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"Oh my god, this isn't even about me! This is about you being in love with Max!"
Truly, Abby wasn't even sure how they got to this situation. It's like the moment those words left Ginny's mouth, the rest of the night was erased from Abby's mind.
One second they were arguing about some stupid thing, and the next, Abby's deepest secret had been said out loud for the first time in her life.
Ginny's face filled with regret in an instant, the same way Abby's stomach filled with dread, and she opened her mouth as if to say something, but no sound came out.
They were just standing there for a few moments, staring at each other, the truth hanging in the tense air between them.
Eventually, Abby was the one to break the silence, with a much shakier voice than she would have liked. "I'm not… I'm not gay."
"I know." Ginny said quietly, unconvincingly
"I'm… I'm not…" She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "I don't know why you'd even…"
"It was a mistake." Ginny said slowly. "I shouldn't have said anything. It's not my place…"
"You're right." Abby said through gritted teeth. "It's not."
"Ok."
"Ok."
The silence stretched, and Abby- god, Abby knew. She didn't need anyone to tell her, she knew. She knew for years. Since Max first came out, and maybe even before. But she never said anything. She was never going to say anything. It was just going to be her dirty little secret, forever and ever. But now…
"Why did you?" Abby broke the silence, once again. "Say that, I mean."
"I don't know." Ginny shrugged.
Abby shook her head. "Don't. Don't give me that. You just said… What you said is big, and no one has ever… I never told… So, why did you say that?"
"I… I just notice stuff, I guess." Ginny shrugged once again, and Abby was really starting to grow tired of it. "And I've noticed the way you look at her, among other things. And now, it just… Just slipped, I guess. But I was never gonna tell anyone. I wasn't even sure about bringing it up with you, because I didn't really want to pressure you, because I didn't even know if you knew…"
"I knew." Said Abby softly. "I know."
"Oh." Ginny didn't sound all that surprised. "And I didn't really want to assume anything about, you know, your sexuality and stuff."
"And stuff." Abby echoed.
"Yeah." Ginny nodded. Then hesitantly, she added, "and, of course you don't have to answer, but, well… Press?"
Abby groaned and started pacing. "I don't know! I mean, yeah, we hooked up a few times, and I think he might actually like me, but I don't know if I even…" She went quiet.
"If you even like him." Ginny finished for her. "Or if you even like guys."
Abby sat down on Ginny's bed- more like collapsed- as she felt tears gathering at her eyes. She couldn't believe she was actually having this conversation, after years of denial and doubt and self hatred, and with Ginny Miller of all people. "I just want to know who I am."
"You're Abby." Ginny stated as she sat down on the bed next to her, and Abby snorted. "I'm serious!"
"Yes, yes, I'm Abby, and you're Ginny, are we done with the introduction?"
"No, I mean-" Ginny sighed. "I mean, you're Abby. Just Abby. That's who you are. The only difference is that before you were Abby who only kissed boys, and now you can be Abby who also kisses girls. Or kiss only girls. Or don't kiss at all. It doesn't matter, I'm getting off track here."
A tiny laugh, that sounded suspiciously like a sob, escaped Abby and Ginny smiled at her, a hesitant yet genuine smile. She seemed to take it as a sign to continue.
"My point is, the people you like, and the people you kiss- they don't define you. You define you."
Abby didn't know what happened and why, maybe she was just so emotional from the conversation, but the next thing she knew, her hand was holding Ginny's jew, and their lips were touching.
It was different from kissing Press. Different from kissing any other guys she kissed. She didn't know if it was because it was a girl, or because it was Ginny specifically, but it was more than just different, it was also better.
Ginny's lips were soft, they were willing, they were going with Abby's every step, and Abby was slowly processing that Ginny was letting her kiss her, that Ginny was kissing her back.
That kiss was nicer, better, more magical than Abby has ever experienced, has ever imagined.
But when they separated, Ginny's eyes were wide and confused and terrified .
"Abby, I…" And Abby was filled with dread all over again.
"Forget it, I shouldn't have done that." She got up so quickly she almost fell. "I should go. I don't know why I did that."
And she really didn't. She never thought about Ginny like that before. It was only ever Max.
Sure, some casual crushes on some girls from school here and there, and some celebrities, Scarlett Johansson especially, but nothing ever serious. Nothing ever long, nothing ever real.
Max was the only girl she ever really, truly, wanted to kiss. The only one where it felt like somewhat of a real opportunity.
Abby didn't know when exactly her legs started moving, but they did at some point, because she was practically running out of Ginny's room.
She vaguely heard Ginny call out her name, but she ignored it.
She ignored Georgia as she left the house- she could feel bad about that after.
The reality of what happened was slowly hitting her- she just kissed a girl. She just kissed Ginny . She also just admitted her life long crush on her best friend.
Another reality was hitting her, which is the reality of that very same best friend living right across from Ginny. For some reason, she completely forgot about it, up until Max was walking out of her house, and into Abby's sight.
Max must have felt the eyes on her because she looked up, and her eyes locked with Abby's.
They haven't spoken and have barley seen each other since the thing between Ginny and Marcus was revealed at opening night, and this, it felt tense.
For a second, Abby felt like Max could read her, she always had a talent for that, one of the many reasons Abby so easily fell for her.
She felt as if Max could tell what happened simply by looking at her- but clearly, that wasn't the case, since Max looked away and kept walking. Abby forced her body to relax.
What the hell did she do?