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“Sousuke… I um… I was wondering if you… could possibly come to my big game in two weeks?” Kisumi timidly asked holding up a ticket.
It was very rare he ever invited Sousuke to his game but this was the big National tournament. His team had finally gotten to the top ranks and all it took was one more win and his school would finally be National Championships. He knew, Sousuke wasn’t the biggest fan of basketball but he went to a few of Sousuke’s swim metes so he hoped maybe this time the swimmer would put up with it.
Sousuke looked up from the TV with a curious expression. “I dunno… basketball’s not really my thing… “ He predictably replied.
“Well… it’d mean a lot to me if you could…” Kisumi said trying his best to hide his dejection. “At least think about it?”
“Alright… I’ll think about it. But I’m not making any promises.” Sousuke remarked taking the ticket.
About a week later, Kisumi was practicing one on one with one of his few friends on his team. It was more of a casual game than anything else but it still gave Kisumi some much needed shooting practice.
“So do you think he’ll come?” His friend, Taka, asked.
“Who?” Kisumi asked; his mind more focused on making a three point shot than the actual context of the question.
“Sousuke of course! You gave him that extra ticket right?” Taka explained catching the ball after it bounced off the rim.
Kisumi stopped and looked at the ground. “He… hasn’t really said one way or another… I mean I hope he comes but he does have… other obligations…” And by that he meant Rin.
“Well you told him it’s our big game right? Surely that’s enough of a reason to come out and support you!” Taka suddenly punched the air as the ball made a very satisfying swish through the hoop.
“I guess we’ll see if he feels the same.” The pinkette forced a smile as he caught the ball and aimed for the hoop one more time.
-*-
The night before the game, Sousuke still hadn’t given an answer as to whether or not he was going to go. So, tired of waiting, Kisumi sat down next to him on the couch after dinner. “So um… will I see you at the game tomorrow?”
“Ah shoot! I completely forgot!” Sousuke exclaimed face-palming his forehead. “Its been so crazy with work lately I forgot your game was tomorrow. Ah unfortunately I made plans with Rin to go swimsuit shopping. Did you hear he’s ranked fourth in all of Australia?! I’m surprised he’s had time to come back and visit with all that going on.”
“Wow that’s amazing…!” Kisumi replied with a smile. “I hope you two have fun tomorrow.”
But on the inside he was dying. Unable to stick around much longer, he stood up giving the excuse he needed his rest for the game tomorrow. He sauntered towards his bedroom door and quickly closed it behind him once inside. He then flung himself on his bed and hugged his pillow tight as tears streamed down his face. It wasn’t fair. No matter what he did… he always lost out to Rin.
The basketball player had tried so hard putting on a brave face through it all but after the hundredth praise towards Rin and not a single thing about himself, the negativity was slowly eating away at him from the inside. A taunting voice reappeared in his head about he’d never be good enough for Sousuke. He probably could become the best basketball player in the whole world and the swimmer’s eyes would still be on the redhead. It took some time but eventually Kisumi had cried himself to sleep; hugging his soaked pillow tight.
Sousuke stared at Kisumi’s door in confusion for quite some time. Was he really that upset about missing the game? It really had been an accident. He didn’t mean to make other plans but it had been so long since he seen Rin and seeing as he lived with Kisumi now, he could always go to the next game. He did decide, however, that while shopping he’d pick Kisumi up a nice desert, which could act as a reward for playing well or a treat to cheer him up if they lost. So with that plan in mind, Sousuke headed to bed himself.
Despite going to bed early, Kisumi woke up feeling like he hadn’t slept a wink. His eyes still felt heavy and his limbs ached for some weird reason. Normally on the mornings of big games, he’d be feeling energized and excited but today was different. Today he’d have to play with the knowledge that nothing he’d ever do would be good enough for Sousuke. With that depressing thought in mind, he dragged himself out of bed and into the shower.
He willed the water to wash away his pain. Kisumi tried everything to force the depression out of his body so he could focus on the big game tonight. As much as he hated the thought of Sousuke not coming, he hated the thought more of losing over some dumb emotions. It seemed to work… temporarily. But as soon as he stepped out of the steaming shower, those thoughts flooded his mind again.
Worthless.
A voice echoed in his mind over and over and over again. That’s all he was. That’s all he’d ever be. He shook his head, mid hair brushing. No he couldn’t afford those thoughts now. Without even stopping for breakfast, by fear of more thinking, he headed over to his college to get in some early practice. They would be leaving by bus soon to get to the nearby city for their tournament against the Crows.
Back home, Sousuke finished his own shower and began looking for Kisumi. His room was empty so Sousuke could only assume he left for college. Guilt was welling in his stomach. Maybe he should cancel with Rin or better yet see if he could get a second ticket so they both could go. Just as he considered at this though, his phone rang. Speak of the devil.
“Hey Rin what’s up? Still up for today? Yeah of course. See you soon.”
-*-
“Kisumi are you okay? You’re a little sluggish.” His coach asked as Kisumi took a quick water break.
“Yeah I’m fine.” He lied. “Just couldn’t sleep last night. Too excited I suppose.”
“Well you can sleep on the bus. You’ll need all your strength for tonight’s game.”
Kisumi nodded as his coach went to check on the other players. His smile slowly dropped as he stared at his water bottle. He pulled his cellphone out of his bag again checking to see if maybe Sousuke called. Of course, no such luck. He probably was having too much fun with Rin right now. He sighed and leaned back.
-*-
“Its so good to see you again!” Rin exclaimed fist-bumping Sousuke.
“It’s been too long. How’s Australia?” Sousuke asked the two friends began walking through the city towards the swimsuit shop.
“Hot.” Rin laughed. “Oh hey, I got you guys some gifts.” The red head pulled out kangaroo bone carving and a bag of chocolate. “The chocolates are for Kisumi, so no stealing! Where is he today anyways?”
“Oh he had a basketball game today.” Sousuke replied as he took the gifts into his bag.
“That’s a shame. How’s it been living together?”
“Been working out quite well actually. Though sometimes its hard to know how he’s feeling… he’s very good at putting on a brave face.” Sousuke admitted.
“He’s always been that way though. I think only once did I ever get him to actually open to me.”
“Wait… when was that?”
“Um… just before I left for Iwatobi. You were off sick one day and I found him crying on the roof. His grandmother whom he was close to had just passed away. I was able to use that as a catalyst to find out other information. Like how he felt left out in his own family because of his new baby brother. Of course he understood why Hayato needed so much attention but no longer being the only child after ten years was hard on him. He had so many emotions bottled up inside and he looked so happy finally releasing them…” Rin explained as they entered the sports shop.
Sousuke looked down. He had no idea Kisumi felt that way. Why did he always insist on doing everything alone? Didn’t he know he had friends he could talk to at any time? But then… a thought occurred to him. Kisumi really didn’t. Guilt stabbed his chest for the umpteenth time that day. After Rin left for Iwatobi, Sousuke isolated himself and basically shut Kisumi out. Then in high school, he moved to Tokyo while Rin was in Australia. Both of them had left Kisumi all alone in pursuit of their dreams.
And of course, as usual, Kisumi kept that smile on his face. To the untrained eye it seemed genuine; like he was actually happy. But Sousuke and especially Rin knew better. He was bottling up a lot of pain inside just so his friends could be happy and not worry. Maybe if he left now, he could still make it to the game. He pulled out his phone to text Kisumi when a piece of paper fell out of his pocket.
“Oh, Sousuke you dropped something.” Rin said as he picked up the ticket, which had slipped out of his jeans. His eyes suddenly widened. “What the hell man?!”
Sousuke blinked confused by Rin’s sudden outburst. “What?”
“You said Kisumi had a game tonight right?” He asked.
“Yeah so? He’s had lots of games.” Sousuke replied with a shrug.
“You idiot! This is his championship game!” Rin snapped shoving the ticket into Sousuke’s face.
For the first time in two weeks, Sousuke actually read the information properly. In big bold letters at the top it read NATIONAL FINALS followed by the address and time. Sousuke was shocked. No wonder Kisumi was so upset! “He never said it was his big game!”
“Did he have to?! Honestly Sousuke you can be so thick sometimes! Come on, if we run we just might be able to make the train.” Without another word, Rin bolted out of the shop and towards the street. Sousuke hesitated a second before running after him as fast as his legs could carry. He really owed Kisumi big time for this.
-*-
Kisumi peaked his head out of the door for the tenth time that night as the crowds began to pool into the large stadium. He knew there was a slim chance of seeing Sousuke even if he did turn up; especially given how normal looking he was. Still, Kisumi kept saying a silent prayer he would spot him and then everything would be all right.
“I don’t think he’s coming…” Taka’s voice broke through as he appeared behind Kisumi.
The pinkette looked down in defeat. Of course he wasn’t coming. Not with Rin around after all. So with an exhausted nod, he followed Taka back to the locker room for a final briefing of their game plan followed by a very inspirational prep talk from their coach. It even seemed to work helping to cheer Kisumi up a bit. That's right, they had a big game to play. Nothing… and no one could get in the way of that. He had to make his school proud.
And with that, the intro music kicked in, indicating it was time for their introductions. They got in line in numerical order and began running out as their name and number was called.
“Number 8, Shigino Kisumi!”
Kisumi sucked in a deep breath as he jogged out into the blinding light. Immediately he was overwhelmed by the sounds of everyone cheering. He could even just make out his parents and Hayato cheering. He ran around the court before taking his place next to his team. As the game buzzer sounded, they began. At first, Kisumi did great. He was on beat with his team and kept perfect form. But by the start of the second quarter, his thoughts began to catch up to him.
Worthless.
Useless.
Unwanted.
Unloved.
Try as he might, he could not shake these thoughts and it was starting to effect his playing. Dangerous thoughts began to cross his mind. Maybe he should just quit basketball. If it didn’t matter how well he did, why should he bother to try anymore? Tears began to well in his eyes causing him to lose focus. So he didn’t see, while jumping to make a shot at the basket, a rival team member suddenly charge into his side. There was a sickening loud thud as his knee crashed into the hard floor.
-*-
Sousuke and Rin finally arrived at the stadium nearly twenty minutes after the game started. They had gotten lost a couple of times thanks to a certain someone so they were quite out of breath when they got to the doors. However a security guard stopped them saying they were no longer allowed in.
“But I… I have a ticket!” Sousuke panted as he wearily pulled out the ticket, which they had nearly lost twice.
“I’m sorry but that’s the rules. After the first quarter ends no one is allowed in.
“Ah come on man! We tried out best but we kept getting lost!” Rin protested. “Look he needs to get in there! Look!”
There was a large screen outside the stadium, broadcasting the game. It was currently focused on Kisumi while giving his stats. But of course at that moment, Sousuke’s eyes widened as he watched Kisumi get knocked down hard.
“Kisumi!” Sousuke shouted; panicked. “Please let me in! Its all my fault he’s playing bad.
Seeing the fear in his eyes, the security guard had a bit of a change of heart. It was clear this young man had strong feelings for the basketball player. “Very well then. But don’t cause any trouble!”
Sousuke nodded as he ran in. Rin tried to follow but the guard stopped him since he didn’t have his own ticket. For once, Sousuke didn’t stop and that made Rin smile. He was finally starting to get his priorities straight. So he found himself a nearby bench and waited.
Sousuke ran down the hall, following signs for the lockers. It took him a long time since he kept getting turned around and they started half time; the game now tied. And that’s when Sousuke got his lucky break. Taka spotted him running through the halls and recognized him from the numerous pictures Kisumi was always showing him.
“Yamazaki-kun!” Taka shouted catching up to the swimmer. “Come on, Kisumi’s in the infirmary!”
He led the swimmer down the correct halls to where Kisumi lay on one of the cots with ice on his knee. “Kisumi.”
Kisumi looked up with shock and a touch of pain. “What… what are you doing here? I thought you had plans with Rin.”
“Kisumi I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight.” Sousuke whispered as he knelt down by his bedside.
But the basketball player just looked away. “Its alright… I’ve decided to give up basketball…”
“What? But why? You’re amazing at it! At least I think so…” Not being much of a basketball expert, it was hard for him to accurately say.
The pinkette just looked away and Taka decided to step up. “Its because you don’t care about him.”
Sousuke stiffened before snarling, “What’d you say?!”
“He’s gone to several of your swim metes to cheer you on and he barely knows anything about swimming. And this one time he asks you to his game and you refuse. It crushed his spirit!” Taka accused, undeterred by Sousuke’s anger.
At this, Sousuke turned back to Kisumi who was still looking away. “Why did you tell me it was your championship game?”
“I’m not… sure really…” Kisumi began tearing up a bit. “I guess I didn’t want to guilt you into coming. I wanted to see if you would come just because I asked… not because it was an obligation since it was a big game.”
Sousuke stared down stunned at this revelation. He couldn’t even argue. Through his selfish actions, he proved Kisumi’s worst fears true. He sat down on the bed and carefully looked at his knee. It didn’t actually look too bad which led him to believe it was psychological hurt than anything else.
“I really am sorry Kisumi… I know I can’t take back my actions now… but how about this? If and when you win, I’ll treat you to that spa you’ve been begging me to go with you to.” Sousuke offered.
“But my knee hurts too much to play.” Kisumi explained, however his eyes seemed to sparkle a little at the potential of one of his dreams coming true.
“That’s bullshit and you know it. But, how about I kiss it better?” Before he could protest, Sousuke planted several, gentle kisses along the now cold knee. Kisumi shivered as his head fell back. His knees had always been particularly sensitive. But before it could go any further, Taka gave a light cough.
“Sorry to interrupt but half time’s nearly over so if you want to play, you’ll need to tell coach now.” Taka informed before taking his leave.
Kisumi looked back up at Sousuke and nodded before climbing off the bed. “Fine. I accept your offer. But only if it includes all the sex I want tonight.” He flashed his signature grin.
A tiny blush dusted Sousuke’s cheeks before he grinned as well. “Deal. Now get out there and win!”
-*-
And win he did. In the second half the game, it was like he was a completely different person. Everyone was thoroughly impressed and even some scouts began to consider his potential. With Kisumi’s triumphant return, his team ended up winning the National Championship. But the only thing that mattered the most to Kisumi… was the fact Sousuke sat in the audience cheering him on as loudly as he could.