after that but well
I think it still stands.
(He had to call Izuku. Everything was too much, too sudden. They had to come up with a new plan.)
(But when he opened his phone to call Zuku, he saw a phone number that he didn’t dare to text.)
(And maybe it was the adrenalin, or maybe it was the desperation in his mind to talk to someone that knew, on a personal level, that what his father- he has done. Even if they are dead.)
Some time ago ‘Zuku told me to tell someone about my... thoughts about you, about how your death broke something in us.
He thought that i should go and talk to Aizawa sensei about… you know, everything. It was easy to see even without him saying any name directly. We hadn’t made ‘the decision’ at the time yet so it was somewhat understandable.
But well i can’t talk to Aizawa sensei now and even if i could, i don’t think I would.
I want to tell you, even if you’ll never be able to read this. You’re my older brother, a dead one that I can’t even remember half of the time but a brother nonetheless.
You and Izuku are the only ones that I would talk willingly about this.
Maybe Fuyumi too but… I don’t think she will understand what i’m really talking about.
I mean yeah, she will understand the pain part- but she will not understand the rage.
It's funny really.
You know, she thinks we can be a ‘family’. And I don’t think we could, even if we wanted to.
At least not until that bastard of a father dies. (03.42 am)
Todoroki Shouto
You know what fuck it, I will not lie to you.
Sometimes i wanna kill him. I wanna feel his heartbeat stop while i scream about how much of a bastard he is. I wanna see his body go limp- I wanna hear his last words.
I want revenge.
I want revenge for my lost childhood, I want revenge for what he did to you and our mother.
I want revenge for Natsuo and Fuyumi.
I want revenge for every time he beat us. One time he even hit us just because Fuyumi and Natsuo dared to tell me stories about you- how fucked up is that?
You were our big brother. We deserved to be able to talk about you at least a little.
But of-fucking-course no.
He is a demon- he is a fucking villain. (03.50 am)
Todoroki Shouto
Fuyumi is a good sister, and a good person in and out.
She’s responsible, kind, thoughtful, observant, and clearly clever.
She’s powerful- what that bastard says doesn’t matter. She is powerful.
And three days ago, I heard her crying in the kitchen. I heard her sobs, heard her whispers about “How she wants her other half back.”
I didn’t know what to do and I still don’t know what to say to a person who’s lost a part of themselves to another person’s greed. (04.13 am)
Todoroki Shouto
He killed you.
With his impossible training, with his obsession over power, with his abuse towards us- towards his children. He killed you.
And would you like to know a funny thing?
I didn’t even know you were dead until much later.
I’m talking about years. Whenever i ask about you, he would just beat more and call it training. And I didn’t have any chance of talking with Fuyumi and Natsuo thanks to him.
So years later, after Natsuo come to the house from his boarding school, I learned about it.
About your death.
Natsuo screamed at the dinner about how he killed you. It was the worst day of my damn life.
The most embarrassing thing is that until that moment, I had hope. Hope that maybe, maybe you escaped from him and now living your life away from this disgusting place.
That thought used to make me so happy, it become bittersweet after I learned that you died- I was too naive.
I cried myself to sleep that night. (04.36 am)
Todoroki Shouto
Maybe I shouldn’t have been born. You would probably be alive now if it was the case.
I’m sure Natsuo and Fuyumi would be happy, they are miserable without you.
And maybe I’m too-
I don’t know, I’m not used to feeling freely – or talking and texting if it matters. I didn’t even know how to text without sounding like a robot before Izuku taught me.
So I don’t know, but Zuku said it's okay if I don’t know.
And I don’t know how i can miss someone that i barely remember, but i remember how safe it felt to see your fire when I was at my lowest, on the floor of that fucking training room. So different from his flames.
I miss it- I miss you.
And I don’t think i have the right to. (04.43 am)
Todoroki Shouto
Lately, I heard about some vigilantes from Izuku.
One of them has blue fire. I also don’t know what to think about it. Zuku said he works closely with other vigilantes- said they were like a family.
And while he mumbled about them some more I sit there and tried to think about how you would act if you were in that vigilante’s place.
But just as I told you, I barely remember you and in the last years i only heard two stories about you- all after ‘training’ with him.
I don’t understand how Fuyumi noticed that hearing about you always, always makes me calmer, makes me feel more safe but she is- was using it without shame.
Maybe it was because of how sometimes you would try to protect me from him or because...
I don’t want to say it, but I want to be honest with you too. (05.09 am)
Todoroki Shouto
You know what I don’t care, it’s not like i can make you sad if i say it, after all, he killed you, you are dead.
What I was trying to say is you were once a masterpiece too. You were just like me.
But you were also brave. Always there, always with a cocky smile and determined blue eyes.
You were always there, and my child brain thought that you were our personal hero.
My personal hero.
I don’t know why that thought always stayed the same. I don’t really know anything and it's driving me crazy. I don’t understand myself.
I’m so tired, I wanna rest a little Touya-nii.
I’m not anybody’s masterpiece,
Never his.
And I will not go to that house anymore, i can’t do it anymore.
I want to feel safe and happy (05.16 am)
Todoroki Shouto
I was debating if I should be a hero for a while, at first i was sure that i didn’t want to be a hero- I had to but i didn’t want to. Not that even if I tried I could hold a candle to you.
You were a hero even when you were a kid. You didn’t see adulthood but you were the best hero out there.
Anyway, Zuku happened- he told me that my fire was my power, not his, never his. And he also told me about his past, about how he was bullied for something he couldn’t control. He told me about his mother, about his father, about how All might was an abusive quirkist asshole.
He told me about quirkless people, abused children, quirk discrimination, transphobia, and homophobia.
He told me about foster homes, about corrupt heroes, about how fucked HPSC actually is- not that I didn’t know HPSC was bad but I didn’t know how much.
He taught me why i should be a hero.
I don’t want another shouto, I don’t want another Touya, I don’t want another Izuku or another Shinsou.
I don’t want another to be like our mother.
I wanna be a hero- a hero who helps people. But im scared, I don’t want to be like Endeavor.
I’m scared.
Our school is not enough, when we graduate we will be like any other hero who was never ever there when people needed the most. We will be bound by law- by HPSC. By people that raised child soldiers.
So I’ll be a vigilante with izuku.
I will save people when it matters the most. I will kill abusive bastards if it ever comes to it, I will protect quirkless people with all my fucking might.
I don’t care about what people think anymore brother.
I wanna be the hero that I dreamed of when we were kids.
I wanna be the hero i saw when I looked at you. (06.50 am)
Todoroki Shouto
And I’m sorry.
I really love you, Touya- nii. (07.00) -seen