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Moonlight shines in broad strokes through the dust-caked windows of Neil and Todds room. The clock ticks as each second passes, a heavy silence draping over the Welton Dorms.
Neil lays beneath the itchy comforter of his bed, a stiff pillow beneath his head. His eyes trace the ceiling, well adjusted to the darkness by now.
It had only been twenty-or-so minutes since curfew was called and the boys had crawled into bed with brushed teeth and damp hair.
Normally Neil would be asleep by now; tired out from a long day of classes and their Friday night study groups. Neils always been the type of person to crawl under the covers and go completely unconscious for the next 8 hours. It's only on nights, like this, when something causes his anxiety to spike and makes falling asleep a much harder task than usual. On past occasions, nights like these would be caused by unfinished homework, a comment his father made that nags at him, or the night before roles were given for the play: A Midsummer Nights Dream
Currently, it's the boy laying in the bed across the room from Neil.
Laying, not sleeping. Neil knows when Todds awake. Not because he's noticabely noisy when awake or snores when he's sleeping, no. But because of his breathing.
It seems like Todd never breaths at a normal or consistent rate. At first, Neil thought it was the anxiety of moving schools. "First Day Jitters" that would go away after the boy settled. Then, it never did change or settle. It seems like Todd is constantly anxious or overthinking something. The result of that is long periods of time when he breaths slow, fast or often will go a few long minutes holding his breath. Neil doesn't think even Todd has noticed this about himself, but Neil has.
But then, there's the moments where Todds breathing becomes even and soft. Some of these moments, as Neil has come to know, are as follows: Around half-way through the second Dead Poets Society meeting, seemingly caught up in the fun and unable to overthink it, when a vinyl is playing and Todd thinks he's alone (Neil has walked into their dorm to the sight of Todd laying in bed, eyes closed, listening softly to a record. Neil has made sure he makes his entrances into their room quieter, in hopes that he can see the calm expression on Todds face once more.), and lastly, when he's asleep.
So, Neil Perry can tell by the few breaths spread across uneven, long increments, the Todd is not asleep and, in-fact, overthinking something.
Neil is clueless to what has happened, although supposes whatever is keeping Todd awake is the same thing that made him miss dinner and blow off the study-group. Sure, it's not unusual for Todd to be anxious (no matter how much Neil wishes it was) but it is unusual for him to let himself skip things like that. Neil has assumed he shows up to not worry the others; a sweet and stupid thing to do, in Neils opinion.
His absence had been heavy and all of the poets could feel it when Neil was anxious and fidgety through the entire meal.
"Maybe he got held up with something. He'll probably be there for study group tonight."
Dalton had tried to reassure Neil. Neil just nodded and ate, laughing at the jokes and banter that followed but still unable to push the heavy feeling from his gut.
Then, when he had left study group early to try and find Todd, he had been already in bed, curled up with his face towards the wall. There was still half an hour until curfew, making it all the more unusual that Todd would be asleep.
Neil had tried to call out his name, softly asking if the boy was awake, which was greeted with silence. Todd didn't want to talk and Neil felt more anxious than ever.
Now, laying on his back in the silent dorm, Neil resists asking Todd if he's okay. He's fully aware how he can at times be pushy or overbearing. It's something he's been trying to change. Trying to be more of who his friends need him to be. Key word "trying". Neils never been good at letting things be, especially when that thing is Todd.
"Todd?" Neil whispers through the dark, turning to his side on his bed.
Silence fills the room for a long moment, Neils concerned gaze resting on the lump of blankets across the room. He's about to speak again before the silence is interrupted by a sigh and the rustle of sheets as Todd turns from facing the wall to facing the ceiling.
"Yeah, Neil?" he whispers back, voice cracking slightly.
Neil can't help but crack the smallest of smiles at hearing Todds voice. At the fact that Todd isn't ignoring him.
"Are you-" he cuts off a moment, debating the best way to ask his question without Todd retreating.
"Where were you during dinner and study group?" he decides on.
Todd clears his throat slightly, tilting his head to look towards Neils bed. He seems surprised to find Neil looking back, quickly adverting his gaze back towards the ceiling.
"Oh. Uh, I went to call my parents." Todd answers simply, although his voice is anything but simple; strained and nervous and uncomfortable, yet forced to seem calm and fine with the question.
Neil can't help but feel confused at this. For one, a phone call definitely doesn’t take hours. And secondly, Todd hardly talked about home or his parents, other than the offhand comments. The last time Neil heard them mentioned was Todds birthday. The day "The Flying Deskset" met the sky and Neil felt a swoop in his stomach that only confirmed the epiphany that he had had during Todd's improvised poem in Mr. Keatings class. When pure joy flooded his senses. Maybe joy isn't the right word for the sensation. Coming to understand what he'd been feeling for weeks and being able to understand what all the fuss with "love" was about. Placing the definition of love beside the word was certainly joyful but joy seems too little a word.
Anyways, that was the day that Neil had decided he hated Todd Andersons parents. He couldn't fathom how somebody could ignore and disregard Todd Anderson. He was incredibly hilarious and witty, a talented writer (Neil thinks he'd pay to read more of Todds' poetry), relentlessly kind, unimaginably intelligent, with gorgeous eyes and a smile to match and-
Neil couldn't and wouldn't understand how Mr and Mrs Anderson could ever make Todd feel small or useless when he truly was the opposite of those things.
So, Neil was surprised and confused to hear the Todd would be having a phone call with them.
"Oh. Why?" Neil asked before fully thinking the question out.
Todd let out a strangled huff sounding oddly like a laugh.
"Mom sent me a letter a week or so ago. Wanted to call me. Suprising, her wanting to talk." Todd muttered the last part, raising a hand to rub his eyes before letting his arm drop.
Neil sits silently for a moment before asking "What'd you talk about?"
"S-She just asked me how things were at first." He pauses as if contemplating saying the next part of his sentence "Then she told me all about Jeff and how wonderful he’s doing." Todds voice wavers slightly, before he lets out a sigh again.
Neils frown deepens. He lets the silence hang with a thick haze of sadness, waiting for Todd to add on.
Eventually, he does.
"I-I don't know. Maybe this time I was just hopeful? Hopeful that she'd actually care to hear what I was doing, how Iwas doing." Todd finally bursts out saying, still in the same hushed voice. "I wish, just once, she'd careto know how I was."
His voice cracks slightly on the word "care" and Neil can feel his heart ache.
In writing, it's often put as a 'shattering' sensation - the feeling a person has when someone they love is hurt or sad or anything negative. For Neil, it's a throbbing sensation; an intense ache that leaves him wanting to clutch at his chest. Leaves him wanting to tear at his skin and rip out the weight. Aching may not be as painful as shattering, but it's certainly heavier. "A heavy heart". It's truly baffling how many ways poets have managed to describe the painful sensation that one feels when someone they love hurts. Neil wishes there was less - wishes more people wrote of the love outside of heartbreak. The love absent of heartbreak.
Neil sits up in his bed, swinging his feet off the mattress and planting them to the cold hardwood floor. "Todd.."
He stands, toes curling at the cold, and walks across the dark room to Todds bed. Todd props himself up slightly, shuffling over to allow Neil to sit beside him. Its happened before - these late night visits into each others beds. A sort of habit, the simpleness of another body being nearby grounding (especially when it's Todd Anderson). Theres so much poetry about the warmth of being near someone you love. Sentences and sentences describing how comforting it can be. How beautiful it is.
Neil never really believed it until recently. It's not as if his parents were a good example of love. Their relationship was merely one of convenience; A nice girl from a modest family and a decent, auspicious young man who showed ambition in the places looks lacked. Never the poetic love between them, and eventually not much love at all. Neil thinks the last time he saw his parents even hold hands, let alone kiss, was when he was 11 years old. He doesn't remember the specific occasion, not really noticing the lack of physical or emotional displays of affection until he began to read of lovers. Until he learnt what love could feel like.
He thinks he can believe the poems now.
Neil sits gently on the corner of the bed, the mattress sinking beneath his weight. Todd shifts to instead be pressing his back to the wall, leaving a space open for Neil beside him. Neil takes the opening, crawling across the untucked covers and sitting beside Todd, shoulder to shoulder. He lets himself glance at Todd profile, eyes taking in the soft curve of it. His eyes, now pressed tightly shut, non-visible eyelashes brushing against his cheeks. His nose, a slightly upturned slope, and although you can't see it in the dark, Neil knows that freckles lay scattered over his pale skin. His eyes take in Todds lips, pursed ever so slightly although they quiver lightly, almost not moving at all.
Neil looks towards the window, now able to see the moon peering down onto them. It's full tonight.
The same ache grasps at his heart, stretching the strings with fervor.
"Todd." He shifts on the bed, placing his hands, interlocked, on his lap whilst pressing his shoulder against Todds. "If your mother doesn't want to hear about how incredible you are, or-or what you're doing" he pauses for emphasis on the next words he says, "She doesn't deserve to know." He places his hand, open-palmed, ontop of his thigh and nudges Todds leg slightly, giving an opening for Todd to take it. Todd looks down at Neils hand for a moment before placing his hand in his.
Neil interlocks their fingers before firmly saying, "Your successes and-and how you are, is for you and those who care about you. If she doesn't want to be apart of that, don't let her." He squeezes Todds hand, ducking down to make eye contact with Todd.
At this, Todd squeezes back and opens his eyes. His eyes widen when he finds Neil hunched over, looking up at him. They look at each other a long moment before Todd nods a few short nods, sniffling slightly.
"Oh, Todd." Neil whispers, releasing the others hand and instead quickly leaning in to hug Todd. It's an awkwardly positioned hug, Neil twisting his torso to embrace the other, but before he knows it, Todd has given in. His hands which had sat stiffly by his side for a moment raise, gently resting on Neils back. Todd pushes his face into Neils shoulder, finally letting go and releasing a strangled sob.
Neil holds Todd as he cries, the blondes fingers curling into the fabric of Neils pajama shirt, the warmth sinking through the fabric into Neils skin. Neil holds him and rubs his back and tries to combat the aching in his chest by just holding him. By being there for Todd.
A few minutes pass and Todd pulls back. Neil can't help but feel disappointed by the absence that Todd backing away leaves, the pressure of a face against his neck and hands on his back fading into nothingness. He feels immensely guilty for the disappointment which immediately wipes the feeling away. Todd had been crying, Neil should not feel disappointed that he's stopped. Through the hug, the boys had managed to turn more towards each other, and now Neil watches as Todd wipes at his face and stares at the mattress, sniffling the last of his tears away. "I'm sorry." he mutters.
Neil shakes his head, "Don't be sorry" he says, voice resolute.
They sit in silence for a moment, the soft sound of trees moving in the light breeze and the creak of old pipes noticeable now that it's no longer day. Todd nods stiffly, still adverting eye contact as he stares at his hands which sits in his lap, picking at the skin around his nails.
Neil reaches a hand out once noticing this, fingers wrapping loosely around Todds wrist. Todd tenses at this, but doesn't pull away. Neil moves his hand to interlock fingers once more, Todd complying as the tenseness fades and his shoulder slouch. Neil slowly traces his thumb over the soft skin of Todds hand.
He can feel his heart beating unusually fast and the way his cheeks redden at the intimacy of the moment.
How can Todd manage to make Neil want to both fall apart and also feel so sturdy and complete? How can he make Neil nervous and anxious while also calmer than ever? Neils always been able to keep people close, yet at a distance. He's always been able to put on a facade. Whether it's the outgoing friend, the studious son, the good student - it's never been an issue. But with Todd, Neil can feel as the act unravels. Can feel as he's left naked, completely open to observation under Todd's willful gaze.
It's the most terrifying thing he's ever felt, but also the most passionate he's felt for something.
Neil rips his gaze from their interlocked hands, eyes raising. He finds himself staring into Todds eyes which had previously been trained on him.
Neil knows what he should do. He knows he should look away, make a joke, ease the tension, release the hand he holds. He knows this is a bad idea; holding Todds gaze, making everything awkward. Neil should be afraid - and god he is - but he just wants to kiss Todd. He wants to place his hand against Todds cheek, his neck, the back of his head. He wants to see what the poetrys all about. He wants to feel their noses bump and smile into Todds mouth and feel Toss hair between his fingers and hold him and feel it. He wants to do it so, so badly. The want courses through his body, sweet and vibrant and unyeilding.
His eyes glance down, only for a milli-second, before reaching Todds eyes which are wide and terrified and - Oh. Neil feels terrible.
Neil is naturally impulsive and stubborn. He'd prefer to describe it as passionate and determined, but there's no denying these traits. He's always been one to feel something and act on it - a wonderful example of such a thing being acting. He doesn't budge on something when he's decided on it either - another great example being him pursuing acting despite knowing the consequences if his father were to find out. He's not good at combating these traits; backing down or ignoring the intense passion he feels for things isn't something he's ever been capable of.
So, when he discovered his feelings for Todd it was a moment of epiphany. It was terrifying and he had a mental struggle with picturing how badly it could go. They'd have to hide, his father would do God knows what, the societal expectations, the expectations period. And yet, no matter how much he tried to be logical, the pure bliss Neil felt knowing he loved Todd overcame it all. Reason and negativity was lost to the wind as the breeze of love shot open the boarded window of Neils heart. God, is it cheesy. Everything about it felt too good to be true, too incredible. And Neil, caught up in the glee of it all, failed to consider one thing. A very important thing to consider.
The possibility that Todd wouldn't feel the same.
Neil truly feels idiotic now. He can't believe he would let himself get so caught up in his emotions and feelings that he'd actively ignore what Todd felt.
He hadn't doubted it because he was so aware of all of the moments. The moments of Todds hand sneaking into his during Dead Poets Society meetings. When Neil would crawl into Todds bed at night after a long day or phonecall with his dad and Todd would move over and let Neil get under the covers. When Todd would leave a glass of water beside Neils bed at night because he knew how dry his throat gets in the mornings. When Todd would smile at him; simple and not only gifted to Neil, but it felt different directed at Neil. So many moments that had blinded him to the fact that Todd may just have been being kind. Indulging Neil on these strange and clingy habits of his.
Neils face instantly drops for a moment before he covers it up with a grin which could definitely be considered him over-compensating. The tension hangs thick in the air, pressing in on Neils lungs and heart. He looks towards Todd, whos once again staring at his hands, and distances himself, scooting back on the bed and swinging his legs over the side.
The room sits in a cumbersome stillness, both boys too anxious and awkward to break it for a few moments.
Neil swallows, letting his grin wither out as he turns away from Todd for a moment before slapping the grin back on. He tilts his head, "I have an idea." He states, pushing aside the soreness weighing in his chest.
Todd finally looks up, confusion mixed with curiousness mixed with anxiety slapped across his face even with the darkness making it difficult to see.
Neil stands from the bed, "Let's go down to the docks!" he whispers into the air, motioning with his hands.
Todd opened his mouth, expression giving away the light declining of the request before it happens. Neil cuts him off, "Hey, we'll be quiet and we don't have to stay for long." Neil pushes, determined not to leave the night with an unresolved awkwardness.
When Todd still looks unconvinced, Neil adds "Hey, It could just go for some fresh air." he pauses, "And I can't go to the dock without you! It'd feel wrong. It's our spot, not mine."
Darkness coats Todds face although Neil swears he can see the smallest of smiles flicker on Todds face.
This makes Neils false-ish grin a full blown one.
---
Water hits at underneath the dock, the gentle sound of water colliding with the buoyant pontoons and gentle rocking mixing with the crickets and light breeze, creating a calm atmosphere. The quiet is seemingly impenetrable, the school of Welton ostensibly left behind in the period of time called day. Everything seems much softer without the harsh light of the sun beating down, the sound of boys shouting and teachers commanding far gone. It's a sort of limbo, the few hours before sunrise.
Neil and Todd run as quietly as they can across the fields of Welton, feet hitting the last of the grass ahead of the dock with more force as they slow down, Neils hand gently laced around Todds' wrist. The simple point of contact both calms Neils nerves and sends a bundle of them up his spine. His body seems to constantly be fighting how to react to Todds touch.
Neil leads Todd across the dock, close to the edge where the water meets the wood. He sits, criss-crossing his legs to position himself comfortably.
Todd sits next to Neil, face illuminated by the reflection of the moon on the water. Neil watches, eyes raking over the softness of Todds expression. He seems so much less tense outside of then stuffy halls of Welton, eyes watching as each small wave hits at the dock.
"Are you okay?" Neil asks, reflecting on the way Todd had cried earlier, a collapse of all barriers that had been keeping Todd away. The way Todd had pushed his face into Neils neck as if he couldn't hold it back. Neil worries about Todd.
Todd looks at Neil for a moment before returning to facing the water.
"Yeah," He says.
Neil makes a disbelieving noise which Todd snorts at.
"Neil, I'm okay. I'm used to it by now." he shrugs.
Neil shakes his head, "No." he states, eyebrows furrowed with the familiar statement.
"No. You shouldn't have to be used to any of this shit." Neil states as Todd gives him a sad smile. "You-you don't get to just sit down and take it. I mean, they're your parents. They should care. They're stupid not to - not to care or involve themselves. And your brother, Jack whatever, he should stand up for you. You deserve better from the people you love." he shushes as Todd jumps to defend his brother, finishing his sentence before he pauses and adds with a cheeky smile, "Plus, y'know, they're missing out on getting to know a future Walt Whitman."
Todd smiles at that, eyes meeting Neils. The blonde boy looks away again, reaching a hand to place over the hand Neil has pressed flat on the dock. Neil feels as his smile softens at the touch, sincerity pressing into his lips and a giddy feeling working its way into his gut.
Todd thinks for a moment before speaking out towards the water, "It's not Jeffs fault. I can't blame him for being successful or our parents for deciding he's the “better” child. He didn't do anything wrong." He looks back at Neil, meeting his eyes with a small crooked smile "But thank you, Neil. It means more than you think." His voice comes out so extremely soft, eyes not leaving Neils.
Its enough.
"To say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays.” as Shakespeare wrote.
"Todd," Neil turns his hand, pushing his palm flat against Todds and feeling has his fingers lace with the others. "Okay, god, stay with me. Uh, I haven't memorized this perfectly so, I apologize,"
"What are you talking about Neil?" Todd asks although is quickly shushed by a pink-faced Neil.
"Just, let me say this." Todd looks beyond confused, but he keeps his mouth shut.
"Okay, here I go." Neil looks out to the water, inhaling deeply, and begins.
"Uh,’Whoever you are now, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem...
I will leave all and come make the hymns of you,
None has understood you, but I understand you,
None has done justice to you as you have not done to yourself,
None but has found you imperfect, I only find no imperfection in you,’
..Uh, God, I've forgotten the rest."
Neil squeezes his eyes shut in embarrassment, hyper-aware of Todds hand which sits stiffly ontop of his.
The dock rocks beneath them, the sound of crickets becoming extremely loud in Neils ears. He blinks open his eyes, turning to Todd. The other boys expression is.. confused? Suprised? Neil can't place it, eyes raking over the way Todds lips have parted slightly, eyebrows lowered in a kind of puzzlement and eyes slightly widened. It's not necessarily scared - to Neils delight - but it's not exactly screaming 'happy' either.
"Do, do you know what I mean?" Neil asks, eyes stopping their search to connect with Todds.
Todds mouth closes, then opens, the closes again, before finally,
"... Whitman? Right?" Todd croaks, voice a whisper.
Neil shakes his head lightly, a small smile ghosting his lips but anxiety holding it back.
"I mean, yeah. But, do you know what I- what I mean?" he asks.
Todd is silent for a moment, "Neil.." his voice fades out and Neil stiffens.
Todd seems to notice this, finally squeezing Neils hand. His expression still holds the slight confusion but a smile ambles onto his face, light.
Neil relaxes only slightly, a smile flickering onto his lips too.
Neil blurts out whats been sitting behind his lips for weeks, pressing incessantly, flinging into his molars and leaving his mouth bloodied. The impact of the words releasing feels like a breath of winter air; cold in his throat and heavy in his lungs but so refreshing nonetheless.
"I love you."
Todd looks surprised once more, eyes widening before he nods a few times. Neil watches as Todd blinks away tears, lip quivering.
"Oh." he lets slip from his lips, once again moving closer to Todd to hold him. Todd lets it happen, hands pressingly flat against Neils back.
"Oh." Todd mimics, letting out a laugh behind tears. The breath released hits Neils neck, the warm exhale sending a shiver up his spine. "I'm sorry, I'm just- I'm really happy right now." the words hit and sink into Neils skin, warmth spreading through his goosebumps littered skin.
"You- you are?"
Todd laughs again, "I am."
Todd pulls back, wiping his face before looking up at Neil.
"I-I love you." He says.
Neils face breaks out into a wide smile, "You love me?"
Todd nods. The two sit staring at each other for a moment, faces bright (despite the tear stains on Todds cheeks).
"Good, uh, good poem choice." Todd breaks the silence, glancing bashfully down at the dock between them.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Neil takes Todds hand in his, raising it to his lips. He gently peppers kisses along Todds knuckles, red from the bite of chilly autumn air. He feels the gentleness and coldness of each bend beneath his lips, allowing himself to linger with each brush of his lips. It fills him with warmth, this new ability to place his lips against Todds skin. The allowance to feel every brush, every connection, and the allowance to bask in it, without shame. Neil thinks he could die here; lips connected to the knuckles of a poet, Todds' knuckles, and he would be content.
Once Neil is satisfied (Although he doesn't think he can ever be satisfied again, knowing what it feels like to press kisses to Todds' skin), he pulls away, holding Todds hand between both of his as a way of providing warmth.
Looking up, he sees Todd, a giddy smile being fought back and eyes locked on Neil.
Neil exhales a breath, eyes tracing over every feature of Todds with a shamelessly doting look in his eyes. Todd laughs, letting his head fall back.
The air is light and fluffy, any traces of the cold disipating in the awfully mushy atmosphere. The dock of Welton, usually a place of rowing practices or study, is now a place of romance. Neil never would've thought any location within the grounds of Welton could hold such a positive sentiment or feeling. He never would've thought that as the giddy laughs post-confession came to a slow, that Todd would look him in the eyes. He never thought that he'd be able to watch as Todd paused, breath slowing as his eyes filled with a look of contemplation and cheeks coloured with embarrassment, and know it was something so sweet. Something that Neil wanted more than anything.
"Todd?" Neil asks, mouth parted around a dazed smile.
Todd closes his mouth. "Mhm?" he questions.
Neil inhales, eyes flitting towards Todds lips before back towards his eyes.
Todd has a similar startled expression to the one back at the room, less than an hour previously, although now he allows his eyes to follow the example of Neils. It's really insane how quickly things can change.
"Can I kiss you?" Neil asks.
Todd exhales a heavy breath, nodding abruptly and saying in a breathy voice, "Yes."
Neil moves closer to Todd, tilting his body towards the other. He raises a hand, slowly placing it along Todds cheek, eyes flitting back and forth over Todds face, checking for any signs of discomfort.
"Are you-" Neils cut off by Todds lips on his, a simple kiss, lingering only a moment before Todds pulling away.
"Oh my God, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interupt-" Todd rambles an apology, half of it lost to a starstruck Neil whos hand now stays hovering in the air, separated from the warmth of Todds cheek.
"Todd." Neil speaks softly, voice failing him. Todd hears despite it, cutting off his sentence to listen. "Kiss me again?" Neil asks, pressing his hand back against the other boys cheek.
Todds eyes widen before he's nodding and moving in.
Neil closes his eyes, feeling a burst of energy in the pit of his stomach as Todds lips connect with his.
Its slow and somewhat awkward, noses bumping and teeth hitting every once and a while, but oh it’s perfect. Neil feels how warm he is, holding Todd close to him. He feels what the poetry meant. Not the immediate spark of clarity, or light, or perfection, no. Kissing Todd is more like a sunrise; the promise of a future and possibility. It's crashing a bike but standing up and getting back on. It's waking up after falling asleep on the beach, your skin warm and flushed. But more than anything, it's the feeling of understanding.
For weeks, this pit of.. differentness has torn Neil apart. It's ripped at his skin, sewed paranoia into his heart, leached his body of nutrients. The alienation of the discovery was nearly as all-consuming as the love itself.
But now, sitting on a dock in the early hours of the morning, kissing the man he loves, Neil feels accepted. This confirmation that Todd is like him too, that has made a difference.
Neil pushes the hand cupping Todds cheek further behind his neck, fingers brushing the shortly cut hair at the base of Todds neck.
And when they separate, Neil feels 'Parting is such sweet Sorrow' on a molecular level.
The two boys stare at each other, hands still holding eachother close. They don’t dare to let go.
They let the silence brew, this time it simply being because they've said everything needed to be said. The silence is sweet - syrupy.
Eventually, Todd breaks the silence, still looking into Neils eyes.
"We should go back inside." he whispers.
Of course, they should, so Neil nods his head making a noise of agreement.
Neither boys move, still staring at each other. Neil continues tracing along Todds neck with his fingers, causing shiver in the blonde.
"One more kiss and we'll head inside?" Neil mutters, finally.
Todd answers in agreement almost immediately.
The two boys end up staying on the dock until dawn, only leaving because of the threat of being found outside of their room. They shuffle back into the building, hands interlocked all the way up. Then, they both lay in Todds bed, holding each other close as morning comes, hopeful for an hour or two of sleep.
Neil is awake when Todd dozes off, placing a light kiss to his forehead and muttering, ever so slightly under is breath,
"I love you"