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Isaac was aware of his feelings for Nick. He had been for a while. It was bound to happen, after all. Only a fool would be blind to how amazing Nick was.
Though, despite being able to see, Isaac was the biggest fool of them all.
He doomed himself to endless longing for something that would never happen. He could have tried ignoring or getting rid of his feelings, but he never did. Not only would have any effort to do so been pointless, but it felt wrong to deny himself of such thing.
Because Nick had been through so much, and yet he was so kind. Always sweet, always putting others first. Never afraid of speaking about his experiences and being honest. Isaac wished he'd love himself the way he loved others.
He wanted him to love himself the way Isaac loved him.
He'd make a fool of himself just to see the smile lines appear near Nick's eyes. Their light was enough to fuel him to keep trying to make the other's lips tilt upwards, be it through stupid gifts or dumb jokes.
He was a master at it. The determination to make the other laugh made him learn exactly what to say and what to do. It felt right. He was only there with that goal.
His eyes would always shift in his direction while they were working out together. It would always end up with Nick noticing and raising an eyebrow at him, sometimes flexing while making fun of him. He was just zoned out, he'd swear. Still, he enjoyed the show.
Not to mention how touchy Nick was, to the point it could send Isaac to an early grave.
All the fake flirting sent butterflies into his stomach. Sure, Nick may have only been joking, but Isaac would be lying if he said there wasn't some truth behind his own actions. Sometimes he'd let himself be selfish, letting any form of physical contact linger, just for a second.
It was too much.
It was never enough.
Each time Nick spoke, unable to keep his hands still, his expression always giving him away, he would smile like an idiot. And thank god he never showed his face on camera, because how would he be able to explain the lovesick gazes he sent his friend's way whenever his eyebrows raised and he mimicked an action he was talking about?
Sometimes he'd make up some random lyrics while with Isaac, promising to turn it into songs that never got a chance to exist. They would always be so sweet, too. Isaac kept them in a small notebook by his bed, he wanted them to exist in the world, not just in his memories or on his phone.
He would stare at his lips, wondering what it would feel like to have them pressed against his own. They looked soft, but always damaged from all the biting and skin pulling. He knew that any pressure applied onto them would sting, and he wanted Nick to feel the fire too.
Perhaps their hands would fit together perfectly, like they were truly meant to be.
No, he was sure they did. Who else could ever be a better match for him? He always thought about interlocking their fingers whenever he'd get cold. He would burn, and he was fine with that.
He was fine with everything as long as it was Nick.
Moral of the story, Isaac was in love.
Was he ever going to tell him? Fuck no.
He knew he wouldn't judge him, but who was he to love someone like Nick? He didn't even deserve to look at him, let alone confess his feelings.
Isaac was fine with that, really. He was. He did have to stop himself from impulsively kissing Nick multiple times, but that was okay.
He never kissed him, but it was obvious he wanted to.
Those feelings were for him to cherish and drown in. He swallowed them like medicine, the bitter aftertaste overshadowing the sugar that was added to it, clogging his throat to the point he could no longer speak.
He shut up for good, and admired from a distance.
And yet, it seems as if someone, or something, had noticed it anyway. It didn't matter how subtle he tried to be.
Something changed.
He noticed the shift. Of course he did.
It started with small things.
Nick would find coins on the ground every time they'd hang out. He would always get random discounts on basically anything. His videos would do better each and every time. Shooting stars would always show up wherever he went, to the point he ran out of wishes. They would always come true. It became somewhat of an inside joke that he was secretly a luck magnet.
But it was more than that. So much more than that.
No one else noticed when the rain left everyone soaking, but barely touched him, or the warm wind running through his hair, so gentle it would barely ever ruin his hairstyle.
The sun would always shine on him. It never blinded him, though. It hugged him in its peaceful warmth as if it never wanted to let go, and Isaac couldn't blame it.
And no one else noticed how the colours were just a bit brighter around him. A change so subtle, Isaac thought his eyes were just tricking him. And yet, he found himself appreciating bright colours more than he ever had before.
And no one else noticed how the path he'd walk on would always be more lively, as if nature put flowers there while waiting for him to walk by. Isaac wanted to pick them up, make something out of them. Something to gift him, maybe.
He never did. He knew they would wither in his hands. He wasn't Nick.
And no one else noticed that Nick started to smile even more, and each smile emptied Isaac's ribcage and slowly filled it with dense, boiling honey.
No one else knew, not even Nick.
He didn't know that the stars were duller when he wasn't around. He didn't know the sunset made itself redder just for him. The colours made him glow, they were mere details, used only to emphasize him as the focal point. He would never find out just how pretty he looked under the moon, who put in the best effort to soften his features.
Isaac would never tell Nick about his feelings, but the universe heard him.
It listened to him, and it fell in love.
He would look up at the sky, the sickening sweet taste still lingering in his mouth, despite never being there in the first place. A song that was never meant to be was blaring on loop through his headphones, sung by the wrong person.
The darkness looked back at him, understanding. It was in love.
And so Isaac waited to wish upon a star.
It never showed up.