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i. out of annoyance
Chuuya awakens and is immediately filled with a sense of wrong. Something off; different.
He sits up from his bed and stretches his arms out from the satin sheets and over his head, hearing a satisfying crack of his elbow, later drowned out by what sounds like the running of water.
He rolls out of bed and sleepily dawdles to his bathroom, door slightly ajar, unlike the way it was left, immaculately closed, the night prior. He opens the door and hears the shower running, and soft humming of a song he definitely recognizes.
A song only one person he knows would hum or sing.
Because what other moron would so matter-of-factly sing a song about double suicide?
Chuuya internally groans. "Oi, Dazai," he says, trying and failing to sound threatening due to having just woken up, "what the hell do you think you're doing in my shower?"
The humming subsides and his partner's head sticks out from the shower curtain, wet hair matted to his head, dripping bandages still covering his eye. Because of course Dazai still wore his bandages in the shower. Dazai smiles his trademark Cheshire cat grin and purrs, "Ah, Chuuya, were you woken by my singing?"
Chuuya scoffs and crosses his arms, refusing to yawn, or make eye contact with Dazai while he was in such a state. "No you didn't. I woke up all on my own. Now answer me. What the hell do you think you're doing in my shower?"
"I'm showering! Silly Chuuya, is that hat of yours finally eating up your brain cells?"
Chuuya gripes. "Shut up. And take your bandages off like a normal human being."
Dazai sticks out his bottom lip, like a child who was just told to clean their room. "But Chuuya, how else are they going to get clean?"
Chuuya growls at him. For a genius, Dazai sure is stupid. "Don't you have, like, a million rolls of bandages back at your place?" he gripes.
"Really? A million? I don't blow away that much of my salary on bandages!" Dazai exclaims, although he's one to talk on calling people out for exaggerations.
The high pay the demon prodigy receives as a mafia executive could most certainly afford him to purchase that many bandages with probably only one monthly paycheck, but if he chose to live in a storage unit rather than a lavish flat like his partner, why would he do such a thing as buy that many bandages at once?
Really, in Chuuya's opinion, outside the battlefield, Dazai was nothing if not a massive idiot.
Chuuya begins pulling off his sleep clothes. "Still, it wouldn't hurt to change your bandages once in a while."
He slips into his shower with Dazai and stares at his soaking wet stature, still clad in all his bandages.
Dazai would probably have been phased in some way by Chuuya joining him in the shower like this, and he'd have every right to. Just because they trusted each other with their lives doesn't mean they would be implored to be close in any way. At least, that's what they told themselves to ignore the weird feelings they get in many scenarios with each other, that neither of them understand. Even so, they were a lot more alike than they gave each other credit for. And they were a lot closer and interconnected than they care to admit.
Plus, this is not the first time the two have showered together. Mostly after grueling missions; the two would be injured and exhausted, and showering together saves time. At least, that's the logic they used to dismiss it.
"And haven't you told me how unpleasant wet bandages are?"
Dazai throws his shoulders up and down out of laughter as the warm water pours down his head. "Aha, I only told you that to get out of washing dishes! I can easily play Chuuya like a violin~"
Chuuya growls again, although his anger quickly fades as his mind gears itself to focusing on getting clean. And getting Dazai clean, because he knows Dazai wasn't trying hard enough to take care of himself. If anything, he probably only stepped into the shower to piss Chuuya off.
Chuuya steps closer to Dazai and grabs at the bandages on his chest. A foreign and ordinarily forbidden action.
"May I?" he whispers. He knows it's a dangerous question, but he believes it's worth the risk.
Dazai stays still and silent.
"You really need to take these off and clean your skin."
Dazai closes his eyes and releases the tension in his shoulders. "Fine. If there's anyone who I'll let take off my bandages, it's you."
Chuuya savors those words as they roll off Dazai's tongue and travel into his ears. Dazai really trusted him, huh? Chuuya didn't let himself smile at that thought, as that would give Dazai ammunition against him. But he savors the words silently, oh so happy to know Dazai trusts him so much.
Chuuya gently unties the bandages from Dazai's chest, letting each and every scar hidden by them become unveiled. He has many scars, many that he'll probably never tell the stories of. And Chuuya will never force him to tell the stories of; he sympathizes. He too has many scars he wishes to not tell the tales of.
He moves to Dazai's arms and undoes the bandages from them, too. His left arm has a greater plethora of scars than his right. Probably due to Dazai's late-night cutting of himself.
Dazai told Chuuya he hated pain.
Dazai is a liar.
Chuuya crouches down and undoes the bandages on Dazai's legs, too. The shapes of the scars there are quite disturbing. As if someone had tried to cut off Dazai's feet or legs so he could no longer be the force to be reckoned with that he is. As if someone tried to force the demon prodigy out of him in the worst ways. It's heartbreaking to the redhead. He hates that Dazai had to go through such terrible things.
Lastly, Chuuya reaches for the bandages on Dazai's face. He waits for the gentle nod from the brunette before taking these off. He knows that these bandages are probably the most dangerous territory of them all. He pulls off the bandages covering Dazai's forbidden eye. There are no scars to be hidden, just Dazai's other eye. He's unsure why Dazai keeps his eye covered, since there are no scars beneath it. But he wouldn't dare ask, he's sure Dazai would never give him an answer.
Somehow, seeing him for all that he is makes Dazai even more beautiful. Both his eyes, all his scars, standing there in a vulnerable state for only Chuuya to see. Nobody else, just Chuuya. He cherishes this.
Chuuya sighs, content, and he then turns around to grab the soap, when Dazai presses against him, holding his hands gently.
"Admiring my stature, hm? Well, savor it. It's all for you~"
Chuuya groans, forcing himself to believe that the moment is ruined. But it isn't. Nothing could ruin something like this.
He rolls his eyes at his infuriating partner, refusing to let himself smile. "I hate you."
ii. out of horror
The gloves come off as Chuuya looks into Dazai's eyes for reassurance. Not that he needs it, but he wanted it. To know Dazai is there is crucial and comforting.
After all, he's doing what Double Black does best: beating the shit out of their enemies.
"O, grantors of dark disgrace…"
Chuuya clenches his fist. Dazai closes his eyes and steps back in anticipation of the red winds that are soon to emerge from his partner.
"You need not wake me again."
Everything then goes dark. Chuuya feels his consciousness fade away as if slipping into a coma, and Arahabaki takes over his body, happy to finally be awake, ready to destroy everything in its path.
Dazai stares up at his partner, up in the sky, hollering as he forms a graviton, launching it at their enemies so they never see the light of day again. The red marks cascading on his body, showing from his torn sleeves, are gruesome. They truly drive home the weight of what is happening, what Chuuya is capable of. The graviton collides to the ground, all in Chuuya's path immediately eviscerated. Dazai shivers.
To him, Corruption is beautiful.
Chuuya sinks into the ground. Arahabaki picks up the sweet aroma of blood, and laughs. How captivating, it thinks. How pleasurable.
Before long, everyone is dead. Everyone but Chuuya and Dazai.
But that doesn't quell Arahabaki.
All it wants is destruction.
Puppeting Chuuya's body, it launches more gravitons and tears apart the ground, merely doing it for the sake of destruction. There is nobody else in its path for it to even destroy—
Except for one person.
The one person who could calm Arahabaki down, by force.
It hates him—but it seemingly is unable to kill him. Somehow, Chuuya rises to consciousness ever so slightly, just enough to hold the god back and not harm that man. Arahabaki would scoff. Its vessel spends so much time insisting he hates him, so why does he want him to stay alive?
That is a truth only Chuuya knows. The god merely is caged in his body. It cannot tap into the workings of his brain.
A soft hand covers Chuuya's eyes. It is cold and familiar. "The enemy has been vanquished," he whispers gently. "Good job, Chuuya. You can rest now."
Arahabaki hisses, ignoring Chuuya's wishes, and with its last moments of consciousness before No Longer Human buries it deep within Chuuya once again, it moves a bloodied claw to Dazai and scratches him hard, drawing crimson ichor from its vessel's partner. It doesn't even know how Chuuya is able to rise to consciousness at all to hold it back. Nevertheless, it wants blood. Death. Destruction. So it takes what it can get.
And then, Arahabaki sinks away, and Chuuya comes back to the surface, trembling.
"Fuck."
His pain overcomes him and he collapses onto his knees, Dazai falling with him. Odd.
Chuuya weakly turns around and sees Dazai lying on the ground, blood seeping through his torn shirt and dripping down his cheek.
Oh.
So Arahabaki managed to spite him.
"Oh, shit! Dazai!!"
Chuuya suppresses the aching in all his joints and lifts up Dazai in his arms, in horror. He doesn't care how badly his own body hurts, that's not as important. He actually hurt Dazai with Corruption this time, after being able to prevent it all other times in the past.
Could he have even killed him?
"Oi, Dazai! Wake up!! This isn't your place to die, you ass!!"
Chuuya trembles as he holds his partner in the arms, terrified. He knows he can't control Corruption, he knows hurting Dazai is a possibility, but oh, all this time, he's managed to not. But this one time, this one time—
Suddenly, Dazai's eyes fly open and he smirks. He sits up in Chuuya's arms and puts a finger against his cheek. "Aha, silly Chuuya, all worried over me! He could never kill me~"
At that moment, all of Chuuya's worry morphs into anger. How dare Dazai mess with him like that?! "You asshole! I-I was actually worried about you!" he exclaims.
Dazai shrugs and gives Chuuya an innocent look. "So silly~" he trills. "That was really funny, the way you panicked over the idea of killing me."
Chuuya scowls, angry Dazai would play with his heart like that. "I hate you."
Dazai laughs. "I know, Chuuya." He plays with a tendril of blood-soaked auburn upon Chuuya's head. "I hate you, too~"
iii. out of denial
Chuuya pins his partner down to the mattress and smirks deviously as he straddles him.
"Aha. Looks like I won this time, Osamu."
Dazai's hips jerk and he smirks back, seemingly oddly unphased. "Why, yes. It seems you have."
Chuuya leans down and captures Dazai's lips. It starts out tender and indolent. Chuuya slowly moves his lips against Dazai's, cupping his face gently, as Dazai connects his arms around Chuuya's waist, humming in satisfaction. This was the one way in which Dazai did not mind losing to Chuuya in any way, shape, or form. In fact, he quite likes it.
Tender and indolent.
Unfamiliar feelings to them, Dazai and Chuuya were never gentle with anything before.
Dazai is the demon prodigy. Towering intellect besting all that he faces, spotting the Achilles heel of all his foes, easily crushing them with his might. It was so easy, it was quite the pleasure. Dazai thrives on how easily he can leave someone on the ground, writhing in pain before him, or even leave them dead in a matter of seconds thanks to his mind alone, and he can just laugh.
Chuuya is the vessel to the god of calamity. He has unlimited strength, unlimited potential. It is very easy for him to demolish anyone and anything who opposes him below his gravity, savoring the sounds of the crushing of bones he can cause at whim. So much power at his fingertips, power he knows will kill him some day.
"Tender" is not a word that classifies either of them.
Yet that's exactly what this moment is.
"Chuuya…"
Dazai sighs as he slowly separates from Chuuya. He did not want to. He wanted to stay there forever. Wanted to kiss him forever.
"I'm so happy."
He gives Chuuya a sweet, soft look. A look he had never given anyone before, up until now. A look he never ever had in his heart to give.
Dazai always thought the only time he could truly be happy is once he finally died. But for the first time he appears to be wrong. However, now it makes Dazai wonder, maybe living isn't so bad, after all.
Chuuya caresses Dazai's face with his thumb gently. "Good. Because I'm happy, too." He ghosts his lips against Dazai's again, allowing the tension to bubble more. Both are thriving in this moment.
Dazai grips onto the sheets as Chuuya licks and bites at him, giving him extraordinary feelings throughout his body. "Nn, Chuuya—you know what would make me even happier?"
Chuuya kisses and nips at Dazai's neck more, enjoying the writhing his body does. Pinning Dazai below him and taking control might now be his new number one guilty pleasure. Remorsefully, he pulls back, eyes half-lidded. "What would it be, Dazai?"
In a flash, Dazai puts his hands on Chuuya's hips, spinning them, swapping their positions in a second, a yelp coming from Chuuya.
Dazai puts his hands on either side of Chuuya's head and looks down at him, a devilish grin spreading ear to ear as he admires the redhead beneath him.
"If I took charge instead."
He leans down, bestowing kisses across Chuuya's face, down to his throat, pulling his choker down.
Chuuya squirms and puts a hand on the back of Dazai's head, tugging at chocolate-brown locks. "D-damn you, Dazai…"
Dazai laughs. He didn't necessarily want to take charge, he much prefers these moments when that power is taken away from him. But he did want to toy with Chuuya, and he'll most certainly do something like this if it means he'll achieve that. "What, am I too much for you to handle?" He purrs, and bites at Chuuya's lower lip.
Chuuya groans as Dazai migrates down to his neck again. "Fuck—ahh, I hate you."
Dazai smirks against Chuuya's neck as he plants kisses all over it. "If you say so, my sweet~"
They both know that Chuuya is a liar.
iv. out of habit
Chuuya rubs his eyes as he trudges to bed for the night. A long day of missions always tires him out, especially solo missions, which is what he had tonight.
Dazai decided that today would be the one day of his lifetime he would file mafia paperwork. As partners, he and Chuuya share paperwork, but due to Dazai's chronic laziness, Chuuya ends up doing it for them. During the entirety of Chuuya's solo mission, he thought about the conversation he had with Dazai far too many times.
"Why do you never do paperwork?"
"It's a waste of time."
"No it's not. It's an important part of being a mafia executive."
"If you insist. Well, I'm not doing it. If you want that stack of papers to go away, you'd better do it for me."
"Fucking lazy bastard."
But tonight, Dazai figured he'd do some paperwork. Of all days, of course today is what he chose. Likely because Mori told them both about the mission, and Dazai was not in the mood to do it, so he used paperwork as an excuse. Sure, he could've been lying, but Chuuya made sure that Dazai did the paperwork, and that he would regret it if he didn't do it.
Solo missions are not something Chuuya will verbally complain about, for if he does, he'll have less time to escape from his partner. The issue with solo missions is, with Dazai there, Chuuya knows he can tap into all of his strength and let loose, and not fear death. He knows he can trust Dazai. With him not being there, Chuuya has to hold back and make sure he doesn't go too far with Tainted Sorrow. A strenuous task indeed. So he always enjoys returning home and unwinding with a pleasant night of sleep after a solo mission.
Only, this time, it was a bit different.
As Chuuya returns to his quarters, sloppily changes into his sleepwear, and climbs into bed, he feels an odd weight on the mattress that is not usually there.
And Chuuya knows exactly what it is.
"Dazai..."
Chuuya doesn't have the energy to be annoyed. He rolls over and unsheathes the brunette from the blanket. His eyes are closed, but Chuuya knows he is not asleep.
"What are you doing here?"
Dazai smiles a little without opening his eyes. "I missed my darling Chuuya. It's comforting to envelop myself in blankets that smell like him."
Chuuya wishes Dazai wouldn't call him that. He knows it's mocking, and he only wants Dazai to call him things like that if he means it.
Dazai reaches for the redhead's body and pulls him in for a snuggle. "Plus, I did all the paperwork, like I said, I deserve to be rewarded."
Chuuya sighs as he embraces Dazai back, wanting to be exasperated but being unable to. Of course he could never resist.
"I also sleep better when I'm with you."
Dazai finally opens his eyes, his smile softening as he meets Chuuya's azure ones. God, he looks so beautiful.
Chuuya puffs his cheeks and hides his face in Dazai's chest, squeezing his eyes shut.
"I hate you," he stammers out. He's too tired to think of any proper response. Besides, he's unsure what else he could say when Dazai taunts with him and looks that beautiful.
Dazai laughs at Chuuya's words that have run stale, lack bite, and from now on, always will.
v. out of time
Chuuya grips his phone in his hand as he chugs more of the Petrus from the bottle. He stares at the screen and his sent messages to his partner.
{Slug:}
{Drinks are on me tonight}
Which had been met with a peculiar error message.
MESSAGE FAILED. NUMBER NOT IN USE.
{Slug:}
{Oi}
{What's going on}
{This isn't funny Dazai}
And each additional message sent was met with the exact same red error text.
The redhead stares at the empty seat next to him, as he sits curled up at the marble island in his flat. Normally, when he would look over at that chair, he sees Dazai. His suicide-obsessed, gangly partner, drinking sake or whiskey and mocking his short stature, talking about a new suicide plan, or maybe even having a legitimate, sophisticated conversation with him, as he managed sometimes.
But now, there was nothing but a cold chair.
Chuuya would ordinarily save his Petrus '89 for special occasions. Like a successful takedown of a Port Mafia target. Or saving Yokohama. Something big and significant. Something befitting of such an expensive wine.
But hey, he could celebrate his obnoxious partner being gone, right?
Dazai drove him mad. Won't it be a relief that he's gone?
Of course not. Who was Chuuya kidding?
Dazai was the first person Chuuya really trusted. Trusted to share his secrets. Trusted to care about. Trusted to be himself. Trusted with his life.
And now, he's gone.
Chuuya chugs the last droplets of alcohol from the bottle and slams it down in the counter, shattering it into pieces. When drunk, the redhead forgot his own strength. But right now, he didn't even give a shit about the broken glass. All he and his drunken stupor cared about right now was the man that left.
Hands trembling, lip quivering, eyes watering, he types another message.
{Slug:}
{I hate you so much you bastard}
And he hits send.
MESSAGE FAILED. NUMBER NOT IN USE.
Chuuya trembles more and types one last message, but passes out before he can hit send.
{Please don't leave me}
It's just as well. It's not like Dazai will see it, anyway.
Chuuya's heart was wrong the whole time.
He really does hate him.
How could he love a man who would get up and walk out on him like this?
It's simple, really.
Chuuya loved Dazai because he knew Dazai was being himself around him, and he knew in turn, he could be himself around Dazai. Chuuya loved Dazai because he was the only person who could save him. Chuuya loved Dazai because they both suffered in a way regular humans did not. Chuuya loved Dazai simply because he was Dazai.
He was his soulmate.
But not anymore.
He hates him. He really, truly hates him.
bonus: and when you said "I love you"
"Chuuya?"
Chuuya rolls over in bed and looks at the brunette beside him. "What is it, Dazai?"
"Are you still mad at me for leaving the mafia?"
Chuuya stares up at the ceiling, tucking his arms behind his head. A heavy question, he thinks. "I'm mad at you for leaving me, not for leaving the mafia. Out of the mafia, you're happier, healthier, better off, as you deserve. I'm glad you left the mafia, because now you can save people and live a much better life. I just wished you'd given me a proper goodbye."
He rolls to face his ex-partner, and closes his eyes. He has no fear allowing himself to be vulnerable around the brunette
Dazai sighs and cups the side of Chuuya's face, suddenly filled with guilt.
"Chuuya…"
He grabs onto Chuuya and drags him above him, causing Chuuya's eyes to wrench open. He stares down at him, face hot as he meets Dazai's eyes. He's used to seeing them burn red and demonic, but now they're soft and warm, reminiscent the whiskey he'd always drink.
"I couldn't give you a proper goodbye. They might've killed you. Might've taken you for a traitor."
He strokes Chuuya's cheek with his thumb reassuringly.
"I was just trying to protect you."
"I know…"
Chuuya shakes slightly.
"But it still hurt, okay? I never really started hating you until you left."
Dazai tenses up at that comment. He always thought the hate comments were in jest. He didn't want to imagine that the last constant in his life hated him at any point in time. "You...you actually hated me after I left?"
Chuuya lowers down and rests his head on Dazai's chest, Dazai carding his fingers through the redhead's soft hair, and sighs. "I did," he admits. "Mostly because I was pissed at you for walking out on me. I trusted you. And you abandoned me. Why wouldn't I hate you?"
Dazai gets a catch in his throat and looks away from Chuuya. "I suppose that's fair."
Immediately, Chuuya recognizes this tone. The only other time he'd heard it was the night before Dazai left the mafia.
When Oda died. It's the tone of loss. Of pain. Of heartbreak.
Quick to want to erase such feelings, Chuuya pushes himself up again and looks into Dazai's eyes, smiling.
"But I don't hate you anymore. Now, I've found you again. We've both matured—in some ways more so than others—we're closer now, we're healthier now...it's so much better than it used to be. And...I love you. Oh, my goodness, I love you. Holy shit, Dazai. I love you."
Chuuya's arms shudder until he collapses on top of the brunette and kisses him.
"I love you."
Dazai could swear he almost cried. It takes everything in his power to hold the tears back, to not burst. Those words were what he needed to hear all his life.
Now, he finally feels a semblance of peace. Now, he feels as if a hole in his chest has been filled. Now, he feels a bit happier.
"Oh, Chuuya..." he whispers sweetly, heavenly, lovingly, "I love you, too."