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This night has been dreadful.
Ignacio dragged his feet through grass as he painfully made his way back to his home. The forest was quiet, the only sounds being the winter wind blowing through the trees and the crunching of the dried leaves underneath his feet. He couldn't allow himself to use the main roads, lest he be seen by any passerby or someone simply looking out their window. On an already regular basis he would have to lay low while he was out on his 'errands', so as to not raise suspicions, but this time it was even more of a necessity considering the state he was in.
Ignacio was in so much pain.
He should have been dead, simple as that, no normal human being should have been able to survive what he had just gone through. He groaned and stammered, almost tripping over himself as he felt another wave of energy coming through the amulet and coursing through his body, slowly but surely healing his wounds. More slowly than surely if he had to say.
His mission was simple, almost trivial to him, he just had to burn down something. Easy for him, he had been doing that all his life, to an unhealthy level according to people. He went into his task casually, almost like it was just another day for him, observing, making sure not to be seen, waiting for the coast to be clear and strike. He set fire to the evidence easily, it spread fast and efficiently, it was beautiful.
He couldn't help but stay to watch as the fire grew, going over the entire board, the walls, the neighboring wardrobe. He stared in absolute awe as it consumed everything in sight, eventually consuming his robe.
He was such an idiot, of course he should have left before it had gotten too bad, and now here he was. It wasn't the first time he had burned himself because of his antics, however this was the worst one so far. The fire grew fast, his sleeve being consumed in record time before he even noticed. The shirt underneath the cloak quickly joined the ashes as he stammered backwards, frantically shaking his arm and clenching his teeth.
The heat was already painful, his breathing picked up as he felt more and more panic consume his mind, until finally it reached his flesh. Before he could even process the pain he was feeling, he snapped back to his surroundings when one of the foundations of the ceiling broke and hit the ground harshly, the entire house was on fire. He had to get out, fast. It wasn't going to hold on much longer and if he wasn't going to be burned alive, he certainly would be crushed to death.
By the time he had managed to run out of the sheriff's home, his entire robes had caught on fire, his undershirt going with it, his flesh following suit. He frantically rolled himself in the dirt and the residue of snow on the ground until the fire was finally out. Half of his clothes had been burned completely, the hood covering his face completely gone and leaving his scarred skin open to the element. Even the smallest gust of wind felt like a million needles being plunged into his skin. He was agonizing as he knelt on the floor, his breathing harsh and heavy in some weird panicked induced hyperventilating.
He couldn't even bring himself to look down at his disgusting and bloodied body as he stood in place, trembling from shock while he processed what had just happened. He should have died right there and then, the only thing saving his life, the small golden amulet around his neck.
He paused by the time he made it to his house, the blood dripping down his body and staining the snow under his feet, he'll take care of that later. He limped forward, making his way to his backdoor and unlocking the many locks he used to board it up. Luckily enough, he hadn't lost his keys in the whole ordeal. He opened the door and simply stood in place for a few moments, looking numbly and his dark home. He felt so defeated.
Mentally, he never considered himself to ever be doing well, from a young age, paranoia and anxieties riddled his mind, he isolated himself, whether on purpose or not, he grew to be bitter and angry. He has had his very low, but this, this was a new kind of low. Not only was he mentally defeated, he was physically as well.
He dragged his feet on the floor as he made his way inside, barely closing the door and not having any strength to let his paranoia take over and make him triple check the locks. He advanced through his home, he wasn't sure where he was going but he needed to be doing something. He slowly and shakily took off what was left of his red cloak and threw them on the ground, alongside the clothes that had burned with it, which meant almost all of them. He'll take care of them later, ironically, he'll have to burn them to get rid of the evidence. But right now, he just wanted to sit down.
As he walked towards his bedroom, another wave of energy pulsated through his body, making him stumble. Falling to the side, he had to use his forearm to rest himself against the wall and prevent him from hitting the ground. He let out a pain and choked cry as his exposed burnt wound pressed against the wall. He clenched his teeth and closed his eyes tight as he painfully pushed himself away, his skin stuck to the wallpaper, making a disgusting wet sound while he forced it off of it.
Letting out a pathetic choked sob once it was finally off, he balled his fist up in frustration, his body tensed and trembling. He was really considering taking off this godforsaken amulet and throwing it against the ground, breaking it into pieces, letting out all his pent up emotions on it. But alas, he let out a defeated sigh and waddled his way to his bed.
He slowly and shakely sat down on the mattress, keeping his eyes closed as he focused as much as he could on getting as little skin as possible to touch any surfaces. He let out a relieved sigh once he finally got his body to relax, although still trembling from the agonizing pain. What the fuck was he even supposed to do right now?
He couldn't go to the hospital, that's for sure, they'd ask too many questions and they'd surely know he was the arsonist who burned down the sheriff's house the moment they would learn about it. He'd get his ass thrown in jail, and even worse, risked getting his group discovered. No, he had to take care of this himself, but how?
His hands gript the covers when another wave of magically induced regeneration washed over him. He could just wait it out, but by god, he was in so much pain. The healing was excruciatingly slow, it felt like his skin was pulsating. There was a mirror behind him and he felt like it was taunting him, taunting him to turn around and looking at his disgusting body, he could only guess just how much blood had stained his bedsheets, or what kind of vomit inducing colors had covered his flesh. But he couldn't bring himself to look, it's a lot easier for him to ignore his current predicament if he couldn't even see it, but god the pain was unbearable.
What to do, what to do…
His eyes glanced to his side, having to do a double take as he saw his telephone resting on his night stand, giving him an idea. He grabbed onto the phone and dialed a number he had to memorize by heart, one he didn't want to call. But he was out of ideas and he had to do something now.
A few rings passed until He finally picked up.
''Hello?''
''Hello, Father. I-''
''Ah ! Ignacio ! What a delight to be hearing your voice!''
''Right, sorry I need-''
''Though, shouldn't you be doing something for me right now? I hope it is done by now.''
''Yes, Father. I've done it. I just-''
''Oh, how wonderful! I knew you were the perfect fit for this! Well then, I'm hoping to see you tomorrow at our next meeting.''
''Would you please listen to me?!''
Ignacio was met with silence at the other end of the line, which was more than unusual coming from Him. Suddenly feeling a wave of panic at the idea of having risked angering Him, he scrambled to continue talking.
''I need your help.''
A few moments of silence.
''Go on.''
''I've done what you told me, the entire house was burnt. However I-...''
He faltered on his own words, realizing just how pathetic and stupid, he was going to sound. He had been such an idiot tonight.
''I've injured myself.''
''Well, there's a reason I insist on you keeping that amulet on your person. I don't want my time getting wasted for such trivial things.''
''No, it's not trivial. I have the amulet on me right now, Father. These are more than simple injuries. I… I should be dead.''
There was silence from Him, Ignacio grew more anxious as each moment passed. He shouldn't have made this call, he knew it, but he was in too deep now. He was aware that Father had been more lenient with him compared to other members for some reason, but this might be the last straw. He was either going to help him, or dispose of him. Ignacio didn't mind either option.
''Father, it really hurts.''
''I will be there.''
And with that, the call ended.
Ignacio took a few seconds of silence, appearing to be zoning out of the moment. He was going to regret this, wasn't he? Letting out a shaky sigh, he slowly and carefully placed his phone back onto the night stand. His hand lingered for a few seconds before wandering down to his drawer, peaking it open, he pulled out a small pack of matches. He kept those everywhere, all the time, even on him, wherever he went.
He got many comments regarding his odd obsession with fire, some more nice than the others. Some people were simply curious, some were mostly confused, some were… He doesn't like thinking back to this time, back when he was ostracized. Well- he still was, he was simply better at hiding himself from the world.
He shakily opened the pack and took out one of the matches, mechanically lighting it on his first try. He placed the pack onto his uninjured leg and held the match in front of him. His hand was trembling, but his entire attention was on the fire that burned the wood around it. To think this was the thing that killed him, he refused to believe he hadn't died for a few moments out there, before the amulet brought him back and brute forced his heart to keep beating. He would have expected to feel some sort of hatred, or even simple disdain about the element, but he just couldn't.
He never knew how to explain this obsession with fire, he was just born with it. Either way it was fitting for him, Ignacio, it was almost as if his parents knew the kind of man he would become while naming him. He couldn't help it, really, he couldn't. He just found fire to be so beautiful. An almost unstoppable force of nature, destructive, a killing machine if put in the right conditions. Yet warm, comforting, mesmerizing. It's as if people fear it while simultaneously loving it. He was fascinated by it.
It was almost akin to a sort of worship in some instances. The fire could almost resemble a sort of deity, an uncontrollable force of nature, unstoppable in its passage. Humans have learned to make it, to harvest it, to use it, but never to fully control it without either imprisoning it or fully destroying it.
Yet tonight, something stopped it. That amulet around his neck stopped the fire from killing him. How can this unstoppable force of nature be stopped by a mere jewelry strapped to his neck. Well, it wasn't entirely stopped, he wasn't there to witness the end of the destruction, but the inferno was still going strong even when he left, that sheriff's house isn't very likely to still be standing at this moment. He had destroyed an entire home… Weirdly, that thought stuck with him.
What was that officer's name again? He can vaguely recall it being John. He remembers that police man, back from when they were younger, teenagers to be more specific. Ignacio had been homeschooled throughout most of his childhood, his father kept him inside their house's property almost all the time. Looking back, he was a very paranoid man, and that paranoia rubbed off on his son, at this point in his life he was a carbon copy of his father, a shut in, the entirety of the home being boarded up and locked, all of the doors and window tripled checked every two hours to make sure nothing was out of the ordinary, the only difference was that Ignacio allowed himself to leave his house on certain occasions.
However, when he was around thirteen, he was taken away from his father's care and pushed into a 'normal' environment, which only made him feel alienated and ostracized. He didn't know how to socialize back then, he still doesn't even now, and to add onto that, his father apparently already had a reputation in his town, and by proxy, it was passed down to Ignacio, not to mention his concerning pyromaniac obsession. No one liked him, and he liked no one, except for John. Oddly enough, John was kind to him, and by extension so were his friends, it wasn’t much, but that meant that around four people in this godforsaken town actually tolerated and liked him. Even years later he couldn’t fully wrap his head around it.
And because of how unreal this felt, he never fully managed to call John his friend, he never even knew if John considered him a friend. And because of his uncertainty, he never truly 'hung out' with him and his friends, really, he always defaulted to isolating himself, staying in a corner far away from anyone. But even then he couldn't say he wasn't grateful for John's tolerance of his person, he would always shuffle awkwardly towards him whether there was a group project that he couldn't do alone, or sitting at the same table when he had no other choice.
He remembered John fondly, and now, a few decades later, here he was.
Is this seriously how he'll thank him? By burning down his house? What was wrong with him? He remembers John getting into fights to defend him from people insulting him, and now what does he do? He proves them right. He proved them right by letting his urges take the better of him. And all for what?
…
All for what?…
.
.
.
He lingered on that question. Why did he do this? Because he was told to? He was promessed redemption, a better life, a second life. Surely, this is why he did this, right? Surely…
Whatever order Father had given him was supposed to be in his favor, that's what Father does best, that's what He always said. This was for the greater good, right? Surely it had to be. This is what this is all about, to repent, to grow, to lead a better life. He had to do this. It was for the greater good.
How?
Why do they have to hide so badly, if their cause was so noble, why did he have to destroy someone's life to not be discovered.
This can't be right.
No.
He was missing something.
Father would never.
Never.
Come on Ignacio, now isn't the time to be stupid.
He's a good man.
He cares for you.
You burnt down a house.
A monster.
The monster everyone saw.
Something is wrong.
''Woah.'' Ignacio snapped his head towards the voice, suddenly on high alert after having his crisis interrupted and most importantly his safe space invaded by an intruder. Only for his initial panic to turn into tension as he saw Him standing at the doorway of his bedroom. He couldn't say the familiar face made him feel any better, quite the contrary, his body tensed. He didn't know what Father was going to do with him, if He would dispose of him or not, would He show him mercy over his mistakes like the countless times He already did? Or was this really his last chance?
Father appeared to be shocked for a few moments, His mouth slightly agape before He closed it up and let His brow furrow. Ignacio couldn't tell what He was thinking, he hated that, the uncertainty was killing him.
''How did you-?'' Ignacio trailed off, not finishing his questions, but Father seemed to have understood as He approached Ignacio calmy.
''You left the back door open.''
''Oh.'' Well, at least he was grateful that the one time he forgot to fully lock his door was today, because he doesn't think he would have been able to get up and open it himself. Father was looking him up and down, His face scrunching up in disgust at Ignacio's pitiful appearance, he wished he could curl up in a ball and die right now. He went in front of him, leaning over and gently grabbing Ignacio's practically destroyed arm, he couldn't help but wince and let out a small noise as Father lifted his limb and appeared to examine him. Ignacio watched Him awkwardly as he shook the match in his hand to extinguish it.
''How did you do this?''
''My cloak caught on fire.''
''Seriously?''
Ignacio couldn't help but give Him an offended look, his already very small ego getting struck again. Even though he was right, he was so stupid, so dumb, a fucking idiot. Letting his robes get on fire, that's a beginner's mistake, for fuck sake…
A hummed left Father's mouth, gaining back Ignacio's attention as He switched His examination from his arm to the amulet. He held in the palm of His hand, rubbing His thumb against the cyan gem in its center. He had leaned over even closer to Ignacio's face, way too close for comfort, their heads were inches away from each other and it was making Ignacio sweat from how uncomfortable he was.
''Fascinating…'' Father mumbled under His breath, only adding to Ignacio's confusion and awkwardness.
''If you need to get a closer look, you know you can just-'' Ignacio had begun undoing the necklace of the amulet with his least injured hand, only to have his wrist roughly grabbed and snapped away from it, earning a shocked and hurt sound from the man. Ignacio opened his eyes wide as he looked up at Father in a panic, Father's expression was unreadable, it flashed for barely a moment, blink and you'll miss it, Ignacio had never seen Him sporting this face, and it sent a shiver down his spine as Father gained back His compuser in just an instance.
''I recommend you don't do that, that little trinket is the only thing keeping you alive.'' He let go of Ignacio's wrist as His eyes drifted back down to the necklace, letting out a small laugh that looked closer to a sort of disbelief, it made Ignacio shrink on himself.
''What's funny-?''
''Nothing. Ignacio, don't you realize what you've discovered??''
Ignacio gave Him an expression akin to absolute and utter confusion, making Father roll His eyes at him.
''This is a massive step for us… I knew the amulet had healing abilities, I did not know it could keep someone alive even in front of inevitable death. Don't you see, my little flame? We can defy death itself!''
As He went on explaining to Ignacio, His expression grew more crazed, frantic, His smile widening and His pupils appearing to dilate. Ignacio suddenly felt an overbearing sense of dread wash over him, staring at Father in shocked terror, He appeared to notice that as He glanced at the injured man, composing Himself and resting back His expression to His usual smile as He pulled away from Ignacio, finally giving him some space.
''There isn't much to be done for you here, I will get some things to try and ease the pain though, stay here.''
''I can't really go anywhere else.''
Father was back a few minutes later and tending to Ignacio's wound as he watched Him wearily. He couldn't help but think back to his realization from earlier. Well, realization was a strong word, it was more so a sudden crisis. Ignacio tapped his finger repeatedly and nervously, the questions edging in his mouth, always on the verge of being asked only for him to chicken out and continue to wait in silence. Eventually, he took in a big breath and builded up his courage, although he still kept his eyes away.
''Father, why did I have to do this?''
He paused, and suddenly Ignacio regretted his choice. He was insanely vulnerable right now, weakened by this night's ordeal and completely exposed to Father, he was barely alive and it would be incredibly easy for Him to finish him off. Ignacio braced for impact, but it didn't come.
''What do you mean?'' His tone was cold, monotone, terrifying. Ignacio wheezed.
''I destroyed his life- Why? Why do we have to hide?'' Ignacio avoided His gaze as much as possible, keeping his eyes at the opposite side of Father, but he could feel Him staring a hole through the back of his skull.
''They wouldn't understand our way of thinking. They refuse to believe in our rightful road to salvation with the actions we do to cleanse ourselves from our sins and past. They'd shung us, they wouldn't get it, they'd be judgmental."
''We could have tried to convince him, he's a good man. He would have understood.'' At his statement, he turned to look at Father, regretting his decision once he saw His ominous eyes, he couldn't even look away now as He stared daggers into Ignacio's soul.
''Are you doubting me?'' The question was like a knife stabbing him straight in the chest, the words slashed through the air and for a moment, Ignacio felt like he couldn’t breathe.
''No, Father- of course not-''
''Then why are you questioning my orders?''
''I-''
''Questioning my judgment?''
The air tightened around Ignacio, he felt like he was suffocating, each moment passing, he would curl himself more into a ball, desperately trying to make himself appear as small as possible, to disappear from the surface of the earth and never come back.
''Th-this isn’t what I meant-''
''Do you wish to return to your dirty ways?''
Ignacio’s head snapped to look at Father, in a sudden state of panic at the idea of going back to before.
''No-! I-''
''Return to the people who have casted you as a monster for being unable to overcome your urges?''
''Father, please-''
''I have given you a second chance in life, I have shown you a clear path to the redemption you were promised and all you keep doing is trying to get off that road, are you trying to waste my time?''
Ignacio felt like crying, Father would not let him get a single word in, and maybe he deserved it. He should have stayed quiet, he shouldn’t have run his mouth like that.
''I-I was just- I-…'' The words died in his mouth, he couldn’t get anything out anymore. Father stared at him in a silence that was overwhelming, at this point Ignacio wouldn’t have minded if He decided to finish him off.
''I’ve shown you nothing but hospitality and this is how you show your gratitude? I was proud of you for completing your task, Ignacio. But I guess I was wrong to be. You disappoint me.'' Ignacio felt a stab in his heart, he scrunched up on himself and looked away from Him, putting his head down and immediately shutting up.
The tension was evident as Father went back to bandaging Ignacio up in a crushing silence. He felt an unfathomable amount of guilt in himself, pushing down at his ego and making him want to disappear from the face of the earth. The shame was unbearable, this conversation only further pushed Ignacio's certainty that he should never open his mouth. Of course, how could the man who locked himself inside his house since he was a child know better than the man who could see the Everything.
Father hummed as He cut the bandage, securing it around Ignacio's hand before getting back up. Ignacio allowed himself to glance up at Him, in the less obvious way possible.
''You will be excused from the next meetings, I will allow you to rest for as long as you see fit for you to recover. Stay inside, stay hidden, and never take off the amulet.'' His tone was cold, firm, stern, nothing like what they were used to. Ignacio quickly pushed his gaze back down and nodded.
''Yes, Father. I'm sorry.''
''I think my charitably deserves something else at the moment.''
Ignacio paused as he felt a wave of fear wash over him. What could he basically do to show gratitude towards him, how was he supposed to thank him?... Oh.
''Thank you, Father.''
His smile came back onto His face, almost as if it was teasing him. Weirdly enough, Ignacio felt an ounce of relief at seeing the familiar face, even though it should probably put him off more than anything. If Ignacio didn't know better, he would be sure that He was mocking him.
''I will be off then. Goodnight, Ignacio.'' Father gave him a wave before turning back and exiting the room, leaving the injured man alone.
Ignacio sat in place, unmoving as he watched the empty space where his leader used to stand. He let out a shaky breath and allowed his head to hang low. He needed to sleep, he was so insanely tired and drained, he was going to spend the following week sleeping for as much as he could. Either way, he didn't want to move anymore.
What a dreadful night this has been.