Chapter Text
Rumours and gossip were funny things. They were spread with absolute certainty in their truth and they travelled at a speed that was impossible to stop.
Tony had stopped trying to fight the rumours a long time ago. There wasn’t a point. The public would believe what they wanted to and addressing the stories only made them stronger.
So he ignored them.
But some were too unbelievable to not notice.
“I’m sleeping with who?” Tony asked in disbelief, almost dropping his cup of coffee.
He’d made the foolish mistake of going to the kitchen for a refill and walked in on this madness.
Rogers was blushing something fierce. Natasha was smirking at the good captain in amusement while Clint cackled madly, barely staying in his seat. Bruce was ignoring the chaos as he continued cooking breakfast.
Hmm, pancakes. Was it worth this madness to stay long enough for one?
“Steve!” Clint gasped around his laughter. “You’re having- having a ‘passionate affair’!”
Rogers turned more red, if that was even possible.
“Also, you’re cheating on Pepper,” Natasha pointed out mildly. “She’s standing in the way of the romance of the ages.”
Tony just gaped at them.
“What the fuck? Pep’s like my sister.”
Rogers startled at that and looked up at him in surprise. “What? You’re not dating?”
Tony scrunched up his nose. “That would be like dating Rhodey. My brother. A man and a woman can be platonic friends! Why is this so difficult to understand?”
“You’re the one who admitted you’re bi,” Natasha reminded him. “You gave them more options to pair you with.”
Tony groaned and dropped into the seat beside her while Clint wheezed and sounded like he was dying across the table.
“It was pride month!” he complained. “I was just wearing one of my flags! I didn’t think all this would happen.”
He noted how Natasha’s smirk widened a little and Clint didn’t seem surprised. He’d thought that they might have picked up on it. He knew Coulson did very quickly. And so did Fury.
Most people never considered it though. Despite no one ever having actual proof of the act, he was called the biggest playboy of the century.
Kind of impressive for an asexual who hadn’t had sex since college. Peer pressure, what can you do?
Rhodey set him straight on why he hated it so much, firmly telling him that he wasn’t broken. That there was nothing wrong with not liking sex.
It had taken him a long time to fully accept those words and now he mostly viewed the rampant rumours with amusement as they grew wilder by the day.
But this? Steve Rogers?
What the fuck? They could barely go one day without arguing! Sometimes publicly! How was that the ‘love story of the ages’?!
“Pretty awkward, huh?” Rogers asked awkwardly.
He was always awkward since moving into the tower a few weeks ago, the last one out of the Avengers. Clint had moved within a matter of days of the invasion at Coulson’s request. There was a lot of tension at SHIELD over the mind control so they’d wanted Clint out of that toxic environment as he recovered.
Tony agreed, threw a personalised floor at the archer and was surprised when he showed up in the lab in the middle of an inventing binge to shove food in his face. Called it a thank you.
The cupcakes were good. Clint was a pretty decent baker.
He became Clint instead of Barton after only a few days and then Birdbrain and Tweety only a week later.
Natasha had followed Clint two weeks after that. She was harder to connect to though. They already had baggage after their previous interactions.
After ‘Iron Man: Yes, Tony Stark: Not recommended’.
Clint was actually the reason they became friends. He dragged Natasha to a movie night with Tony and they bonded over Disney movies of all things.
Natasha admitted, after she eventually became Natty Nat and Itsy Bitsy, that Disney movies were the first things that Clint showed her when she was taken in by SHIELD.
They were now drinking buddies and both drank Clint under the table every single time, toasting their alcohol tolerance with vodka.
Bruce was a different matter. He’d moved in the day Tony made the offer, not comfortable with SHIELD. Tony gave him a floor, a reinforced room to hide in when he felt like hulking out and his own lab.
The other scientist had surprised him with offers of cooking and hesitant requests to do experiments together.
Tony was so fucking gone on the man. He wanted to do all the sappy things like flowers and dates and presents, but Bruce was far too skittish and withdrew at any attempt at physical contact. So Tony had backed off and firmly planted himself in friend territory.
Maybe one day… but he refused to make his new science buddy uncomfortable when he’d already been through hell.
He was pretty sure the spy twins knew about his crush but they hadn’t commented on it yet. He could appreciate the pair not interfering despite their super spy observation skills.
Just because you knew something didn’t mean you had to act on it.
Rogers though… He was still Rogers, not Steve. The nicknames were still said mockingly, he didn’t have access to the labs either.
The sad truth was just that Tony didn’t like Steve Rogers. The man was arrogant and self-righteous in a way that made the genius want to punch him. He constantly complained about the way the world had changed and how much he missed the past. He fought Tony on almost everything for no apparent reason and the billionaire hadn’t forgotten the sharp words thrown his way on the helicarrier after practically no provocation.
So his guard was up around the man and he didn’t expect to drop it any time soon.
Tony Stark was not one to bow down to bullies and he was going to be an irritating little petty shit until he got an apology for all that bullshit.
Clint had apologised for attacking him, despite it being under mind control. Tony accepted it because Clint needed him to and he’d never blamed the archer for any of it.
Bruce apologised for the damage to the penthouse from the Hulk smashing Loki and Tony accepted because Bruce was adorable and he needed to remodel the place anyway.
Natasha had apologised for ‘Natalie Rushman’, for the needles and for the report. Tony had accepted after nights of talking about ballerinas and terrorists over vodka and sincere thanks for helping Clint.
Rogers? Rogers had not apologised. Rogers strutted around his home and sneered at the design, the technology, the expense. Rogers grimaced at every new story of Tony’s supposed sexual adventures. Rogers rolled his eyes when Tony started rambling about his work or inventions.
Rogers did none of that to the other members of the team and Tony was not accepting treatment like that in his own home. He would snap back if he was slighted and Rogers seemed to grow frustrated every time he didn’t take his behaviour lying down.
Starks were made of iron and Tony had dealt with many bastards who thought they were better than him for whatever reason.
If this was how Rogers acted because of rumours and gossip, because Tony wasn’t Howard?
Then he wasn’t worth Tony’s time.
The genius tuned back into the conversation, finally answering Rogers’ painfully awkward question.
“It’s laughable is what it is,” he scoffed.
As he expected, Rogers puffed up in offence.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he snapped.
Tony rolled his eyes. “Rogers, we hate each other. Hate sex is something I will never understand. Besides, you’re not my type.”
“You have a type?” Rogers asked dubiously. “Seems like you sleep with anything that will spread it’s legs for you.”
Tony rolled his eyes obnoxiously. The words didn’t matter to him because Rogers didn’t matter to him. He was a co-worker and if Tony let every insult from someone he had to work with hurt him, he’d have broken a long time ago.
The words seemed to have more of an effect on the others though. Clint’s laughter cut out and he glared at the Captain.
“What the fuck Steve?” he demanded. “What the hell was that for?”
Natasha had cut a sharp glare the man’s way, lowering her cup of coffee to the table.
“That was completely uncalled for,” she agreed. “Are you that offended that Tony doesn’t find you attractive?”
Tony’s eyebrows rose as Rogers spluttered incoherently for a moment.
“Am I wrong?” he demanded.
“That’s not the point!” Bruce was the one to explode, spinning to glare at Rogers, eyes glinting green. “Who the hell do you think you are to comment on someone else’s sexual activity? This isn’t the forties Rogers. We don’t give a fuck if someone wants to sleep with whoever they want as long as everything is consensual and there’s no cheating happening. Keep your offensive opinions to yourself. You don’t have any right to tell someone else who they can have sex with.”
Rogers opened and closed his mouth, speechless in the face of Bruce’s tirade.
“Tony has never slept with someone in a relationship,” Clint said firmly.
“Tony has never slept with someone under dubious consent,” Natasha added, tone dangerously low.
Tony sipped at his coffee, watching the drama and hoping JARVIS was recording for Rhodey and Pepper. They were still dubious about the Avengers so Tony wanted them to see that three out of four wasn’t so bad.
“He’s a slut,” Rogers tried.
“You’re a prude,” Clint scoffed.
“I’ve slept with more people than Tony has,” Natasha deadpanned. “So that makes me a slut too, doesn’t it?”
Rogers looked alarmed now as Natasha stood up slowly, gaze glacial.
“I’m a honeypot. I seduce people and sleep with them if necessary. I’ve done that for years. Are you going to call me a slut now Rogers?”
“That’s-that’s different,” he spluttered.
“I also sleep with people for the fun of it too,” Natasha shrugged. “I enjoy sex.”
“I slept with plenty of people when I was younger,” Clint added. “And I didn’t have the morals or common sense to stay away from people having affairs. Am I a man-whore too?”
Tony didn’t like this. He didn’t feel like his friends should have to air the pasts they hated and that hurt them to prove a point to Rogers.
The genius set down his cup and stood up, bringing a halt to the tense conversation.
“You’re a judgemental dick Rogers. Your opinions and moral beliefs are not the be-all and end-all of morality. People can have sex with whoever they want. They can have tons of sex, no sex, as little or as much as they want. We stan consent and we love healthy communication. Keep your pathetic judgment to yourself, would you? Before you offend someone else.” He stole the plate that Bruce had just set a pancake on and grabbed a refill for his coffee. “Also, you might want to get a course on the media. Most of what you see there is fake and outright lies.”
He paused in the doorway and glanced back lazily.
“For the record, I’ve slept with two people. They were both terrible experiences that I sincerely regret and I hate sex and find it repulsive. I’m asexual, you asshole. People like claiming they’ve slept with me for the clout though, cause I’m rich and famous,” he shrugged.
Bruce’s eyes were wide with dawning realisation and Rogers looked both confused and offended. Natasha and Clint didn’t look surprised in the least.
“I’m tactile and I like physical contact. And I’ve fallen in love before. But sex? Not interested. And it’s even more repulsive that anyone could suggest that I’ve slept with a judgemental dick like you. Like I said, Tony Stark sleeping with Steve Rogers? Laughable.”
He strolled out of the room, sure that Natasha and Clint were going to force Rogers through a course on the different sexualities and the wide rainbow that made up the human race now.
They had far more patience than he did. He didn’t have the time or inclination to waste on a man who judged someone by what others told him.