Work Text:
“The Sisko Sitch”
Hosted by The Federation News Wire
Column posted: February 14, 2399 [Earth Calendar] 12:00 Paris Time
Deep Space Nine, the Bajoran-Federation starbase that played such a crucial role in the Dominion War, hosted a different kind of historic occasion yesterday. It was the “wedding of the century,” to quote several assembled guests, between Quark, of the quadrant-wide Quark’s Bar and Grill restaurant franchise, and Odo, former Security Chief for the station and current Dominion Ambassador to the Federation.
With such illustrious names as these, it’s no wonder that the guest list was packed. Even a normal Ferengi wedding is a lavish occasion, a chance for the family to show off their resources and good taste while still making enough economical choices to please the Blessed Exchequer. And Quark is not only a business mogul in his own right, but the brother of Grand Nagus Rom—who financed the wedding in its entirety, of course.
The Nagus and his wife Leeta were in attendance with their three adolescent children, Rutan, Ozad and Kash. The Nagus’ son by his first wife was there as well, Starfleet Captain Nog, with his long-time human partner, fellow Starfleet officer Lieutenant Commander Kanemoto. Perhaps there are other wedding bells in the family’s future? If so, you’ll hear it here first, as Captain Nog and I happen to be close friends. Of course, we cannot forget to mention the proud mother of the groom, Ishka, finally seeing both her boys happily married. The union also brought a number of prominent Ferengi officials unrelated to the family.
Other guests of note include the former commander of DS9, retired Bajoran First Minister Kira Nerys with her wife, former Cardassian Governing Council member Natima Lang (both have romantic histories with our grooms, if you can believe it); Lang’s former colleague Councillor Elim Garak, his husband, Dr. Julian Bashir, the former Chief Medical Officer of the station, and their grown daughters, Mila and Jadzia Garak-Bashir; former station counselor Captain Ezri Dax with her wife, Commander Lweasi Zail and their young son, Yorom; former station Chief Engineer Miles O’Brien with his wife, Keiko O’Brien and their grown children, Molly and Kirayoshi O’Brien, and Molly's husband Stelek; former Starfleet officer and Klingon Ambassador Worf; and wife of the Emissary to the Prophets and my stepmother, Kasidy Yates-Sisko with my half-sister, Rebecca Yates-Sisko and her husband Neku Saim. (Phew! That’s a lot of names! It helps that I grew up among these people.) In addition to old friends and family, there were representatives from all the major powers of the Alpha and Beta Quadrants, from the Klingon Empire to the Romulan Star Empire to, of course, the Federation itself. Ambassador Lwaxana Troi may be getting on in years but she is once again single and ready to mingle, and seems to have her eye on K'ssennns, one of the representatives from the Gorn Hegemony. Chancellor Martok even made an appearance! He usually sends an aide to these things, but he showed up in-person on Deep Space Nine accompanied by his wife Sirella and a shipful of their favorite bloodwine.
And now you’re probably saying: Enough about the guests, Jake. You just want to brag that you know a bunch of famous people. I came here to read about the grooms!
Quark and Odo's epic love story began over 30 years ago on this same station, which is why it’s such a fitting venue for the ceremony. They both worked on Deep Space Nine starting when it was the Cardassian outpost Terok Nor, and continued in their positions as bar owner and Chief of Security after it was turned over to Bajoran and Federation control. It was said that it was animosity at first sight; while their positions put them at obvious odds, the two seemed to seek each other out for heated arguments constantly. (I’m sure it had those original Cardassian occupants in a tizzy; if you’re not aware, Cardassians flirt by arguing. The reception featured demonstrations of this practice from not only the newlyweds, but also the Garak-Bashirs and Kira-Langs throughout the evening.) Our grooms distinguished themselves during the Dominion War, especially Odo, who rejoined the Great Link at the end to help forge a more permanent peace. Yet his feelings for Quark must have been very strong; it wasn’t long before the entire Link was bugging him to return to his favorite adversary, or so the story goes. With the Federation and Dominion no longer at odds, Odo secured his position as ambassador in order to return to life among the solids. Quark had just returned from a franchising trip to Tellar Prime when he spotted Odo on the promenade, and the rest, as they say, is history. Absence had made their hearts grow fonder, and the two were finally able to admit their feelings to each other—though they still managed to argue about them mid-confession. They quarrel constantly to this day, and now have many more years of discord to come.
The ceremony was held, of course, in the original Quark’s Bar. It has become a tourist attraction for the many devotees of the Quark’s franchise, but it was closed to guests-only for the wedding and reception. Every corner was draped in gold fabrics and the men wore matching gold suits, with Quark’s personally tailored by Councillor Garak as a wedding gift. (Ambassador Odo, of course, makes his own clothes…in a manner of speaking.) They spoke traditional Ferengi vows, including a recitation of Quark’s personal favorite Rules of Acquisition. You’ll need to watch the FNW's official holovids to hear what they are…I shall not spoil the surprise!
The food was a diverse spread of delicacies from throughout the Alpha Quadrant, to accommodate the international assortment of guests. (I got used to Ferengi cuisine long ago, but I know my wife was relieved; she’d been dreading the prospect of eating grubs the whole shuttle ride. Yes, she told me I could print that.) My favorite was the giant Bajoran hasperat soufflé—perhaps their version of our Earth wedding cakes. Quark’s employees also did an admirable job at recreating my father’s Creole cooking, and I overheard Councillor Lang remarking on the authenticity of the zabu steak with yamok sauce. Of course, Quark did not skimp on the drinks either, in every color of the rainbow and inducing every level of intoxication in the guests. It was not long before Dr. Bashir and Chief O’Brien were holding each other up while singing songs, and I was really starting to feel like I’d been transported back to my childhood on the station.
Of course, I saved the best for last. As my regular readers know, my father is the Emissary for the Prophets, and he sometimes has to leave the plane of linear time for long stretches. And yet he came back…to officiate! I don’t think Kai Doyu was too pleased to be usurped, but what devout Bajoran can say no to the Emissary?
So that’s what made it the Wedding of the Century. Yep, it all comes back to bragging about my dad again. But if you’re reading this, you’re used to it by now! And I think we can all agree that his return to marry Quark and Odo is an auspicious beginning for their new life together.
What do you think? Did you watch the live holo-coverage on the FNW Network? Did Quark and Odo’s suits sparkle? Which Rules of Acquisition would you include in your Ferengi wedding vows? Can true love really grow out of such deep-seated disagreement? Let us know in the comments!