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Guilt kept filling Kojiro’s stomach. He knew it shouldn’t feel the way he felt but he really couldn’t help it.
When he saw his boyfriend and supposedly, his new best friend together, his stomach felt unsteady. They had started spending a lot of time with each other to either skate or just talk. It came to the point where Kaoru had started canceling plans to practice skating with each other.
Kojiro didn’t mind at first. You should always make time for friends while in or out of a relationship, but this was different. Almost every hangout they had planned with each other was getting canceled for Ainosuke, and whenever they did hangout, Kaoru would talk about him majority of the time. Kojiro always listened, but it felt like Ainosuke was always there.
His anxiety worsened whenever he thought of them together, alone. What they could be doing or saying to each other. He really shouldn’t be thinking in that way at all. He knew they were just friends and skating buddies, nothing was joining on. He also didn't think Kaoru was treacherous of any sort. He just felt really uneasy when the thought came to mind.
As a way to try and avoid the thoughts, he decided to hangout with the both of them. While it was out of nervousness for their relationship, he also wanted to support Kaoru while he skated and watch him do it. He mainly watched them skate, but joined in every now and then as well, only if Kaoru begged.
He was on the sidewalk ground, drinking some type of iced tea. He was looking at Ainosuke teaching Kaoru skateboarding tricks. He was analyzing their movements with each other. His hands were touching his body, changing the position of his stance. That guilty, uneasy feeling came right to punch him in the gut.
He tried to not think about it in that way, thinking about it in a friendly, teacher-y kinda way. His thoughts continued to race. It got worse when he heard Kaoru giggle and laugh at him. He breathed in and out, attempting to calm down. When he thought was back okay and to his normal self, he looked back up at the both of them.
He saw them skating around practicing a trick, Ainosuke following behind the skateboard and him. He breathed out of relief that it had stopped and everything was fine.
Until, it wasn’t, again.
What hadn’t been seen was a small pebble that the skateboard wheel was about to hit. When they finally reached each other, Kaoru fell backwards, Ainosuke catching him into his arms. Their faces were close and tension was all over the place. They stood like that for a moment, looking deep into each other's eyes. Kojiro felt so sick and ashamed.
Tears were about to fall down his face, he didn’t know why or for what reason but they were. It’s not like Ainosuke did anything wrong, he shouldn’t have just let him fall, and he shouldn’t have helped Kaoru with the trick. Kojiro had to have been overreacting and being emotional.
He got up from where he was sitting and started to speed walk away to somewhere private to let out the emotions he was bottling up. Kaoru noticed him basically running away, wiping his face. He released himself from Ainosuke’s grasp and started to go after him.
He had to search due to him following him late. He checked around the houses nearby. He only stopped looking when he heard light sniffles from behind a tree. Kojiro was a mess. His sweater was soaked with tears, his hair a mess due to his fingers being run through.
“Kojiro?” He asked in a soft tone. He was met with silence.
He walked around to see Kojiro sitting there. He sat down to embrace him with a hug. Kojiro continued to cry, trying to get himself together to speak.
“I—I’m sorry, I just—” He was cut off by Kaoru shushing him and rubbing his back. He waited until he was fully finished letting out all his tears to speak.
“You didn’t have to come find me, Ru. I would be back in a bit. I just needed a minute.” He sniffed, explaining to ease any worry he thought Kaoru had.
“Kojiro, I’m not stupid. I knew something was up before we even came to park.” He said firm, sitting up straight to look at him. Kojiro's eyes widened before rubbing his neck, feeling even more guilt than before.
“What’s wrong with you, Ko? Why are you crying randomly like this?” He softened up once more. Kojiro huffed, trying to fight back tears and more thoughts as he was about to speak about his problem.
“It’s Ainosuke and you, Ru.”
Kaoru tensed up but stayed silent, waiting on Kojiro to speak further.
“You’ve been spending so much time with him, canceling our plans, talking about him anytime we get to hangout, and just now when he held you like that.. I don’t know, it pushed me over the edge, I guess.” He explained, more tears fell down his face. He couldn’t tell if it was relief or that same guilty feeling from before.
“Kojiro, are you jealous of Ainosuke?” Kaoru asked, concerned all over his voice. Jealousy. That was the feeling that had been lingering for the longest. Kojiro hadn’t thought about it being jealous at all, and he really didn’t want that to be the case.
Jealousy had always been an embarrassing emotion to him. The thought of it made no sense, he personally thought he would never be able to get jealous himself. That was, until now.
“Yes..? Maybe? I don’t know, Ru. It’s all confusing.” He sniffed, tears were about to start falling back down due to frustration. Kaoru continued to wrap him in the hug but now he was starting to laugh.
“You are literally one of the biggest idiots I know if you think there’s something going on between me and Ainosuke.” He said, nonchalant, looking up at him. Kojiro wiped his face and looked at him confused.
“Kojiro, first off, I love you and I would never cheat on you, especially with some Sonic looking skater.” He said, chuckling at his own insult. Kojiro started to join along with him.
“And, he is only teaching me how to skate. The only reason I canceled so many of our plans is because I wanted to learn how to skate better and he basically skates as if it’s a job.” He explained. Kojiro listened and hummed. He untensed as he spoke.
“So, you’re not in love with him or—” He was cut off before he could even finish.
“No. Never was and never will be anything between me and Ainosuke. Only us.” He said, soft. He leaned in to place a kiss on his lips, Kojiro returned the kiss with a smile and hot face. If red could show, you would be able to see it.
“Well, I seem like a huge idiot, don’t I?” He chuckled out, wiping the dirt from the ground off his pants.
“Yes, but when do you not?” Kaoru jokes, helping him stand up. They start walking back to the park, their hands locked with each other. They were laughing about the whole situation, Kojiro’s thoughts and worry. It helped it make it seem so unreal, like a big joke.
A dream that could never be real.