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Mo Guan Shan wakes to the soft glow of morning light filtering through his curtains, and a boy breathing quietly against his hair.
Before he can think too hard about it, he pushes further into the broad chest behind him, and feels a warm hand tighten around his waist in response. There is a pleasant tug in his gut as He Tian nuzzles into his ear, pressing a kiss to the cartilage, and just like that, the events of last night come rushing back to him.
They kissed, and Mo had all but asked for it, feeling the culmination of his barely acknowledged want come rushing to the surface while they gazed longingly at each other over supper. The entire night felt unbearably intimate, wordless confessions hanging heavy in the air as he pulled Tian into his room, where they kissed and held each other tight. Mo’s cheeks heat just thinking about the way Tian looked at him, deep and sure.
God, he had asked that idiot to pierce his ears, even after Tian said he should only ask for it if Mo liked him. It was as good as a confession, a desire to be marked by the boy who had saved his life.
Now that same boy is lying in his bed, curled around Mo and blinking himself awake.
He Tian groans softly at the light pouring through the window, burying his face into Mo’s neck. “Are you up?” he mumbles, nosing at a freckle he’s discovered underneath the redhead’s chin. The soft rasp of Tian’s morning-voice against Mo’s skin is affecting him more than he’d like to admit. His only response is a hand pushed into He Tian’s hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. The raven haired boy huffs contentedly at the sensation, nudging a hand underneath Mo’s t-shirt to rub at his stomach.
“Fuck! Don’t rub!” he says, before noticing that Tian is smiling mischievously up at him. The two devolve into a fit of giggling and squirming as He Tian begins to litter faint kisses across Mo’s chin, cheeks and eyelids. He begins to kiss a path towards Mo’s neck, where he sucks gently at the skin. Mo sighs, leaning back to give Tian better access for a few minutes before fisting a hand back into his hair. Breathing shallowly, feeling utterly consumed with desire, Mo drags Tian up to his mouth.
Despite everything that they shared last night—the charged looks and heated kisses—this still feels laughably far from easy to Mo. He’s never opened his heart to anyone before, and this thing blossoming between them seems dangerously close to love. He wishes his stupid brain could just man up and say something about what he’s feeling to Tian, especially knowing how long the other boy has been holding a torch for him.
Mo settles for kissing him instead. He Tian gasps into his mouth, hesitating for only a moment before kissing back with an intensity that knocks the wind out of Mo. They lie there, legs tangled together in the sheets, and Mo tells him everything he can’t say out loud with each desperate press of his mouth.
Tian is the one to pull back first, keeping their foreheads resting against each other. After a few beats, he begins to drag a reverent finger against Mo’s lips, content to look his fill before they have to get up. He Tian’s silent affection is stifling, and it only takes a few moments for Mo to feel entirely overwhelmed, turning his head away and making to get out of bed. Tian watches as he leaves the room for breakfast, and flops back down onto the bed, groaning softly into the pillow. He is entirely too in love, completely consumed by the thought that Mo Guan Shan is wordlessly reciprocating his feelings.
Breathing in the scent of Mo’s cheap shampoo, Tian digs his head deeper into the soft pillow, squeezing his eyes shut before whispering a quiet “God, he’s perfect.”
────── {⋆★⋆} ──────
It is late morning by the time Mo sits down at the kitchen table, his mom having prepared him and He Tian a bowl of warm oatmeal. After spooning a few bites into his mouth, Mo becomes aware of someone padding down the hallway from his bedroom. He looks up from his bowl to find that He Tian is pouting, of all things. The boy had interrupted Mo’s breakfast to ask for help washing up in the bathroom, and Mo begrudgingly follows him only to find him picking at his bandages with the most ridiculous puppy dog eyes. Mo hates that he finds it cute.
Now, Mo finds himself rummaging through the cabinets for a cloth and some cheap face wash, feeling He Tian’s gaze burn into his back as he sits patiently atop the toilet lid. “Shit!” Mo hisses, crouching to retrieve a bottle of shampoo that dropped from its shelf. On the way back up, Mo catches a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror. The first thing he notices is how exhausted he looks. The next is the smattering of bruises along his neck, some as a result of being roughed up by She Li, and a few new ones courtesy of the boy seated next to him. Tian’s eyes widen innocently as Mo turns towards him. “You animal, look what you did.” He tugs the collar of his t-shirt down. “You’re lucky these’ll blend right in with my injuries.” Tian frowns innocently at him, muttering a halfhearted apology. He continues to gaze up at Mo with that stupidly fond expression, eyes flitting down to the place where he’s now marked him. They both like it, but neither dare to admit it. Mo’s pretty sure they’re both blushing.
“Don’t look at me like that, dummy,” Mo says, rolling his eyes before smothering the lower half of Tian’s face with a washcloth. The other boy hums contentedly as Mo runs his fingers through inky bangs, pushing them away from Tian’s forehead as he continues to thoroughly cleanse his face. “Shut up,” Mo says softly, as He Tian makes little noises of pleasure. The affection in his tone isn’t lost on either of them, and instead of shutting Tian out or coming back with another retort, he only moves to add more soap to the washcloth.
The domesticity of the act, of this whole morning, feels like a dream to Tian. Despite how tender last night was, he didn’t want to let himself hope for much. Even now, he can see Mo fighting against the urge to close himself off, to run, making each moment that he chooses to stay feel dizzying. The returning scrape of the towel against his skin has Tian looking up at Guan Shan, whose eyebrows are scrunched in concentration until the moment he is satisfied. After Mo finishes rinsing out the cloth, he turns to Tian. “Come have some breakfast,” he says. “Mom made some for you too.”
────── {⋆★⋆} ──────
As they say goodbye to Mo’s mother and leave the apartment, He Tian feels for Mo’s hand, entwining their fingers and squeezing his palm affectionately before saying, “I want to take you somewhere.” Mo is immediately tempted to ask where are we going?, though the soft look in He Tian’s eyes is enough to silence him without another word. Mo nearly leans forward to kiss him in that moment, though he hesitates for a beat too long. The light of day makes this thing between them feel so much more real, and as a result Mo feels lost, utterly without confidence despite knowing how badly Tian wants him.
Noticing a subtle change in Mo’s expression, He Tian squeezes his hand once more, and leans forward to press a quick kiss to Mo’s cheek.
Suddenly, Tian is very close. Mo can feel his breath against his lips as he says, quietly, “are you okay?”
Mo blinks, nodding dumbly before looking down at his boots in shame. Why is this so hard for him, when affection seems so easy to Tian?
“I….” Mo starts, feeling He Tian rub his thumb lightly against Mo’s palm. “I don’t know how to do this, Tian. I’m not… this isn’t going to be what you were expecting.” When he looks back up to catch He Tian’s response, he notices a pinch between the dark haired boy’s eyebrows. It takes Mo a moment to realize he’s pouting again, and the stupidly adorable expression softens something inside of Mo. This past week has made him feel so safe around this boy, and suddenly, he’s unable to keep looking at that sad expression.
Mo moves forward to rest his head against He Tian’s shoulder. The dark haired boy brings a hand up to rest against Mo’s skull in response, his other arm circling his waist in a comfortable embrace. He Tian watches the wind rustle the autumn leaves as he feels Mo settle against him.
“Guan Shan,” He starts. “I hate it when you put yourself down, because you are perfect to me.”
At this, Mo burrows himself deeper into the crevice between Tian’s neck and shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut against the burn.
“I want to keep you by my side forever,” Tian continues. “But I know this is… new. I really want us to be together like this, more than anything. You’re so beautiful, Momo, and it feels surreal that you might really want to be mine.”
He Tian runs his fingers through Mo’s hair soothingly as he feels the redhead try to stifle his faint cries against his sweater. He Tian tilts his head back, watching the clouds as he gives Mo time to let everything out, rubbing his back gently all the way through it. “How can you say stuff like that so easily, dummy?” Mo has pulled back slightly, rubbing his eyes to clear away the last evidence of his tears. He Tian only smiles, glad at the return of Mo’s familiar tone. He disentangles them from the embrace, pressing a quick kiss to the redhead’s hair as they continue towards the subway station. This time, it is Mo who reaches for He Tian’s hand, perhaps a silent apology or a reconciling without words. He Tian feels warmth bloom in his chest at the simple gesture, because Mo is trying. Mo wants this, too.
They disentangle their hands as they arrive, running down the steps to the subway platform as they hear their train rumbling into the station. Tian stands behind Mo as he holds the rail, and after a few stops, Mo begins to itch with the feeling that people are staring at him. He turns his head back to quietly point this out to He Tian, who’s only response is to pull Mo close with those huge hands of his. “I’ll cover you, Momo,” he says, wrapping an arm snugly around his waist.
Mo’s cheeks flame. His first instinct is to run or shy away from the touch—people can see them, after all—but as the doors open and they exit onto the platform, he realizes just how much he’s coming to relish Tian’s ridiculously possessive behaviour.
After they make their way outside, He Tian asks Mo to wait for a moment as he crosses the street. He watches as He Tian stops by a flower vendor next to an outdoor market, the woman running the stand smiling pleasantly at Tian as he picks out a bouquet of white lilies. Soon He Tian is back at Mo’s side, muttering a breathy apology for making him stand alone for a short while. Mo nods wordlessly in response, and lets He Tian grab his hand to continue leading him towards their destination. This weather is perfect, Mo thinks, admiring the warm array of colours dotting the trees as they pass by a local park. He glances at Tian as they walk on, momentarily transfixed by the faint ruffling of his hair in the breeze. Suddenly, Mo Guan Shan is hit with a rush of fondness for Tian, cheeks heating at the simple boyishness of his loose sweater and fluffy hair. Mo basks in the new feeling spreading through his chest. Now that She Li is dealt with, he and Tian can let themselves be stupid teenagers who like each other so much it feels like they might explode. They can just be two boys with nothing better to do than go on dates after school. This really is starting to feel like a date…
Before they reach the next block, He Tian turns to Mo with an oddly sincere look on his face. The expression gives Mo pause, though he makes sure to meet Tian’s eyes as he eventually finds his voice.
“Guan Shan… before we go anywhere else, I want you to meet my mom.”
The words hang in the air for a moment, before Mo feels them like settle into him like a physical weight on his chest. He Tian’s mother… she was dead, wasn’t she? He tries to remember Tian ever speaking about her, struggling to think of much. Mo doesn’t break eye contact, desperately trying to read Tian’s expression.
“He Tian…” he says, gently, like coaxing a wounded animal. It must be such a painful thing, growing up without a mother. Mo tries to imagine life without his mom, but the thought seems too absurd considering what a large piece of his heart she takes up. “Please, Guan Shan,” the earnestness in his voice paired with the use of his first name is almost enough to break Mo. As if he’d ever refuse to accompany Tian when it comes to something as precious as this.
Interpreting Mo’s silence as hesitation, He Tian continues. “I promise after this, I’ll take you somewhere nice. We’ll do something fun together and I’ll make sure you have the best day.” He squeezes Mo’s hand, and damn him for being so selfless at a time like this.
“He Tian… don’t be stupid. Of course I want to come.” Quietly, he adds, “I’d love to meet her, if that’s what you want.” And that smile that lights up Tian’s face makes everything feel worth it, a thousand times over.
They walk into the cemetery still hand-in-hand, as He Tian weaves through the maze of headstones until they arrive at the place where his mother is laid to rest. He Tian disentangles their fingers to kneel down in front of the grey marble, laying the bouquet of white lilies by her grave. Mo struggles not to feel out of place as he watches He Tian, and for a few beats, the only sound around them comes from twittering birds and gently rustling leaves. In the next moment, Tian glances up at Mo standing behind him, a tender expression passing over his face before he turns back to his mother’s headstone.
“Ma…” He starts. “I hope you’re doing well. I’ve brought someone to see you today.”
Witnessing He Tian like this, completely laid bare, feels unthinkably private. He’s only just begun speaking and already Mo is getting choked up, stuffing his hands into his pockets and looking down at the grass as his face crumples with emotion.
“This is Mo Guan Shan,” He Tian continues, never taking his eyes from her grave. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring him to see you sooner, but it didn’t feel right yet. Remember when I told you there was this boy I really liked? He’s so beautiful, momma. He’s everything I could ever want. And now he’s here with me. I was dying for you to meet him.”
Mo feels like his heart is going to beat out of his chest. He can’t bring himself to look up from the ground, to witness He Tian at his most vulnerable. Something about Tian’s words threatens to break him; he feels the soft plink plink as a few stray tears land on his boots. After a few more beats of silence, He Tian glances back at him once more, mildly alarmed at the sight of Mo rubbing his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater, bottom lip quivering ever-so slightly. Whatever He Tian was expecting, it certainly wasn't this.
Tian stumbles up from where he was kneeling, moving his hands to cup Mo’s face and thumb away his tears. “Hey, Momo, are you alright? I didn’t mean to make you cry. If this is too much, we can go. I don’t mind coming back on my own if you—”
Mo kisses him.
He Tian leans into his touch immediately, and they kiss again, tenderly. Mo wraps his hands around the back of Tian’s neck to draw him closer, hoping that the desperate press of his mouth is enough to convey everything he is feeling. He wants to say, ‘I can’t believe you want me’ or ‘I don’t deserve you’ or ‘I think I’m in love with you.’
He musters up the courage to vocalize his growing feelings for Tian; it’s what he deserves, after showering Mo in so much boundless affection with his beautiful words and sweet touches these past few days.
Mo surprises even himself when in between breathless kisses, what comes out is a faintly spoken “Tian… I like you so much.”
He Tian pulls back, though not far enough to remove himself from their half-embrace. He searches Mo’s gaze for a moment, observing the slow pinkening of his cheeks paired with the bashful sincerity in his expression, and finds that he can do nothing else but smile.
“Guan Shan,” he starts, and Mo fights the shiver running up his spine at the way He Tian says his name. “I really like you too, and I’m so glad you agreed to come here with me. I know this whole relationship thing—” he cuts himself off, embarrassed to have possibly jumped to a conclusion that the redhead will contest, though his abrupt silence is followed by the feel of Mo tugging lightly at the bottom of his sweater. He Tian smiles softly, taking the gesture as wordless permission to continue.
“I know that being in a relationship is new to us both, but I really want to get this right with you. When you took me into your bedroom and kissed me last night, Shan—both of us exhausted and covered in bruises—I felt like I was dreaming. I never thought it could be like this between us, but I want to be yours so badly, and I never want to let you go. Anything you want, just tell me. I promise I’ll give you everything, you deserve the world. ”
He Tian’s words are incredibly sincere, and Mo feels overwhelmed with just how deeply He Tian feels. He can hardly think of anything to say in response to such a heartfelt confession, so he settles for kissing He Tian once more.
His entire chest is filled with warmth as they break apart, and this time it is Mo who kneels before Tian’s mother’s grave, the raven haired boy watching silently from behind.
“Hello, Mrs He,” Mo starts, feeling something inside of him loosen. “I’m here with your youngest son, Tian. He must really love you a lot, since he asked me to come meet you the day after I first kissed him.” Mo knows that He Tian is standing only a few paces away, listening intently as Mo speaks to his mother. He knows that he is saying things that he can’t even bring himself to say to Tian’s face yet. But there is something so peaceful about this moment. Something about the thought of speaking with the mother He Tian has been missing his whole life that makes everything come spilling out of him without fear.
“Your son has been so good to me these past few weeks. He defends me when people try to hurt me, and when I do get hurt, he’s always there to bandage me up and make sure I heal properly. He makes me feel so safe, Mrs. He. I couldn’t help falling for him, and I hope I can be worthy of what you would've wanted for your son. I know you would be so proud of him if you were able to see him now.”
He takes a shuddering breath, surprised by everything that he had let out of his system. It felt good to say these things out loud, even better when He Tian could hear them. Mo hopes that the words bring him a little bit of comfort, that they assure him Mo is in this just as deep as he is.
“Mo…” He Tian says, looking utterly wrecked. The realization that Tian has been so deeply impacted by his words makes Mo’s heart squeeze. God, how did he not realize it sooner, how much he cares about this boy?
He Tian seems to be searching within himself for something. He looks down to where Mo is still kneeling, and their gaze meets.
“Mo,” He Tian says again, softly. “I love you.”
So simple, yet the words mean everything. Mo feels a small smile tug at his lips as he watches a single tear escape from the corner of He Tian’s eye, and all he can says is “I know, Tian. I’ve always known.”
────── {⋆★⋆} ──────
After they leave the cemetery and exit back onto the street, Mo grabs for He Tian’s hand, feeling that some irreplaceable barrier has just been broken between them. How could he have been embarrassed of this? He Tian is so forward with his love, and Mo realizes that he wants all of it.
After a few minutes of walking, He Tian asks, “Guan Shan, you like dogs, right?”
The question seems quite random, but Mo amuses him anyways. “I’m more of a cat person, but dogs are cute too. Mom and I both love em’, only problem is that a dog would be too much work considering I’m always at school and mom is always working late shifts.”
He Tian hums, a smile creeping onto his face. “Well, how would you like to go see some anyways?” He points at a sign up ahead, advertising a pet adoption event happening at the community centre down the street. “They have one every month, and they let handlers bring some of the dogs to play in the local park, that way more people know about the adoption drive. It’s up to you, but I thought you might like to go pet some of the dogs?”
Mo feels pure joy rush through him at both He Tian’s thoughtfulness, and the idea of getting to play with some puppies. “Can we, Tian? I really want to go.” he says, and He Tian leads the way into the local park, where they can already hear groups of dogs yipping and running around the families and couples that bend down to pet them.
He Tian looks to Mo, and lets himself be dragged by his hand towards a handler giving treats to a docile looking golden retriever. Tian is initially surprised that Mo didn’t rush towards one of the more energetic dogs or one of the puppies, though as he thinks about it more, the idea seems ridiculous.
Mo is typically a very reserved person—He Tian had only recently gotten through his thick shell—and so a quiet, friendly dog like this matches him perfectly. He Tian watches silently as Mo kneels down and scratches the dog behind its ears, feeling something twist in his chest when he realizes the golden retriever looks almost exactly like the one he loved so dearly in his childhood.
“What’s the dog’s name?” Mo asks, continuing to rub the dogs fur as the woman holding the leash tells him ‘Bo’.
“He’s a very sweet dog, calm enough that he’d make a great companion for older folks, or couples without children.” She smiles knowingly at Tian, maybe having noticed them holding hands as they approached her earlier. He Tian smiles politely back at her, reveling at having been recognized as a couple. He feels another rush of love for Mo as the boy continues to rub at Bo’s fur, talking gently to him like only the sweetest of souls would. Its a marvel to witness Mo finally releasing all of that tenderness he usually keeps locked away inside him.
After a few more minutes, Mo stands from his place in the grass next to Bo, and turns to Tian, ready to leave. He says goodbye to Bo and thanks his handler, taking Tian’s hand as they make their way through the park.
“Thank you, Tian. I loved getting to meet Bo. He was so sweet!” Mo says, moving forward to press a lingering kiss to He Tian’s cheek. The sudden affection makes Tian’s heart pound; all of this hand-holding and kissing feels surreal to him, and Mo seems to be growing even more comfortable with giving affection as the day progresses.
I could get used to this Tian thinks as he moves to peck Mo on the lips, catching a rare glimpse of the redhead’s smile as he chastely kisses back.
“Where are we going now?” Mo asks. He Tian loves hearing the hint of eagerness colouring his voice. This date—if they were calling it that now—was more perfect than he could have imagined.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d want to do more, so the rest is kind of up in the air. If you’d like, I was thinking we could go to a cafe and get some coffee, then go see a movie together?” Mo nods enthusiastically at He Tian’s latest proposition, linking their arms together as they search for the nearest coffee and bake shop. Shit, he’s so cute, Tian thinks. I wish I could get him that dog. When we’re older, I’m definitely surprising him with a dog…
The bell above the doorframe rings as they enter the cafe, and Mo Guan Shan immediately goes to save them a window seat. He tells He Tian that he’s fine with any drink, just to order whatever looks best, before sending him off to the line.
When He Tian returns to their booth, sliding into the cushion opposite Mo, he notices the redhead frowning as he grabs his chocolate frappuccino from Tian’s hand. He Tian places a sponge cake in front of him, too—he’d gotten one for the both of them. “Why didn’t you order a drink for yourself?” Mo says. “You’ll be thirsty after eating a pastry without anything to wash it down.”
“That’s alright, Momo. I can get something at the movies later if I need to, but I’m okay for now.” He watches as Mo slides out of the booth and disappears behind the lineup for a moment, before returning with another straw that he retrieved from the countertop. Mo pushes it into the drink alongside his own straw, proceeding to shove the deliciously sweet concoction into Tian’s face. They lock eyes as He Tian takes a slow sip, and he fights off the urge to smile as Mo blushes before breaking his gaze to look out the window.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” He Tian says, knowing the answer, but curious as to how much Mo will share with him. The redhead takes a bite of his sponge cake, giving himself a moment to form the response he wants.
“I am.” He starts, pushing himself to say more. “I’ve never been on a date before, so this is… really nice.” Mo looks down at the table then, fidgeting with his napkin for a moment before adding, “You’re being really good to me. I– I never thought I would get to have a relationship like this. So, thanks, Tian.”
His words are shockingly honest, and despite everything they’ve already shared today, He Tian is giddy with the thought that this is really happening, they’re communicating. Mo is slowly peeling down his protective walls, and they are already on the cusp of becoming that stereotypical lovey-dovey couple that Jian Yi will most certainly make fun of them for. This entire day is perfect.
He Tian leans forward on his elbows, so that his face is mere inches away from Mo’s. He’s close enough that the redhead will certainly see him in his peripheral vision, even if he is still too embarrassed to face Tian after speaking such sweet words.
“Shan Shan,” the new nickname causes something to twist pleasantly in Mo’s gut. “You’re lucky we’re in a crowded cafe right now, or else I would definitely be kissing you.” Mo huffs at the teasing words, feigning annoyance. Feeling a random burst of confidence, he decides to test the waters.
“Who says I don’t wanna be kissing you right now, too?” Immediately after the words come out, Mo dedicates himself towards taking a long sip of his drink, hiding the twinge of embarrassment for trying to taunt He Tian, but also reveling in the blush that dots his cheeks.
Take that, you sly bastard.
A few moments later, He Tian is sliding out of the booth and grabbing for Mo’s wrist, coaxing him along behind him as they leave the cafe abruptly. He Tian pauses on the sidewalk outside the establishment. “Momo…. I don’t know about the movies anymore. I’m feeling pretty tired but we can definitely watch one together at my place instead! That way we can both relax and enjoy ourselves more~”
“You… you want to kiss me that badly?” Mo blurts, unable to stop the smile that spreads across his face. And that smile– that smile is impossible for Tian not to notice. The expression lights up Mo’s entire face, making him look painfully beautiful under the autumn sky. I want to make him smile more. He thinks, grinning as Mo tugs him back towards the subway station. “Fine,” Mo says, digging a playful finger into Tian’s side as they stand next to each other on the train. “Take me to your place, you big sap.”