Work Text:
"I am not my father."
"I am not my father."
"I AM NOT MY FATHER."
Tatsuo had written those words on a notepad and thrown them into a bonfire. The flames ate away at the pages bit by bit, erasing the words written to no one by a shaky hand. He wanted to believe that those words ever existing, ever being physical meant something.
But then he hears the words "detective prince," and it all proves to be meaningless. A futile exercise that crumbled into ash.
Like the lives his father had once destroyed.
That isn't to say he didn't love his father. No, he loved Akechi for all that he was-- his loving father who’s rough around the edges, but caring all the same. What he didn't love was the name: "Akechi."
The name that brought on so much scrutiny.
The name that brought on so many expectations, so many people just waiting with bated breath for the next word to tumble from his lips.
The name that brought on the memories of hearing about his father's atrocities.
Almost frantically, he started scribbling on another notepad.
"I am not a monster."
"I am not a monster."
"I AM NOT A MONSTER."
"I. AM NOT. A MONSTER."
Into the fire the paper went.
He wished his feelings could have gone with it.
The sound of the back door opening made the boy nearly skyrocket into the air and out of his skin. He whipped around, pencil raised in the same way one would raise a knife, prepared to stab, only for his arm to lower itself at the sight of the person standing on the porch.
"...you've been out here for a while," Goro murmured, half his face cast in shadow due to the dimming twilight while the other was illuminated by the bonfire's flames. "I came to check on you."
"Thanks, but I'm fine." Tatsuo was surprised at how brusque he sounded. "I'm not gonna burn myself. I'm not Miyako."
"I wasn't saying you were. I'm just worried about you. Like I said..." Goro walked down the back steps and, while not standing directly at his son's side, stood close enough to make his presence known. "...I wanted to check on you. I've noticed you've been spending a lot of time staring at yourself in the mirror."
"It's not a narcissist thing. I'm not trying to make myself look nice for the cameras like you did," Tatsuo snapped. Goro's eyebrow quirked up slightly at the hostility in his son's voice.
Tatsuo couldn't read the look on Goro's face if he tried. It's almost like it went stiff to hide whatever it was he was withholding-- rage, maybe? Either way, it took a long moment for his jaw to set and for him to speak.
"That wasn't my guess to begin with. Otherwise, you would toy with your hair or your clothes," he said. "Not just stare."
Tatsuo bit his lip, staring at his sneakers.
"Tatsuo, I want you to be honest with me," Goro said. His voice was solid and firm, and yet Tatsuo found no solace in it.
"About what?" Tatsuo held back a sneer.
"What's bothering you. And why you've been pushing me away."
Tatsuo grit his teeth--of course Goro had noticed. Goro is many things, but not an idiot. He was a fool to think Goro would let the animosity fester forever, and grow into a monster of its own.
"...If it's what I've done in the past, I understand. I'm not proud of it," Goro admits. There's an underlying vulnerability; Tatsuo could hear it.
"It's not that."
Tatsuo melts beneath the sound. He doesn't want his father to think he hates him. He doesn't.
"It's your name."
"My name?”
“Yes, your name. Your stupid last name,” Without thinking, he slowly began to advance on his father, Goro taking steps back to match him. “Everywhere I go, it’s all I hear. ‘Akechi,’ ‘Akechi,’ ‘Akechi,’ and every single goddamn time, they’re talking about you. How I need to be like you. How I am like you, right down to the smarts--I’m fucking sick of it! I don’t WANT to be you! I don’t WANT everyone to think that I AM you! I don’t want people to just expect me to LIE DOWN AND TAKE SHIT , just because I’M the one with the Akechi last name. I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO LOOK OVER MY SHOULDER WHEN I’M WALKING HOME AND MAKE SURE I’M NOT GETTING FOLLOWED BY SOME SHITHEAD THAT KNOWS WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU DID WHILE YOU WERE UNDER SHIDO’S THUMB! I DON’T WANT THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD ON MY SHOULDERS, JUST BECAUSE I SHARE YOUR FUCKING LAST NAME!”
Tears were streaming down Tatsuo’s cheeks and he was certain he had screamed his throat raw. His breaths came in ragged, staggered spurts as more and more tears forced themselves from his tear ducts and sobs were ripped from his throat. Goro’s expression had shifted during the exchange. No longer was it a stoic mask. Now, it had softened into something that was almost comforting. He held out his arms and Tatsuo fell into them, letting out an almost tormented scream into the fabric of his father’s jacket.
“Tatsuo…I know that the world puts a lot of pressure on you because of what I did. Good and bad. But…I don’t want you to be ashamed of who you are,” Goro whispered, managing to get the words out before another muffled sob was uttered by the boy in his arms. “I want you to know that no matter what the world wants to make you, you’re still my boy. I don’t care if you’re just like me or if you’re completely different - nothing will change the fact that you’re my son. And I’m so fucking proud of you. I’m proud of you for being open. I’m proud of you for letting it all out. I love you, Tatsuo. I love you so much.”
At the admission of love, Tatsuo’s entire body seemed to convulse as another fresh wave of tears hit him and a painful sob was wrenched from his throat. A few tears slipped down the other’s face as he held his sobbing son, gently rubbing his back and whispering affirmations against his temple. Keeping him safe.