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Lapis waved a half-hearted goodbye to Steven, forcing a smile as she turned away and unfurled her water wings, flying off, letting herself think. As much as she wanted to pass up the fact that Jasper had confronted her, she couldn't shake the sickening feeling that it wasn't the last time she would see her. Sure, Lapis was about equally as strong as her, and could probably send her to the moon if she wanted to, what if she gave into the request? What if she couldn’t resist and decided to be Malachite again? Restless, she picked up her flight speed, desperate to part herself from the ocean.
Her mind whirred with possibilities and consequences, every thought growing darker than the last as fear swept her away once more. Her eyes begin to burn with tears, but she refused to let them fall, shaking her head free and biting down on her lower lip. She’d be fine. She’d get over it.
With the barn finally in sight, and she prepared herself to land, until something green caught her eye. Standing at the structure's entrance was Peridot, frantically waving her arms, jumping and shouting; "Lazuli! Lapis!" with an eager grin, but Lapis didn't care. Ignoring her calls, she passed over her and landed on the barn roof, feeling defeated and in no mood for Peridot’s antics.
“Oh.." Peridot practically whispered from the ground. She could almost hear the realization in her voice. Curious, the blue gem got to her hands and knees, peeking over the edge, staring down on Peridot. The smaller gem was looking back up at her with wide, concerned green eyes. She always seemed to care too much.
Shuffling back, Lapis centered herself on the top side of the barn, facing the setting sun, the enjoyment that had been felt earlier that day draining. The rays died out into the night, and suddenly all that seemed to be left were the cruel memories and prickling claws of anxiety. Feeling cold, she pulled her legs to her chest, burrowing her face between her knees and into her skirt. Was she ever going to move past this whole situation? With an audible sigh, the water gem closed her eyes and let the desolate wind sweep around her, clinging to herself a little tighter, her only attempt of the comfort she didn't have. It was hardly a few minutes when a loud clang snagged the blue gem’s attention, followed by a pronounced oof.
Startled, but not surprised, Lapis hastily wiped away stray tears and turned around, now confronting Peridot, who was, still not surprisingly, face planted in front of her. The tiny green gem muttered and scrabbled to her feet, taking a step forward, even reaching a hesitant hand towards her. Lapis whipped forward again and grumbled, annoyed. Peridot whined, and her heart sank a little. A piece of her wanted the little gems comfort. They hadn't lived together for long, but Steven was right, she really had come into her own.
Unfazed, Lapis rapped the barn roof with her right hand, beckoning Peridot to sit beside her. A few light footsteps later, she sat down, about a good three feet away from her or so, profusely sweating. Neither of them said anything for a few. Stuttering, Peridot finally managed:
“I- uh, wanted to see if you were ok.."
The air hung heavy.
The water gem wasn't sure how to respond, suddenly conflicted. Was it even worth telling Peridot her problems? It wasn't like there was anything she could do… Yet.. she didn’t have anything to lose either. Frustrated, and slightly embarrassed, she covered her face with both hands, growling. "Jasper found me. She knows i'm still here and she wants to be Malachite again." She took in a strong breath, looking at Peridot for approval. The little gem nodded for her to continue, and Lapis felt her anger begin to unwind.
"Malachite is dangerous- I'm dangerous! Jasper used me as her weapon to try and destroy the crystal gems." She ran both hands through her hair as she grew more distraught. "I don't want to be trapped like that again, I don't want to be used again!" She shouted, slamming a fist down with a bang.
Peridot flinched with wide eyes.
Noticing her reaction on spot, Lapis turned to face her and hurriedly apologized. "I'm sorry!- I didn't mean- I wasn't going to- I'm just-" She stopped herself, slowly looking away. She really was a monster. As she began to get her feet under her and fly off, a small hand grabbed her by the wrist. "Wait-"
Lapis tensed, and the hand let go instantly. Peridot started to rush herself for words.
“Don't go yet, I, uh, have something for you to try."
The taller gem cocked an eyebrow, confused but intrigued. Peridot pointed a finger up at the sky, her eyes glistening with sudden wonder. "Have you ever tried star gazing? Ya know, looking at the stars?" She asked. Lapis thought for a moment as Peridot laid down on her back, putting both arms behind her head. "It's a human thing. It's when you go somewhere open and look at the stars."
She turned her gaze up to the navy, white speckled sky. She hadn't really realized how beautiful the stars were from earth until now. The gem next to her sat back up, propping her arms behind her and leaning back. "It's not much, but it helped me when I was adjusting. I figured.. it would help you too."
Lapis gave her a side glance, then laughed a bit. "It does. Thanks." She mused, laying down to enjoy the view, eyeing each different sparkle. Maybe Peridot wasn’t so bad.
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The two had been sitting in a peaceful silence for a while before Peridot’s tiny voice piped up.
“Does this.. make up for what I did then?”
Lapis tipped her head. "Make.. up?" She asked. Peridot suddenly looked uneasy, turning away with a solemn gaze.
"Because.. ya know.. I caused all of this." She whispered, glaring down, then shook her head free. "Ok, maybe this is only a fraction of what i need to do, but I'll make up for it entirely, I promise! I’m sorry, how cloddy of me..”
Lapis sat in shock. She wasn't too sure what to say. It was at least partially her fault. Despite that, she still managed to say; "You don’t need to make anything up to me."
Oh, she perked up at that.
“It's not all your fault, a lot of that is on Jasper. You were just doing what Yellow Diamond told you to do. That was you then; this is you now." She gave a small smile. "I forgive you, and you should forgive yourself too." She finished. Was that right? Was that how Steven would’ve worded it?
Peridot's eyes suddenly glowed as she beamed up at her with a lopsided smile. "Wow, thanks!“ she chirped, her mood lightening. Lapis gave her a soft nod.
Yeah. She could totally trust her.