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Bella had never been the subtle type, and you knew this as well as Edward had. She was pretty awkward sometimes, and words would drip off her tongue before she would truly think about them. It was never a constant, and she never had done it on purpose, but you knew she wasn't wrong, either.
You were at your home at the time, Bella visiting Edward as she normally had. The human reeked of the sweet, crimson liquid that coursed through her veins, but that had not been what made you cringe up. At the moment, you had been lying upon the couch, your head nestled softly in Jasper's lap as you were having a simple conversation with Bella. Though you were not doing anything out of the normal, you knew that Jasper would always have a little pained expression with the human around. He had, after all, been new to vegetarianism.
"Don’t take this wrong, but why does it seem you're the one that's always all over your mate?" Bella pondered, glancing down to your amber eyes. "I don't think I've ever seen Jasper initiate your puke-able cuteness."
"I-," you started, biting at your lip as you pondered it yourself. It was not that you were the only one to start anything, but the amount that you initiated had been far more than he had. Your mind started reeling, and you found yourself unable to keep up with how quickly your mind had been going over every little possibility. Thinking more about it, you wondered if Jasper even liked that you did it as much as you did.
"I think you broke her, Bella," Edward chided, before glancing down to Y/N. "I can't even read her thoughts."
"I didn't mean anything bad," Bella tried to account for, placing her hands up as she tried to force a sheepish half smile against her lips. "I just find it kind of funny. You two are like opposites, and you know, soulmates and all that."
"No offense taken," you said with a forced smile against your lips. "I'm just, I forgot Alice asked something of me earlier. I'll be back later, guys."
You rose from your spot carefully, making sure to avoid knocking Jasper at all as you placed a gentle hand against his shoulder before getting up. As you hurried stealthily to leave the room, going off to find Alice to make up some sort of reasoning for getting away for a bit, your mind and your emotions raged with one another. What you had not noticed was that the chaste kiss you would typically give Jasper, the sweet reminder that you love him, had not gone unnoticed as they had both been forgotten.
Jasper grimaced as you left the room, his amber eyes trailing to where you were walking off to. He felt his own melancholy, but found it all the more strange that Edward had said he couldn't read your thoughts coherently. "I couldn't read her emotions," he mused, biting his own lip. "I should go talk to her."
"I didn't mean to cause any trouble," Bella said sheepishly, feeling down on herself as she had allowed the words to slip past her lips to cause this rift.
"Y/N can be a little fragile," Edward confirmed, also glancing off to where you had gone. "I don't know a lot about her last life, but from what I do know about it, it shocks me that she's nearly as affectionate as she is with Jasper." Edward placed a hand upon Jasper's arm as he moved to get up, a reassuring smile slipped across her face. "Let her just vent it out with Alice for now. You know how much better she makes her feel."
"I don't know," Jasper said, biting his lip. There had never been a time that Jasper could not read your emotions, and that was what bugged him the most about all of it. "Didn’t you say you couldn't even read her mind?"
You found that Alice had been out, and you took the opportunity to leave the house yourself, running to your favorite tree. Climbing it to the top, you stared out at the mountains, a frown atop your lips. Though you stared off to the beautiful scenery, you could feel your emotions getting the better of you, your past life slipping into your early memories.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Your husband snapped, clearly half in the bag as you had been moving to wrap your arms around him. The two of you had both been home, the time line being the early 1900s. "Are you a common whore?"
"We're home alone, my love," you assured him, a sheepish smile pressed against your lips. "I simply wish to do my wifely duties."
What you had known, of course, was that your husband had already been bedding another woman. The strange attachment he had made to just about anyone despite yourself was appalling, but you still tried your best to be the perfect wife. Even if he was not going to be perfect, divorce had not been an option in the time period, and you loved him.
"Get your filthy hands off of me," he spat acidically as he pushed you to the floor. "You disgust me."
You found yourself sobbing upon the floor, your head in your hands. "What did I do wrong?" You wept as you curled up on the floor. "I- I love you."
"Well, I don't love you," he scoffed. "Your job is to take care of the baby, so why don't you go fucking check on it."
This had just been one of the many memories that still flashed through your mind. You had married early, possibly stupidly, and the man you loved at the time wanted nothing to do with you. Your memories had been suppressed over the many, many years. Happy memories with Jasper had taken their place as your years passed, but something about affection, about your clinging, had brought you back. Jasper had always been loving towards you, but what if it was due to his knowledge of your past?
It had not been particularly crying in the human sense, as you were an immortal being, but you still wept all the same. No tears slid down your cheeks, but you could still feel the ache in your chest as you held yourself with painful force to the tree you took refuge in. So caught up in your thoughts, your swirling emotions, you did not initially hear Esme calling for you.
"Y/N, honey," she called up, her voice soothing and yet loud enough for you to hear. "Are you alright?"
You flipped yourself off the tree as you attempted to compose yourself, landing with your eyes closed beside Esme. Opening your amber eyes, you tried to lie, forcing your lips upwards. "I just needed some time to think," you said softly. "I'm sorry for worrying you."
The night had been plagued with your concerns, with your thoughts, and if you had known, maybe you would be thankful that Edward had not been able to read your thoughts. Everything just kept flashing into your mind, and it was no secret that you had been different returning. Less affectionate was the biggest understatement as you simply forced a smile to your lover before going to actually hang out with Alice and Rosalie. As the first day, Jasper attempted to shrug it off, but something was still aching inside of him. A terrible feeling was seeping through his body.
As days turned to weeks, Jasper was more than concerned. The two of you would typically be affectionate without bounds behind closed doors, while you would lay on the affection in front of others. With comfort, he would place his arm around you upon occasion. Without the human in the home, Jasper typically had been more affectionate regardless. It was not hard for him to notice your stiffness, your unwillingness, and the expression that seemed to reek of the same pain he would wear surrounded by humans.
"I got the chance to read her mind once this week," Edward said, pulling Jasper aside. "It was like a movie, so I'm sure a memory, and it wasn't pretty."
"I know Bella didn't mean to, but she may have triggered her past," he whispered in melancholy in return, glancing out to you sitting upon the couch with one of your favorite books.
In concern, Jasper strode out to the living room, alone, placing a hand upon your book to mark your page, before taking it away from you. "Darlin'," he cooed, a frown against his lips. "I miss you." Slipping a piece of paper in between the pages, he set the book on the stand before offering you his hand. "Can we go for a walk?"
Rigid, you nodded silently, before hesitating to take his hand. As you did, you were surprised to see Jasper move to intertwine his fingers with your own, practically pulling you out of the house. Once the two of you started walking, he had been the one to break the silence.
"I know your past is hard to face," he whispered, his voice nothing but soothing. "But you know as well as I that I'm not him. Darlin', I love you so much. You're my mate, my wife. Ya' know I'd never hurt ya, let alone get mad about you lovin' me."
"I know, Jas," you whispered in a meek tone. "It's all so overwhelming, I can’t even think straight. It's like one of those horror movies playing 24/7 in my head."
Stopping, Jasper moved in front of you, still holding your hand as he took his other hand to wrap around your waist, pulling you closer to him. "I know, darlin'," he murmured, moving to place his forehead against your own. Closing his eyes, he emitted happiness to try and quell your swirling emotions, trying to lighten the load for you. "We can get through it together. Ya just can't shut me out. Darlin', you're everything to me, and when you're hurtin', I'm hurtin'."
With a shaky hand, you reached up to touch Jasper's cheek, gently moving your thumb against his cheekbone. "I'm sorry for being so…" you started, before biting your lip gently, "...this. I don't even know how to explain it, and you don't deserve to have to go through this."
"I'd go through this every decade if it meant always havin' ya by my side," he reassured you. "I miss your kisses, the way you would always be lying against me...all of it shows how much ya love me, Darlin', and I adore every bit of it."
"I-," you started, feeling short for words, though Jasper's efforts had risen your spirits a tad. "Do you mind if I kiss you, love?" Though you had been a little unsure, those horrid memories still swirling around in your head, you wanted to show your mate how much you loved him.
A soft chuckle escaped his lips, his lips curled upwards into a half smirk as he pulled you closer. "It would be my honor, ma'am," he teased, though he clearly hinted at the jest as his amber eyes stared into your own with nothing but love behind them. Though he desperately wanted your kiss, he allowed you the time to bring your lips to his own.
As the two of you kissed, you worked to focus upon the supple feeling of his lips against you, moving slowly at first as the two of you melded. You moved your hand from his face to delve into his honey locks as the two of you kissed, the action growing with passion. Though the memories inside of your head were not gone, you felt yourself shoving them away slowly as you melded into the comfort of your mate.
Eventually separating, Jasper searched your amber eyes for a sign that he could get more of your kisses, more of your love tonight. The second time that your lips collided, the two of you drew nearer, clasping as close to one another as you possibly could. As the third time made its way around, you could feel yourself growing more confident in yourself, though your scars ran deep. By the fourth, Jasper took the initiative to lift you up so that your legs were wrapped around his waist, carrying you quickly back to the room the two of you shared. Laughter ensued after the two of you tumbled upon the bed the two of you shared, tangled in one another as you separated for a few moments.
"I- I love you, too," you murmured softly, before delving into his lips once more.
From downstairs, there had been the faint presence of laughter, your family noticing that the two of you had clearly made up. Laughter followed a sense of relief, though Edward would be careful to mention to Bella not to bring up anything that would trigger your memories again. Though after a while, the family would likely leave the home to give the two of you your space, they could all just be happy that their family was whole once again.