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Anne’s night wasn’t going the way she’d expected. She hadn’t been planning to go out, but her roommate had heard about a house show happening near them and had begged Anne to go so she wouldn’t be showing up alone. It had taken all of thirty minutes for her to “bump into” her ex and ditch Anne to go back to his place. Now Anne was standing alone in a crowded room, waiting for the next band’s set to start. Anne didn’t necessarily mind being alone- the room was dimly lit in purples and blues and the air was warm and heavy with the smell of weed and the buzz of voices, so Anne mostly went unnoticed. Still, Anne wished she could do more than just sip her drink as she waited.
“Hey, how's it going?” a voice called from next to her. Anne turned and saw another girl leaning against the wall, evidently alone as well.
“Pretty good, but my roommate ditched me to hook up with her ex,” Anne replied.
“Yikessss.”
“Oh yeah. What about you?”
“Decent. Inside was a bit too loud and crowded for my girlfriend, so she’s hanging out in the back with some of our other friends. My friend’s actually the drummer for the next band, though, so I’m gonna stick around to watch them.”
“Oh, sick! I haven’t seen them play before, are they good?” Anne asked.
“I mean, I’m kinda biased, but they’re pretty good,” she said with a smile. “What’s your name, by the way?”
“I’m Anne, you?”
“I’m Zelda.”
“Ha, kinda like that one video game! My friend Marcy is super into it.”
“That miiight’ve been where I stole it from,” she replied with a smirk.
“No way, are you trans too?” Anne asked excitedly.
“Oh my god, yes, you are too?”
“Yes! Wait, what year are you?”
“Oh, I don’t actually go to Berkeley, my girlfriend just does,” Zelda replied.
“Ohhh, that makes sense, I was wondering why I’d never seen you at any of the queer events on campus before,” Anne said. Before either could say anything else, the next band started playing in the room over, drowning out all other sound. Zelda met Anne’s eyes and gestured, indicating they should get closer. They pressed forward the best they could until they were at the entrance to the main room, unable to make it any further through the dense crowd. Anne was quickly grateful for the distance, though- the mosh pit in the main room devolved into chaos within minutes. As Anne and Zelda danced, people kept getting shoved out of the mosh pit, nearly crashing into the two of them. After the third person they had to push off of themselves, Anne met Zelda’s eye and they started laughing.
When the band finally finished playing, Anne and Zelda retreated to an emptier room, both leaning against a wall as they laughed.
“Oh my god, can those guys learn to have fun without falling into everyone else?” Zelda joked.
“Right? I do not want to shove your sweaty ass off of me just because you’re too drunk to keep your balance,” Anne replied. Zelda laughed.
“Well, I’m going to meet back up with my girlfriend, but it was really nice meeting you, Anne. Would you want to hang out sometime?” she asked.
“For sure!” Anne said with a smile, handing over her phone so Zelda could type in her number. When she finished, she started towards the back door and waved.
“I’ll see you around!” she called. Anne waved back. Finding herself alone again, Anne took a sip of her drink only to find that it was empty. She made her way towards another room to get another. As she popped the lid on her new drink and turned to wander the house, she heard a familiar voice call out behind her.
“Oh my god, Anne Boonchuy?” Anne spun around in surprise. There, walking towards her in a black short sleeve half turtle crop, her hair shorter than Marcy’s had ever been, was none other than Sasha Waybright.
“Sasha? What are you doing here?” Anne asked before Sasha crashed into her, sweeping her into a hug big enough to lift her off the ground.
“Miles and I drove down from Davis at the last minute,” Sasha said, finally releasing Anne. “You here with anyone?”
“Nah, my roommate ditched me. Where’s Miles?”
“He already ditched me to hang out with his partner James,” Sasha replied. “You look super hot, by the way. Since when do you wear red?” she asked, gesturing to Anne’s red spaghetti strap top and jean shorts.
“Uh you’re one to talk,” Anne said, looking down. “When’d you get the belly button piercing?”
“Oh, yeah, my roommates and I did that last semester when we were bored.” Sasha replied, waving her hand.
“Do you and Marcy have something against piercing shops?”
“Oh c’mon, you can’t compare me to them. Haven’t they given themself, like, four piercings and a couple stick and pokes?”
“Didn’t you do the nose ring yourself as well, though? And the haircut?” Anne countered.
“Hey, I think the haircut turned out good!”
“Oh yeah, the Ellen DeGeneres look, very sexy,” Anne said sarcastically.
“I do NOT look like fucking Ellen,” Sasha shot back as Anne laughed. “Be glad Miles talked me out of shaving my head.”
“Oh my god, you would’ve looked like an egg,” Anne laughed and Sasha shoved her shoulder playfully. Anne pointed towards the room where the next band was setting up. “You want to get in there? It’ll fill up fast once they start playing.”
“Uhhhhh, sure you don’t want to hang back here?”
“C’mon, it’ll be fun!” Anne replied, grabbing Sasha by the hang and pulling her into the room. They could barely talk as the room filled up around them, but Anne kept sneaking glances at Sasha. It had been more than two months since they’d last seen each other. They only went to school about an hour apart, but since neither of them had cars, they usually only saw each other when they were back in LA.
Anne had been so surprised when Sasha appeared that she hadn’t reacted much. Now, however, she was finding herself getting a bit flustered by Sasha’s unexpected arrival. Anne’s feelings had always been, well, complicated in regards to Sasha. It wasn’t as though she was completely smitten with Sasha. Between their past and their distance, Anne’s feelings weren’t nearly as strong as they may have once been. But she couldn’t lie- whenever she and Sasha reconnected, it sparked something inside of Anne that she was never quite sure what to do with. But as Anne snuck another glance towards Sasha (wow, the short hair really looked good on her), she thought she caught Sasha stealing a glance at her as well. Before she had a chance to process that, though, the last band started their set.
This time, they were right in the pit and getting shoved around, but Anne loved it. It was loud and overwhelming but in the best way possible. Anne glanced over at Sasha and laughed. She was bobbing awkwardly alongside Anne. Anne bumped Sasha’s shoulder with her own as she danced and gave her a smile. Sasha looked away and smiled slightly before joining in, Anne not noticing her turn slightly pink as she did.
As they continued to jump, a group of drunk guys near them started shoving each other around. One guy came crashing into Anne, making her stumble backwards. She nearly fell to the ground before Sasha wrapped an arm around her.
“Stop fucking shoving each other, idiots,” Sasha shouted, using her other arm to shove the guy back again so hard that he nearly fell to the ground. Anne doubted anyone but her could hear Sasha over the music, but her scowl sent a clear message.
“Sash, it’s chill, I’m okay,” Anne said as she stood up again, praying that she wasn’t blushing. Apparently Sasha was still as protective as ever. “Thanks for catching me, though.”
“No problem,” Sasha said, running a hand through her hair. This time, Anne noticed that she’d gone slightly pink and she smiled to herself. They continued dancing until Anne was exhausted and out of breath, her ears ringing as the band finally finished playing. As people dispersed, Anne and Sasha grabbed more drinks and went to the backyard. The white porch lights glared harshly through the hazy air, casting everyone in a sharp and surreal-looking light, so they took refuge in the partial shadows against a fence.
“Okay, wait, so why did you and Miles decide to drive down here? I thought you didn’t have a car?” Anne asked.
“Okay, so, that last band is actually from Davis and they got booked for this show at the last minute because someone canceled. Miles’s boyfriend, James, is the drummer and they had room in their cars so they let us tag along.”
“Are you guys driving back tonight?” Anne asked, surprised.
“Nah, I think most of the band is crashing with someone in town. Miles has a friend here that’s letting him and James stay at their place for the night.”
“Wait, so what are you doing?”
“Ah shit, I knew I forgot something,”
“Want to stay at my place? My roommate definitely won’t be around,” Anne offered.
“Oh, stay alone at your place?” Sasha replied with a sly grin. Anne rolled her eyes and shoved Sasha’s shoulder, but she couldn’t help but smirk slightly herself.
“Wait, okay, so since when does Miles have a boyfriend?” Anne asked, trying to change the subject. “I thought he was your ‘token straight friend?’”
“Haha, yeah, turns out the ‘gender envy’ he felt towards a bunch of guys was also him being super gay for them. Or, well, bi, but you know.”
“Oh, no way, that’s how I was with girls until I was, like, thirteen or so!”
“Oh, thirteen?” Sasha said, raising her eyebrows. “Who made you realize you were gay?”
“Just this cute blonde rebel,” Anne said with a smirk. “She was kind of abrasive, but she was super protective of everyone she loved.”
“Aw, Boonchuy, you had a crush on me?” Sasha said with a sly grin.
“What?” Anne scoffed. “Not you! I was talking about young Mrs. Croaker!”
“Uh, what?” Sasha said, the smile slipping off her face.
“Like, Mrs. Croaker back when she was younger. I found a photo of her when Sprig and I broke into her house,” Anne replied casually, grinning at the look on Sasha’s face.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Croaker was your gay awakening?” Sasha said in disbelief.
“Oh, yeah, girl, she was HOT.”
“A fucking frog.”
“A HOT frog.”
“Your first gay crush was a ‘hot frog?’”
“I didn’t say I had a crush on her,” Anne corrected. “She was just the first woman I thought was hot that I definitely didn’t get gender envy from. I mean, I don’t want to LOOK like a frog, you know?”
“Oh, no, you just want to make out with one apparently!”
“I said nothing about making out with her! If you saw her photos you would’ve thought she was hot too,” Anne said defensively.
“I sincerely doubt that.”
“Okay, well, who was your gay awakening, Sash?”
“Oh, uh, I don’t remember,” Sasha lied, averting her eyes and turning red.
“What, you get to make fun of me for Croaker but you won’t tell me who you liked?” Anne teased. Sasha turned slightly away from Anne and kept her gaze towards the rest of the party.
“It was…a really sweet girl that gave me more chances that I ever deserved and gave her life to save everyone she loved,” Sasha admitted.
“Aw, Sash, you had a crush on me?” Anne teased, trying to mimic her tone from earlier. Sasha gave her an embarrassed smile and Anne bumped her shoulder against Sasha. Sasha ran a hand through her hair.
“Heh, yeah, for uh…longer than I want to admit.”
That made Anne pause. She thought they’d just been messing around, but the shift in Sasha’s demeanor…well. Maybe the sparks Anne had been sensing were more than just residual feelings lingering from a life they’d both left behind years ago. Maybe Anne wasn’t the only one that felt a pull. Anne sipped her drink nervously, suddenly uncertain where things might be headed.
“Okay, no more getting stuck in the past,” Sasha said suddenly, clearing trying to move past what she’d just said. “What’s going on with you right now, girl? You seeing anyone?”
“Oh, uh, nah. I’ve not really been clicking with anyone,” Anne said, torn between gratefulness and disappointment at the change in subject. “You still dating Jess?”
“Nah, we broke up a few months ago. Things just weren’t really working with them, you know?”
“Uh, I guess? Not gotten with anyone else since?” Anne asked, remembering Sasha’s propensity to jump quickly between partners.
“Ugh, I went on a date with this guy a few weeks ago but he ended up being one of those weird tech bros, so I ditched him pretty fast,” Sasha replied.
“Yikes,” Anne said. She looked down as her phone dinged. She was surprised to see a text from Zelda.
Hey, just realized I left you totally alone tonight and just wanted to make sure you had a way to get home safe!
Anne smiled before typing out a reply.
Thanks for checking in! Ended up running into a friend that’ll be walking me home :)
“Who are you texting?” Sasha asked.
“Oh, just some girl I met tonight,” Anne replied offhandedly.
“Oh, okay. She cute?” Sasha asked. Anne smirked slightly. She could hear the jealousy creep in behind the forced causal tone of her words.
“I mean, yeah, but she’s got a girlfriend,” Anne said. “She was just interested in being friends.”
“Oh, nice,” Sasha replied. Anne could tell she was relieved.
“What about you? Meet anyone cute tonight?” Anne asked.
“Well…there is this one girl,” Sasha started, sipping her drink.
“Yeah?” Anne prodded.
“Mhm…one problem- apparently she’s only into frogs.”
“C’mon, Sash, be serious,” Anne replied, sipping her drink as well. She’d meant for it to sound lighthearted, but it came out uneasy. Maybe even sad.
“What if I am?” Sasha said, turning so she had one shoulder against the fence so she could meet Anne’s eyes.
“I’d…say you probably had too much to drink,” Anne said, once again failing to sound casual.
“Hm. Maybe,” Sasha clipped, punctuating her words with another sip, “but that doesn’t mean I’m not being serious.”
Anne took another nervous drink. It’s not that she wasn’t attracted to Sasha. Those feelings had never fully gone away, rearing their heads again whenever she and Sasha reunited. It was the fact that there might be something more to them, the idea that Sasha might return them, that scared her. Surely there was a good reason they’d never stoked those unspoken embers between them into something bigger. They’d both seen others, kissed others, never let what might lie between them ignite into something more lest it burn away the friendship they shared. But the more Anne drank, the more she snuffed out those worries. She felt a flash of reckless confidence start rising within her.
“You know,” Anne started, the heat starting to build in her voice, “I never told you who my first proper gay crush was.”
“Oh god, don’t tell me. Was it Felicia Sundew? Since you’re apparently a MILF lover now? Or maybe that cute scientist that helped you build the portal? At least they're human.”
“Okay, Terri IS cute,” Anne laughed, “but they were way too old for me!”
“And Croaker wasn’t?!”
“I just thought she was hot when she was young , okay! I’m not into MILFs!”
“Mhmmmm. So who was it then?” Sasha teased.
“Actually,” Anne started, turning to lean one shoulder against the fence so she and Sasha were face-to-face, “it was you.” Anne tried to stifle a smirk. She saw the giddy panic rise up behind Sasha’s eyes as she tried to play it cool.
“Oh yeah? When’d you have a crush on me, Boonchuy?”
“Oh, it started way back during the frog rebellion,” Anne said breezily.
“Started? When’d it end?” Sasha asked, shifting almost imperceptibly closer.
“Hmm,” Anne sounded softly, finishing off her drink. “Hard to say. When’d that ‘longer than you want to admit’ crush of yours finally go away?”
“Maybe it never did,” Sasha replied quietly. This time Anne could see Sasha shift closer, their faces now mere inches apart. They both held each other’s gaze, a tingling heat rising in Anne’s chest and a hungry look growing in Sasha’s eyes, yet neither of them dared make a move.
“You’re awfully close,” Anne muttered, a small smile dancing on her lips.
“Is that a problem?”
“Hm,” Anne whispered. “You know those people that always make out at parties?”
“What about them?” Sasha murmured.
“They’re super annoying, right?”
“Oh yeah, the worst,” Sasha agreed quietly. “But…”
“But?”
“I thought you didn’t care what other people think of you anymore,” Sasha breathed.
“Maybe not,” Anne muttered in agreement, yet they both still hesitated, some unsung fear still preventing them from sparking the fire that might burn everything they’d ever had between them. Still, the clamor of voices around them and the buzz in her head pushed Anne towards Sasha, the only thing that existed to her in the din. She started to lift her hand towards Sasha’s waist when…
“Hey Sasha?” a voice called out, sending Sasha and Anne both reeling backwards from one another. They both spun around to see Miles standing near them. “Sorry to, uh, interrupt. I just wanted to make sure you had a place to stay tonight before James and I head out.”
“Yep, I’m good, I’m staying at Anne’s place,” Sasha replied, trying to casually run her hand through her hair.
“Oh yeah?” Miles said with a smirk, raising his eyebrows. Clearly he’d noticed what had almost transpired before he arrived.
“It’s not like that, asshole,” Sasha said, flipping him off. Anne could tell from the heat on her cheeks that she’d turned as red as Sasha. Miles raised his arms in a surrender, still smirking.
“Text me tomorrow so I know where to pick you up,” Miles called out before the fence gate closed behind them as they left. Sasha turned back towards Anne, her face still flushed.
“So…want to head back to your place?” Sasha asked, a hint of hopefulness in her voice.
“Sure!” Anne said lightly, her mind still muddled with embarrassment at being caught and anticipation for what might be to come. They walked towards the gate carefully, moving close together but not daring to touch. Anne pushed the gate open, breathing in the crisp air beyond it. The gate clicked shut behind them and the noise and heat of the party got swallowed by the brisk darkness until it felt as though they were the only people wandering alone late at night. Anne felt dreamy and light, the stark change in surroundings filling her with an almost surreal energy. She stumbled as she walked and Sasha grabbed her arm to keep her balanced.
“Jesus, Anne,” Sasha said as Anne started laughing, which only made Anne laugh harder. Sasha smirked slightly before starting to laugh as well, which only invigorated Anne more. She suddenly grabbed Sasha’s hand and started pulling her down the sidewalk. Their laughter rang through the empty streets as they tripped and ran towards Anne’s building. The world was a blur, nothing real besides the squeeze of Sasha’s hand and the warm feelings growing inside her. They finally came to a stumbling stop outside Anne’s door, out of breath with hands still clasped, clumsily bumping into one another as Anne fumbled with her keys. Anne felt a rising heat in her chest that had nothing to do with the distance they’d just run.
Their hands were still held tight together as Anne finally pushed the door open, letting Sasha walk in before her. Anne hadn’t even closed the door behind her before her unfettered instincts took over. She laced a finger into the belt loop on Sasha’s jeans, spinning her around and kissing her before she had a chance to think twice. Sasha responded so enthusiastically that they nearly fell backwards, the door slamming shut behind Anne’s back. Sasha’s hands pressed against Anne’s shoulders as Anne reached one hand up to Sasha’s face, the other still resting against her hip. Anne was pressed against the door so hard she could hardly breathe, but that only stirred her further. Anne started to press forward and Sasha stumbled blindly backwards until her legs hit the couch and she collapsed onto it, pulling Anne with her.
Anne straddled Sasha’s lap, slowly trailing her hands to the bare skin on Sasha’s waist. Sasha breathed deeply and grew under her touch, taking Anne’s waist and pulling her even closer. They practically blurred together, the line between their bodies hot and muddled. Anne teased her fingers under the edge of Sasha’s top, fingertips tracing the remnants of the old scar down her back. Sasha inhaled sharply as Anne’s touch climbed higher up the tightened skin along her spine, Sasha’s top inching up her stomach as Anne reached further. They were both too hungry, too ardent, yearning far too desperately for one another’s touch, but Anne was beyond caring. There was no room for clear thinking in Anne’s head- she just wanted to keep drinking Sasha in, the inevitable fallout be damned.
Sasha’s hands now fiddled with the bottom of Anne’s shirt. Her fingers flirted around the hem, sending Anne’s heart racing, until she finally slid them under and slowly, slowly started to lift it. Sasha’s fingertips danced warmly across Anne’s waist and up her back, but the air on Anne’s skin suddenly felt like ice. Anne quickly leaned back, sliding her hands away to rest limply on the couch. Sasha withdrew, looking up at Anne with concern.
“Anne?” she asked quietly, but Anne didn’t immediately meet her eyes. Sasha’s touch had suddenly started pulling her back to reality. Things were moving too fast and Anne wasn’t sure where she wanted them to end. The shadows of what had changed between them were starting to creep into the edge of her consciousness, but she also wasn’t ready for this to finish. She gave Sasha a small smile that didn’t quite reach the encroaching sadness in her eyes.
“I’m okay, let’s just…slow down,” Anne replied softly. Sasha’s brows furrowed, her worry not abated, but Anne cupped her cheeks gently and kissed her again. Sasha placed her hands carefully on her hips, returning Anne’s kiss so delicately Anne thought she might melt. All the fervor from moments before had burned away, leaving something almost like mourning in its place as they moved against each other, a melancholy longing draping each caress. They both knew without words that this, whatever it was, wouldn’t last past tonight, but that was a problem for tomorrow. For now, they would savor one last taste of each other, no matter how bittersweet.
They moved slowly, carefully, achingly until Sasha was laying flat on the couch, Anne on top of her. Sasha’s hands barely graced Anne’s back, tracing circles so light they may have been air. They both pulled back in the same unspoken breath, Sasha’s hands stilling against Anne’s hips as Anne brought her head gently to Sasha’s chest. They lay there in silence as though held by some faint spell hanging in the air. The quiet was hazy and pressing, Anne’s mind still too cloudy to do more than listen to the soft pulse of Sasha’s heart in her ear. Anne wanted to sleep, but with sleep came the end of whatever magic tonight held. She breathed deeply and closed her eyes, giving herself one last moment to appreciate this gift. Anne shifted.
“Hey Sash,” Anne breathed.
“Hm?” she replied sleepily.
“I’ve got an entire bed we can sleep on,” Anne whispered. “Let’s get off the couch.” Anne started to get up, moving far slower than she needed to so she could savor their proximity. She extended a hand to Sasha as she stood and pulled her to her feet. Their fingers trailed longingly against each other for a brief second before they released.
“Can I, uh, borrow some of your clothes?” Sasha asked, rubbing the back of her neck. “I don’t really want to sleep in jeans.”
“Yeah, of course,” Anne replied, walking to her room to grab t-shirts and shorts. She walked out moments later and tossed some to Sasha. Sasha held up her shirt and let out a small laugh before turning it towards Anne. It read out “MILF - Man I Love Frogs.”
“Jeez, Anne, this shirt got a lot deeper after your confession about Croaker,” Sasha teased. Anne met her eye and they both burst into laughter. It was easy, in that moment, to forget how things had changed for them tonight. Anne just relished in getting to laugh with Sasha once more. As they fell silent again, they wordlessly turned away from each other to change, the air heavy again. Anne was acutely aware of Sasha behind her, how easy it would be to turn around and fall heedlessly back into the fervency from earlier, but she did not look.
Sasha quietly followed Anne into her room, both sliding under the covers after Anne turned out the light. They lay side by side, sensing each other’s presence in the pressing dark but not touching. Anne heard Sasha shift beside her.
“Can I…?” Sasha asked softly, the unfinished question filling the room.
“Yeah,” Anne whispered after a moment's pause. The bed’s creaks sounded sharply through the room as Sasha wrapped an arm carefully around Anne. Anne knew she should speak, say something of what had passed between them while still under the safe cover of darkness, but she did not. Morning would come and its brightness would chase everything away, leaving all questions between them unanswered. Whether this was a turning point, and end, or just a forgotten blip would be found in time.
Anne leaned slightly back towards Sasha and she responded, pulling Anne tighter. Sasha pressed a kiss to the back of Anne’s neck, long and slow and gentle. It felt almost like a goodbye, but there was no regret in Sasha’s touch as she settled against Anne’s back. Anne exhaled and let herself melt into it. Whatever came next, she would not let this be a mistake.
Nothing would come of this yet. Of that, Anne was certain. They lived two different lives in two different places. Trying to bring those together now would bring only bitterness and resentment. But…maybe one day. They would walk away from tonight and refuse to let it burn every bridge between them. One day…maybe life might bring them back together. Maybe this time they would be ready.
As Anne drifted off to sleep, she still felt the darkness hanging wistfully over her, but she didn’t care. This would not be the end for them. The future, whatever it held, whatever it looked like, would come for them when they were ready. Anne clutched to the slim comfort that held as sleep finally overtook her.