Work Text:
"I still don't know why I let you talk me into this," Jinsol says in a low voice.
Jungeun's thumb brushes over the smooth plastic over her own wrist.
"It hurts," Jungeun says, causing Jinsol to sit up a little straighter and turn her head to look at Jungeun fully.
"What? But you said--"
"I know what I said," Jungeun states plainly, "I lied."
"Wh--"
"Probably the worst pain I've ever experienced," Jungeun adds and she swears she can see Jinsol paling in real time. It's difficult not to smirk.
"That's not funny."
Jungeun shrugs.
"No. I'm not doing this," Jinsol says and Jungeun catches her by the arm the moment she sees her legs tensing, preparing to lift her out of the waiting room chair.
"You already paid. Now's hardly the time to chicken out," Jungeun argues and it manages to get Jinsol to stick in her seat a moment longer. Just long enough for the nurse to call her name.
"Jeong Jinsol?"
Immediately her head whips to look up at the nurse, then at Jungeun, dread written all over her face.
"Come with me," she begs quietly and Jungeun shakes her head.
"I said I'd wait with you, but I need to catch the bus if I'm going to make it to work on time."
Jinsol's brows upturn and for a fleeting moment, Jungeun really does consider staying. Consider joining her in the room for the fateful moment.
But she can't.
Jungeun has had a timer installed on her wrist since the middle of high school. Since her girlfriend-at-the-time got hers and begged Jungeun to get one in hopes that they would sync and "prove" something. As luck would have it, Jungeun's parents had long since agreed to help her get one as a reward for good grades. While she was skeptical that she and Jiwoo were actually soulmates, she figured it wouldn't hurt to be sure.
When she got it placed, it didn't come as a surprise that her timer was stuck on zero. It wouldn't start a countdown until her soulmate would also get one. Despite her and Jiwoo not syncing, the two continued to date as "placeholders" until a year later when Jiwoo's timer started its count. She only had to wait two years to meet Heejin.
Jungeun wanted to be happy for them--and in truth, there was a part of her that was relieved. It wasn't that she didn't love Jiwoo. It's just...
Jungeun had been attracted to Jinsol since middle school.
No. That doesn't do it justice. Jungeun has been in love with Jinsol since... for as long as she can remember. Since they met each other on the playground, when Jinsol accidentally broke the arm of the boy that'd been bullying Jungeun. Since she saw her goofy smile, not noticing the line of blood dripping from between her brows.
But for as long as Jungeun had known Jinsol, she'd been under the distinct impression that she was straight. It was a quiet, tragic part of Jungeun's life that she'd just accepted. She loved Jinsol, would always love Jinsol, but it would always be a one-sided thing because the fates were unkind in making Jungeun gay and Jinsol straight.
Though, for as long as Jungeun's timer would be stuck on zero and Jinsol's wrist would be bare--she'd still hold onto hope that maybe something was possible. It helped that the two of them had been unlucky in love. That they were already best friends and nigh inseparable. Though their affection never went past linking arms or cuddling on the couch. Maybe when they'd visit Purgatory with Sooyoung things would get a little homoerotic.
But that's totally normal between best friends, right?
... Right?
Probably not. But Jungeun still can't be in the room when Jinsol gets her timer. God forbid she's right and the two of them have to exist in a thick cloud of confused awkwardness with the technician as they both come to the daunting realization that they're meant-to-be.
Or, god forbid both of their timers remain stuck at zero.
... and god forbid Jinsol's timer begins ticking down and Jungeun's doesn't.
The thought makes a lump form in her throat she has to swallow down before speaking.
"It'll be over before you know it," Jungeun reassures, bumping her shoulder into Jinsol's, "Go. They called you."
Jinsol makes a tiny noise in protest, but eventually caves, getting her bag strap back over her shoulder before rising. Jungeun watches her step into the back with the nurse, thumb rubbing over the plastic on her wrist again. Dread settles into the pit of her stomach and she immediately gets up.
In truth, it wouldn't hurt more than a short pinch. Jungeun just wanted to mess with Jinsol's head a little bit so when she texts her after the fact it would be something light like, "Hey, that didn't hurt at all!" rather than, "Hey, I've got a month on mine, how cool is that?"
Anxiously, Jungeun looks down at her wrist as she approaches the corner where the street and avenue meet so she can wait for the next bus. Regardless of the outcome of Jinsol's timer, Jungeun still has a paycheck to earn.
In need of a distraction, Jungeun fishes out her headphones for the bus ride to the diner. Watching the city pass by through her window, she manages to keep her mind off of Jinsol and timers long enough to start her shift. It helps that as soon as she steps into the back, she's made aware of a massive party's arrival that Wonyoung, another waitress, needs her help with.
Donning that customer service persona, Jungeun is able to operate on autopilot through the first busy hour of her shift. Though even going through the motions she doesn't quite feel like she's in her own body--and it isn't missed by Sooyoung working in the back.
"Hey," she calls from the other side of the handoff plane, her face illuminated by the heating lamps.
"Hey!" Jungeun greets, trying her best to seem normal, but she's always been a terrible liar.
"You good?" she asks, and Jungeun somehow becomes aware of the tension she's carrying in her shoulders.
"Yeah," she half-lies.
"Someone giving you a hard time out there?" Sooyoung pushes, for better or for worse, she always had a way of knowing what was wrong with Jungeun. It often made her think that in another universe maybe they'd have been a good pair. Alas, Sooyoung's timer started counting down for someone else a year ago.
"No, it's fine," Jungeun is quick to say. A little too quick, she realizes after the fact. Sooyoung fixes her with an expectant look and predictably, she folds.
"Jinsol is getting her timer--probably has her timer by now, actually," Jungeun explains and she's suddenly aware of the plastic on her wrist again. She'd gotten so caught up with customers that she neglected to check.
"Oh, seriously? That was today?" Sooyoung blurts, the surprise written all over her face, "Well what about yours? Does it say anything?"
Another lump forms in Jungeun's throat and suddenly she feels the tension in her shoulders build in her back.
"I don't--I... I haven't..."
"You want me to check for you?" Sooyoung asks, and Jungeun is momentarily taken aback by how thoughtful the suggestion is. Though she knows she shouldn't be. That was Sooyoung's thing. She always seemed to understand the needs of those closest to her before they did.
Maybe it would be easier to have Sooyoung check for her. Though what difference would it make?
Her opposite hand comes to rub on the plastic, thumb brushing over the smooth face like it always does when she's nervous.
"No--No, I... I can... I'll--"
She doesn't wait. Sooyoung sets down the spatula in her hand to walk to the other side to stand with Jungeun.
"Gimme your hand," she says softly and Jungeun hesitates for hardly a second before putting her hand in Sooyoung's. The two briefly make eye contact as if Sooyoung were silently asking: Ready for the moment of truth? And she's not. In fact, Jungeun thinks she could probably cry. Her stomach knots painfully as Sooyoung turns her hand around to look at the device. Of course, from Sooyoung's perspective it's upside down, so she has to move to stand next to Jungeun instead of in front of her. She holds the wrist up in front of the both of them, and Jungeun immediately tilts her head back to stare up at the ceiling as Sooyoung gets a read.
A realization hits her immediately: There's something to read. It's not just a zero.
"Seven day--no, hours. Seven hours, seven minutes, and forty-eight seconds. Forty-seven. Forty-six... Forty-five..."
Jungeun gasps, her head swiveling back down to look at the device for her own confirmation.
"Seven hours..." she breathes, reading the timer for herself, then looking at Sooyoung to see her with the biggest, proudest smile on her face.
"Lucky you. That's right about when your shift ends."
Jungeun looks up at the clock, doing math in her head and she realizes that the time lines up with when her shift ends and roughly the amount of time it takes to get home.
She doesn't live with Jinsol, however.
Granted, Jinsol knows the passcode for her door, so it wasn't unusual for her to come home to her best friend napping on her couch.
It was also equally plausible that she'd have to stay a little late to help close the diner and whoever her soulmate is could walk through the door or bump into her on the street.
"You know what this means, right?" Sooyoung asks, smiling ear to ear.
"It... It's just a coincidence. I shouldn't get my hopes up."
"Don't be a dummy. Who else could have triggered your timer?" Sooyoung argues, and immediately Jungeun's mind starts racing.
There was the woman she'd been casually seeing. She'd been vehemently anti-timer for as long as Jungeun had known her, but had also recently mentioned toying with the idea of getting one. It didn't seem likely, though it didn't seem any more likely that Jinsol could really be her soulmate.
"There were more people at the clinic than Jinsol," Jungeun argues, though Sooyoung immediately gives her a skeptical look.
"Well, then I guess you'll just have to wait and see," she says with a shrug, but the thinly veiled smugness has a way of getting under Jungeun's skin immediately.
She realizes a second later than Jinsol would probably have texted her after getting it installed. Especially since she'd lied about it hurting, but also to tell her if there was any time showing up on her display.
Fishing her phone out of her apron pocket she's disappointed to find just one text sitting in her inbox unread.
AHn: busy tonight?
However, as disappointing as it is, it's also a complete surprise. It was always Jungeun who had been the one to text first. Never Hani.
What if she wasn't kidding about getting a timer? Jungeun wonders while simultaneously recognizing that her and Jinsol hadn't exactly made any concrete plans to meet up that night.
"So what're you and Jinsol gonna name your cats?" Sooyoung asks after circling back around to the kitchen. Jungeun shoots her a glare before picking up the two dishes waiting for her in the window. Regardless of the seconds ticking down on her wrist, she still has a job to do.
[05 YEARS:02 MONTHS:3 WEEKS:6 DAYS:05 HOURS:01 MINUTES:32 SECONDS]
Jinsol's hand is warm. A little clammy, maybe.
They sit flush on the bleachers because it's cold and because Jinsol's always liked skinship. And Jungeun's always liked Jinsol--even if she was cagey about it sometimes.
She holds Jungeun's arm in her hand, the face of her freshly placed timer visible.
"Did it hurt?"
"Nah," Jungeun says, looking off into the distance at some random student in the field practicing, "Kinda like getting blood drawn."
"I've never had blood drawn," Jinsol admits, and Jungeun is genuinely surprised.
"Really? Not even for your annual?"
"Mom's bad about getting me in for those. I don't think I even have a PPC."
Jungeun snorts. "PCP," she corrects, "It stands for 'Primary Care Physician.'"
"Oh. Huh," Jinsol murmurs, "Learn something new every day."
It's awkward. Of course it is. Jungeun isn't going to bring up the elephant in the room, but Jinsol clearly feels some responsibility as her best friend to offer a listening ear.
"Do... you think..." Jinsol starts, and Jungeun tenses, turning her arm and drawing her uniform sleeve down. Jinsol hesitates.
"Do I think what?" Jungeun asks curtly, trying in vain to assuage some of the tense awkwardness that's clouded the air around them.
"Do you think it was a bad idea?"
Jungeun doesn't answer immediately, she turns her wrist around to look at the face of the timer. To look at the zero again as if it were an eye staring back at her, communicating her failure without a word.
"No," Jungeun answers softly, honestly.
"Really?"
"Really."
"But Jiwoo's timer is also..."
"I know," Jungeun says flatly, then a little more sadly: "I knew."
"You what?"
Jungeun shrugs, "I knew."
Jinsol opens and closes her mouth a couple times, clearly at a loss.
"Then why get one?"
"Confirmation. I guess," Jungeun says with a shrug. She pauses for a beat before adding: "Even if I knew about me and Jiwoo not being soulmates or whatever, I know I've got one out there somewhere."
There's another pause and Jungeun turns her head. The two of them make eye contact that feels strangely prolonged. Maybe a little electric. Though Jungeun immediately tells herself it's all in her head.
"And if my soulmate were to get a timer, I wouldn't want it stuck on zero. I'd want her to know I'm waiting too."
There's a sound out of Jinsol that sounds vaguely like a scoff and it catches Jungeun by surprise.
"What??"
"Nothing," Jinsol says softly and she has this pinched smile on her face that makes Jungeun's chest grow tight. She thinks about how Jinsol's wrists are still bare. How maybe one day they won't be.
"It's just..." she starts, and Jungeun watches her with a raised brow, "I guess I never took you for such a romantic."
Jungeun smirks, "What? You thought I won Jiwoo over with just my good looks?"
Jinsol chuckles, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. Jungeun always thought she looked cute in them. Her boyfriend didn't, however.
"How's Seungkwan?" Jungeun asks, feeling a familiar lump form in her throat.
"Fine," Jinsol says, and Jungeun knows her well enough to understand what a one-word answer means. It's her way of cutting the subject off. Of politely saying, I don't want to talk about this. And it's possible Jungeun is the only person in Jinsol's orbit who understands this about her--who understands most things about Jinsol, in fact.
[00 YEARS:00 MONTHS:0 WEEKS:0 DAYS:05 HOURS:33 MINUTES:21 SECONDS]
"Soo."
"Oh no. No. Not again."
"Soo," this time a whine. Something pathetic to really earn her sympathy.
"Jungeun, this is the third time in two hours."
"I'm sorry," she stresses, shoulders going slack as she slips another plate back through the window between them. Sooyoung is not happy.
"What was wrong this time?" she asks, exasperation starting to slip through the cracks despite Sooyoung's best efforts to stay patient.
"She said no onions," Jungeun answers meekly.
Clearly fed up, Sooyoung grabs the ticket the dish belongs to and holds it up for Jungeun to see.
"Jungie what does this say? Actually, no--what doesn't this say?"
Jungeun frowns, admitting defeat immediately: "'No onions.' I'm sorry."
Sooyoung sighs, studying Jungeun for a moment before suddenly, loudly calling Wonyoung back into the kitchen.
"What's up?" she asks, eyes wide and alert as she looks between Jungeun and Sooyoung.
"Jungeun's scattered because her timer is about to go off," Sooyoung states blatantly, causing Jungeun's mouth to fall open.
"What--No! Hang on!"
"Oh my god, seriously??" Wonyoung blurts, suddenly excited. Without hesitation, she closes the distance between her and Jungeun, grabbing her hand to turn her wrist over to see for herself.
"See?" Sooyoung says, "You mind covering for her so she can prepare to meet the love of her life?"
Again, Jungeun stares at Sooyoung, mouth agape, incapable of forming a proper protest. Though by this point the damage is done. She sees Wonwoo, the diner's gossip peeking around the corner and suddenly the prospect of leaving rather than being barraged with questions for the rest of her shift doesn't seem like such a bad idea.
"You owe me," Wonyoung teases, holding her hand out expectantly. Jungeun's shoulders tense and then go slack again as she acquiesces with a sigh. Grabbing her notepad out of the pocket of her apron, she puts it in Wonyoung's waiting hand before undoing her apron knot.
Stepping out of the diner, Jungeun is immediately at a loss. With hours left on her timer, she has to decide what to do with herself and how to prepare for the moment.
How am I supposed to do anything other than panic for the next-- she pauses, checking her wrist, five hours?
She briefly considers snapping it from her wrist. It'd be simple enough. The placement of the timer involves inserting two rivet-looking sensors beneath the skin that the smooth plastic timer is latched onto. It might hurt, but with one good tug...
No, she tells herself, You've been waiting this long. You know who it is.
The confidence in that thought coupled with the mental image of Jinsol in the waiting room of the clinic shake Jungeun to her core. How could she be so certain?
Who else could it possibly be? she asks herself, then considering the text she'd gotten from Hani earlier.
Both feel likely and simultaneously unlikely. While Jinsol and Jungeun knew each other inside out, Jungeun had never been someone to get her hopes up. It always felt safer to assume the worst so her expectations could always be met or exceeded.
Though it would also make the most sense. Nobody fits into her life the way Jinsol does. Nobody cares about Jungeun the way Jinsol does. Yet, it's also possible that soulmates could just be friends.
The thought makes bile rise up in Jungeun's throat. To think that she would have to continue to live like this--to pine, hopelessly, and to know that Jinsol is her soulmate but never get to know her romantically? It makes the thought of jumping head-first into the Han river feel like a spectacular idea.
Nearby, a car horn honks, startling Jungeun but also grounding her all at once. She realizes she's just been standing in the middle of a sidewalk for a while now and finally starts in the direction of the bus stop. She decides the best she can do for herself now is take a nap.
Or, maybe take a shower.
Or, maybe cry pathetically at her roommate, who will have no choice but to comfort her.
[03 YEARS:04 MONTHS:1 WEEKS:4 DAYS:01 HOURS:20 MINUTES:02 SECONDS]
Packing can be fun.
Well, packing can be fun when it's not depressing. When you're not helping your best friend and the person you've been in love with for the last four-or-so years prepare to leave somewhere you can't follow.
"Look," Jinsol says, retrieving something out from under her bed. Jungeun turns her attention to see Jinsol unfurl a rolled up shirt over her chest. On it is a pair of fish drawn sloppily with sparkly fabric gel paint. Jungeun had made it at the overnight summer camp the two attended the year they met.
"'Red fish, blue fish,' right?" Jinsol says in English, recalling the lesson they learned on colors, numbers, and animals. Jinsol didn't like learning English, but with the playful rhymes they picked up from Dr. Seuss, some things were retained. It helped that the two of them earned the nickname "Red fish, blue fish" when they were together because of their favorite colors. If nothing else stuck, at least that would be forever ingrained in Jinsol's memory.
"That camp sucked," Jungeun says flatly, earning a bark of a laugh out of Jinsol, "I can't believe you kept that thing."
Jinsol grins, pulling the too small shirt over her head to wear over her shirt. It barely covers her stomach and Jungeun can hear the fabric stretch around her arms as she forces them through the narrow holes.
"Of course I kept it," Jinsol says, and Jungeun struggles not to laugh as she pushes her head through the neck of the shirt. She looks ridiculous.
"You've gotten too big for that, you're gonna tear it," Jungeun half-heartedly chides.
She watches Jinsol struggle for about a minute to try and get herself out of the shirt again. When it doesn't work, she pouts.
"Help me out," she says and Jungeun rolls her eyes, getting up to stand over her as she tugs the garment off. Predictably, it knocks the glasses off of Jinsol's face and she sputters another laugh.
"Surprised you're wearing those again," Jungeun casually mentions, though between them a lot more is said.
Jinsol cared about her appearance--or at least cared enough about what her boyfriend thought to change certain parts of herself. She bleached her hair blonde because he said her dark hair made her look plain. She swapped to contacts because he said he didn't care for glasses. Jungeun often wondered what other things Seungkwan said he didn't like that Jinsol changed about herself. Her laugh, for instance. She sounded different around him than she did with Jungeun.
It breaks her heart. She wonders if this is just what dating boys is like, or if maybe Jungeun would meet someone who would want to change parts of herself too--regardless of gender.
Except, Jungeun realizes she has met someone who wouldn't change anything about her--and Jinsol had someone who wouldn't change anything about her either.
"Yeah," Jinsol says with a shrug, folding the shirt in her lap. It gets added to the pile of things she wants to take with her to Seoul and Jungeun is quietly touched. "I don't like contacts that much. I'm gonna save them for special occasions."
There's a tense silence that follows. Unspoken implications hang in the air and Jungeun isn't sure if this is one of those situations where she should wait for Jinsol to elaborate, or if she needs to press for details.
Another thing is fished out from under the bed, small shoebox. Before opening it, Jinsol beckons her over.
"Look," she says, then lifting the lid. Inside is a collection of random junk--or, what would be random junk to anyone else outside of this room. Upon closer inspection, Jungeun recognizes most things. The anime trading cards they collected, yearly school photos of both of them, as well as strips taken at one of those photo booths in the mall. Bottle caps from the old fashioned candy shop they visited together, and folded up notes they passed between classes in a fat bundle held together with two rubber bands.
There's also a small red envelope with a white heart sticker sealing it closed. Jungeun recognizes that too, but it's not something she gave Jinsol--she would never be bold enough for something so forward.
No, this was the Valentine note Seungkwan wrote Jinsol during their first year of high school that eventually led to the two of them dating.
"I thought it was such a good idea," Jinsol says, plucking the letter from the box.
It gets stuffed into the trash bin along with old homework and candy wrappers.
"Sol?" Jungeun asks, locking eyes with her. She doesn't need to ask the question. They both know what's hanging in the air.
Are you and Seungkwan still together?
"He really wanted to get a timer," Jinsol says, leaning back on her hands, shoebox still in her lap. For a second, she pulls out the bundle of notes held together with rubber bands and smiles before replacing it. There was a moment where Jungeun thought maybe they'd also get put in the bin.
"And you still don't?" Jungeun supplies.
"Nah."
"So, did he?"
Jinsol sits back up and shrugs.
"I broke up with him before he got one," she answers and Jungeun's eyes widen.
"And you didn't tell me?! Wait--why didn't you wait until he got one so you could get confirmation?" Jungeun asks, not really thinking through her own question.
She doesn't miss the way Jinsol's eyes flicker down to Jungeun's wrist before she answers.
"I know. I knew."
[00 YEARS:00 MONTHS:0 WEEKS:0 DAYS:05 HOURS:10 MINUTES:11 SECONDS]
"Yerimmieeee!" Jungeun whines as she pushes the door open, only to find her roommate with a mouthful of noodles and a cup of ramen in her hand.
"Mm??" she hums curiously, biting off the noodles she was trying to slurp up so she can swallow and respond properly. "What's the matter? I thought you work--" She pauses, gasping, "You got fired."
"... What?"
Yerim shakes her head, muttering, "I knew this would happen..."
"What?!"
Getting up from the kitchen counter, Yerim leaves her noodles behind to close the distance between her and Jungeun, taking her unnie's hands.
"It's okay. The school library is looking for temporary work over the summer. It doesn't pay as well, but--"
"I didn't get fired!"
"Oh. Then why are you home...?"
"Sooyoungie sent me home because of this--" Jungeun explains, twisting her hand around in Yerim's to show the face of her timer. She gasps immediately.
"That's today! That's--oh my god that's in a few hours."
"I know. It started just after I left Jinsol at the clinic."
"So--you two... Did she already tell you? Are you meeting up in five hours?"
"No. She hasn't texted me or anything, and I left before she got it placed," Jungeun explains, the distress starting to show in her voice, "And I don't even know that it's her."
Yerim raises a brow, giving Jungeun a skeptical look. A look that says Who else could it possibly be?
"Hani was also talking about getting one. It's possible. I don't know the exact time it started. It's not like Jinsol was the only person in the clinic. And it's not like there aren't three other clinics that place timers in town anyway!" Jungeun is quick to say, as if to give credence to her doubts. Though the look on Yerim's face would suggest she's not buying it.
"She probably hasn't texted you because she's just as nervous. You haven't told her your timer is counting down, have you?"
Jungeun shakes her head.
"That's probably why she hasn't texted you. Imagine how nervous she must feel if her timer is ticking down but she hasn't heard a word from you."
Jungeun is quiet for a handful of seconds, worrying her teeth into her bottom lip before finally giving voice to her biggest fear: "I don't even know if she has feelings for me."
"Soulmates can just be friends!" Yerim says and it's not the comfort she thinks it is. Instead Jungeun lets out something between a whine and a groan, throwing her head back.
"Okay! Nevermind! I'm positive you're going to have your fairytale happily-ever-after," Yerim reassures, though Jungeun can tell her heart's not in it. She had been of the same school of thought as Jinsol and Hani, opting to keep her wrist bare because she disliked the idea of "timers."
Though, just like Jinsol and Hani, she'd been quietly reconsidering the idea after someone close to her had gotten one placed. If anything was going to convince her, it was the zero on Hyeju's wrist.
[01 YEARS:06 MONTHS:2 WEEKS:5 DAYS:23 HOURS:00 MINUTES:06 SECONDS]
Jungeun likes Hani. Likes her a lot. Likes her enough that she hopes to eventually convince her to get a timer. She's not so sure they could be soulmates, and she doesn't feel quite the same connection to Hani as she does to Jinsol--but it's special all the same.
They'd met at Purgatory, a club that opened for people like Jungeun and Sooyoung. For people who were literally stuck in limbo with a zero on their wrist, or with years, even decades left to count down. It was a place for lonely people to cluster and seek companionship.
Though it wasn't unusual for people without timers to show up and look for a good time. At first Jungeun thought it was a bit gross. Like vultures looming over wounded animals who are nearly ripe for the picking. People at Purgatory were often thought of as easy--and it was that particular reputation that kept Jungeun from visiting.
Until she became friends with Sooyoung.
Then it became their regular haunt. It helps that the drinks are never watered down and that the regular clientele are good looking and not seeking anything serious.
While Jungeun and Hani weren't exactly exclusive or tacking a label on themselves, it had become a thing of comfort for Jungeun. Maybe Jinsol was right about it being little more than a regular hook-up, but nights where Hani would ask her to stay definitely made it feel more substantial. Made her think maybe she'd make a good soulmate, if she could just convince her to get a timer.
... But did she need one? It's this thought that keeps Jungeun up one night. With Hani quietly snoring next to her and Jungeun's skin still a bit sticky with sweat, she ponders the value of the thing on her wrist.
Her thoughts are interrupted by a buzz on the floor. Carefully reaching down, she feels in the dark to find her pants, fishing her phone from her pocket and shielding the screen from casting any light in Hani's eyes as best she can.
JJs: do you ever regret it?
Jungeun taps on the text box, typing a singular '?' but is interrupted from sending it when a second, clarifying text comes through.
JJs: the timer I mean
Jungeun considers the question carefully before giving an honest answer.
KJe: Sometimes.
KJe: It gets lonely, but at least I can rule out other people with timers
JJs: is that why youre with her?
KJe: Hani?
JJs: yeah
KJe: Sort of.
KJe: She's nice to me and she's good in bed. I think even if she had a timer, we'd still be doing this. It's better than being alone
KJe: I'm still probably gonna try and talk her into getting one
JJs: why not just get rid of yours so it doesnt have to play a part in your relationships?
KJe: it's like I told you. I know my soulmate is out there, and if she got a timer, I wouldn't want her stuck with a 0
JJs: you know it's a girl?
KJe: Probably the only thing I'm sure of
Tempting fate, Jungeun types out another text but hovers her finger over the send button.
KJe: Yours is probably a boy, right?
She regrets it the second after she sees the read receipt, but a response comes much quicker than she anticipates.
JJs: i try not to think about it
KJe: Me too
JJs: arent you scared itll never countdown?
JJs: or that itll suddenly say like 10 years?
KJe: Is that what's stopping YOU from getting one?
JJs: probably
KJe: You'll never be alone, Sol
KJe: Not while I'm alive
Again, she regrets sending the message when she sees the read receipt, but a response comes quickly.
JJs: :)
JJs: i know
JJs: i knew
[00 YEARS:00 MONTHS:0 WEEKS:0 DAYS:04 HOURS:04 MINUTES:04 SECONDS]
After a shower and another pep talk from Yerim, Jungeun doesn't feel like she can sit still. Then, when Yerim leaves for work, she quickly realizes she can't be alone with her own thoughts. So, with only four hours left to spare, Jungeun makes her way to Jiwoo and Heejin's apartment for some company.
"Jungie?" Jiwoo greets, confused as she opens the door, "What brings you??"
"I can't be alone right now," Jungeun says, holding her wrist up and pointing at the timer. Predictably, Jiwoo gasps in delight before pulling her inside.
"When did it start? When did it start??" she asks, smiling ear to ear.
"I... I'm pretty sure it started after Jinsol got her placed this morning," Jungeun says, heat rising to her cheeks and her stomach knotting. When she says it out loud, it really feels so much more real.
"Did you tell her already?"
"No. I haven't spoken to her since I left her at the clinic for work."
"She's probably just as nervous as you are," Jiwoo says, echoing Yerim, and the grin on her face drawing her eyes into little half moons.
"Where are you gonna go? What are you gonna wear??" Jiwoo asks, excitedly tugging on Jungeun's hands. It's then that she realizes she's only changed into sweats. Maybe she should have dressed up for "meeting" her soulmate.
"I... guess I haven't really thought that through," Jungeun sheepishly admits.
"Don't leave it up to chance," Jiwoo says, her eyes going wide suddenly, "When it starts ticking down, you should head straight to Sol's place."
"What if I knock on the door and it's some man?"
Jiwoo looks at her like she's stupid and Jungeun knows she deserves it.
"When was the last time she had someone over that wasn't you, Sooyoung or Chaewon?"
"Oh my god what if it's Chaewon?"
Jiwoo rolls her eyes, but she's clearly amused.
"I think you'd sooner wind up with Sooyoungie if not Jinsol," Jiwoo is quick to comment, and Jungeun once again thinks Maybe in another universe... Though it's difficult to imagine herself in love with anyone other than Jinsol.
"You really think I should just... go there?" Jungeun asks, and before answering, Jiwoo tugs Jungeun over to sit on the couch with her.
"The stories of people going into subway stations, botanical gardens, even Disneyland are romantic, but... Jungie, I know you. Wouldn't you rather have privacy?"
[01 YEARS:02 MONTHS:1 WEEKS:1 DAYS:22 HOURS:11 MINUTES:02 SECONDS]
Sooyoung had somehow convinced Jinsol to join them at Purgatory, which also meant she finally got to meet Hani. It was a bit awkward at first, especially given how much the two had mutually heard about each other.
Jinsol was meeting the woman Jungeun was fucking every weekend, and Hani was meeting the girl Jungeun had openly admitted to being in love with.
It's not as if she was expecting them to hit it off, though Jungeun is a little surprised by the cold shoulder she receives from Jinsol shortly after. It's puzzling, and doesn't seem completely intentional at first. Not until Jungeun tries striking up a conversation and Jinsol quickly changes the subject so she can go talk to a friend she spotted.
"That's the exchange student she met at the house party I took her to a few weeks ago," Sooyoung explains, looking over Jungeun's shoulder at Jinsol standing at the bar, "Nana or Sana or something. I think they're flirting? Is Jinsol even...?"
Jungeun takes one look over her shoulder to see Jinsol smiling and laughing at the pretty Japanese girl. It feels like someone's taken a knife to her heart, and evidently it's not missed by her date.
"C'mon," Hani says, already sliding out of the booth and holding a hand out for Jungeun to take. She could use the distraction.
Jungeun doesn't like to dance. But Hani does.
Jungeun does like the way Hani holds her from behind, hand on her hip just where she likes it and lips on her neck. Normally she wouldn't like dancing, and she really wouldn't like such public displays--but there's something in the air that night.
Stop being jealous, Jungeun tells herself while trying to enjoy the moment and not think about Jinsol. It doesn't work.
"Do you wanna leave early?" Hani asks, her voice a low rasp in Jungeun's ear, eliciting an instant reaction. If there's one thing that'll help her forget that her best friend is chatting up some other girl, or the zero on her wrist--it's Hani.
Before she can get a response out, she feels something vibrate between them and Hani lets out an annoyed Fuck. Pulling back from Jungeun slightly, she fishes her phone out of her pocket to check the notification.
Jungeun turns around to catch the "Oh goddammit," Hani mutters, though Jungeun sees the words on her lips rather than actually hearing them over the loud music. Then, she raises her voice and leans in so Jungeun can hear her. "I have to return to the studio for an emergency," she explains, "I'll text you once I'm free."
Jungeun manages an awkward half smile, nodding. She's known how important Hani's work at the TV studio is. It's one of the only things about Hani she knew, in fact.
She watches as Hani pushes her way through the crowd of people to get to the exit, leaving Jungeun alone on the dance floor.
For a moment, Jungeun considers finding a new dance partner--but having just been abandoned, she finds herself feeling remarkably pathetic. So, she starts in the same direction as Hani, pushing through people to find her way out. It's not as though Sooyoung or Jinsol would be waiting up for her. She may as well go home and eat her feelings, or find a karaoke room to sing and drink in by herself. Anything would be better than being in Purgatory.
The cool night air does a little to make Jungeun feel better when she finally gets out. She earns a couple of odd looks, no doubt because of the venue she'd left. Instinctually, she tugs the sleeve of her shirt down over her wrist.
"So that was Hani," she hears from behind her, causing Jungeun to jump before turning around to see Jinsol slipping out of the club.
"Sol? Ah--Right. Yeah. That was Hani."
"Pretty lame of her to leave you like that," she says, brow raised and using her judgemental tone of voice. It surprises Jungeun a little. Had Jinsol been keeping an eye on her?
"She's a busy woman and I'm not as important as her work," Jungeun states simply, which only causes Jinsol's frown to deepen. "What about you? I thought you were talking to--whatever her name is?"
"Sana," Jinsol supplies, "She's pretty, but..."
Jinsol starts walking slowly down the block, Jungeun automatically mirroring her gait next to her.
"But?"
"I asked about her timer," Jinsol says, and suddenly there's something sad in her tone, "She said she's got forty years."
Jungeun nearly chokes on air, "Forty years?! Are you sure?"
Jinsol nods, "Saw it myself."
"That's so..."
"Depressing," Jinsol finishes for her, "I was so surprised by how nice she was."
"Why does that surprise you?"
"I don't know. I think if I was told I'd have to wait forty years to meet my soulmate, that'd turn me into a miserable person."
Jungeun hums thoughtfully, "She probably was a miserable person when she first found out."
"You think? She seemed fine with it. A little melancholy, maybe."
"It's..." Jungeun tries to think of the right analogy, "It's like finding out you're allergic to your favorite food."
"Huh?"
"You gotta wake up every morning knowing you can't eat your favorite food--but there's other food out there. Maybe it's not as good as your favorite, but that shouldn't stop you from enjoying other food right? That's the whole idea behind Purgatory in the first place."
"I... didn't think of it like that," Jinsol admits. She's quiet for a beat, before asking the question Jungeun figures has been in the back of her head. "Do you think Hani could be your soulmate?"
"Maybe," Jungeun says, but then shaking her head, "But probably not."
"If you didn't have a timer, if they didn't exist--would you date her?" Jinsol pushes, clearly trying to find some sort of answer out of Jungeun.
"Why are you asking?" Jungeun asks with a laugh she hopes doesn't sound as nervous as she feels.
"Just checking."
[00 YEARS:00 MONTHS:0 WEEKS:0 DAYS:00 HOURS:23 MINUTES:12 SECONDS]
What do I even say to her? Jungeun wonders as she watches the bus pull up to the stop closest to Jiwoo's apartment.
Do I just come out and tell her the truth? she asks herself. With most seats taken, she opts to grab onto one of the bars and stay standing--though that also brings her timer directly at eye level. She watches the seconds tick down and the reality that she's minutes away from her "moment" really hits her.
I'll need to give Hani a call, she realizes, and it's somehow both a sad thought and a relief at the same time. Her heart hammers in her chest as she tries to guess at how Jinsol is going to react to the news. She wonders what she's thinking or doing right now, in fact.
Pulling her phone from her pocket, she notes how they hadn't exchanged any calls or texts since this morning before arriving at the clinic together. Was Jinsol living in similar anticipation?
A funnier thought occurs to her: Is it possible she hasn't noticed?
It's followed by dread. What if nothing's happened? What if Jinsol isn't the one?
The thought is seemingly punctuated by fate when the entire bus suddenly jerks forward, causing Jungeun to nearly lose her footing. It then veers off to the side, stopping near the curb. Jungeun watches helplessly as the driver parks and steps out, returning seconds later.
"I'm sorry folks, it seems we've got a flat," he announces and Jungeun looks again at her timer, knowing full well she's nearly out of time. "I'll radio the depot and see that we get a replacement bus out here to get the rest of you to your destinations. You're welcome to get off here if it's all the same to you."
With that said, he triggers both sets of doors to open and Jungeun realizes this is her only opportunity. There's no way the next bus would arrive in time. Without thinking, she pushes past the other passengers to get out. She knows every second is precious, so she takes off at a sprint, running as hard as she can, but also asking herself: If it's not Jinsol, could she still be happy?
Was she wrong for trying to make her fantasy a reality?
Her lungs burn and the muscles in her legs hurt by the time she nears the convenience store close to Jinsol's apartment. She slows down just barely to get a look at her wrist as the apartment comes into view.
Then, to Jungeun's horror, it reads zero again.
Had she missed it? Did she pass by her soulmate and not realize it? Had she overestimated how much time she had when she started running?
Then, a worse thought occurs: Is Jinsol okay?
Swallowing down her panic, Jungeun pulls her phone from her pocket. Still no messages or calls, so she makes one of her own.
"Hey Jungie," Jinsol greets after only a couple rings and Jungeun's relief is immediate. She wants to cry for a number of reasons.
"Hey, are you okay?" Jungeun asks, still out of breath.
"Yeah, why?" Jinsol asks, calm as ever, "Are you alright? You sound weird."
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," Jungeun lies, "Just a busy day at work. You know how it is."
"Sooyoungie told me you took the day off," Jinsol says, catching Jungeun off guard. Of course Sooyoung would stir the pot.
"Ah--Yeah. I mean, I was helping Jiwoo move some stuff. Still work, y'know," she lies again, "Hey, how did things go at the clinic?"
"Oh, I chickened out," Jinsol says, and Jungeun feels her stomach drop.
"Chickened out?"
"Yeah. Changed my mind last minute. I uh... I was gonna tell you, but I was too embarrassed."
"Oh," Jungeun says, and she's left with more questions, "Oh. Okay. Well, maybe next time I can be in the room with you." It's silent on both ends for a moment, and Jungeun still thinks she's close to crying.
"You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah--I uh... I gotta catch the bus home. I'll text you later, okay?"
[00 YEARS:00 MONTHS:0 WEEKS:0 DAYS:00 HOURS:00 MINUTES:00 SECONDS]
The door swings open and Jungeun knows her eyes are swollen. She can already feel the start of more tears forming in the wells of her eyes.
"Jungeun?" Hani greets, clearly surprised--and with good reason. Jungeun never came over unannounced or uninvited. Certainly not crying either.
"Can I come in?" she asks, her voice pathetically nasal.
Hani blinks and stammers for a moment before stepping aside. "Of course. Can I get you something?"
Jungeun thinks to ask for tea for her throat. Maybe soju or something harder. She drops onto the couch, inhales as though she were about to say something, but nothing comes. Hani looks down at her, concern furrowing her brow. Then, just as the first couple of tears roll down Jungeun's cheeks, she stiffens and steps into her kitchen.
A minute later she returns and Jungeun hasn't moved. She gets a mug of something warm in her hand and sits on the coffee table to be directly in front of Jungeun.
"You wanna tell me what happened?" she asks softly, and Jungeun can't help but feel like she's being spoken to like a child. Perhaps she could bear that, however. Perhaps she needs to be spoken to gently.
She holds the mug between both hands, spearmint vapor reaching her sinuses and giving her another reason to sniffle.
"My timer started counting down," she says simply, causing Hani to sit up a little straighter.
"That's... Good, isn't it? You've been waiting for a while."
Jungeun shakes her head.
"Something happened. I thought... Maybe it would be my best friend. I wanted it to be her. As it was ticking down, I went to go meet with her, but then somewhere between when I left and when I got to her place my timer just..."
Hani plants her hands on her own thighs, gripping them a bit anxiously as she listens.
"'Just'?"
"Reset," Jungeun says softly, twisting her wrist just barely to look at the face. Again, the zero sits there like an eye staring back at her. What could have changed?
At that, Hani winces. The two of them are silent for several seconds before Hani sits up, hands planted on her knees.
"Timers are junk anyway," Hani says, and Jungeun can't be sure if she should feel comforted or not. She thinks about how sad Jiwoo was when their timers didn't sync. She thinks about how hopeless it made her feel when her timer lingered on zero for years. How she wondered if maybe her soulmate was dead or if maybe she simply didn't have one--would never have one.
"You really think that?"
Hani nods with a sympathetic smile, "You know Bae Juhyun?"
Jungeun blinks. It's such an odd question.
"I--Well, not personally, but she's all over TV."
"I've known her for years," Hani continues, "Personally. We went to college together and I worked with her on her early stuff when I was first starting to work in TV."
Jungeun's brows shoot up, but she remains quiet, listening.
"My network was a good launching pad, but she quickly outgrew us," Hani says and there's a far off look in her eyes. Jungeun wonders where she's going with this. "We were close. Really close. I think I was probably in love with her. Maybe I still am."
She pauses for a beat, meeting Jungeun's eyes briefly and shrugging. Hani had always been difficult to read unless she wanted to be understood. This felt like a moment where Jungeun was getting to look behind the curtain. To see the vulnerable woman whose heart had evidently been broken.
"After she got her timer and it was shown to be stuck on zero like yours, it spurred a lot of people into getting theirs. Everyone wanted to see if maybe they could trigger her countdown."
Jungeun recalls. She'd gotten her timer around the same time and even wondered for a moment if it was possible she could be the one. But, she knows the rest of the story--or at least she thinks.
"When her countdown finally started, it was like a national tragedy for a lot of reasons," Hani continues, "Twenty years, she'd have to wait."
The thought weighs heavily on Jungeun's heart. Seven hours was nerve wracking, but the thought of having to wait decades may have been even more painful.
"I never understood that," Jungeun murmurs, "You'd think someone would notice their timer aligns with Juhyun's and maybe they'd... I don't know. Do something. Reach out somehow."
"Right," Hani agrees, "Weird, huh?"
Jungeun nods, and suddenly she wonders if her situation is really any worse than Juhyun's. Was Hani trying to put things into perspective? Because the story doesn't end there.
"Then her timer suddenly reset to zero," Hani continues, "A lot of speculation happened at the time. Tabloids accusing her of being paid to get a timer to increase their popularity. People assuming her soulmate died, or that maybe this was a PR stunt to promote an unannounced movie or drama."
"But that never happened," Jungeun says, "The movie, I mean. She took a break, didn't she?"
Hani nods, "Yeah. People still speculate that the attention was too negative and she needed a break for her mental health--which could be true regardless of what the real story is. It could have been just as simple as her soulmate deciding to take the timer off."
"What do you think?" Jungeun asks, assuming maybe Hani had some insight or a point to make.
"Like I said, I think it's junk," she explains, "What was Juhyun to do? Regardless of her fame, what could anyone do in her shoes? If your timer said you had to wait ten, twenty, thirty years to meet your one-and-only?"
Jungeun purses her lips, unsure how to answer. She thinks of Sana. She thinks about her favorite food.
"You told me after you got your timer that you kept dating your girlfriend, right?" Hani asks, "Why?"
Jungeun blinks, "I--Well... It was better than being alone."
"It's more than that, isn't it?" Hani asks, her voice remarkably gentle and the faintest hint of a smile curling the corner of her lips, "You still loved her despite what your timer said, right?"
"Of course," Jungeun answers softly, and truthfully, when she looks inside herself, she recognizes that some part of her still loves Jiwoo.
"The timer didn't change the fact that you loved each other. Didn't change the fact that you were important to each other," A full smile forms on Hani's face as she talks, "I don't think the timers lie to us, but I don't think they tell the full truth."
Jungeun doesn't miss the way Hani rubs at her own wrist. Though she does notice for the first time the two faint but telltale pock marks her thumb brushes against. Did Hani have a timer at one point?
Their eyes meet and Hani's smile turns into a smirk.
"I'm still about fifteen years off from mine," she says, confirming Jungeun's suspicion, but also raising another question: Was she meant to be with Juhyun? Her eyes widen and her mouth falls open. She wants to ask, but Hani cuts her off.
"Maybe you and I aren't soulmates, but I decided to love you all the same," she says, and Jungeun understands. What they had wasn't romantic love, but a comfort. That could still be a form of love, right?
"And to me, that's just as real as any sort of 'soulmate,'" She continues, "I think our lives are composed of many different loves. Maybe one is meant to be more significant than the others, but it doesn't make the others in our lives any less important or meaningful, does it?"
A feeling rises up from the pit of Jungeun's stomach and floods her chest. A sort of warmth for Hani she hadn't felt before. Maybe they hadn't exactly been a couple, but the space they occupied in each others' lives was more than surface level. That much is evident in this one conversation.
"Instead of focusing on the fact that your timer isn't ticking down anymore, I think you should take this as an opportunity," Hani offers, her eyes twinkling with a smile Jungeun would almost call playful. "Even if she isn't your soulmate, you love her, right?"
[00 YEARS:00 MONTHS:0 WEEKS:0 DAYS:00 HOURS:00 MINUTES:00 SECONDS]
Jungeun continues past the bus stop closest to Hani's apartment, then the next, and so until she realizes she's halfway to Jinsol's place.
What am I going to say? she asks herself again for the twentieth time.
Jinsol, I don't care about the timers. I only wanted you to get one so we could be together or... or I could move on, Jungeun practices in her head, though that one doesn't feel right.
'Jinsol, I'm in love with you.' Should I keep it short and sweet? Jungeun wonders, slowing a little as she realizes she's not far from Jinsol's apartment. Her heart hammers in her chest as she counts the number of blocks left in her head. Without thinking, she suddenly veers to the right, taking a detour just so she'd have more time to figure out what she's going to say.
'Jinsol, there's something you need to know.' No, god. That makes it sound like I'm mad at her.
'Jinsol, there's something I've wanted to tell you. For years, I've--' No, she doesn't need to know how long I've been pining. Ugh.
'Jinsol, I'm removing my timer. Maybe these things aren't calling us soulmates, but you're the person I want to be with.' No, still too wordy.
A sigh leaves Jungeun and she takes another right.
"Maybe I do just need to keep it short," she mutters to herself, But then what if she isn't interested? What if I've been delusional this whole time and she doesn't look at me like that?
All the determination she'd built up after the conversation with Hani seems to swirl down the proverbial drain as she takes another turn to get herself back on the path to Jinsol's. Though now she's thinking she'd be better off finding the nearest bus and just... going home. Forgetting this whole thing.
Mapping out the neighborhood in her head, Jungeun decides on that very outcome. She'd take some time to be away from Jinsol. Process what happened--or rather didn't happen--with her timer, and try to return to normal. Maybe she'd wait a little longer to see if the countdown would return. Maybe she'd do what Hani did and have it removed. Maybe getting it in the first place was a mistake.
Jungeun nears another corner at a convenience store on Jinsol's street. There's a bus stop half a block up and her odds of seeing Jinsol, even this close to her apartment would be--
"Jungeun!"
It's unmistakable.
A billion thoughts race through her head all at once. A few stick out. Why was Jinsol looking for her? Why would she be calling her name?
Another thought enters her head and on a whim, she looks at the face of her timer.
00:00:0:0:00:00:07
Again, she hears her name, and without letting another thought pass through her head, she sprints to the end of the block. Turning in the direction she thinks she hears Jinsol, they nearly collide and their meeting is heralded by a loud chiptune song ringing from their respective wrists in tandem.
There's a second where the air between them is tense. Electric. And for once she knows it's not all in her head.
Jungeun almost doesn't want to believe this is happening. That this is possible. The air catches in her throat and she doesn't remember to breathe until the little tune ends.
Glancing down at her wrist, there's no countdown. There's no zero. Just a smooth gray surface with nothing to show anymore.
"I panicked," Jinsol suddenly says, her voice tight, "and I lied."
Jungeun blinks at her, unable to form a response immediately.
"I did get a timer," she continues, "and when it got close to the end of the countdown, I took it off because I didn't think I was ready. But--"
Jungeun feels the hot prickle behind her eyes with the threat of tears. Relief and warmth washing over her all at once.
"There was no one else it could be."
Jungeun swallows the lump in her throat to ask: "So this whole time...?"
Jinsol smiles.
"I know. I knew."