Chapter Text
Ishigami (Monologue): This is the first time we meet in the Student Council after Winter Break.
This is this school year’s last round.
It’s time to focus on my goal and not allow anything to distract me.
Kogane Kagenae: So, how was everyone’s winter break?
I, of course, had the party I organized for the 1st-years.
And I guess I have to keep Prez and VicePrez updated about this since they didn’t go.
At that party, I finally announced:
I am a man!
Ishigami: Wh-
Iino: Huh?
Takano Taikoku: Here we go.
Kogane: It’s all thanks to a lot of soul searching and I couldn’t have done without VicePrez.
Ishigami: Wai-
Kogane: I thank you so much for being my friends and not making a big deal about this!
Ishigami: But, you wear a skirt?
Kogane: Hahaha, VicePrez, that 's so dumb.
Guys can wear a skirt if they want!
Ishigami: But I don’t get it, what’s your biologic-
Miko: Knock it off, Ishigami.
Aren’t you supposed to be the guy with tons of socialization on the internet rather than outside?
I, of course, have learned a lot about LGBT issues in my online interactions and I actually have a couple of acquaintances that do this.
Ishigami: Well I have internet friends but they are all competitive gamers. So we don’t really deal with this sort of thing...
Miko: Either way, If Kagenae-chan wants to act as a man it’s not in our business!
So, Kagenae-chan, what are your pronouns now?
Kogane: geez.
Narrator: We are extremely sorry about this, please do keep in mind these characters are sheltered Japanese teens.
Kogane: Prez... I understand you are well-intentioned but that first line was .. -.-
Also we are speaking Japanese so we don’t really use gendered pronouns that much, huh?
You are more of a fic reader so you must really spend too much time in foreign sites. You should give the Doujin scene a try!
I didn’t think of that yet. I just don’t want the -chan honorific please!
Narrator: THE WEIRD NOTE ABOUT GENDERED PRONOUNS!
This fan fic’s original language is English, but the characters are supposed to be interacting together in Japanese.
This doesn’t tend to be an issue, except now that Kogane came out as a man. Normally when people interact in Japanese, they use gender neutral pronouns. But they tend to be turned into gendered pronouns in translation! Or so I’m told.
In this case, although characters will use ‘she’ or ‘her’ they were most likely talking using gender neutral language. But pretend they are being translated into English and so many of those she and her you’ll be reading were not really gendered. Either way, at least for now Kogane hasn’t changed pronouns, so the characters aren’t being mean or careless regardless.
Thank you for not quitting reading the fan fic yet .
Takano: Aw well, sorry about that Kagenae... I spent time in the US and I am basically your senpai regarding being LGBT in Japan, so I have an extremely good perspective on thi-
Mitama Tono: Dear god. You somehow managed to turn this into a competition, it’s incredible.
Ishigami: I’m still confused here so are you the T in LGBT or what?
Kogane: Geez for now let’s just say I am the Q in LGBT QA+ .
Ishigami: So now there’s more letters.
Miko: Oh God.
Mitama: Wait a second. If Kogane is a guy, does that mean I now have to date her?
No way, I don’t think I’ll ever see you like that, you are my friend. It’d be like dating a sis- a Sibling.
Ishigami (M): Fuck. This was definitely not in my plans for today.
Effing Kagenae seems to always find a way to derail everything.
She reminds me of someone...
And we were just out of the winter break... Christmas was a no-go, but after that, Iino and I spent most of the break playing video games and chatting in discord. That was actually so much fun. And a good change of speed after all those tense weeks we had at school
I’m starting to think the Student council is a direct obstacle in our relationship.
Takano: How could you say I was being competitive here? I actually waited till everyone else threw their opinion about it. If anything I was the most humble one here.
Ishigami (M): There’s Takano, the way he’s always talking about grades keeps reminding me that the gap between Iino and I is still too large, I am still far from being her equal in grades.
Kogane: Actually I posted everyone’s reaction to my announcement at the party to Tik Tok and it got tons of views! haha. I should start recording our Student council meetings!
Ishigami (M): Not only does Kogane make everything unpredictable and chaotic, whenever I try to think of what to do about Iino I remember her Doujins and I start to cringe.
Mitama: Yeah I am not interested in either Taikoku-kun or Kogane, Ishigami-senpai is the one for me after all!
Ishigami (M): And then there’s Tono’s constant teasing. It puts Iino in a bad mood and it exhausts me.
So... when are we going to be free of having these insane people around us?
Let’s see... the year is just starting. The Student council gets terminated around September... 9 months? That’d be like waiting for a whole baby to come out.
Wait, the third-years graduate in 4 months. Maybe we can use the entrance of the new students as an excuse to recruit more people and get rid of these lunatics?
Ugh, but it’s not like I know any of the toddlers in that year. Well, if I recall correctly, The President’s and Fujiwara-senpai’s sisters should be in that year. Oh no. That sounds even worse.
Hmm ... the wait is too long. Maybe I should start to consider ways to get these folks fired...
Well, there’s also the fact that they actually do a great job in Student Council-related tasks...
Iino: Ok, I guess that was enough to catch up with what we did during winter break. Let’s get back to work!
Ishigami (M): We have a lot of work, we just barely added Tono to the equation and it’s still too much for the 5 of us.
I’ve been trying to improve our efficiency and throughput, but is it me or is the amount of work always growing to compensate?
Kogane: What? But I was the only one that shared anything! What about you, Prez and VicePrez? What did you do for Christmas?
Iino (M): The first-years are definitely a problem here.
I’m quite sure Ishigami just needs to stop being an idiot and man up.
But nothing will happen if we don’t have any time alone together.
I have no choice but to keep increasing our work-load. That way we’ll maximize the number of moments when we have to stay up late after sending the juniors home.
Getting rid of them altogether would be a bad move. We would have to replace them with other folks anyway. It’s always better to know your enemy.
Takano: Why do you have to be so nosey? If they didn’t share anything themselves it’s for a reason.
Iino (M): The trick to deal with Taikoku-kun is to just be better than him. He wouldn’t dare to assert domination over me or even Ishigami. Simply put, we are his superiors. And Tono and Kagenae are not submissive creatures that are going to allow him to over do without any counter attack. If anything, this environment might be the only way to help him outgrow that awful personality.
Mitama: What’s with the assumption that the President and the Vice President would do anything together anyway?
Iino (M): I know for a fact Tono is not Ishigami’s type at all. Even if he was just looking for a fling, it’s become clear that all the guys that fall to Tono’s methods are Otaku types and Ishigami would never risk his reputation like that. Plus I’m always watching. This situation is under control.
And I need Tono to keep interacting with Ishigami if we ever want to cure her condition. She has to learn that the secret is to just flirt with guys that are never going to follow up on the flirting, that way she can unload her urges without causing any harm. In that matter Ishigami and Taikoku are the perfect guys for the task. Well, I guess now Kagenae is too...
Kogane: I’m just asking because they were the two student council members I didn’t see at all during winter break! It’s not like I’m trying to get date situation ideas from them or anything like that!
Iino (M): Speaking of which, It’s Kagenae that I can’t trust at all. “She” has such a weird interest in Ishigami’s dating life. And I really can’t believe anything about that story “she” gave me when I interrogated her about why Ishigami scouted “her”. Oh no, even when I am just thinking to myself this gender thing is really complicating things!
Narrator: Again, so sorry.
Ishigami (M): Actually, I’m not feeling like starting student council work right now. Maybe if we keep this conversation going...
Ishigami: My winter break, huh?
Well, on Christmas I couldn’t sleep much due to the nightmares.
But later I was able to have some rest and play video games.
Mitama: Ugh Senpai... That 's so gloomy...
Takano: Well, My Christmas was awesome.
The disaster from Kagenae’s Christmas Eve party notwithstanding, during Christmas day I went to my Grandma’s house and we had an American-style Christmas dinner.
Kogane: “Disaster” how dare you?
Don’t worry, VicePrez, your life doesn’t have to be so gloomy. I can be your new male friend. You’ll no longer have only 1 male friend.
Ishigami: What on earth are you talking about?
Takano: Well, she’s not wrong, you seem to only become friends with women, I’ve noticed that too.
Ishigami: That’s ridiculous. I have plenty of male friends.
There’s the president
Mitama: Huh?
Ishigami: I mean, the Ex-president.
Hmnn. The captain is my friend. Well, both the President and the Captain left School already.
Well, there’s also the cheer club guys that are in my class.
Miko: I know you always say that but you don’t even seem to give any indication you even know their names...
Takano: Well, Prez, you are in his class too, so you should know their names, right?
Miko: I... am not sure?
Mitama: Don’t worry, senpai, I am sure all the weird gamers you speak with in discord are dudes...
Miko: Actually, if they are on that server Ishigami frequents, they are mostly girls.
Mitama: What?
Ishigami: Shut up! I just don’t see that stuff when making friends!
Takano: You... don’t see gender?
Miko: You... make friends?
Miko: My Winter break?
Christmas I just played minecraft and then spent the rest of the winter break playing other games.
Mitama: Oh no, The President is also a gloomy gamer!
Takano: You guys really need to get a life outside school...
Mitama: Well, my Christmas wasn’t that good either. I couldn’t hook up with anyone at that party. Taikoku-kun and Kogane scared everyone off.
Takano: That was by design...
Kogane: In any case, maybe I should have invited Prez and VicePrez to my party. I overestimated their social skills...
I’ll make sure to invite you guys next time!
Ishigami: I’m fine, thanks.
Miko: Eh, that was more than enough. Time to get back to work.
Mitama: This is serious though. I actually do worry about you, President.
I know how much you and Ishigami-senpai helped me.
But you should learn something from us as well!
It can’t be all work and video games!
Senpai, you need to give in to your desire and get a girlfriend already. That way you won’t be staring at me so much and would get more efficient at work! If you have so many female friends, I am sure one of them would be willing to get an upgrade...
Kogane: You just don’t get it, Mita-chan...
For us men, it’s not like that.
If we were interested in doing something with a woman, we wouldn’t be able to become friends with her! Instead we would get bashful and maybe try to have contact with them by creating conflict so that it doesn’t look like we are into them!. That’s how bickering arises!
Ishigami: What’s with all this nonsense? So now you are an expert on how men think?
Kogane: I’m what I am...
Takano: You know, Kagenae might have a point here. But I think it is possible for friendships to be upgraded as well. It really depends on how the friendships started. And people change...
Mitama: See? Even Takano knows more about this stuff than Prez and VicePrez. This is further proof you need to learn from us!
Miko: Can we please get back to work now?
Takano: What about you, Prez? Are you interested in upgrading a male friend?
Ishigami: CAN WE GO BACK TO WORK NOW!
Narrator: Today’s results:
Kogane’s Loss.
Witnessed an extended conversation about love lives and couldn’t get any confirmation that Ishigami and Miko are dating, so she’s now dooming. Also missed the obvious clues that they spent winter break playing with each other. This after a long, continued creative drought.
Takano’s Loss.
The closest thing he has to a male friend is Ishigami. No room to upgrade there.
Mitama’s Loss.
Zero progress with Miko accomplished.
Ishigami’s Loss.
Will spend the whole night worrying about Miko’s “male friends”.
Miko’s Loss.
She’s now worried about having become a gloomy gamer.