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It was a peaceful day at the Cat’s Cradle. The new recruits were being supervised by Mary, Mother Superion and Beatrice were in the library, Lilith had the day off and Camila was doing a weapon inventory check.
As for the Warrior Nun?
Well, she was sprinting across the hallways to avoid Lilith’s wrath.
You would think she’d learn to grow up after defeating Adriel, blowing Michael up, getting seriously injured, being sent to Reya’s realm and winning the holy war. But Ava had retained her childish self.
There was a reason why Reya had booted her out of her realm after she’d spent a week there. Apparently, turning the Tarasks into lap dogs (Trevor is a suitable name and they’re cute when they play fetch!), teaching the residents her version of WAP (Nuns in the house haunted Rena’s mind daily) then organizing a flash mob and closing down the furnaces in what was apparently Hell to save energy had crossed the line. And that was saying something considering Reya had convinced Michael to be a suicide bomber.
So Ava had been yeeted out of the realm a full ten hours after she’d been sent in.
But she wasn’t simply kicked out. No, after the flash mob, Reya approached Ava, asking, “can you swim?”
“Yeah, why?”
“No reason.”
Then, she opened up a portal and shoved Ava through. On the other side, the portal opened up above the Pacific Ocean and Ava fell through, screaming loudly, “REYA YOU BITCH!!!”
And Camila who’d been busy monitoring any updates about the holy war had flipped through the tv channels and stumbled upon the local news which reported of someone in the Pacific, fist-fighting the sharks.
She immediately reported it to Beatrice who had been inconsolable since Ava had left, “I found Ava.”
That shocked her, “How?”
“The news just reported someone flailing around in the Pacific and fighting the sharks.”
“…Yeah, that’s her.”
Safe to say, Lilith was called up and she teleported Ava back to the OCS. As for Mary’s return, it was somewhat unexpected too. After Ava and Beatrice had reunited, they’d decided to go back to the Alps for a bit. They had much to talk about and much to explore about their new relationship (well, more like they wanted privacy.) There were only so many times Lilith could walk in on them before Beatrice had enough and committed murder.
That and she hadn’t forgiven Lilith for nearly killing Ava numerous times. Even though they were on the same side, Lilith had crossed the line.
Beatrice only found out when she overheard them talking.
“Y’know, I’m glad you’ve stopped trying to kill me,” Ava had said which made Lilith snort, “In my defence, you were being an annoying brat.”
“So stabbing me in the back, dropping me from the sky and impaling me on a sword wasn’t because you wanted the halo?”
Beatrice had overheard that and loudly exclaimed, “SHE DID WHAT?!!!!”
Turning to the half-demon, Ava told her, “Because you saved me from the sharks, run.”
Scoffing, Lilith replied, “I’m not afraid of—”
She was cut off when a divinium kunai was thrown at her and sliced her cheek. Changing her mind immediately, Lilith teleported away while Beatrice screamed, “LILITH!!! GET BACK HERE!!!”
Lilith had to avoid Beatrice for a month. Even though she had demon powers, overprotective Beatrice scared the shit out of her.
But speaking of Mary’s return, Ava and Beatrice had spent a week in the Alps when she decided to make a comeback.
Beatrice had gone to the store to buy food and Ava had tagged along but was whining about how boring it was, “this date is so boring.”
“This isn’t a date, I told you I was going to the grocery store.”
“Then why did you invite me?”
“I specifically said to stay at home and you said ‘fuck you, I can do whatever I want’ and followed me here. And no, we are not getting more of those fruit loops, we have seven boxes at home.”
Immediately, Ava began to pout and pull her puppy eyes, “But…but…”
Unable to resist her adorable girlfriend, Beatrice sighed, “Fine…fine.”
Then, a portal opened from the ceiling above and Mary called out,”GAY!” before falling from it and landing in front of the couple. She’d been in Reya’s realm the entire time and claimed that their simping required her intervention.
So that was how Mary rejoined her sisters.
In all, according to Mother Superion, the five of them were a reanimated uncoordinated corpse who was God’s champion, a ninja assassin who pulled the “Move, I’m gay” card to save said champion, a part Gremlin, part puppy whose hacking skills put every government organization to shame, a half-demon with ambition that could rival Elon Musk and a shotgun loving version of Trinity from the Matrix.
But in Beatrice’s words, “Mother Superion and I both have brain cells, Lilith and Mary share one and Ava and Camila think they have one but it’s really just me whispering into their ears.”
How they won the holy was a mystery.
But after it all, Reya, who wasn’t as bad as Adriel claimed her to be, decided to reward Beatrice.
“Beatrice, one day, when you join my kingdom, I will reward you,” the divine being claimed and Beatrice was confused, “You know my name? God knows my name?”
Ava began rubbing the back of her neck, “about that…”
“As I was saying, I will reward you eternally for all of your good work on this earth. Your strength and dedication are admirable and I am forever grateful to you.”
That only seemed to confuse Beatrice further, “I do not understand, I’ve only been alive for 24 years. But hey, if God recognizes my work and my duty then I humbly thank—”
“Oh you’re mistaken,” Reya cut her off before explaining, “I’m not rewarding you for your work as a sister warrior, I’m rewarding you for having the strength to deal with Ava. She spent a week in my realm and nearly destroyed everything. You, my child, are my strongest soldier and deserve to be rewarded.”
She did have a point. Besides having the patience to deal with Ava, Beatrice was also head over heels for her which made it easy. There was a reason why Mother Superion had chosen her to train Ava. It’d been a quick phone call to Duretti, “If I made Lilith train Ava, she’d kill her within the first hour. If I chose Camila, she and Ava would create an international incident after 10 minutes. Plus Camila’s convinced that Ava and Beatrice like each other and I have seen it. So call this if you may, a romantic getaway to get them to confess their feelings for each other.”
How did Mother Superion find out?
It was after a training session before Ava ran away and Lilith was grumbling, “I can’t believe we just lost a sparring match to Ava and Camila.”
“In our defence, we’ve been training for hours while Ava and Camila have just started,” Beatrice replied.
Meanwhile, Camila was grinning at Ava, “I can’t believe that worked!”
“Told you my plan would work,” Ava smirked.
“Who knew lifting up your shirt to flash Bea would help us win!”
Needless to say, Mother Superion prayed to God daily to never let Ava and Beatrice be on opposite teams.
But that was the least worrying thing that Ava had done. It’d been two weeks after Ava and Beatrice had first moved to the Alps when Beatrice wondered why they were paying so much in gas prices. They only drove to work. So she decided to ask Ava about it, “$500? Where did you go?”
“Is that not right?” Ava wondered.
“Do you have your receipt?” Beatrice asked again and Ava replied, “No, I spent a thousand dollars because they asked if I wanted premium air for my tyres.”
That made Beatrice’s eyes bug out of her head, “PREMIUM AIR?!!!!”
“Yeah.”
“PREMIUM AIR?!!!”
After that, she got rid of the car and made Ava walk.
But anyways, the main story.
“Do you want to make 10 dollars?” Ava burst into the armoury and Camila looked up from her inventory list, “How?”
“I need you to take the blame.”
“Oh my God!” Lilith’s voice echoed throughout Cat’s Cradle.
“What did you do?” Camila asked the Warrior Nun who was panicking, “We don’t have time for that, yes or no?”
“OH MY GOD!!!”
“Make it 20 and you have a deal,” Camila replied before Lilith teleported into the main square, covered head to toe in blue paint and glitter before threatening, “Whoever did this to me will be hunted down and—”
“It was me,” Camila stated.
“All will be forgiven immediately.”
It was amazing how someone like Lilith underwent a total personality overhaul when it came to Camila. That was especially evident when Camila started planning the Avatrice wedding before they got engaged and told Lilith, “ You will be the flower girl.”
Lilith knew Ava wanted to fuck with her and wanted to decline but she couldn’t say no to sweet and adorable Camila. Luckily, for her, Camila grew impatient with waiting for the couple to get engaged and decided to speed things up.
“Sister Camila, I’m afraid I cannot allow this wedding to take place,” Vincent said and Camila grabbed him by the collar and yelled at his face, “Why not?!! I knew you were always a homophobic asshole!! Go to hell—”
“I cannot allow this wedding because you’ve taken the brides hostage. This is a felony,” he gestured to the couple who were tied and gagged.
That being said, Camila was also a menace. A week after this incident, Beatrice was in the canteen with Mother Superion when she noticed that something was off, “It’s too quiet.”
“It is and you should relish in the silence.”
“No, something’s not right and my Ava tingle is acting up. Have you seen Ava and Camila?”
Sighing heavily, Superion replied, “they’re creating chaos aren’t they?”
Exiting the canteen, they wandered over to the courtyard to find Ava unconscious, Camila rolling her eyes.
“What happened?” Beatrice asked as she rushed over to Ava.
“She wanted to see how long she could hold her breath. She made it to three minutes then she passed out,” Camila explained before she shrugged, “Could be worse. At least this is better than the time she found a guillotine in storage and tried to see whether her head will grow back if she cut it off.”
That was the start of Beatrice’s anxiety issues and Superion booked the next few days off because she could not deal with all that. It was how Ava and Beatrice found out that everyone outside of the OCS assumed that Camila was their child.
“To be fair, you’re kind of a mother figure,” Mary said before Ava chimed in, “wait if Bea’s the mom then that means I’m the dad? I knew I gave off daddy vibes and that big di—”
“Ava language!” Beatrice scolded her before she noticed that Camila was missing, “Where’s Camila?”
“Did you lose our child?” Ava exclaimed, “Really Bea? You’re supposed to be the responsible one!”
“How is this my fault? I told you to keep an eye on her!” Beatrice protested.
That was just one example of how Camila was a menace. Another example was when she handed Beatrice a book she found, “Bea, I think you’d like this.”
Raising an eyebrow, when she read the cover, she asked, “It’s…why did you hand me a book on necrophilia?”
“I just thought that it would suit you because Ava died and you’re dating her.”
“I…I…”
“Technically you’re dating a zombie but still, that’s weird,” Mary unhelpfully added. Why did she always have to be involved in the couple’s relationship? Just the other day, she’d been playing the last of us part 2 (cause of the violence, the shotgun and the molotovs) when Ava saw Ellie on screen and realised she looked a lot like her.
“I can’t believe I look like her,” Ava remarked making Mary snort, “well, you two simp for your girlfriends and have the same dumb hero energy. Plus she’s special like you, she’s immune. That said, do not go out and ask people to bite you.”
“What if I ask Bea?”
“I have two shotguns and I don’t care if you can heal, I will shoot you if you keep talking.”
Anyways, moving on. Mary remembered the time when Ava misheard what she, Camila, Beatrice and Lilith were discussing and it made for a weird turn of events.
“What are you guys talking about?” Ava asked making Mary reply, “just our body count, mine’s 97”
“That’s nothing,” Lilith huffed before she said, “Mine’s 195.”
“I know I’m new to this so my number’s small so like 50,” Camila responded.
“Wait, I thought you guys with the exception of Mary used to be nuns?” Ava wondered and Lilith said, “We were, what else—”
“Oh you haven’t heard Bea’s body count! She has the highest number!” Camila squealed excitedly like a child on Christmas day.
“It’s not high,” Beatrice smiled fondly, “just 198.”
“Damn Bea…I didn’t you know you were that promiscuous before you became a nun.” Ava commented which drew confused looks from the four.
“What are you talking about? We’re talking about our kill count,” Mary asked.
“That…that makes more sense.”
“Also, how do you know the word promiscuous when you couldn’t even spell foreign?” Lilith shot back.
“I watch…stuff…”