Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Later, Nadine used to wonder about how randomly it all started. Maggie, who did her calendar, pestered her to make an appointment for her annual ob gyn exam. Of course, Nadine had no time for that.

Maggie insisted. "It's not about having time, it's about making time."

She was right, so Nadine relented and let her make an appointment. As usually, a crisis prevented her from making the appointment and she forgot all about it. Maggie didn't, so on a grey day in November, Nadine was at her ob gyn.

After the usual routine exam, Dr. Weddington recommended that she have a mammogram screening.

"But I had one, just recently."

"Funny how time flies, your last screening was three years ago."

"Oh!"

"My examination revealed no signs of asymmetry in shape, no nipple abnormalities or skin changes, but still, a screening is recommended for women your age. You do self-examinations on a regular basis, don't you?"

"Yes, I do..." She fleetingly thought of the regular "exams" Mike B. performed on her breasts, but she dismissed it as an pleasant but inappropriate memory for now.

"You went to the Center at Pennsylvania Avenue for your last screening. Considering your history of canceled appointments, I'll call them and mail two possible dates to your assistant. You can take one and cancel the other one."

Nadine laughed, not minding the gentle reprimand. "Thank you, I deserve that. I promise to do better in the future."

Chapter Text

She actually had time to take the first appointment. She didn't think much of it before, because she could hardly remember the last exam, only that it had been vaguely unpleasant.

This time, it was just - not good. The x-ray technician appeared to be unsuccessful in taking the image of her left side, after taking the first picture she insisted on a repeat. For a moment Nadine bothered about the exposure to radiation but then she dismissed it as irrelevant. The specialist pulled and squeezed, corrected her position a lot, pulled on her arm before she was satisfied with Nadine's posture. The parallel plates compressed her breast so hard that it hurt.

Nadine was miffed, professionals who didn't do their job properly annoyed her. But the technician was gone before she could say anything about it.

A doctor came by, introduced herself as Dr. Davis, told her that she would review her pictures and that she'd get her results per post. Then Nadine was dismissed.

At night, when Mike asked her about her day, she complained about the incompetence and whimpered a little, laying it thick in the very obvious hope that Mike would kiss her well again. He laughed at her, they agreed that she was a wimp, before he happily took care of her, gently caressing and kissing her breasts to soothe them. It helped.

She found that the lovemaking that followed did wonders for her overall well-being. Nadine was happy and content as she fell asleep in his arms.

Chapter Text

A week later, an envelope was in her post, but Mike and Gordon were at her place when she came home, so she simply forgot about it. She remembered after dinner and opened it without thinking much of it. She felt safe and expected a report that found her results negative, giving her the all clear.

Instead, she stared at a text she hadn't expected at all. Your examination showed an abnormality that requires a check-up, possibly a biopsy…

Nadine couldn't read further, panic spread like a shockwave through her. Denial followed, the letter must be for someone else, the results had been swapped. It just wasn't possible, she was healthy, her breasts felt perfectly normal, no one in her family had ever had breast cancer. She double-checked, her name was on the envelope, in the letter, this wasn't a case of mistaken identity. She felt too hot, her knees were a little weak.

Now she remembered the situation with the X-ray technician. Perhaps her interpretation had been wrong and she'd been trying to get a clearer picture of something that seemed suspicious. Why hadn't she asked?

"Nadine, are you okay?"

She startled, but managed a smile. Mike, she had all but forgotten him. "Yeah, seems like something went wrong with my mammogram, I'm supposed to come in for a checkup."

"May I?" Mike took the letter from her and read it.

"Whoa, is that serious?" He looked at her inquiringly, concern written all over his face.

"I don't know, I'll ask."

"It's Friday night, can you reach anyone over the weekend?"

She hadn't thought of that yet. Her heart sank, two whole days and three nights until she would know more. She couldn't really breathe.

Mike was still looking at her, and his expression told her that his brain was playing out the worst case scenarios. She herself felt numb, strange, she couldn't think at all. But she could see that Mike was struggling to evaluate the information and her reaction to it. He was used to her being cool, calm and collected, and right now, she was none of those things.

In the midst of her emotional turmoil, some part of her mind opened up. She realized something that somehow had escaped her before.

Mike B. was not used to defeat. Under his hard shell was a sensitive guy who perfectly hid any vulnerability behind cynicism. He was extremely intelligent, but couldn't always handle his emotions appropriately. She had never thought about how similar they were in that respect. Perhaps that was the key to their successful relationship. One of them held up rationality when the other got too emotional; they balanced each other out.

So right now she had to reassure Mike, partly because he needed it and partly because she couldn't deal with his feelings when she didn't know her own yet. She needed a moment to herself.

"It's probably just a false alarm, a mistake or something harmless, nothing to get upset about. I'll do the dishes and you take Gordon for a walk, then we'll watch the news."

Although hesitant at first, Mike nodded, recognizing her intent and accepting it. He could use a break to sort out his feelings, too. He kissed her and called Gordon, who bounced around happily as the two left.

The silence in her apartment was a blessing; she took a deep breath, tried to compose herself. Most likely, everything was fine. And if there was something on the X-ray, that didn't mean it was cancer. She would call the center first thing on Monday morning and then ask her ob gyn. Rationally, there was no need to get upset. She read the rest of the letter, she was expected to come back the following Thursday or to call to make another date.

Waiting had never been her strong suit, but she could handle two days of uncertainty until Monday. There was nothing else she could do anyway, except to try not to worry too much and to not go insane with impatience.

Mike came back and didn't bring it up again. He just indulged her and was particularly attentive, sensing that she needed to withdraw from this part of her reality to keep calm. Part of her loved him for his quiet compassion, part of her could hardly stand it, she wanted normalcy, everything was fine, she was going to be okay.

Later, as they lay in bed, he did get back to it.

"Please tell me what you need. In this, you'll lead the way, I'll follow. I'm your co-pilot on this flight."

She'd vaguely thought that she'd rather sleep alone, but now she was grateful that she could curl up to him. She nodded, but didn't answer him, he seemed content just holding her.

Chapter Text

She didn't want to talk about her fears, Mike honored that, he gave her her space but was there when she needed a hug or words of encouragement. He suggested a plethora of activities, walks, shopping, going to the movies, restaurants, she suspected he was trying to make her tired so she could sleep at night. Most of the time it worked. In spite of everything, she laughed a lot, enjoyed being in the park with Mike and Gordon, the November sun warmed her and she was serene, she felt like in the calm before a storm.

On sunday evening she felt strong, she would finally find out what was going on.

On Monday morning she woke up after a rather restless night. For a moment she enjoyed the smell of pancakes and Mike's fiddling around in her kitchen. Then she remembered that she'd get answers in two hours and the heaviness settled on her again. Knowing that staying in fear would do her no good, she got up, showered, dressed and went to the kitchen.

When Mike saw her, his whole face lit up. "Good morning gorgeous, sit down and eat the best pancakes ever."

She was actually too nervous to want to eat, but he didn't need to know that.

She was amusing herself. Of course he knew. He knew it, and he'd made her breakfast anyway because that was his love language.

"These look really fantastic, why don't you give me a little more maple syrup?" And this was her love language.

Before leaving her apartment, she hugged Mike. He whispered. "You can do it, champ."

As she walked off, he hummed the fanfare of "Gonna Fly Now". She giggled, he grinned, but the concern underneath was undeniable.

She sat at her work desk when she called the center at 9:00 sharp. She was told that Dr. Davis had the next days off and would be back on Thursday. Her heart sank, she hadn't expected that at all. She asked if another doctor could review the results for her, but the receptionist told her that that was not possible and that three days wouldn't make a difference in the great scheme of things. She then suggested she'd call her ob-gyn to maybe get an ultrasound for clarification.

Nadine ended the call, she was stunned. She contacted the office of Dr. Weddington, who called her back some time later.

"Mrs. Tolliver, I could do an ultrasound, but since I have no idea for what to look for, it would be completely useless and a waste of time for both of us. From my experience, you're going to be okay. It's not uncommon to be called back, that doesn't mean you have cancer. It's most likely nothing or something benign. Remember, your examination showed no signs of a growth."

"Is there nothing to be done?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't order another mammogram, that would be excessive in your situation. Take care of yourself and try not to worry. Please call me on Friday to inform me of the results."

Nadine desperately tired to think of a faster way to get results, but she couldn't find one. She came to the conclusion that since she'd already made it through three days, she could do three more, even if she already felt exhausted from the effort of pushing her fears to the back of her mind in order to function.

Before she could call him, Mike knocked at her door, discreetly but visibly concerned. "I haven't heard from you…"

"Come in." He did and sat down on her couch.

"I have nothing to tell you. The center has no answers, I just finished my call with Dr. Weddington, which wasn't much better. She assured me, though, that it's probably nothing."

He took a long time to think about it.

"Thursday it is, then. Would you like me to accompany you, for support?"

"I'll need to clear my schedule for Thursday morning and it would be more helpful if you could cover some of my meetings."

He nodded. "You're still the boss, whatever helps, I'll do it."

She thought about kissing him, but then again, her's was an office with glass walls. "Thank you, I'll make up for it."

She expected a suggestive quip, but he looked at her seriously. "Don't thank me for being decent. We're in this together."

Chapter Text

She made it through the week, Dr. Weddington's words had reassured her somewhat. Still, she didn't sleep much the night before her appointment at the center, tossing and turning in her bed, unable to shake off the sense of dread that was consuming her.

When she arrived at the center, she didn't have to wait, Dr. Davis immediately picked her up at the front desk.

"We're going to do another X-ray now, then an ultrasound of the area in question. We'll go from there."

This time, five more people, nurses, physicians and technicians, all unnamed, were involved. Again, her left breast was squeezed in the unit, but this time,she didn't mind as much, she needed results.

Dr. Davis came back. "Have you been in an accident, did you suffer blunt trauma to your breast since your last mammogram?"

"Nothing I recall."

"Is there any difference you've noticed lately?"

"No, nothing."

"We'll do the ultrasound now."

Nadine lay half-naked on a table, the room had been darkened. Dr. Davis was silent while she was examining her left breast, three other professionals stood around the ultrasound monitor, pointing at something. Nadine could tell by the looks on their faces that she wasn't going to get the all-clear she had hoped for. Fleeting glances in her direction also made her realize that everyone was a little worried about how she would react. She was dreading what was about to come. Next they would be preparing her for a sudden and unexpected journey with an uncertain outcome, a journey she didn't want to take.

With a sympathetic smile, Dr. Davis confirmed her thoughts.

"Mrs. Tolliver, as you have already realized, there's a mass. It's clearly visible in both diagnostic techniques we used. It could be a scar, a lesion, or a tumor, which could be either benign or malignant. We can't be sure without performing a biopsy."

The nurse put a hand on Nadine's shoulder, supporting her. It helped grounding her. As she lay there trying to cope, her mind raced, numbness and dread battled for the upper hand in her emotions.

"When will you do it?" Her voice sounded pretty normal for what she was going through, she felt everyone around relaxing as they realized she wouldn't make a scene.

"We'll make an appointment for the biopsy, preferable next Thursday."

"How long do I have to wait for the results?"

"The lab needs 5 days for results, which will be reviewed during a multi-professional consultation that will plan further treatment, so it's going to be two weeks. "

The dread was overwhelming her now. Nadine fought to not cry.

"So, two weeks? I can't take it. Can't you do the biopsy right now?" Her voice cracked.

Seeing the state Nadine was in, Dr. Davis took it into consideration. "That's an unusual request. Are you sure you don't want some time to come to terms with the current situation? Maybe you want someone to accompany you for support. And… keep in mind, right now, nothing is decided. Are you ready for definitive results?"

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be. There's still a week to wait and that's the most scary aspect of it all. Please do it now."

After a moment, Dr. Davis said the one thing Nadine wanted to hear. "Okay, we'll do it."

Nadine was so relieved. Not only did she have one less week to wait, she wouldn't build up any additional anxiety about the biopsy.

She even managed a smile. "Thank you."

"Let me explain the procedure. First we inject a local anesthetic, then we use a high-speed punch to remove tissue from the mass. Under ultrasound guidance, we remove material from three locations inside the mass. Then we insert a tiny marking chip into the area so we can verify that we've hit the mass precisely. We make a control X-ray of the area again. Then we're done. We'll treat the punctures and wrap you in a compression bandage that you'll wear until bedtime. It's going to be uncomfortable, but it shouldn't hurt and it won't take long. Do you have questions?"

"No, I'm good." Nadine took a deep breath. She could manage it.

"I'm ready. The sooner this is over, the better."

The room around her became very busy, materials were fetched, people moved around in preparation. Using the ultrasound to guide her, Dr. Davis drew dots and lines on her breast, then the area was sanitised, covered outside of the surgical field, sterile gloves were handed to the doctor.

The novocain injections stung a little, but what bothered Nadine more was the fact that she was lying down with everyone else involved standing around looking down at her. She felt exposed, helpless and worst of all, small. Yet, at her core, she was calm, this was what she wanted, what she needed. Finally progress, this was taking the first step on the way.

Dr. Davis explained everything she did, kept asking how she felt. She, like everyone else, was caring, gentle. Nadine closed her eyes, there was nothing for her to do, she withdrew into herself.

She felt the first needle entering her body, she heard a soft sound when she was punched, felt an impact in her tissues. The needle with her sample in it was removed, a new one was inserted, another punch, needle, punch. Nadine felt something running down her side, so she was bleeding. She opened her eyes, the doctor's gloves were red and wet from more blood than she would have expected.

"Almost done, now the chip is going to be inserted, you'll feel that. Don't be startled."

Absurdly, Nadine thought of her neighbor's cat, Lucy, who was chipped, too.

This time it was not a soft sound, it was a bang, Nadine felt a blow.

Dr. Davis smiled at her. "That was it. You've been very brave, well done."

The nurse helped her sit up, Nadine looked up to the ceiling, she didn't need to see the bleeding part of her body right now. Another flurry of activity around her, when she looked down, there was no evidence of the biopsy left.

"We'll do the x-ray now and the I'll tape a few compresses on you."

Aside from being a little wobbly on her feet, she felt much better than she'd expected. The technician was careful and this time the procedure didn't hurt, probably because of the novocain.

Dr. Davis bandaged her up.

"If possible, go home, don't work today."

"I want to go, have a lot to do and I need to distract myself."

"Then take it very easy. Your breast will hurt, you'll have bruises. No exercise, no exertion this week, drive very careful. Ah, and no sex."

"As if..."

"You'd be surprised…"

"Probably."

All she wanted was to leave this place and go to work where she was in charge and had control. Dr. Davis left, Nadine put on her clothes.

When she was about to walk out, Dr. Davis called her into an empty office. "Come, take a look, this is your X-ray."

The image hung in front of the light box, and when she saw it, her breath caught in her throat. She saw the outline of her left breast and in the middle was a large structure, a solid center with radiating outgrowths. It was much larger than she'd expected and it looked menacing, mean.

"In my professional opinion, this is more likely a scar than a tumor, but you can see why we need to be very sure about that."

Nadine barely managed a nod, she was shocked to her core. She hadn't expected this at all.

Chapter Text

She called Mike as soon as she trusted her own voice again. When he answered her call, she just blurted out words. "There's a mass. They did a biopsy. The X-ray looks awful. I'm scared. I'm on my way to work."

A long silence. "Okay, I don't know what to say. Are you in pain?"

"Still numb. Mike, I… I don't know what to say either. I'm glad that they did the biopsy right away, but it's still another week before I'll get reliable results. That's so long."

"Are you sure about the working part, maybe it's not…"

"I AM sure, I can't be at home right now, I can't get over the X-ray."

"Right now, I'm at the White House with Elizabeth, I'm on my way as soon as possible… Nadine, we can do this, I'm with you."

She wanted to tell him that she could hardly wait for him to comfort her, that she was so glad he'd be at her side. But she absolutely couldn't. She'd have to find out why later.

"I'm at my car now, see you then."

After a short pause, he hung up. She had rejected him, hurt him. But she couldn't change that now.

She'd always prided herself on her inner strength and power. She was independent, able to handle whatever was thrown her way on her own. Even now she felt that she was withdrawing into her inner resources. As sad as it was, she just had no experience with sharing hardship. And - she didn't want to be a burden to Mike, didn't want to put him under pressure. Which was stupid, self-sabotage and inconsiderate towards his feelings for her.

That didn't mean she didn't love him. She absolutely had to tell him that, soon.

-

To her relief, there was no crisis to interrupt her routine. She rested her body while reading reports, taking notes. Maggie brought her a cup of tea. No one disturbed her, she was getting a lot of work done.

In the afternoon, her breast began to hurt and she felt uncomfortable, agitated, she needed to move. She was already half through the seventh floor when she realized that she was that restless because she was unconsciously waiting for Mike, looking out for him, his compassion, some comfort and warmth. She went back to her office to inquire how much longer Elizabeth would stay at the White House.

He came in just as she was about to sit down, pulled the blinders closed and gently took her in his arms.

"I'm sorry, couldn't make it any sooner, how are you?" His voice was soft.

Only when she leaned against him did she realize how completely exhausted she was, how much her body ached.

"I didn't mean to hurt you earlier, I was just so scared. I'm glad you're here, I've been waiting for you."

Mike read her face. "Let's go home, you need lots of affection, care and a nap."

"Can we just stand here for a moment?"

"Of course."

-

True to his words, Mike took care of her. Some time later, she was comfortably resting on his couch, covered by the fluffiest of blankets, with a hot chocolate at her side, still smiling because he'd actually topped the beverage with tiny pink und white marshmallows. In spite of her attempts at hiding some of her cravings, he knew her just too well.

"Now tell me everything." Mike said as he lifted the blanket and cuddled up next to her while balancing his cup.

"Basically, they confirmed what I'd feared. I just didn't expect this thing in my breast to be that big. I'm glad they already did the biopsy, but I don't know how I'm going to endure a week of uncertainty. And..."

He nodded and took it from there. "And this might just be the beginning. Did they talk about treatments, further options?"

"No, that would've been premature. Treatment options will be discussed when the results are in."

He sighed heavily. When she looked up, she saw tears in his eyes. "I'm going to support you with all my strength no matter what, but I can't bear the thought of you being sick, of you being in pain. I'm scared to death."

"I know the feeling."

They were silent for a moment, both miserable, before Mike looked up with a rather forced smile.

"Give me a minute and I'll shower you in positivity and words of encouragement."

"I'm sure you'll come across rather authentic."

"That's my super power."

"Sure."

"Drink your chocolate."

Her laughter surprised herself. While sipping hot chocolate and enjoying the Marshmallows, she somehow just knew they would be fine no matter what. She could count on him, they were solid. She kissed him tenderly, he pulled her into a careful embrace.

-

Later, he helped her undress. She was quite sore, so he took off her bandage. She looked in the mirror, her breast was a little swollen and bruised, but nothing too serious. When she turned around, he had sat on the edge of the bathtub and was looking intently at her breast.

"May I touch you?"

"The doc said no sex." She was joking, but he actually flinched.

"Yes, how the sight of compresses and bruises and the possibility that you have cancer turns me on."

Nadine was shocked at herself. What had she just implied?

"Oh, Mike, I'm so sorry, I was trying to lighten the mood and blew it."

He thought about it.

"It's alright, I guess we're both a little out of it. I've been wondering over and over why neither you, me, nor your doctor noticed anything. It's driving me crazy. Please come over to me."

Reaching out, he guided her until she was standing between his legs. He looked up at her and put his arms around her waist, pulling her toward him, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"Just so you know, I love your body, but that's not why I'm with you. I love the sex, but I love you for so much more. I don't expect anything and I don't want you to even think about giving me sexual favors if you don't feel like it..."

She sensed his grin. "...although I can hardly imagine how you could keep your hands off an Adonis like me."

"In your dreams!" She snorted.

She caressed his face, they hugged each other in silence, staying like that for a long time.

Chapter Text

The waiting game continued, but it was much harder now. Nadine carefully googled and found the odds not as bad as she'd expected, but still, it didn't look too good either. Treatment for cancer was advanced, but still, the size of the mass had shocked her. Every one of the "but still's" scared her.

She got used to the heavy burden on her shoulders, but that didn't mean it got lighter.

She also felt her perspective changing. Little things she used to hate, like reading emails, she appreciated now, because being healthy, fit and able to be at work was a privilege that she could lose soon. If she'd somehow get to just continue living her life the way she'd been living it, she'd remember this.

Mike continued to be wonderful. She couldn't really voice how much his ongoing support meant to her and how desperate she'd be without him. He was thoughtfully making every minute with her quality time. He always asked if she was up for what he had planned and accepted her being too tired or not in the mood, but she was really looking forward to his next plan.

Nadine had mentioned once or twice how much she liked Pandas and he'd actually booked a private tour to the Giant Pandas at the Smithsonian's National Zoo. A keeper was already waiting for them, showed them around, they could observe the animals up close. Nadine was completely enamored with the fluffy bears, Mike was beaming the whole time.

He took her to the skating rink in the Sculpture Garden that had just opened for the winter season. Unlike her, he couldn't skate at all. She laughed out loud as she kept helping him up, but soon he got the hang of it and they skated hand in hand. It was so romantic, she loved it.

He sought out restaurants she'd never considered, she experienced new tastes and through that, new cultures. One night he introduced her to the Korean restaurant BUL on 18th Street and she couldn't believe how rich and spicy her meal tasted and how much she liked the atmosphere in the restaurant.

Normally, they'd spend some nights together, some apart. Right now, by unspoken agreement, they both slept at her place, in her bed. Mike was the perfect gentleman, kissing her goodnight before turning over to sleep while she was still sitting in bed, reading. Nadine was restless, her sleep light, she often woke up from nightmares sweaty and shaky, her heart racing but she couldn't remember them. Mike would comfort her, hold her until she was calm again. Usually she needed space, but now when she woke up in the morning, she found herself curled up to him while he hugged her tightly.

While Mike had effectively turned off innuendo, glances, and even the slightest hint of sexual thoughts, Nadine missed sex. She wanted to be with Mike, she missed their intimacy. But she knew she couldn't have it. A part of her body had become an enemy, something potentially dangerous was inside her, threatening her. Currently, she was not connected to her body in a way that would enable her to feel the pleasure she was craving. What if it stayed that way? Would he still want to be with her?

But then she was deeply moved by his thoughtfulness, his underlying concern about her wellbeing. He was afraid for her, as if he himself was affected, because he was. He didn't withdraw, he didn't look for an escape, he didn't treat her like a burden. He fought for acceptance of their situation just as she did while he went on and that helped her go on as well.

She had never really thought about the future of their relationship, but now she realized that Mike was in for the long haul - and that he assumed she knew and agreed. Despite everything, it filled her with quiet joy, made her happy. She'd never felt so save in a relationship.

Chapter Text

On Thursday, they both had to go to work quite early. Her staff meeting started at 7:00 and he would be in Fairfax on a mission she didn't even bother to ask about, knowing he couldn't tell her.

Her appointment was at 9:30, they'd planned to meet at the center and go in together.

At 9:20, while still in her car, she got a frantic phone call from Mike.

"Nadine, I'm on my way, but for 10 minutes I've been standing in a traffic jam and can't turn off, no exit in sight. I think there's been an accident. There's nothing I can do, I'm simply stuck. I'm so sorry."

He was devastated, close to tears. Nadine felt the same. But what they both needed now was strength. Her strength.

"Mike, it's okay. I can do this. I know you're thinking about me and it helps a lot. Drive safe, don't worry, it's not your fault."

He sounded so desperate. "I feel so helpless."

Strength!

"That's only the painful realization that even you are powerless against force majeure."

The sound he made was between sobbing and laughing. Humor had always worked between them, even now.

He sounded a little more collected. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too. Be careful, I'm calling you as soon as I know something. I have to park and go now."

"Good luck!" His voice sounded - small. There was nothing left of his usual swagger, but she had no means to lighten his mood left.

"We'll talk soon." She ended the call, took a deep breath and steeled herself.

Chapter Text

She entered the center at 9:25, walked up to the reception and was send to the waiting area. The room had glass walls, reminding her of her own office.

While she waited, she tried to process her current situation. The last two weeks had been hard, but also the happiest she had experienced in a long time. Because she'd been more conscious. And because she'd let Mike take the lead for once, she'd experienced the full extent of his devotion to her.

Right now, she was on her own as she'd always been when things got really difficult. During her pregnancy, while giving birth, when her dream to dance was shattered, when Vincent died.... she'd always been alone. But now, even if she was waiting in solitary, it was different. She was in a meaningful relationship full of love and happiness. Which she hadn't even fully realized before. She cherished it now and no matter what, she'd keep that with her.

Still, she was at a crossroads in her life. Maybe she'd continue to travel the comfortable road that she'd been on for so long while making some adjustments. Or she'd have to take a new path, an unknown road that would be completely unpredictable and most certainly challenging and painful. She had to accept that she wouldn't be able to choose the direction herself.

9:30, no one came. She saw the nurse and the receptionist chatting, looking in her direction. Other staff came to the reception, she couldn't hear anything. Were they talking about her? Did they gesture in her direction? She couldn't say.

9:35, panic set in. Nadine heard her pulse in her ears, fast, loud. She was shaking. What kept Dr. Davis from meeting her. She knew from her own experience that people tended to delay uncomfortable conversations. Did that just now happen to her?

9:40, Nadine felt sick. Her mouth was dry, she was close to tears. This was not acceptable.

9:41, the glass door opened and an older woman came in.

"I'm Dr. Kane, I'm sorry for the delay, Dr. Davis is treating someone else right now, she asked me to share your results with you, please come with me."

Did that mean that Dr. Davis didn't want to face her? It didn't matter and it wasn't helpful to think that way. Nadine stood up, her heart pounding hard, but she felt less fear. She'd finally get clarification.

The doctor led the way, following her. In her room, Dr. Cane sat down at the desk and gestured to the chair across from her.

As soon as she was seated, Dr. Cane said. "It's not cancer. We haven't found any cancer cells."

For a moment, Nadine thought she had misheard. Her mind had trouble processing the words. Maybe this was a mistake, a mix up.

"I saw the pictures, there's something."

"Yes, but the biopsy is clear. Let me explain. You have what is called a radial scar. It's not actually a scar, it just looks like it on the X-rays. Radial scars are a benign abnormality probably due to inflammation or hormonal changes. Most people will not notice any symptoms and these are often only found on a routine mammogram, like it happened to you. The biopsy is unambiguous, there is no sign of cancerous cells in any of the samples."

The information became real, followed by a wave of relief. She uttered a weak "Oh my God, thank you!" before bursting into tears. She just couldn't contain herself.

She sobbed, but at the same time she had to laugh with relief and joy, she went through a rollercoaster of emotions. "I'm sorry for being so messy, it's just an exceptional situation."

"How could you not be emotional? It's normal and perfectly fine, let it all out." Dr. Cane handed her a tissue box.

Nadine wiped away her tears and composed herself. "Thank you. What treatment will I need to undergo?"

"Right now, there is no need for treatment, but you'll come here annually for a routine check. Should you experience changes in your tissue, you make an appointment and we check it ASAP. There is a slightly higher risk to develop breast cancer with this alteration, but we'll keep an eye on it to be at the safe side. We've got this."

"So I can just leave and everything is fine, business as usual?" She still couldn't believe her luck.

"Exactly!"

Nadine nodded, she had no more questions to ask. She got up, desperately wanting to leave the center. She needed to call Mike right now.

Dr. Cane smiled at her. "We'll see you next year, take care."

Chapter Text

She nearly sprinted out of the room, through the hallway, back to the waiting area while nestling her phone out of her purse to call Mike. When she looked up he was sitting in the waiting room. Head down, clearly distressed, he didn't even saw her standing there. She opened the door.

"Mike…?" He looked up, his face white as a wall.

She rushed over to sit next to him. "No cancer, I'm fine."

He went through the same disbelief, she just had... "How...? Is that true?"

He hold on to her, watched her face carefully. "You're really okay?"

Nadine nodded. "I'm really okay."

And then he burst into tears. He pulled her close to him, holding her tightly.

His voice was shaky with desperation. "Does that mean you won't be taken away from me? That I don't have to be without you?"

Nadine was shocked, she hadn't suspected the depth of his fears. The Mike B. show had been convincing, he had deceived her.
The poor man had been unconsoled, alone, trapped in a role she hadn't even questioned.

"Mike, I'm not going anywhere. Don't cry..." and then she had to cry too.

They comforted each other until they both felt a little better.

Mike sniffed, "I'm sorry, I didn't want you to worry about me, but I just lost it. What's next, are you going to have surgery?"

"No, that's not necessary. Check ups are enough, nothing more."

Mike took a deep breath, "I'm still so sorry that I wasn't here on time. It was the absolute worst feeling in the word to be that useless."

"I knew that you're thinking of me. It wasn't your fault."

"I've never made a public scene like this before. I'm sorry about that, too." He looked embarrassed.

She looked around, noone was watching, the reception was empty.

"I think your humanity will remain a well kept secret."

They managed to weakly smile at each other.

"Let's get out of here." She took his hand and lead the way.

Outside she looked up to the sky. The sun was shining between clouds, the air was fresh, a light breeze was brushing over her cheeks. The world was so beautiful and she could just be a part of it.

She would leave the fear and heaviness behind. But she would take what she'd learned from this experiences with her. The joy she'd felt despite the pressure, the change in perspective that made her appreciate the little things. The realization that her life, which she had taken for granted, was a privilege that could be taken from her at any moment. A precious gift she shouldn't waste.

And Mike. She'd learned that she was essential to him. That they were essential for each other. She'd found love and she hadn't even fully realized it, had not commited to him like he had to her. She would correct that crucial mistake.

But how? Then she knew and it felt absolutely right. She'd ask him to make them official.

She turned to him, not caring that they were standing on a street in the middle of Washington D.C. and kissed him tenderly.