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The blank cell smelled of tangy disinfectant and death. The overhead lights shined too bright to be real.
(as if this situation is real)
Clarke is handcuffed on a cement wall, hands affixed to shoulder level. Her legs sprawl in front of her, dark Grounder leather in rich contrast with the start white cement. Beside her, Bellamy is in the same position, though whenever she looks at him, his head bows even more.
(we failed them, all of them)
Clarke lifts her head a bit. She's tired, exhausted, and emotionally drained after Lexa's betrayal. Every bone, every muscle, every cell in her veins aches of sleep, but she knows that sleep isn't an option.
(motion is the difference between life or death, stay alive stay alive)
"Bellamy..." she croaks out, her voice cracking from disuse (or overuse? who knows). His head is still bowed, but he stirs slightly at her words.
"Bellamy," she says again, insistently. She tries to stretch out her foot to touch his, but her arms chafe in their binds. They rub against the bruises of the soldiers' tight grips, their brutish beatings with the batons, the ruthless kicks to her knees and calfs in attempts to get her to kneel. It hurts so much... "Please reply..."
She eventually toes his calf, time stretching out between the shots of pain up and down her body. "Bellamy...we need to get out, make a plan..."
He finally looks at her, but his eyes don't usually have their spark in them, the spark that only Clarke causes when she says something that infuriates him, the spark that only Clarke causes when she smiles and he smiles back. Instead, there is despair, his dark brown eyes, usually loving, turned into the harsh bark of a tree that scrapes your palms raw. He looks like a man who's lost so much, so much that nothing can ignite the fire inside him. He looks down again.
(i can fix this i can fix this i can fix this)
"Bellamy, please, if you can just loosed the cement around the cuffs you can-"
"Clarke," he finally says, but he's not angry, not in the way he should be in a situation like this. He doesn't even meet her eyes. "I can't."
"Bellamy, don't be stupid. Yes you can." She rattles the cuffs again, but its dull ringing falls flat afterwards, the walls swallowing the sounds like a void.
"Don't you be stupid, Princess. No one is going to rescue us this time." He looks at her again, this time, hurt flashing in his eyes. "No one knows where we are, least of all if we're alive or not..."
(no, not Bellamy...don't take him too God please no...)
"Bell, don't think like that. These walls have survived radiation for decades," Clarke replies. Bellamy looks so helpless and it hurts her so much, but she desperately continues. "But they probably have been weakened over time, so if you can just wear down the area where your cuffs-"
"Clarke, please, just stop-"
"-meet the wall, you can probably meet the base of it and loosen it until-"
"Clarke!" Bellamy exclaims. She snaps her mouth shut, surprised. "I don't want to give up either, but look at this-" he forcefully yanks on the chain of his handcuff. The walls don't even relieve dust, so they seem impervious. Clarke swallows down her words as he continues. "We might be able to wear a hole, yes, and escape, yes, but that takes time that we do not have. I know that you're too stubborn and logical to see it, but I'm just going to say it now: this is hopeless."
He finally looks her fully in the eye. She doesn't see the hurt anymore, no more anger, sorrow, but instead, just complete...hopelessness. Clarke swallows another wave of tears back. Her voice quivers as she quietly whispers, "Bellamy..."
"No." His resolve breaks, and he sounds downright furious. At her.
(i fucked up so bad please don't let us die in this hell before i tell him that he means the world to me, he's my fucking rock that i build my church on, he's the angel that saves me every single night from my demons, he's my--)
"No more plans of escape. No more anything, since it was your plan to get me in here the first place, and your plan to get us out went to shit, and now I'm going to die here, useless, and god knows where Octavia and the others are-"
"Bellamy, I get it!" her voice finally cracks as she speaks louder. Tears fall freely from her eyes and she tries to compose herself.
(it hurts so much how can i fail every single person I love at once?)
(especially Bellamy)
"Please...I just don't..." Clarke can't make out words between her sobs. Her tears smudge her vision so it's almost impossible to see how Bellamy is reacting. She can't even wipe away her tears without her bones creaking, muscles throbbing. Pathetic. "I don't want to even think about dying...not when-not when I just got y-you back..."
Her sobs increase
(i can't even hold myself together, why are you so selfish? you were supposed to stay strong for the both of you, not just yourself)
(useless useless useless)
(not even a leader not even human you're such a fucking disgrace)
(how can you let him go in here, are you a soulless--
"Princess..." Bellamy says, disrupting her breakdown. "Clarke..."
She looks up at her name. Her arms dangle uselessly at her shoulders, as do Bellamy's (but he's clenching onto his chains with an iron grip, something that echoes a fresh memory). She sniffles and clears her throat. "I-I'm sorry...I just don't want to lose...h-hope or..." She sniffs and attempts to smile at the ground (emphasis on attempts). "I don't want to lose you."
Bellamy's eyes betray his feelings, his brows soften, and his mouth parts a little. "Princess..."
"Please, I don't ever want to lose you again, do you hear me? I don't care if I have to handcuff you to me," she says hastily, as if he'll disappear in a second (a recurring nightmare). Her usual filter is gone, replaced by a brutal honestly that only certain death can bring. "I will tie you to my own mother if that means you'll always find you way back to me-"
"Clarke," he says more forcefully. His hand, meanwhile, has been stroking hers comfortingly, until he now twines their fingers together (as much as the handcuffs let them). She clutches his fingers like they're the only thing holding her to this world. Gently, he says, "Clarke, if you think for one second that I will ever leave you or the kids again, then I'll probably be dead in a ditch somewhere."
She smiles ruefully and laughs, gazing at him. "'May only death do us part...'"
Bellamy chuckles, a small sound that not only lightens the mood but settles a feeling over them. Hope. "Princess, I didn't this would be an appropriate place to renew our vows and quote classic punk rock."
Clarke scoffs. "Since when did we have vows in the first place?"
Bellamy and her laugh, not too quiet but not too loud, just the perfect amount of soundwaves to lift the dying embers. They finally settle a bit and look at each other. Bellamy focuses on her so intensely, but she doesn't squirm anymore, not like she used to (they've been too intimate that reading the other person like a book isn't uncomfortable anymore). "Clarke, I think it's been an unspoken rule that we've been married since we became a real team."
Clarke smiles, biting her lip (she doesn't notice Bellamy staring at her while she does it).
"Clarke."
"Bellamy."
"I love you."
With no hesitation, she replies, "I love you, too."
There it is, spoken with the least amount of words, filled with the most impact of feelings. "Not in the friendship way, Princess. If we die, I want to be honest with you."
Clarke laughs now (she doesn't notice how a small spark lights up Bellamy's eyes). She gets a little serious. "I love you in the most intimate way, Bellamy."
"Whoa, I didn't even get to take you on a first date and you wanna bang?!"
"Bellamy!"
"Okay, okay..."
Suddenly, the door opens. They both quickly store away emotions and go into survive or die mode. Their hands hold onto each other like vices, bracing for the end...
Then Dante Wallace walks in, holding a set of keys and a bundle. He looks haggard, as if he ran from where he was. He glances to them both, then his gaze goes to their entwined fingers. His face falls, and he whispers, "I'm sorry..."
Clarke hears nothing, white noise clouding her ears.
Not enough time--only one suit--one must stay back to cover us--the guards are coming quick...
Clarke's heart falls. She feels Bellamy's grip slacken imperceptibly, but almost immediately clings tighter.
"Dante," she hears him say. "Take Clarke."
She snaps out of it. "Bellamy, no. If it's anyone who deserves a second chance, it's you."
(she imagines a valley filled with ashes and dying screams)
He smiles sadly. "Princess, would you go inside a mountain, survive hell and back, for me?"
"Of course, you idiot! I would do anything for you!" she pulls of her chains, physically and mentally, dragging her mind through the onslaught of emotion.
"Then you'll take care of Octavia for me, right?"
"Bellamy, no! Please, Octavia needs you!" She hopelessly pulls on his hand.
He takes a deep, shuddering breath. "And our people need you, Princess. They need your decisiveness, they need your wit, they need your head."
"But they won't have their heart..." she replies breathlessly. Tears are flowing again, but she no longer sobs.
(i can't lose him again please don't let him leave)
"Clarke, you have the capacity to love anyone...even people who're broken and flawed..." Like me. He tries to smile, but his mouth quivers and her heart breaks all over again.
"No, no, no! You are as whole as I am, you are as loved as I am. We need you," she cries, tears blinding her eyes. "I need you..."
"Stay strong for me, brave princess." He gazes at her lovingly, then nods to Dante.
"No, no, NO, NO, BELLAMY!" Clarke cries. Dante unlocks her handcuffs, but not Bellamy's.
Her head no longer controls her when she sees Bellamy (her Bellamy) sitting hopelessly, binded to a wall that separates them, even though it is not physically between them. She tackles him, curling into his side and tucking her face into his shoulder. She whispers into his shoulder. "Bell...you'll make it. I promise you I'll come back."
He chuckled, his breathe tickling the hairs at the nap of her neck. "I'll hold you to it."
She then pulls back.
(we don't have enough time, save the others)
(he will live he's a fighter he's stronger than this)
She kisses him, a chaste kiss on the lips. Leaning her forehead on his, she whispers, "A promise."
"Go kick ass, Princess."
Clarke opens the vents alone (she feels empty) and the Mountain People fall, but the only thing that rushes to her mind is one person, alone, possibly dead or alive.
Shrodinger's cat, she thinks ruefully. What an ironic thing to remember.
She turns away from the control panel, away from Dante, away from all of the dead that will now haunt her, and runs through the mountain, finally finding the door to their cell ajar. She hesitates, but then shakes her head and pushes it open. The ground has fallen Mountain Men, their faces twisted in agony. She closes her eyes for a second and opens it, immediately spotting Bellamy.
(no no no no no no no)
Blood blooms on his Mount Weather uniform like a dying poppy flower. He's lying still.
Her hand itches for paint and colors, wanting to capture the look of absolute peace on Bellamy's face.
Her knees almost buck below her, exhaustion taking its toll.
(this can't be real, that's not his wound)
(it can't be he's not dead I promised him I can't--
"Princess...untie me please." His eyes flutter open and his chest is still moving, but barely. She scrambles for the guards' bodies, finds a key. She unlocks Bellamy, hurriedly. This time, his small gasp of pain doesn't escape her. She leans him carefully against the wall in the corner and examines him.
hopeless
She curls into his side and he wraps his arms around her, gently pressing a kiss to her head. They both know he's been shot, a fatal wound in such a deep place that would be impossible to heal. A literal broken heart. It reminds her of another time, but with fresh forest air and a bright moon shining down onto them. You want forgiveness? Fine, I'll give it to you...
Bellamy breaks the heavy silence. "I guess this is it."
"I know."
He chuckles. "You're too honest for your own good, Clarke."
"I love you, Bellamy."
His breathing hitches. "Make sure Octavia doesn't have kids with Lincoln too soon."
"Don't leave me."
"Don't be so heartless when giving diagnoses, alright?"
"Bellamy..." She lifts her mouth to his cheek and he turns his head so their foreheads are touching.
"Don't be...too hard on...yourself, Clarke." Clarke kisses away his tears and kisses his mouth eventually. He's still breathing. "Clarke..."
"I love you."
"You...said that...already..."
"Making up for lost time, I guess," she sniffles.
His eyes open, meeting hers. Tears, brimming and overflowing, stream down his cheeks. He gives her a dazzling smile, possibly the last one he'll ever give her.
He chuckles. "I love you, too, Clarke."
The sky people find her that way, sleeping, curled into Bellamy's side. Abby is the first to spot her, and her heart aches for her daughter and her ill-fated love. She wakes up when her mother rustles her. She immediately clings to Bellamy, though, even if he's not be here, in this time, this place, this world, anymore. She kissed his still-warm cheek, tipping her forehead to meet his.
(the sun will keep shining the world is going to turn on its axis while its people learn to love again)
(only you won't be here with me)
"May we meet again."