Work Text:
Ink twirled the pencil between his fingers while he stared at the blank page on his sketchbook.
I wish you'd just forget me!
He just couldn't decide on what to draw.
I wish you'd just forget me!
Maybe some scenery? It had been a while since he had drawn an autumn landscape.
I wish you'd just forget me!
Or maybe he could draw Dream and Blue? A nice, happy portrait of his two best friends.
I wish you'd just forget me!
Or maybe...
I wish you'd just forget me!
He could...
I wish you'd just forget me!
Ink gave up and put his skull in his hands, trying to ignore the horrible phrase that had been rattling around his mind for days.
He and PJ had had an argument (Ink didn't even remember what it had been about, and wasn't that just ironic? Or maybe it was just pathetic), and just before storming off, his child has yelled: "I wish you'd just forget me, like you do with everything else! At least I wouldn't have to deal with you anymore!"
That... That had hurt a lot. Ink knew, he knew he had been terrible as a parent, that he had put his duty as the Protector before PJ too many times, that PJ had been basically left to fend for themselves, and that he would never be able to make up for it (Dream and Blue disagreed, but they were biased, so they didn't count).
He still didn't knows why PJ had decided to reach out to him (though he was pretty sure Gradient had guilted them into it, the poor kid always wanted everyone to get along), but Ink had tried to do right by them: PJ would be the one to set the pace, Ink wouldn't overstep.
At least, that's what should have happened if Ink wasn't selfish and always tried to make things about himself; he just couldn't help butting into PJ's life, trying to give obviously unwanted advice, like he had any authority or right. Really, was it any wonder that PJ sometimes snapped at him?
Still, they had never said something so final. Sure, "I hate you"s and other insults had been thrown around, but they weren't really that surprising, Ink knew he deserved that and more; and sure, PJ always apologized after, but Ink knew it was only for politeness sake, that his child was just trying to be mature (unlike Ink himself), that PJ didn't really mean the apologies.
It hurt, but Ink could ignore it if it meant PJ still talked to him. But that was just Ink being selfish again, wanting to make things all about himself.
What mattered is that PJ was happy, and if never seeing Ink again made them happy, then Ink would do it.
And he knew just how.
===================
Ink waited a few more days inside the Doodlesphere, knowing that PJ would apologize soon and wanting to avoid a public argument: if his plan worked, there would be a lot of screaming; Dream and Blue would probably call it "unhealthy" and "self-destructive", but Ink didn't care.
It would be worth it .
He was sitting on the ground of the Doodlesphere, sketching a stormy sea with charcoal, when he felt a familiar pull on his magic: someone had entered his domain. He forced himself to stay still and not turn around, pretending he was immersed in his craft. Footsteps came closer and closer, till the person stopped just behind him. Ink waited for them to make the first move.
"Hey Ink." PJ's voice was pained and a bit ashamed. Ink turned around and saw that they were rubbing their neck and avoiding looking at him in the eye.
"I..." they sighed "I came to apologize for last time."
Alright Ink, that's your cue.
"Heeeey... buddy?" he said, faking a cheerful tone and a confused expression. He wasn't sure if his pupils had changed accordingly, but people usually didn't notice them, so he wasn't too worried "Do I... know you?"
PJ blinked in surprise, and then glared at him.
"Ink, don't joke, I'm trying to do a nice thing here."
Okay, Ink could work with this, he had expected some resistance.
"I'm not joking, pal." he shrugged "I really don't know who you are."
PJ glared harder.
"Ink, this isn't funny, stop it."
"I'm telling the truth!"
"Oh really?" PJ was starting to sound frustrated, which was good "You mean to tell me you don't even know my name?"
"Nope, sorry!" Ink smiled, copying how he usually interacted with strangers "I'm not saying you're a liar, if you know me you probably know about my memory problems, I just forgot you, is all."
PJ crossed their arms, and raised their brow.
"I see" they said in an icy tone. Ink didn't know if it was good or bad "Trying to teach me a lesson for last time?"
Darn, Ink should have known that PJ would be smart enough to figure it out. Better play dumb.
"Last time?"
"Oh sure, pretend like I didn't tell you that I wished you'd forget about me." they rolled their eyes "You proved you point, now stop."
Ink considered coming clean, but immediately changed his mind: he wasn't doing this for himself, he was doing this for PJ.
"Buddy, I'm really, really not joking." He tried to seem concerned, and even put a hand on PJ's arm "I don't know you. What's your name?"
PJ jerked away, and then sneered: "It's Paperjam. Ring any bells?"
Ink shook his skull. "No, I'm sorry Paperjam, I don't remember you."
He must have sounded pretty convincing, because PJ floundered and asked: "A-are you sure?"
Ink felt pretty confident, so he kept going.
"Yes, but don't worry, we can catch up after you tell me what you need!"
"What I need?" PJ sounded very out of their depth.
"Of course, that's usually why people look for me, if they need the Protector!" he made some jazz hands to emphasize the point "What do you need?"
PJ opened and closed their mouth a couple of times, then mumbled: "I... nothing, I just came to talk things out."
"Oh well, that's bad for you then, ahahah!" Ink grabbed his scarf and a pencil, pretending he was about to write something down "Come on Paperjam, maybe if you tell me from which AU are you, then you can jog my memory a little!"
"You... really don't remember me, do you?" PJ's voice sounded so sad, but if Ink wanted his plan to work, he couldn't just comfort them, so he tried to do it subtly.
"Nope! Hey, don't take it personally, it usually happens with people I don't see often!"
"It does?" Alright, PJ's tone was less "depressed" and more "furious". After all, they had always been mad at Ink for not being around, and even now it was Ink's fault they didn't meet up often (what with all his Protector duties).
"Yeah, all the time!" Ink pretended not to notice PJ glaring daggers at him "Sometimes jogging the memories works, sometimes it doesn't, but it's whatever!" He was making all of it up, his memory problems had no logic behind them; Ink could still remember that amazing sundae he had eaten in a specific AU decades ago, but he couldn't remember what he had done yesterday at all. It was frustrating, to say the least.
"So, let's start! Are we acquaintances?"
PJ blew up and shouted: "Ink, I'm your child!"
Score! Ink now only needed to needle them a biiiit more.
"Are you sure?" he asked, tilting his skull in fake confusion.
"Yes Ink, I'm sure!" PJ answered through gritted teeth.
Ink took on a condescending tone.
"Because I'm also sure I'd remember having a child. Maybe you confused me with someone else?"
"I'm not confused! You think I don't know who my own parents are?!" PJ's body was starting to bubble a bit, that meant they were really furious. It was working!
"I mean, there are many alternates running around the Multiverse..."
"Well, I know I'm right!" At this point, they were yelling "I'm your child! You're my parent!"
"I still don't think you got the right person."
"Ugh!" PJ turned around and started pacing, fists clenching and unclenching "You're unbelievable!"
"It's not my fault you're talking to the wrong guy."
Crap, PJ was trying to calm down, that wasn't good, maybe Ink needed to be more firm.
"Come on, Mom! How could you forget?!"
"I'm not your mom."
PJ actually stumbled while they paced and turned to face him, so Ink supposed he had been firm enough. And it wasn't like it wasn't true, he didn't really deserve the title, not after all his failings.
"What?"
PJ looked... Ink didn't even know how to describe that look.
"I'm not your mother. I told you, you got the wrong person"
"B-but-"
"I don't know you." One last push "You're not my child."
There. That should make PJ angry enough.
A lot of things could be said about Ink, but not that he doesn't know PJ: they are very hotheaded and rash, but also stubborn and loyal. They would never stop seeing Ink, even if it meant every visit ended in a screaming match, because they felt obligated to stick it out. However, if Ink gave them an out and made them angry enough to leave, they would stay away. The two of them would live their life separate and happy (well, PJ would be happy, Ink would live with it).
Now that Ink had made PJ livid, he just needed to endure a couple minutes of rants about how he was the worst (stupid selfish cruel), how he had made PJ's life miserable (you left me you let me you left me), how PJ wished they had never decided to try again with him (why are you always like this why can't you understand why do you always hurt me why why why), same old same old, and then PJ would storm off and, since Ink had "forgotten" them, there would be no reason to keep seeing each other.
PJ started coming closer and closer, shaking with rage, and Ink braced himself for the inevitable yelling.
He didn't expect the hug.
"What!?"
Ink tried to dislodge himself, feeling kinda trapped given that PJ was a good head taller than him. They were holding him very tightly and still shaking. Ink then felt drops on his skull and realized PJ was actually sobbing.
"D-don't sa-ah-ay that! You have... have to... remember!"
Ink was not expecting this. PJ wasn't one to cry, they were usually more... loud when they were upset. Why were they crying? Ink felt very out of his depth, so he did the only thing he could think of and kept following the plan.
"Listen kid, I really think you got confus-"
PJ's hold tightened.
"NO!" Ink winced at the volume "You're my mom!"
Why was PJ being so clingy?
"I'm not-"
"YES YOU ARE!"
Ink once again tried to free himself, but PJ wasn't letting go.
"I'm telling you, I'm not-"
"YES, YOU-!" a big sob shook them, and they laid their head on Ink's chest, whispering: "...you are. You are, you are."
Ink awkwardly patted PJ on the back, still unsure of what was happening. Why would PJ be so distraught about Ink "forgetting" them? PJ hated him! Maybe they just wanted a parental figure, no matter how worthless? Was that the ACTUAL reason why they kept trying to have a bond with Ink (which Ink ruined again and again)?
And Dream and Blue called HIM "unhealthy". No matter, Ink could still fix this.
"Hey, hey, it's alright." Ink rubbed PJ's back to make them calm down "Listen, Paperjam, even if I was your mom-"
Their voice muffled by Ink's shirt, PJ sobbed: "You are."
"-do you think a good mother would forget their own child? So really, either way, you're better off without me."
PJ started sobbing even more, and yelled out a very heart wrenching: "NO!"
"...no?"
Why was PJ saying these things? Why were they still so heartbroken? Ink was right, they were better off without him, they didn't need Ink, so why did they want him?
"YOU'RE MY MOM! YOU HAVE TO-" another strong sob racked PJ's body, and their voice became more subdued "...to remember, please."
"I-"
"You, you u-used to... kiss me twi-ih-ih-ce on the, the forehead... before bed."
What? Why was PJ talking about that now?
"You, you ta-ah-ah-ught me how to, how to use my, my powers."
Oh.
They were trying to make Ink remember, jogging his memory just like he had said.
"You were ah-ah-ah-lways too... too embaa-ah-arrassed to sing for other, other people, but... but you'd do it if I-I-I ever got sih-ih-ihck."
Ink really couldn't deal with how broken PJ sounded. They were so sad, and hurt, and Ink had only wanted to make them stop hurting.
Instead, like usual, he had only hurt them more.
"You... you... you a-a-always called me-"
"Jammie."
PJ's breath itched, and they raised their head, looking at Ink with hope. Ink hugged them properly, and avoided their eyes.
"Jammie, I'm sorry. I remember you, I didn't forget you, I'm sorry."
PJ started crying again, but this time it was obvious it was from relief.
"I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it" PJ kept repeating over and over, hugging back very tightly.
They sounded so much happier than before, why would Ink ever think he'd have a good idea, that he could make things better, he was an idiot who always made everything worse.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Jammie, I never wanted to hurt you, I just-"
"No no no, it's not your fault!"
PJ squeezed him, and Ink just got confused. It was his fault, of course it was, he had made up this whole thing.
"Of... course it's my fault Jammie, I-"
"No!" PJ shook their head with force and grabbed Ink's skull, looking him straight in the eye, still sobbing, even if less violently "I'm done... blah-ah-aming you for, for things you can't coh-oh-oh-ontrol, and you shouldn't, shouldn't either!"
Maybe Ink had been too convincing.
"PJ, really, it is my fau-"
But PJ wasn't listening.
"Don't, don't worry, I won't let it happen a-again!" They had stopped crying, though their voice was still a bit hoarse "I'll make sure to visit every week, I can accompany you on your patrol, we can train together, we should probably visit Gradient together too-"
PJ kept going on and on about all the things they could do together, and Ink realized this was it.
If Ink told them the truth right now, that he had lied to them and hurt them on purpose, then his plan could still work: PJ really would cut him off and never see him again. What he did was unforgivable. He just needed to say it, say it, open your mouth and say it, you coward!
Instead, he closed his eyes and hugged PJ tighter, nodding at all of their suggestions.
Ink really was selfish.