Chapter Text
Ichiro dreamed of swimming around in the water. His hair looked really cool as it flowed majestically, magically.. Because it was in water, and hair tends to do that when you’re in water because of its fluidity. He spun around in the sea, having the time of his life.
And yet, when he spun around in there, his legs didn’t move. He looked down and realized, he didn’t even have legs! Instead, he had a red tail, with a sparkling glow yet looked cool enough that it didn’t make his fragile masculinity feel bad even though realistically there is nothing masculine nor feminine about sparkles.
It was cool as hell. He let out a laugh- or tried to at least- and swam into the depths of the ocean. But then a shark showed up and killed him and he died.
Ichiro shot out of bed in fear. ‘Sharks’, he thought to himself. He had never liked them. They had killed his father. And his mother too maybe he didn’t really know for sure.
It sucked that he was scared of sharks, because he loved the ocean.
He grabbed the two full glasses of water on the drawer by his bed and drank from both of them. He let out a breath of air after he finished. Ichiro smiled to himself. “I love water!” He sighed, Australian-ly. He was content to just sit there all day drinking water in his bed, but, alas, he had work to do.
His boss, Samatoki wanted him to beat up some people for spreading rumors about mermaids, again. He shook his head as he thought about the white-haired gang leader. He had always been grateful to the guy, he thought of him as an older brother, so he couldn’t not beat people up if Samatoki asked him to do it.
Samatoki had done so much for him, and for his brothers. Often when Ichiro was busy (usually doing the jobs that Samatoki hired him to do) he would watch Ichiro’s younger brothers and teach them swears.
Which wasn’t really a good thing since they’re both underage and legally not allowed to swear. Haha! He would cover for their crimes if need be!
Speaking of his younger brothers, Ichiro needed to get them up for school before anything else.
So, he got up from his bed holding the now empty glasses of water in both of his hands. He walked to the kitchen, knocking on both of his brothers doors as he did so to wake them up.
He poured himself another glass of water while in the kitchen, and drank it as Jiro and Saburo slowly made their way over.
“G'mornin Ichiraur!” Jiro grinned at his brother then pulled out a grilled tomato from the fridge and began eating it like an apple. Saburo was quieter as he entered the room, never having been a morning person. Regardless, he still greeted Ichiro with a smile. “G’day, Ichiraur.” He slumped onto the kitchen table, resting his head on his hands.
“G’day mates!” Ichiro finished his glass of water and placed it into the dishwasher. “Got any plans for the weekend?”
“Ummmmmm.” Jiro’s eyes widened as he chewed his tomato. Samatoki had asked him to run some errands today, but he couldn’t let his brothers know that. Samatoki was a gang leader! Ichiro would freak if he knew that Jiro was a part of a gang! “D-Drugs!”
If Ichiro had been drinking water he would have done a spit take. But he wasn’t, so he didn’t.
“D-Do ya wanna run that by me again?”
Jiro continued biting his tomato. “Yes.”
“Okay.” Ichiro started over. “Got any plans for the weekend?”
Jiro gave a thumbs up. “Not drugs!”
Saburo stared at his brother in shock. “You idiot, you complete fuckin wanker, you absolute-”
“Hey! Language!” Ichiro lightly smacked Saburo’s forehead. He needed to tell Samatoki to stop teaching his baby brothers swears, Saburo was going to go to jail at this rate.
“Ichirauuuur!!!” Saburo groaned as he rubbed the part of his forehead that had been hit.
Ichiro wagged his finger. “Don’t be mean to Jiraur!”
“Yeah, Saburaur! Don’t be mean to me!” Jiro taunted, sticking his tongue out.
“Y-You!” Saburo stopped himself before he could call Jiro even more swears. “You said you were doing drugs!”
“No I didn’t.”
“You did! I heard you”
“I said not drugs.”
“Y-You!”
“Anyway~!!!” Jiro decided to end this here. “At least I have plans for the weekend. Unlike you, nerd!”
Saburo slammed his hands on the table as Ichiro contemplated the last time they had breakfast together without breaking into a fight. “I’ll have you know that I do, in fact, have plans today! So, there!” Saburo smirked, smug.
“Oh, you do?!” Ichiro’s eyes lit up. Saburo usually never had plans over the weekend! Did this mean… was his baby baby brother finally making friends?! Was he finally able to connect with other kids his age!? Were people finally starting to see what Ichiro saw in him?!
“What are your plans, Saburaur?” He fought to contain his excitement.
Meanwhile, Saburo froze. He… he shouldn’t have said he had plans. His plans were supposed to be a secret. Samatoki had asked him to meet up at a warehouse full of hacking equipment so that he could doxx the person who made the Loch Ness Monster fake photo. But he couldn’t tell his brothers that! That he was working in a gang! They’d sue him for middle-schooler crimes, sending him to prison right with his father (he didn’t know where their dad had been all those years, so he had assumed that’s what he had been up to), leaving him to die alone in prison at the tender age of 7.9832 + 6.0168!! Or, worse, worry about him!
“Um.” He was blanking on what to say here. In a moment of panic, Saburo blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “D-Drugs?”
Ichiro blinked. “Drugs?”
Jiro blanched. “DRUGS?!?!!?!?”
“Um. I mean…” Saburo sat back down. “Not drugs.”
“Not drugs.” Ichiro echoed. Well. That wasn’t what he had been hoping for.
“Yeah…” Saburo stared at the table. Before anyone could say anything else, he spoke up again.
“So, what are your plans for today, Ichiraur?”
Ichiro’s mouth felt dry, which is weird because he drank 3 glasses of water in the span of 20 minutes. He could easily tell them that Samatoki asked him to beat people up, but he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t let them think that working in a gang was cool!
So, he said the first thing that came to mind.
“Drugs.”
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Dice was having a great day today. He woke up. And then he went back to sleep. And then he woke up again! Not of his own accord, though. A bucket of water fell on his head and woke him up.
So it wasn’t actually that good of a day. Fuck!
He decided to get up and walk about instead of laying on the ground in a wet pathetic clump. Who knows, maybe he’d see that hottie Gentaro at the bookstore. Or, OR he could see that hottie Ramuda at the clothes store! Or, or, OR maybe BOTH since they worked together at the combination clothes store/bookstore that somehow was a profitable business?!!
Could he afford anything from that place? No. But those two didn’t seem to mind! They were too hot and nice and cool and goofy and pretty and silly to care about Dice’s socioeconomic status, which honestly, Dice thought that a lot more people should be like that.
Mind made up, he began his trek to the boardwalk. As he walked, he passed by many groups of docked boats along the water. He remembered when he could afford to have a boat. Before… The Incident...
Before he could get lost in his thoughts, a loud voice shouted across the area. It came from a short redheaded man that Dice would only assume was an 11-year-old due to how short and angry he was.
‘Wait.’ Dice squinted at the man, walking a bit closer. It was Kuko! A guy he had never talked to in his life yet somehow he knew the name of! Cool! Anyway they weren’t friends, so Dice was certain Kuko wasn’t talking to him. He resumed his walk, itching to see either Ramuda or Gentaro.
“Ay! You!” Dice continued walking.
“You!” He kept walking. He hoped that whoever Kuko was talking to would notice soon.
“Blue-ass lookin catboy bugger!”
Oh, he was talking to Dice. “Yeeeeesss?” The not-teen turned around.
“Get over here roight now mate, I need ya help with somethin’!” The redhead gestured Dice over frantically. Dice had important work to get to. No…no he didn’t. Technically speaking he had literally nothing going on today other than flirting. It was great.
So, Dice approached Kuko, who was standing on a small motorboat and engaging in some kind of wizard battle (ie, flipping someone off) with… Samatoki? Why was Samatoki- yet another person that Dice had never spoken to yet somehow knew his name- here? And flipping off a child.
“What’s goin on here?” He asked curiously.
Kuko looked Dice up and down then nodded. “You’ll do.” He grabbed Dice’s arm and pulled him onto the mini-boat. “Help me steal this bugger from that arse.”
“Huh?” Dice blinked confusedly. Kuko wanted him to steal from Samatoki- who, once again, Dice had never spoken to yet somehow he knew that Samatoki was a gang leader and the kind of person you never wanted to steal from.
“I’ll give ya a free fairy bread that I’ve in my pocket.” Kuko pulled the item from his back pocket and tossed it in Dice’s direction. Well, he was sold.
Well, almost. He wanted to know the context before making any decisions.
“So why are ya stealin his boat anyway, Kukaur?”
“First off.” Kuko lifted a finger. “How the fuck do you know my name?” Dice shrugged and Kuko continued. “And second off, I’ll tell you in a long flashback explaining everything in super detail so that you understand completely how I ended up in this situation.”
“GIVE ME MY FUCKING BOAT BACK KUKAUR!!!”
“Anyway!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So there I was. Sitting on my dad’s boat, yeah? And he lets out a sigh and looks upset. I ask him what’s wrong, and he tells me to mind my damn business. I tell him ‘okay goddamn’ and start walking away.
But then, Hitoya- you know, the lawyer who’s super rich and one of my best friends, yeah, him- Hitoya walks up, and my dad gets this happy look on his face and I realize. ‘OH SHIT.’
My dad has the hots for Hitoya.
Which works out great for me because I want Hitoya to be my stepdad so that when he dies I get his millionaire mansion instead of Jyushi- you know, Jyushi, they’re like a brother to me and Hitoya’s favorite child, I love Jyushi, man, they’re great- because I know that if Hitoya could choose between me and Jyushi to have his mansion when he dies, he’d chose Jyushi in a heartbeat because they didn’t ‘make a sculpture of me and put a fish head in the place where my head would go’ or whatever. He doesn’t understand my creative process.
Anyway, I decided to set up my dad and Hitoya.
And how do you set up old men, you ask? Well I have no fuckin clue!
So I went to the local unnamed super tall fisherman with long silver/purple hair- no, I don’t know why his parents didn’t name him- and asked him what to do. He told me ‘love blossoms while you kill fish’, and I was so surprised by that that I decided to interpret the fishman’s words of wisdom in my own way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kuko leaned down and smacked the boat. “So I decided to steal Samatoki’s boat because it’s okay to steal from gang leaders so that my dad and Hitoya could go on a fishing date and kill fish and fall in love!”
“THAT’S GREAT KUKAUR. GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING BOAT”
After a moment of silence Samatoki spoke up again.
“ISN’T YOUR DAD VEGETARIAN????”
Kuko looked up. “How do you fucking know that???!?!?”
As Samatoki muttered an ‘idk mate’ Kuko turned to face Dice. “Anyway I forgot that my dad is vegetarian and thus won’t want to go on a fishing trip so now I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.” He grabbed the wheel of the boat.
Dice shrugged. “I’ve just been standing here looking at Samatoki in shock because he had that entire flashback to kick you off of his boat and he didn’t do that.” He stared at Samatoki in shock for the reasons previously listed.
“Yeah, he’s an idiot. Anyway.” Kuko turned the key of the boat, revving it up.
“KUKO I SWEAR ON YOUR FUCKING DEAD MOTHERS GRAVE I WILL KILL EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR UGLY-ASS DECENDANTS IF YOU-”
“HAHAHA! MY BLOODLINE ENDS WITH ME!” Kuko revved up the boat once more.
“Wait, do you even need me here anymore?” Dice tilted his head, having finished the stale piece of fairy bread during Kuko’s flashback.
“Naur, but people with boats get bitches (respectfully).”
Dice nodded. “I want bitches (respectfully), let's go.” He sat down in the boat.
Kuko nodded and revved up the engine one final time.
“VIVA LAURS VEGAS MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!” With his middle finger raised to Samatoki- who had still for some reason not made any moves to get his boat back despite clearly wanting it back- Kuko sped away.
Samatoki watched as his boat was stolen from him. He liked that boat. He wrote the name S.S. Nemu on it and everything. He named it after Nemu. You know. His dead sister. Who was killed by mermaids. Bet you feel real bad right now. Because Samatoki sure felt real bad.
So, he did what he usually did when he felt bad, and tried to look at leaked photos/gifsets of the new Hypmic anime, '1Rhyme4All'. But that didn’t work for some reason, so he did the next best thing.
He pulled out his phone from his pocket and clicked a contact number. The person didn’t answer so he began to rant to the voicemail.
“Yo, I’m feeling real sad roight now. They stole my boat and it’s going to be treated like a throwaway joke. I liked that boat, I bought it from Ikea 3 weeks ago. I wish I would become a rapper, and-”
Well, you get the rest.