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The car ride was too silent. And they did not like this sort of silence.
Jack and John had never been the type to engage in long winded conversations most of the time, and that was fine for them, they always enjoyed each other’s quiet company. It was comforting, it was calm, that was all they needed. Of course they would still talk to each other, whether it’d be John going on his long winded rants about anything and everything, their recent meeting with the mayor, the cult, his daughter’s day at school, the change from the donut recipe that made no sense! Really! It was perfect before, why did they have to make it even more sweet to a sickly level! Or Jack's rambling and info-dumping about subjects he had found interesting, going from true crimes to funky little animals he thought were cute.
Most of the time though, outside of their little bubble, John did most of the talking. Jack was better and more comfortable listening and remembering the information, people often thought he wasn’t listening, looking off into space, but that was his face of concentrating, John gets it, he always gets Jack. Jack was grateful of John’s understanding, always working with him and his odd little quirks, Jack never felt an ounce of judgment emanating from the sheriff, even with his usual gruff and grumpy behavior. Jack knew he had, somehow, found himself in a little soft spot of John, one he only shared with Molly, his daughter.
He tapped the steering wheel with his thumb as he drove through one of the long roads he had to take to head back home. He glanced nervously at John, who sat in the passenger seat next to him. Usually, he would be silently staring out the window, probably deep in thoughts as he absentmindedly watched the trees and houses go by. Jack always liked peeping a quick glance at him during their car rides, always being careful not to watch too long before John would notice and remind him to focus on the road, it would always make him smile, sometimes even get a silent chuckle out of him.
He could not smile this time. John was hunched over in his seat, his face planted in the palms of his hands, he hadn’t moved in the last 20 minutes. Sometimes Jack could hear him leave out a restrained and muffled shaky breath. He was trying to hold himself from crying, Jack knew that. Even with him, John hated showing himself being any sort of vulnerable, he trusted Jack enough to show him some weakness, he told him about his worries with his daughter mostly, the long custody fight he had and still has been having with his ex wife, though he often tried to show himself as more angry and irritated, Jack could see the emotional toll it had been having on his partner. John never allowed himself to cry in front of anyone, Jack could tell when he was getting close to, because he would go quiet, close up on himself. He was focusing all his energy and mental force into not letting anything slip, Jack would give him an understanding nod and let him get his bearings together.
They appreciated this silence, it was a mutual respect towards each other’s boundaries, while simultaneously being a comforting moment for the two. The presence of one another was enough, they did not need words, just quiet.
Jack turned his head back towards the road as he tensed up, there was no comfort in the quiet they were having right now. The car was filled with tension, a tension he did not know how to break. Jack hated it, he wished he could go back to earlier this morning, when it was all fine, he had woken up early for once and prepared a sleepy, mumbling John his coffee just how he liked it.
He heard John let out another breath, he gave him a quick glance after hearing a soft rustling. He hoped to see John sitting up, having gotten himself back together, even for just a moment, to tell Jack something, anything.
John had withdrawn on himself even more, a hand was moved from his face and put at the back of his head, gripping at his hair. Jack did not know what he was feeling, and it messed with his head. Of course he never knew exactly what John was thinking all the time, but after so much time spent with him, he managed to pick up on the subtle cues of his facial expressions, he could tell when John was angry, pleased, bored, anything. But not this time, he couldn’t tell if he was sad, enraged, grieving… The more he thought about it, the more he realized, it may be all of them at once.
John had just lost his house and everything that was in it. His entire life's work, everything he had worked on during his professional career, all the evidence he had gathered, all the sleepless nights he spent connecting clue to clue, slowly but surely uncovering the secrets behind the town’s weird going ons… All the pictures with his daughter, all her drawings, all her old toys, everything. John had just lost everything, in the span of less than two hours.
They always appreciated each other’s ability to understand one another, Jack could never be able to understand what John was feeling right now.
Jack slowed down the car as they arrived in his neighborhood. He had offered John to stay at his house for how long he wanted. John just gave him a silent nod, sitting on the curb right in front of what remained of his house, nothing but debris and ashes. An entire life, gone, just like that.
Jack parked in front of his house, it was definitely smaller than John’s, he didn’t live with a kid after all, it was just him and his cat. He didn’t have a guest room, so he sincerely hoped that the couch would be enough for John. He turned off the car’s engine and turned to John, there was still no movement other than his deep breathing. Jack was scared to break the silence, not a word had been said between the two ever since Jack received the silent nod from John. They couldn’t stay in the car forever, he surely didn’t want to, and he doesn’t think it would help John’s mental state in any capacity.
‘’ We’re here.’’
John didn’t react for a while. Jack was about to open his mouth again, thinking that he may not have heard him, but John replied with an almost inaudible grunt. He sat back up, wiping his face with his hands. He pinched his nose bridge to try to force any tears back in, when he felt satisfied and mostly sure he wasn’t going to burst in tears, he removed his hands and unbuckled his seat belt. Jack looked at him with a sympathetic look, he would usually accompany that look with a smile, but he couldn’t find it in himself to smile. John left the car, Jack following suit. John didn’t dare look Jack in the eyes, he knew he couldn’t, he knew it would bring him back to the state of having to curl on himself. He felt so pathetic, so weak, yet he felt numb, as if he was unconsciously trying to suppress any emotions.
Jack fumbled with his keys to get the one for the front door, unlocking and opening it. He entered and turned on the lights, letting John in after. He locked the door back up and turned back to John, who was taking off his coat, his eyes looked hazy and unfocused, looking at something that wasn’t there. He was thinking, Jack knew that look, he was so deep in thoughts. Jack couldn’t blame him, of course he couldn’t, nothing was going to be the same anymore. Jack racked his brain to come up with anything to help him, anything to fill in the silence that was crushing them, he had to speak, he had to say something.
‘’You can put your coat there’’ he pointed towards the coat hangers nailed to his wall. He was not good at conversations, that was John’s strong suit, he always did the talking. John hung his coat on the wall and Jack led him to the living room, it wasn't too big, there was a two person couch sitting in front of a TV, a white coffee table squeezed between the two, the kitchen was connected to the living room, only a concrete block showing where one ended and the other started.
''Yeah so, you can sleep here… I'll uhh… I'll get you a blanket and some pillows.'' Jack averted his eyes from John as he made vague gestures towards the couch before taking an hesitant step back, as if he was waiting for John to say something. Not a word came from his mouth. Jack looked down before quickly exiting towards a different room. John stood in the living room for a while, deep in thoughts, alone.
God, it was too quiet.
He let out a groan as he brought back his hands on his face, randomly rubbing it with no rhyme or reason. He hunched over slightly, before deciding the couch was a better place to have a good cry. He sat and went back to the same position he had during the car ride. Jack was going to come back soon, he couldn't cry, maybe he will let some tears slip out after Jack went to sleep, he just needs to hold it in a little longer.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Don't think about the sight of the flames off in the distance.
In.
Out.
Don't think about your panicked yelling as the car approached.
In…
Don't think-
Out-
Stop thinking goddammit!-
He flinched as he felt something soft rubbing against his leg, rudely interrupting his panic attack. He looked down quickly to see a black ball of fur sniffing his shoe.
Oh. It must be Pepper.
Jack talked about her often, a sweet little stray that showed up once at his house and that he has been taking care of since then. She was apparently very clingy and loving, always at his feet no matter where he goes, following him around and spending most of the rest of the day waiting for him to come home. John wasn’t good with cats, he’s never really been fond of them, nor animals in general, but if he was given the choice, he would opt more for a dog than a cat. So he wasn’t sure how to react when Pepper jumped onto the couch, smelling his hand before rubbing herself against his arm, letting out pleased purring as she did so.
John stayed still, awkwardly looking at her as she did her thing. He vaguely remembered Jack saying that a cat rubbing their face on you was a way for them to say “I love you”. John was… Processing that thought. He looked off to the hallway Jack took to leave, he still wasn’t back, he squinted slightly, trying to see through the darkness in hopes of getting a glimpse at where Jack could have possibly gone.
He shot his head back towards the cat as she started scooting her way onto his lap, she kneaded at his legs while purring, he remembered Jack describing that movement and calling it ‘making biscuits’. Admittedly, John couldn’t deny that it was cute, though that wasn’t helping him, as he still had his shoulder tensed. She went around in two circles on his lap before rolling herself in a ball and closing her eyes. John stayed very still, looking down at her.
She was purring. John listened, it was comforting, it was really comforting. He let the tension in his body go and raised an hesitant hand before gently placing it down on Pepper's head, she slightly leaned into the touch and he slowly began petting her. Her purring got louder, having her on her lap was giving him warmth, her fuzzy fur pressed against his stomach, he felt calmer.
''Sorry I couldn't find much- this is all I got.” Jack walked back in, holding the warmest blanket he could find and two pillows. He faltered slightly at the sight before him, John sitting peacefully, patting his cat.
''Oh sorry… Heh, she likes you.'' He walked up to the couch to place down the pillows over the arm rest, the blanket being put next to them. John responded with a grateful hum, moving his hand to scratch Pepper's ear. Jack smiled ever so slightly at the sight, he never expected to see these two ever interacting with each other, John didn't like cats, and Pepper didn't like people. Well, he can only guess that opposites attract. John let out a small yawn, reminding Jack of their current situation.
''Oh here-'' he walked towards the two and gently picked up Pepper from John's lap, she let out a displeased, tired little squeak as he carried her towards the small armchair that was set next to the couch. He gave her a few pats to get her to stay in place, which worked. She stretched out her body and rolled on her back, it seemed like quite an uncomfortable position if you were to ask Jack. But oh well, cats will be cats. He turned back towards John, who quietly looked at her, he looked more appeased, Jack could see there was still an ocean of emotions brewing behind his eyes, but John seemed calmer. That already made Jack very happy, it was a step forward.
''I'll let you sleep uhm… You need rest- we both do… The bathroom is just through the hallway to the right, I'll be in my room if you need anything- same thing but towards the left.'' Jack made vague hand gestures pointing at the hallway, interspersed with him nervously rubbing his hands together. John gave him a nod and an understanding hum. Jack nodded back, staying in place for just an additional moment before turning his back and beginning to walk towards his room.
''Thank you, Jack.''
Jack stopped dead in his tracks and turned towards John, he had his back towards him, but Jack could see his head was hesitantly turning in his direction. Jack smiled, it may not have been his usual long winded speeches, but John had spoken, that was more than enough for Jack, the silence had been filled.
''Of course, John.''
The quiet was back to being comforting, it was still sad, they couldn't ignore what had just happened, but they will be okay. They still had each other's company, that was all they needed.
That night was silent, and they loved this kind of silence.