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“Cas helped”
At Bobby’s words, Dean’s head snapped up, eyes wide.
“Cas is here?” he asked, finally daring to hope.
Bobby just nodded knowingly and gestured to a cabin a few yards away “He’ll be in there”
Dean stood up on shaky legs and half walked, half ran to the cabin. He hesitated, then cautiously pushed the door open. The room had a wooden interior, not dissimilar to rufus’ cabin. There were books scattered around on shelves and across the floor, it almost looked like an office of some kind.
Dean’s eyes scanned over the room until he landed on a large wooden table on the right hand side. His breath caught in his throat as he saw Castiel, leaning casually on the table reading a book. Dean cleared his throat, and Cas quickly looked up, almost surprised and yet not. Dean struggled to place the look on the angel’s face before realising: he was scared.
Of course thought Dean, once again mentally kicking himself as the images of that night popped into his head.
“Hello, Dean”
Oh boy had Dean missed that voice. He desperately wanted to wrap his best friend in the tightest hug and tell him everything he’d never said, but stopped himself. He told himself it was because he didn’t want to scare the poor guy, but in reality it was because he too was afraid.
“Cas...” he said instead.
Castiel looked almost apprehensive, like he didn’t want to risk invading Dean’s personal space and making him uncomfortable. Too late for that, Dean thought. He took a deep breath and crossed the room, leaning slowly on the table next to the angel while making sure to leave at least half a metre of space between the two.
The awkwardness in the room was making it difficult to breathe and Dean hoped Cas would be the one to break the silence.
“So what, I’m gone a week and you manage to go and get yourself killed?” Cas tried to joke, but the tone was off and he sounded more angry than lighthearted.
Dean gulped, and when he turned his head to look at Cas there were tears in his eyes.
“Why would you just give up like that? After everything that we went through to be free?” Cas looked heartbroken, and Dean felt himself tearing up now too. He looked back down to the floor.
“I couldn’t do it, I didn’t want to be alive anymore, Cas.”
The admission was so quiet that he was sure if there was even the slightest gust of wind it would have been inaudible.
“Why?” Castiel asked sternly, the tears betraying his real feelings.
There was a pause. Dean was struggling to get the words out. He took another breath and tried to wipe a stray tear away, but another rolled down and replaced it just as quickly.
“I couldn’t keep living in a world that didn’t have you in it.” Dean was barely even whispering now, and had he not been talking to an angel he was sure his confession would have gone undetected. He kept his eyes fixed on the wooden floor, the toe of his boot scraping the peeling splinters.
“Dean...” it was quieter than dean had ever heard the angel, and he glanced up just for a second to see the devastated puppy dog look, before snapping his head back down.
Nothing more was said, but Dean slowly moved down the table until they couldn’t have been more than a rulers length apart, and gently reached his hand down to take Castiel’s, which was hanging down by his side. Both of their eyes were on their hands. Cas didnt respond at first, making Dean panic and almost pull away, until Cas’ fingers wrapped themselves around his with such force Dean thought he would be pulled straight off the table.
He let out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding and, once again, their teary eyes met. However this time they were both wearing a stupidly big grin and Dean felt a huge weight disappear off his shoulders. The room felt light again and Dean realised for the first time in a very long time he was truly, unapologetically, happy. He was home.