Work Text:
My mornings don’t feel as heavy anymore,
It’s feels sudden at first but the more I think about it I realize how long it took, how gradual the incline was.
My mornings don’t feel as heavy anymore,
I go to Michael’s speed skating tournaments and instead of sulking in the cold, I cheer the loudest.
Charlie visits from uni and it doesn’t hurt knowing he’s doing bigger things than me, I buy us tickets to the scariest movie I can find and we describe the most horrific scenes to Michael and Nick.
I go to one of Nicks rugby games and wave pompoms in the hair when he scores the winning goal.
Michael takes me to a restaurant and we laugh so hard I fall off my chair and we get kicked out.
I see a toy tracker in the shop and buy it for Oliver, he claims to be too old for it but keeps it anyways.
I stop scrolling through my blog late at night.
The chronic pessimist dies.
I actually sleep at night.
My mornings don’t feel as heavy anymore,
I got out to buy a bottle of diet lemonade and come back an hour later with a box of pancake mix. Michael and I have pancakes for dinner that night.
My mornings don’t feel as heavy anymore,
I start going out on walks, sometimes alone, sometimes with Michael or Charlie.
I feel alive even in the cold winter air.
My mornings don’t feel as heavy anymore,
I dont dread my therapy appointments anymore.
My therapist is actually quite a nice person.
My mornings don’t feel as heavy anymore,
I write.
Its 6:19 am and I wake up next to Michael in our flat. I kiss the top of his hair and slowly remove myself from the bed, grabbing my laptop off my nightstand, I head to the living room.
I spend the whole day on the couch writing.
It makes me realize how much I’ve been through, how different I am now.
I wonder if anyone will want to read my stories.
It doesn’t matter, I just like writing.
My mornings don’t feel as heavy anymore,
The bad days are less.
I’m happy more,
Michael says he can see it in my eyes. Charlie says I’m getting crows feet.
I’m okay with it.
My mornings don’t feel as heavy anymore,
Maybe the birds sing for a reason.