Chapter Text
It had to be an youth ray! Of all the different, possibly deadly weapons Phil could think of, Youth ray was on the bottom of the list. Yet, here it was. The villain of the week and inventor of it, a failed physicist with a grudge against Dr Banner, seemingly thought that a youth ray would solve all his problems. Needless to say, the man was no real challenge to the Avengers. It didn´t take long for them to take him down. But it wouldn´t be Phil´s life if something didn´t go wrong. Preferable with the help of Stark.
This time however, it was the icing on the top of what Phil called life. Loki, why did it always have to be Loki or Clint who got in the way of the various rays villains invented, was the one, the only one, who got hit. This time it wasn´t thanks to some heroic doing in his side but because Stark couldn´t keep his hands of the ray gun. He had to play with it and to nobody´s surprise it went off. Hitting Loki square in the back.
On days like that, Phil cursed his younger self for pursuing a career in the military instead of following his mother´s footsteps and be a gardener. Surely that had to be more calming and uneventful. Not like the headaches inducing babysitting job he had now. He could see himself growing tulips. It would be calm, no exciting adventures waiting for him.
He walked over to Stark who was talking to a closed closet. Banner, who was still hulked out, was destroying some cars outside and Phil hoped that it weren´t SHIELD vehicles. The other Avengers were fighting the remaining minions the psychotic physicist had.
Loki, now about six or maybe seven, had been terrified at the sight of the Hulk and Iron Man and fled into the closet. Phil couldn´t blame him for it. The idea to hide from Stark was more often than not on his mind.
Phil listened as Stark tried to bribe the child with various toys. „C´mon Kiddo, I know you don´t want to stay in there. I am sure there are a lot of spiders and other scary stuff in there!“ He winked at Phil who tried his best not to groan at Stark´s try of negotation. Loki didn´t answer. „If you don´t come out right now, young man, I have to get Hulk here to get you out!“ Stark threatened clearly loosing his patience to the utter disbelief of Phil. The closet door didn´t open. Not that Phil was surprised by that.
Stark sighed and walked over to Phil. „Sorry, Agent Agent, I tried my best. He doesn´t want to leave the closet!“ a pause „No pun indented!“ Stark said smirking.
Phil wasn´t surprised. Threatening with a green monster who was out to get you was surely not the right way to get someone out of the closet. A cold shiver ran down his spine as he watched Stark looking intense at the ray gun.
„We could always use it on Bruce“
„Stop right there, Stark. The raygun stays where it is. We won´t use it on Dr Banner or you. Can you imagine what will happen if a seven year old Dr Banner throws a temper tantrum? And for another we need the both of you to fix the mess you created!“ Stark looked slightly amused. „Aww I knew you cared!“ He cooed.
Sighing Phil shook his head. „Barton, your status?“
„Still fighting the minions, Sir. They put up quite a fight! Any news on Loki?“
„That´s a negative“ Phil answered through the comm.
He could imagine how pissed of Clint was right now.
He noticed that the crashing sounds from outside had stopped. An embarrassed looking Dr Banner walked in, completely naked covering his manhood with his hands. In a swift movement Phil held out his jacket to the doctor who took it gratefully.
„Did I miss anything?“
„ Honey, I youthenised Loki!“ Stark said cheerily.
Banner didn´t look overly shocked at that statement. „Should I try to talk to him?“
Phil shook his head. „Please don´t take it personally but I don´t think it is a good idea for a naked man to talk to a child!“
Banner blushed a little at that but nodded in understanding.
„I guess that leaves you, Agent Agent, to show us your badass babysitter moves!“ Stark noted overly excited.
Phil sighed in defeat. It wasn´t that he didn´t like children but they were kind of messy and uncontrollable. Like the Avengers. They never did what one told them to do and caused a lot of chaos. He approached the closet hoping that Clint would soon appear to take over the whole situation. He was about to say something when he noticed that Banner walked towards the youth ray. „ Don´t even think about it!“ Phil warned him. Banner looked like a deer caught in the headlight but stepped away from it towards a snickering Stark.
Sighing Phil turned back to the closet. He tried to think of what Clint told him about the life in the circus and came to the conclusion that he knew close to nothing about it. He really should talk to his husband of that huge lack of information. The other two looked at him in expectation and amusement. Not knowing what to do, after all bribing and threatening didn´t work, he knocked on the closet door.
Loki tried to gather his thoughts. One minute he was cleaning the camel´s cage and the next he was standing in front of a robot and a huge green monster which destroyed everything in its vicinity. He was sure there was a logical explaination for everything but right now the closet was the closest and safest option.
The robot, he was pretty sure it was the robot, was talking to him through the door. At first he promised him toys and food and other stuff. Loki knew nothing good could come out of it if he came out of his hiding place. After a while the robot began threatening him with something called a „Hulk“ which sounded bad. He still heard crashing sounds from outside. Although he was only seven, nearly eight, years old he had read about robots and their danger in various books. Nothing good could come out of trusting one. Asimov and his three laws never stood a chance.
Maybe the Hulk thingy was their executior or something like that. No, he wouldn´t come out. He would stay with the spiders in the darkness. That was safer. The crashing stopped.
He heard voices but couldn´t understand a word. Maybe they left him alone. He could take a look but it could also be a trap, like the one time at the circus. Not a very good memory.
A knock disrupted his train of thoughts. Not really thinking he said the first thing that came to his mind. „Yes?“ The moment the word left his mouth Loki cursed his very being. He hoped nobody heard him.
Phil looked at the closet a little shocked. He didn´t think knocking would work. Stark and Banner looked at him expectantly. So he did what he knew best. „My name is Phil Coulson and I am an agent of SHIELD. We don´t want to harm you but we need you to leave the closet!“ he told the child. Banner and Stark looked at him as if he had gone mad.
„No!“
Primroses would have been nice too.
„We have eliminated all minions and are on our way to your location, Sir. Any news on Loki?“
„Negative“