Chapter Text
She watched her disappear down the street. The sensation of her small, soft hand lingered even when they let go of each other.
"I'll… see you later, right?" Her hopeful smile barely held up. "Tomorrow, yeah?"
The response was a lowered head, something she took as a vague nod. She walked away with slow steps and went into the car. Her mother held the door open, staring with nothing but pity.
Behind the tinted window of the retreating vehicle, between the large cardboard boxes, she swore she saw that small hand waving goodbye. Desperate, she hopped as high as she could while waving back until it drove out of sight.
Her arms hugged her hand-made guitar. Its strings were taut shoelaces taped to the end of a tissue box, up to the top of a cardboard tube glued haphazardly. The box was littered with clumsy crayon drawings of blue stars.
She ran after the car, wondering if it would come into view again if she got just a bit closer.
It didn't. It was already long gone as if they simply rolled away.
"Mikochi…"
She didn't cry, didn't shout, didn't do much of anything — because she believed she would see her again.
Afternoon light falls on the city, reflecting off distant tall buildings and shining on her like a large spotlight.
"Tonight?" Suisei parrots.
"Yeah, Lize's project is putting her through the wringer after today and Ange's got herself a new girlfriend. Tonight's the only time I can hang out with them for a while."
She hums to each word, phone pressed between her cheek and her shoulder. Her hands idly strum and tune her guitar as she graphs out her schedule in her mind.
"Hm… yeah, I should be good," she chuckles, "as long as you cover for tomorrow? Catching up with class work is gonna be killer on me."
"'Kay~"
Satisfied, Suisei stood up straighter. She holds her phone in one hand. "Sweet, see ya Toko—"
"Sui-chan, Sui-chan," Toko suddenly starts again, "aren't you ever gonna take a break?"
Her grip falters for half a second, then strengthens in the next. "Break? What for?"
"The usual? Hanging out with friends or family, enjoying yourself, other things. I'm always the one asking you to cover for me, after all."
Suisei waits a beat to answer. She looks out into the slow current of the crowd before her, more so due to the lack of people rather than the overabundance of them. The road in the middle was too narrow to have many cars passing through, an anomaly in the area as multiple schools and a vast variety of services weren't far from where she stood.
She leaned against the wall. With one hand, she sloppily played a short jingle from the nearby department store. A few people begin to turn their heads, even those across the street. The immediate, fleeting attention she grabbed makes her smirk.
"I've already got one good friend. Don't need much more than that to get me by." She finishes with a purposefully saccharine giggle.
"Ahaa~ aren't you getting all sappy-machi? I already know I'm amazing."
"And you're enjoying it," Suisei shakes her head. "Gotta go then. See ya."
"Bye bye~"
Toko's voice fades away into the clamor of the crowd. Suisei quickly pockets her phone before adjusting the leather strap biting her neck. Pep garnishes her little taps on the wooden body as if petting the instrument. Her hand lingers over the fading, matted blue star stickers.
"Showtime, little buddy."
She rolls her head and hoists the neck of her guitar up at a slight angle. Suisei runs the pick down on each string, takes in a breath before she taps her foot to a four-four beat for four counts, then gently plays a slow melody. Her fingers curl only slightly, her hand on the neck gradually moving into position for each poignant note.
Suisei reaches for each string slowly, taking her time to ensure that she's playing the correct one while losing herself to the tune. She settles into the rhythm so snuggly that she forgot to let her voice join the music when she's meant to sing along.
The pool of people that gather, however, reassures her that her voice manages to reach them. She doesn't really know how she's singing, truth be told. She knows she's singing the song well, hitting the right notes at the right times, loud enough to be heard, and all in all, doing well enough to have some people look at her through their phone cameras.
But, there's something else that she's missing. Melancholy and longing wraps around her fingertips and sting her eyes, becoming half-lidded instinctively. Words become difficult to pronounce despite the slow pace and long pauses.
Suisei doesn't cry, however. She ignores useless sentiments and continues playing other songs, keeps going until the coins hitting the bottom of her guitar case sing praises in time with her beat — tell her that she's done good work today.
That's when her veins become empty of that strange feeling and she feels hollow from fatigue. Suisei takes a breather at last and looks around at the applause from a rousing audience of a dozen or so.
"Thank you, everyone!" She bows before reaching down for her clear thermos.
Suisei chugs as much water down as she can, careful to not overdo it at the same time. She sighs, turns back, and most of the crowd has already dispersed.
What fills her unoccupied mind first is her performance of the first song. The lyrics were heavy, without a doubt, a monkey could understand that much. But, it wasn't her first time singing a song like that. It was, however, the first time Suisei felt a weight on her shoulders that wasn't her guitar.
Her gaze drifts off to the side, at the stretch of road, so unlike the way it looked when she was young and strummed a little cardboard instrument.
That was back when she had another at her side.
"Where did the time go— Eyagh?!"
Suisei yipes, launching herself a few centimeters off the ground. The nip at her legs felt larger than a mosquito bite but hurt significantly less than one.
When she looks down, there's a larger-than-average red onion with pigtails on the verge of tears.
"Eh… uhm," the onion gulps, plays with her thumbs, hides her face behind the brim of her bright yellow hat, stutters, then stops talking entirely.
Suisei doesn't know how to deal with children, like, at all. She hardly sees them when she performs since it's either during their school hours or way past their bedtimes. A toddler crying before a stranger like her means she's lost, without a doubt.
The question now is what Suisei should do.
What comes first for meeting any person is eye contact: facing each other properly, unwavering, understanding, and accepting their identity reflected in your eyes.
Suisei, of course, towers over the girl. She has to set aside her guitar and crouch down until her knees are up to her chin. Even then, the girl continues to hide from her. She isn't trying to scare her, yet her mere presence alone seems to.
So much for first impressions, Suisei silently groans.
She notices a brightly colored name tag on the girl's baby blue smock. Suisei has to squint to read it though because the letters are way too small on the comically large blank space for writing.
"A-ku-a? Aqua?"
A tea kettle boils in her throat. Further stuttering and fumbling ensue, none of which helps Suisei in this situation. Aqua's shifting eyes swirl into visible panic, enough that it makes Suisei panic as well.
There's a small doodle of some kind of creature on the tag. Suisei has no idea what it's meant to be but she takes that as a sign that Aqua likes animals. She has the perfect thing for that, coincidentally.
She pulls her hoodie over her head. The flaps mimic some vague animal, so whatever Aqua perceives it as would make her happiest, the sooner Suisei can take her back to whatever school she came from.
"Aqua-chan~" she calls while speaking through her nose.
A curious glance blooms into a look full of light at Suisei's floppy ears. She finally manages to face her properly. Aqua couldn't look cuter with joy on her face.
"K… Kitty!"
The shyness morphs into slight hesitation as she waddles forward to play with her hood. Suisei has to keep her neck craned, which she won't admit hurts, but she can feel how sore it's gonna be tomorrow.
"Meow!" Aqua's small mouth perks up a fraction, expectations radiating from her beaming pink eyes.
Suisei gulps and complies with a curl of her wrists. "M-Meow…"
The cute giggle that she earns is barely comparable to the embarrassment that takes her into a chokehold. She isn't sure how long she can keep making cat noises before she loses her mind.
"Akutan!"
Her saving grace comes at last. Suisei slowly stands up and has her breath stolen.
Behind Aqua, down the path, a woman in a light pink apron runs closer and closer to them. Though her pace is a bit slow, the way her hair flutters behind her form appears like she leaves cherry blossom flowers flying with every step. Compared to the sunlight, Suisei finds her glow far more pleasant.
Closer and closer, Suisei notices how green her eyes are. Even closer, she sees that the woman is a bit smaller than her. She comes to a heaving stop. Suisei's heart lurches forward before it's pushed back into her rib cage.
"Ah, thank goodness! You're okay!" The woman slumps over with a hand over her heart, heaving frantically.
When she notices Suisei, they make direct eye contact. Suisei sees everything that she is: a pretty woman with a clear relation to the little onion as her teacher, who's run all the way out here to find her student. The nearest preschool from where they were isn't that far away, so either she looked in all the wrong places or she's a very slow runner.
A wry smile makes its way onto Suisei's lips. The woman does so as well, awkwardly, but smiles nonetheless before bowing her head.
"So sorry about all this, and thank you so much for looking after her!"
"Oh, no no, it's okay," Suisei nods. She notices then that her hood is still over her head. She quickly flips it off.
The giggle that bubbles out of the woman takes Suisei aback. As she crouches down to take Aqua's hand, Aqua instead reaches up on her tippy-toes to pull on her rolled-up sleeves.
Curious, she takes Aqua into her arms. Once at ear level, Aqua whispers something to her, something that causes the woman to stare at her again, this time with something akin to fondness mixed with amazement, starstruck almost.
Aqua hides into her teacher's bosom. "Akutan here wants to say that you have a really pretty voice and are very cool when you play guitar."
Suisei's eyes widen, wondering if that's the reason the girl approached her in the first place. "Thank you, Akutan! That means a lot."
Aqua timidly nods and then buries her face into the woman's body. She pats her onion head and adjusts the yellow hat.
"You must be amazing," the woman suddenly praises her. Her head tilts to look at the guitar behind Suisei. The face she makes causes Suisei's chest to clench. "I'd love to listen to it sometime."
She doesn't dare to speak. Suisei simply watches as she and the little girl wave goodbye and walk away. Her long pink hair bouncing with her steps makes her all the more alluring.
Deep down, Suisei wanted to stop her, if only for a moment. But, she walks away at a brisk pace, down the road, until she's out of view, leaving Suisei behind, alone.
"Mikochi…"
Her lips part open. Pitifully, they close, trembling.
Suisei doesn't cry. She picks up her guitar again and strums without purpose, to the rhythm of "happiness" falling into her open case.
Having taken Toko's shifts a few times before, Suisei is barely familiar with her set of regulars versus her own. There's always overlap since they only have a handful of people needing to be served at once, but Suisei has always seen a new sloshed face or deals with someone asking for "the usual" and she has to play a game of 50-50 with the fried chicken or the grilled fish.
At least beer was the constant. Slamming down a jug of it got even the annoying ones to shush for a while.
"Hit me with another highball!"
"Coming right up!" Suisei responds with lightning-fast reflexes.
"Salad please!"
"On the way!"
Suisei, however, never took Friday for how marginally busy it got. It's not like she can't manage it, but the day before the weekends always invited the sort of crowd that was loud and demanding, for they felt they were entitled to the world's service after working in a cubicle from nine to five. Closing time was in a few hours, at least, so Suisei trucked on.
She doesn't have time to even silently complain to herself as the door creaks open. Suisei darts her head up to greet them.
"Wel— come…"
Her frantic pace comes to an abrupt halt as she makes direct eye contact with Miko— the woman from before, looking just as dumbstruck as Suisei probably is.
"You're from earlier?" Despite her whispering it, her high-pitched voice cuts across the room and her words are as clear as day.
"That ain't Toko-chan." A head cropped with light blue hair like Suisei's in two braids hops around behind her. "You know her too? Don't tell me you've been sneaking extra visits—"
"No no! It's not like that," she insists to her friend as they slip off their shoes and walk towards the seats at the counter. "She was the guitar player Akutan liked."
She nods in understanding and sizes Suisei up with narrowed eyes. Suisei doesn't pay them much mind. She waits for them to settle into their seats by quickly dealing with the rapid orders from the three other drunkards.
Even when they order their food and drinks, she gives them no special treatment, of course. She wouldn't otherwise, but she isn't like Toko, who's built up some popularity in listening to the complaints and whining of grown adults, kindly watching over the customers. Suisei's stance is that she's getting paid regardless of whether she's good at talking, cooking, or serving.
Though, her staring at the two women is noticeable, without a doubt. The friend keeps shooting back raised eyebrows while the cherry woman slowly eats her grilled chicken, stealing glances herself as if Suisei is none the wiser.
Once the group of men finish up and pay their bills, Suisei is alone with the two of them. She doesn't engage them though. Instead she keeps her hands busy cleaning all the plates, glasses, equipment, and utensils. The sound of running water doesn't muffle the cries she suddenly hears, however.
"Why…" the preschool teacher sniffs before chugging a whole jug of beer back. "She was so into me… We went on dates and everything, never made it official, but they were dates!" She slams the jug down before burying her face into her arms.
The woman she met earlier today and this drunk mess couldn't be the same person, Suisei refuses to believe it. She's glad that this izakaya is closer to the urban area than the school is, not like children would ever come here at this hour. There still stood the chance of their parents finding her here, but that would require them actually recognizing her as the kind teacher, which Suisei struggles to do.
Suisei bends her back over the counter to talk to her unamused friend. "What's her deal?"
"Heartbreak. She got rejected by a long-time crush," she whispers before sipping her cup of tea. "I tried to tell her to take a break this week, let me sub in for her, but she said no and just bottles it all up… for the kids. Y'know how that kind of work is, yeah?"
"Mm… even when we met earlier," she pauses, tries her best to remember any hints of a struggle. Suisei comes up empty-handed, ignorant of the signs. "I had… no idea."
"That's how Miko is, tougher than the squishy mochi-vibes she gives off, but well, she ain't always happy," She shakes her head, narrowing her eyes at the mug. She rubs a soothing hand on her company's hitching back. "At least when she drinks she can let it out, so we come by on Fridays. Usually, Toko-chan is around to listen to her."
Suisei sighs as she looks upon the crestfallen, drunk, heartbroken, familiar stranger. Her cherry blossom pink hair is in complete disarray, weak sobs escape occasionally from her small body.
"Hey."
She calls out to the woman, whose eye barely peeks out from her tousled bangs.
Suisei leans on her elbows. "Pretty rough, huh?"
The image of her right now overlaps with a child from her past. Suisei swallows her emotional reflex, which makes her voice tremble.
"But, well, sounds like you had a good time with the girl while you could. Aren't good memories more important than crying over bad memories? Saves you headaches."
"Sui-chan…" Miko whispers.
"Eh?"
When was the last time she heard her nickname said with that specific voice?
Years ago, she reminds herself, rhetorical question or not. The street she always performs on, where Miko drove off, when Suisei chased after her, and only now do they meet again as promised.
By now, everything has changed: the height of the buildings, Suisei's height, Miko's height, the weight of the world, the lengths of the paths they've walked to get to today, and the extent of their feelings for each other.
Miko's here because she wants to get over a bad rejection.
She sees how broken Miko is with one look, how those youthful greens lose the light in her sadness. Suisei wants to reach out so badly, to wipe it away and make room for tears of happiness instead.
Her dry, petal-shaped lips part open, hesitant to speak. When she finds her courage, a beatbox track with the friend's voice blares in the room. She fumbles with her phone like it's made of butter before clutching it tightly.
"Sorry, that's mine— ugh," she turns around and answers it. Suisei still hears a very annoying voice blaring through despite that. "Yeah? Uhuh, with Miko right now… I swear, you— what?!"
Suisei glances at Miko in hopes of some kind of explanation or distraction. She just shrugs and downs the rest of her fourth jug.
"No, I can't, you know it's hard… Marine, oi! Don't tell me you're drunk too? Just, hang on, okay?"
She groans as she hangs up, running her hands through her hair.
"Emergency?"
"A certain someone is asking for help and there's one last train soon, but I can't leave—"
"'Sfine…"
They both stare as Miko finally raises her head from her arms, albeit while she swerves back and forth, but still conscious enough to face her friend properly.
"Sui-chan'll throw me into a cab later…"
The incredulous look Suisei throws at Miko goes completely unnoticed in her alcohol-induced stupor.
"You're gonna trust her? She's just some stranger!"
Suisei bites her tongue.
"Pekora, she can handle me," her earnest smile mirrors the smile when she held Aqua in her arms. "Go get yer girl."
Her friend, Pekora, stares down Miko's flushed face, then glares daggers at Suisei. Despite her cutesy appearance and cartoonishly large braids, the dark aura behind her more than makes up for it.
"If anything happens to her, you're never gonna find work in this city ever again."
Thoroughly intimidated, Suisei salutes her promptly. "Roger that."
Reluctantly satisfied, Pekora dashes out of the building. In the dead of night in the tucked-away izakaya, there's only her and Miko, surrounded by red paper lanterns.
"S-Shoot… it was gonna be her treat…" Miko throws her body back, then forward, until she sits without much wobbling. She runs her hands over her pockets. "Wallet, wallet… where's my wallet?"
"Don't sweat it. I'll cover the tab, just this once." Suisei washes her hands and quickly pulls out her wallet without trouble. Miko manages to find hers at the same time. "Do you have enough for a taxi?"
With narrowed eyes and careful hands, she counts slowly. Suisei can see the gears falling apart in Miko's head, however, as she attempts to calculate while intoxicated. "Maybe?"
She slaps another bill onto the table. "Here's extra, since they're gonna charge you more this late."
"Sui-chan…" Miko becomes wistful all of a sudden as she reaches out for her money.
"Hey, Mikochi—"
"You're pitying me."
Suisei's heart drops at her serious tone, realizing again how much has changed over the years. She's only ever heard Miko giggling happily, smiling from ear to ear, or crying over all the little things, sensitive to the weight of life.
She ignores it. "I'm not."
"Then what are you doing?" Miko asks. She finishes the rest of her drink.
"Dunno," a half-shrug. "It's nothing, I guess."
Suisei walks around the space, fixing the chairs and cleaning up tables while she calls a taxi. Though it's only a few minutes before closing time, she gets the sense that Miko doesn't want to stay for much longer. The awkwardness in only knowing someone as the person you froze in time in your memories — she can understand that feeling.
"You used to be such a crybaby."
Suisei laughs at how Miko manages to read her mind. "What's this all of a sudden? You were too."
"You always spoke your mind, carefree with your feelings. I mean, you're still marching to your own drum, but I can't read you anymore. Where did Sui-chan go?"
"I should be asking you that." Irritation gnaws at her fingertips.
"And, like, back then, it was easy to make friends, y'know?" Miko hiccups. "When you're a kid, you don't worry about what people think of you, you don't worry about appearances or if you make a good impression. You just… don't stress the small stuff."
Suisei shakes her head. She keeps checking the time on her wristwatch. "Everyone worries. Kids worry if they've been good for Christmas presents or if their test scores are high enough to show their parents."
"That's not what I'm saying," Miko sits up straighter, "you're not listening."
"I am, you're the one ignoring what I'm saying."
The dry chuckle offends her. "You're the worst. That's not the response I want…"
Fed up, Suisei takes large strides to stand next to her drunk customer, looking down on her. "Then where are you going with this?"
"Dunno… I don't wanna think anymore."
Miko doesn't acknowledge her. She's more interested in the bottom of one of the beer jugs she chugged earlier. She asks for two glasses of shochu, which Suisei reluctantly pours. Miko ends up paying for both up-front.
Without waiting for permission, Suisei gathers all the jugs and places them into the sink with the other dishes. Miko doesn't do anything else but sit there, words dying before they even take form. Suisei doesn't bother to attempt another conversation. She's never found the sound of a running sink so therapeutic before.
By the time she's done all of her work and Miko finishes her extra drinks, Suisei gets a call back about the taxi. She steps out from behind the counter and shakes Miko's shoulder.
"C'mon."
Slowly, Miko stumbles and stands up. Suisei moves closer with her arms open but Miko shakes her head and makes her way to the door on her own. Still, Suisei follows her outside.
She sees Miko staring up at the night sky, losing herself in the sight. Suisei has to grab her wrist to guide her out of the alleyway and into the street. Miko points at the nearest car with a sign on top. The driver politely nods as Suisei guides Miko in by her shoulders.
"Can you get home like this?" Suisei asks.
Miko nods. "I sobered a bit. It's fine."
Before Suisei can ask to be sure, Miko turns her head towards the other window. She can't see her expression in the glass. It blends in with the dark night and the bright LED signs everywhere.
"See ya around?" Suisei speaks without thinking.
Miko glances back for a moment, her lips curving into a shape that Suisei can't see properly. "Yeah, probably."
The cab drives off down the street, leaving Suisei behind in the night.
From deep within, her most childish side rears its head. It tells her she wants to stop that car, chase after it, pull Miko out, and demand answers. Then, once Miko reveals everything to her, Suisei wants to fall into her arms and cry.
But she's long gone already, she can't see her anymore. Miko has departed on a path that Suisei can't hope to run after and keep up with. There would be other opportunities anyways since Miko came back into the area. Yet, Suisei doesn't live there anymore.
They may meet casually as they pass by, they may meet as a customer and server, and that's enough. As friends that grew apart, asking for more is just selfish.
Deep inside, Suisei hates it. Everything else that makes up who she is remains rational, realistic, grounded.
"Mikochi," her childishness takes on her timid, raspy voice, "don't go…"