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Junmyeon wakes up with tears in his eyes, with Sehun staring down at him.
“-myeon, Junmyeon, are you okay?” Sehun asks, eyes filled with worry.
“Sehun…” Junmyeon mutters before he embraces Sehun tight.
“What’s wrong?”
“I dreamt you were gone, that you left me.”
“You know that will never happen. I will never leave you.”
“Don’t go, Sehun.”
“It’s okay now. I’m here. I’ll stay with you.” Sehun says as he pats Junmyeon’s back.
Junmyeon hugs Sehun tighter, afraid that the moment he lets go, Sehun will disappear.
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Sehun goes to the bookstore, heads straight for the best-sellers, grabs a book, and quickly pays for it. He then heads into a café before checking the time on his phone.
3:15 PM.
This is good; there are still 45 minutes before his lover arrives. He will just take a quick peek at this book he bought before Junmyeon comes around.
He teared up a little when he read the dedication page.
Hunnie, the love of my life
Since I met you, every single word I have written echoes your name.
Ever since I laid my eyes on you, there was no one else for me.
Junmyeon has always found the right words to say to him, and that is no mystery because he writes so beautifully. There was just something in the way he concocted every single book that made Sehun’s heart ache in a way nothing else could.
However, Junmyeon doesn’t like Sehun reading his books, and that is all the reason why he has to buy them in secret. Sehun feels a little guilty about doing this behind his lover’s back, but he wanted to catch a glimpse of what is going on in Junmyeon’s mind, what the nightmare he’s been having lately is all about. He feels that this latest book has a clue in it or at least something to help him out.
‘In the middle of the night, I opened my eyes, and you were no longer there. It was as if the whole time we were together was just a dream. You left not a single trace of you in that room, the one we rented out by the beach. I still remember every single moment we shared on that trip.
Sometimes, I wonder if I had done something wrong for you to have disappeared on me like that. Did I not love you enough? Was I just a plaything for you? Was it all a game? Little did I know that it would break my heart into a million pieces the moment that I found out the reason why.’
Sehun’s heart ached at what he was reading, at what Junmyeon had written. Did he really experience this? Who the heck is this bastard that broke his lover’s heart? Sehun’s fists were clenched, anger seeping out of him.
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That was how Junmyeon saw him when he arrived at the café he was supposed to meet his boyfriend. Sehun was holding a book and was looking furious as if he wanted to kill someone in that instant.
However, his mood suddenly shifted the moment he saw Junmyeon. Sehun quickly stashed away what he was reading and gave Junmyeon a smile. The smile was so bright that he had to question himself if he had just imagined the anger that he had seen earlier.
“What were you reading?”
“Just something. What would you like to have? I’ll order for us.”
“Something sweet?”
“Okay, wait here. I’ll be right back.”
Curiosity got the best of Junmyeon, and he went to Sehun’s seat to check what he had quickly hidden away earlier. To his surprise, it was none other than his latest book, the one that kept giving him all the unnecessary nightmares that he had been suffering from lately.
When Sehun came back, Junmyeon looked at him intensely.
“Is there something on my face?” Sehun asks his lover.
“Do you want to tell me something, Sehun?”
Sehun gave Junmyeon a confused look.
“Not really?”
“What were you reading earlier?”
Sehun remains silent for a few minutes.
“Noth--”
“Don’t lie to me, Oh Sehun,” Junmyeon said, his voice stern.
“Okay, I’m sorry. I bought your book and was reading it before you came.”
“But why? I told you I don’t feel comfortable with you reading things I write, especially not that one.”
“Well, I just thought maybe I could get a clue on what is happening with you, the nightmares, and everything.”
“Sehunnie, I understand what you are saying, and believe me, I appreciate the thought. But you have to understand that I am a fiction writer. Not everything you read there will be the truth.”
“Then, will you just tell me what is wrong?” Sehun asks, afraid he might have really crossed the line.
“Okay, let’s finish this order. I’ll tell you everything when we get home.”
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“When I was in college, way before I met you, there was this man. A visiting professor that I had a huge crush on. He was just so handsome and, well, he was popular among everyone. One day, he suddenly asked me to stay after class. He told me that he had seen me staring at him during class and jokingly asked if I liked him. I was embarrassed, but I thought there was nothing to lose, and it was just a harmful little crush anyways, so I told him about it.”
Sehun can hear Junmyeon’s voice starting to crack, and his heart feels heavy because of it. He tried his best to show a calm face as he was sitting next to Junmyeon.
“But then, he started doting on me after that. He would call me out at lunchtime and drive me to restaurants, and we would eat together. Of course, the restaurants were far from school, so no one would see us. I’d have to rush after so I wouldn’t miss my afternoon classes, but I had fun, so even at times that I did, I didn’t really care.”
Sehun held Junmyeon’s hand because he saw that his lover was trembling, but he didn’t say a word and just let Junmyeon continue his story.
“I thought to myself that maybe he also liked me, that maybe he just isn’t good with words and that his actions showed me what he feels about me. So after a couple of weeks of going out and hanging about, he took me on a trip. We went to the beach, and he even rented out a hotel room for us to stay in. It was a weekend getaway that was fun and relaxing. On our last night, he asked me if it was okay if we slept together. I didn’t mind, and he was so sweet and kind to me that I was ready to give my all to him.”
Sehun clenches his jaw, knowing what is coming but trying to hold back from bursting. He knows how important it is for Junmyeon to say this out loud beyond the pages of the books he wrote.
“But the next day, when I woke up, he was gone. It was as if he was never there in the first place as if that weekend was just a dream. What was even worse is that when I got back to university, I was….”
“It’s okay, love. I’m here.” Sehun mutters, then embraces Junmyeon.
They were sitting on the bed next to each other. Junmyeon slowly relaxes as he lays his head on Sehun’s broad shoulders, his arms wrapped around him.
“I was the talk of the campus, my friend texted me and asked me to check the freshmen group chat. In there were photos of that professor and me and a half-naked photo of me from the hotel.”
Sehun could no longer contain his anger, and he wanted to punch someone.
“That asshole…”
“It turned out that he made a bet with some people about how long it would take for me to sleep with him. I wanted to scream and shout at him, that is the honest truth, but when I went to the faculty office, he was no longer there. Apparently, he already filed in a leave the week before we even went on the beach trip. I felt so betrayed, Sehun. I just…”
Sehun hugged Junmyeon tighter, feeling bad about what happened to him, hoping he was there with him when that happened.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you, Jun. And thank you for opening up to me.”
Junmyeon’s tears suddenly burst out of his eyes.
“I—It happened so long ago. I shouldn’t be crying. I’m over it; it’s just it was a really bad time, and I didn’t want to show you this side of me.”
“Oh, Junmyeon, you know I love you, right?”
Junmyeon nods. Sehun holds Junmyeon’s face in his hands, wiping the tears away with his fingers.
“I hope you believe me when I say that I love you the way you are now, and I will keep loving you even if I know everything about you. Junmyeon, I am more than willing to accept your past because it has brought you to me. I wished all of that didn’t happen to you because you didn’t deserve those things but know that you never have to worry about telling me all of them. I will never hate you for the things you had done or happened to you before you met me, nor will I hold them against you.”
“Then, may I ask why you wanted to know about it? To go as far as reading the book that I told you not to read?”
“I want to know them so that I can know you better so that I can know how to love you better. I want to be someone you can rely on. I’m so sorry for breaking your wish and reading it without your consent, and I will keep apologizing for that. No matter what my intentions were, I should have told you about it.”
Junmyeon smiles at Sehun and holds his face the same way Sehun was holding his.
“Oh Sehun, I am the luckiest person in this world to have someone as understanding as you are.”
Junmyeon plants kisses all over Sehun’s face.
“I’m so sorry about the book, Junmyeon. I promise I will ask for your permission next time.”
“No, it’s okay, you can read all my books whenever you want. But since you did break your word, should I punish you?” Junmyeon said teasingly.
“And what sort of punishment do you have in mind?”
“You’ll know soon,” Junmyeon replies and kisses Sehun again.
“I love you, Junmyeon. And I will never leave you.”
“I know, Sehun, I know. But I wouldn’t mind hearing it over and over.”
“Then I will say it to you, over and over,” Sehun says, making a mental note to say it as many times as he can to Junmyeon.
“Now, hold me in your arms.”
Sehun happily obliged, and they cuddled the entire night until they fell asleep.
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Junmyeon woke up. He didn’t have any bad dreams this time around.
He looked to his right side and saw Sehun sleeping next to him, arms wrapped around him.
Maybe this is the cure to all of the nightmares of the past, a lover holding him tight, even in his sleep. And him, finally opening up and letting go of all that happened.
He kisses Sehun’s bushy eyebrows, and Sehun stirs slightly in his sleep.
“You’re awake? Another bad dream?” Sehun says, his voice still heavy with sleep.
“No, no bad dreams. Go back to sleep.”
“Okay. I love you.”
Junmyeon smiled; even though Sehun was still sleepy, he still managed to tell Junmyeon that he loves him and made him feel that way.
No more bad dreams, I’m finally free of them. I’ve finally found home.