Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The streets of Sumeru City's Grand Bazaar were packed with people buzzing hurriedly and happily. Despite the hot weather outside, the air was pleasantly cool inside and full of excited voices from young and old alike.

Here, someone wanted to buy a new fabric and over there the smell of sweet pastries wafted across. A child pulled their mother’s hand to excitedly show her something.

The wanderer hated days like these. He hated this hustle and bustle. He hated crowds. He couldn’t relate to the happiness of those around him. He didn’t fit in here.

Grimly, he pulled his hat lower over his face to avoid making eye contact with anyone. The fewer people he saw today, the better.

As he lowered his arm again, his gaze lingered on his wrist for a moment. On his wrist where he knew some words were written in red curved and shiny writing.

The first words of his soulmate.

Bullshit he thought after a moment’s consideration before covering the words with the short gloves he was wearing today.

The whole principle of soulmates. Fate’s chosen other part of a person? Ridiculous. Fuck fate. Fate didn’t care for people like him. The construct of soulmates only existed because people gave it belief and meaning.

But not for him. He despised people who believed solely in the importance of soulmates. The thought alone made him sick. There was nobody out there for him anyways. And there never would be. After all, he wasn’t even human.

However, that hasn’t always been his perspective. Back when he lived on Tatarasuna and the words appeared on his wrist, he was even excited about it.

But fate was cruel. Time did not stand still. It was ever going forward. Centuries passed and he never heard the supposedly magical words. He had long since given up hope while waiting.

He came to terms with it a long time ago. He was on his own in this world.

He swallowed his anger with clenched fists.

“Do we really have to be here?” His question was aimed squarely at his companion, the Dendro Archon herself.  Albeit in the body of a snezhnayan puppet, so as not to attract unwanted attention.

Nahida had always been good to him, ever since the incident where he tried to become a god. He holds a deep respect for her. And he was truly grateful for everything she did.

But sometimes she could mean a little too well.

“Yes, we have to. We’ve already talked about this. You can no longer run away from your problems and distract yourself by wandering in the woods. It’s important that you meet people. You’re due to enroll in the Akademiya in two weeks and you’re still shyer than a stray dog.”

She put her hands on her hips gravely as she spoke to him. The wanderer just rolled his eyes.

“Like that’s going to change in two weeks.” He retorted cynically; hands clasped in front of his chest. “I wasn’t made to be with humans.”

“All I hear are lame excuses. You’re not even trying. We’re going to buy some books for the Akademiya together and I want you to enjoy yourself around town. Go out and talk to the people. Listen to their stories and get to know them. You’ll be surprised how much you might have in common.”

She gave him a warm smile before winking at him. “And who knows, you might even hear the magical words.”

That struck a nerve.

Annoyed, he furrowed his brows, and it took a lot of self-control to not snap. “I’ve already told you that I despise the concept of -“But his cursing fell on deaf ears. Nahida, who was walking next to him this whole time, was gone.

Great he sighed irritably and stopped for a moment.

There’s no use in arguing with her. She can be like a mother sometimes. Irritated, he shook his head.

Whatever. She gave me some mora. I’ll just do it by myself and then leave this goddamn place.

He strolled through the Bazaar in silence, his eyes still downcast. When he bought the books he needed, he exchanged only the most necessary words with the seller. He would hardly have thought it possible, but by the time he was done it was even more crowded than before.

One more reason to leave as soon as possible.

His eyes scanned the area to find the quickest way out of here. It probably would be best if he walked past the stage and then through the gate outside. Maybe it was emptier there than here.

Again, he pulled his hat low over his face and rushed off to pick his way through the crowd of people. He hated it. Luckily nobody paid him any attention. The occasional elbows that grazed him from time to time got on his nerves anyway.

“You won’t believe it; I’ve finally met my soulmate. The moment was just like magic.” He overheard a conversation. He clenched his fists. That again.

What was it about today, that he was constantly reminded of the existence of soulmates?

He didn’t want to hear any more about it. This shit was for dreamers. He would never hear the 'magical words' himself.

“Sorry but you look lost. Can I help you with anything?”

And in that moment, the world around him stopped spinning. He stopped abruptly. Shocked. Like very part of his body was frozen. If he had a heart, it would drop at this instance. An icy shiver ran through him, causing him goosebumps. A moment later, everything got hot.

These words…

He had read them a thousand times before. A thousand times with red curled ink on his lifeless skin. He’d damned it every time.

And yet, he could hear them loud and clear.

The first words of his soulmate.

He paused briefly. As if by itself, his body turned to the source of the angelic voice. There in front of him, in front of the bazaar’s grand stage, stood a girl with long red hair and the kindest and warmest smile he had ever seen. 

She wore a white cloth on her head decorated with gold and black horns. Her top was short, white and blue, and the blue skirt she wore shimmered and swayed in the colors of the rainbow every time she moved.

Sky-like soft blue eyes looked at him questioningly. And all he could do was gape at her beauty.

“Not even the Dendro Archon herself can help me now.” He murmured with a thin voice without thinking about it.

When she heard these words, she first looked confused, then turned pale. Surprised, she covered her mouth with both of her hands.

“You… You are...”

Was this disappointment in her eyes? Was she disappointed that he was supposed to be her soulmate?

But then the expression on her face turned into one that couldn’t stop beaming with true happiness. So much genuine happiness. It left him speechless.

Did he really just meet his soulmate? Today, of all days. After all these years of learning to loathe the concept of soulmates. And yet she stood before him. With the most beautiful smile in the world.

A small soft laugh escaped him. It wasn’t cynical or ironic like usual. It was real. Even a bit shy. His chest suddenly filled with warmth. Oh, how he hated that.

His mouth opened to say something, but no word came out. What was he supposed to say anyway? What should anyone say in such a situation anyway?

Even if she was supposed to be his soulmate, he didn’t even know her. How is a conversation like this supposed to go? Wasn’t anyone else irritated by this??

The girl in front of him, apparently affected by his laughter, began to giggle. She gently placed both hands on her chest.

“What’s your name, soulmate?” She asked in a soft voice, and it triggered hat lovey dovey feeling in him again.

It was quiet for a moment. Had she left him speechless?

“Naoki.”

Okay, he probably wasn’t left speechless, but his voice sounded thin, almost cracked. It’s probably because of her expectant look, he tried to tell himself as an excuse, but his flushed cheeks told him the truth. At least his flushed cheeks weren’t visible. He hoped they couldn’t be, anyway.

And why did he have to introduce himself by that name? The name the traveler had given him. The name Nahida called him by. The name given to him for his new life.

“What a nice name.” She said with a smile on her lips and some part in him wished for nothing more than to hear her say his name.

“By the way, my name is-“

“Nilou, do you know where the ribbon for tomorrow’s performance went?” A loud voice interrupted her and she turned around. But instead of answering immediately, she turned back to him, giggling softly. “Yeah, that’s right.”

So Nilou huh.

For a moment they locked eyes and it said so much more than words could ever do. He hated that he felt like all the stories about soulmates, somehow confirmed themselves, but he was still lost in her sky-blues eyes.

“How about you come to our next performance? We could have some tea together afterwards if you like.” Eagerly she held out a ticket to the still perplexed wanderer.

“I hope to see you again.” She winked at him before running hurriedly but still over the moon to her colleague, shouting something in his direction.

But all sounds around him fell on deaf ears. All he was aware of was the ticket in his hands. The last few minutes played over and over in his head.

There was a smile on his lips. A goddamn little smile. And he couldn’t stop it.

Damn it fate. He whispered; the ticket now pressed against his chest.

Ah fuck it. Could it hurt to try?

Chapter Text

The night after that fateful incident, the wanderer had not slept. Not that he needed to anyway. Too many thoughts buzzed through his head. He had to process this new situation first.

He hadn’t talked about it with Nahida either, although he was sure that she had noticed, that something was bothering him.

What does this mean now?

It wasn’t even the worst part that fate decided to give him a sign right now of all times, after all these years of feeling lost and lonely. No. What was even worse was the fact that he even felt somehow relieved. And he hated it with every part of his lifeless body. He hated every single one of those feelings.

This girl. Nilou. She was human. And he wasn’t. She would get older. She would die. He had seen it countless times before. He would stay behind. Feeling even lonelier that before. Was it all worth it?

I don’t belong in this world.

If I tell her the truth now and never see her again, it will break her heart. But the sooner I do that, the quicker she’ll recover and move on. Without a soulmate. Hopefully with the same smile on her lips.

The longer I wait, the worse it gets.

But despite that. Despite all these thoughts. All those doubts and his conscience telling him to let go.

Despite all that, the next day he appeared in the audience of the Zubayr Theater’s performance.

How ridiculous.

He stood quietly at the edge of the crowd to avoid the other people as much as possible.

Why am I here?

 He had no answer to that.

And yet he stayed. He stayed and watched the performance. The whole time, he didn’t say a word. But he stayed.

Admittedly, he hadn’t the faintest idea about theater or dancing. But when he saw Nilou on the stage, he was mesmerized by every of her movements.

They were elegant and flowing. Like jelly. Like water. He couldn’t help but follow her every graceful movement in awe.

It didn’t take a genius to see how talented and good she was.

His chest filled again with the same warmth as yesterday and when she glanced at him from the stage and spotted him in the audience… she started to smile. Such an honest, precious smile and so incredibly happy.

The wanderer stood reverently and watched the performance til the end.

Even when it was over and most people had already left, he stayed.

Even when he was the only soul remaining on the whole bazaar, he stood still and waited.

Why? He asked himself.

He should leave.

Why does it feel like this when I see her smile?

When she reappeared from behind the stage after a while, she walked towards him and finally stopped in front of him. The wanderer looked up at her. She smiled again.

“You came.” And he couldn’t help but smile back weakly. He nodded slowly. “Yes. I came.”

His gaze wandered a little shyly to the ground. Again, his head didn’t know what to say so he listened to that feeling in his stomach. “Congratulations that everything worked out. Your performance was… nice. You are a gifted dancer.”

Her cheeks turned soft pink at his praise. “Wow thanks. Glad you liked it.” He couldn’t help but avert her gaze, a little embarrassed.

“I um… I have something for you.” He murmured, still looking at the floor. From his sleeve he took out a small doll. It’s hair red, covered by a white veil with gold trimmings and black horns. He felt like an idiot for even bringing her a present.

For far too long that last night, he had been trying to clear his mind by picking up needle and thread. The result, as might expected, was exactly the opposite of what he had been trying to achieve.

“For me?” Surprised she took the little doll in her hands and held it with absolute care, as if it were the most fragile, precious and beautiful thing in all of Teyvat. “Did you make that yourself?”

It was still difficult for him to look into her sky-blue eyes. “Yes. I wouldn’t say I’m the most efficient, but I can definitely do one or two things.”

He sounded like a complete idiot and he wanted to smack himself for it.

“It’s beautiful. I like it. Thank you so much.” She happily pressed the doll gently to her chest and closed her eyes for a moment. “Hm…” He huffed as a soft respond.

Could such a small thing really make her that happy? If everything made her so happy, wouldn’t she eventually get sick from all of this? He quickly shook of the thought.

“So… how about tea?”

He could’ve said no. But he didn’t

Instead, the two of them sat at a secluded table in Puspa Café. He looked thoughtfully at the hot steam rising from his teacup. Once again, he felt like he didn’t know what to say.

Even if she was his soulmate, he didn’t know her at all.

“I figured you weren’t from here. Once I see a face at the bazaar, I never forget it.”

The wanderer nodded briefly. “I came to Sumeru to enroll at the Akademiya.” Technically, that wasn’t even a lie. Telling her the full truth now about him being used as a vessel to create a new god, was probably a bit too much for a first meeting.

“And which one of the Six Darshans do you have in mind?”

Before answering, he picked up his teacup and studied the calm surface of his bitter tea. “Spantamad. I want to learn more about leylines and their impact on the environment. The elemental energy flow of this world. The truth about Irminsul. The truth of this world.” He said the last part more to himself.  

“Wow, that sounds pretty interesting. I hope you can settle in well. The people at the Akademiya can be a bit… special sometimes.” A warm smile graced her face again.

How he wished for her to keep that smile forever. But alas… He was her chosen soulmate by fate, or whoever. And he knew that he would only bring her pain. A knot formed in his stomach and his eyes glazed over.

Slowly, he lowered his teacup. “Nilou… There’s something you should know about me.” The sooner he came out with the truth about himself, the better.

The girl with red hair also noticed the suddenly more serious tone in his voice. “Hm? O-okay?”

He took a deep breath. This might be the moment, that could shatter everything she had ever believed in.

“The truth is…” And he clenched his fists under the table.

“I am not a human.”

For a long moment the world around them went silent.

He finally said it. The truth. And then he told her everything.

Who he was. From where he came. How old he was… And who created him.

The whole time she listened to him attentively and silent. An occasional nod. A thoughtful glance at the tablecloth, a frown when she didn’t understand a part.

And when he was done, it had been quite a while, he leaned back tensely and rested his hands in his lap.

“I’m sorry if this is all a bit much at once. But you have the right to know.” He bit his lower lip tensely. His gaze unreadable, even though it hurt him to tell her all of that.

She hummed absentmindedly. “Hmm that’s a lot to take in.” The spark that was so joyful was gone from her eyes.

“I can understand. We don’t have to continue this here today either. But please allow me at least to bring you home. It’s late and I want you to be safe.” It was the least he could do.

The girl seemed to consider his words until she finally agreed to this suggestion.

“Alright. It’s really a bit late. And I have a lot to think about.”

So that was it.

With a silent understanding nod, he accompanied her at a leisurely pace out of the café.

Outside however, they were immediately confronted with the next surprise. It was pouring rain. No getting through without getting soaked from head to toe. And none of them had an umbrella with them.

“Maybe it’ll stop if we wait for a bit.” The dancer suggested quietly, her gaze skyward. “Maybe.” Was his reply before pulling his hat lower over his face.

The two of them stood with their backs to the wall of the café under the narrow roof that protected them from the rain. Neither of them said a word. Around them, many people also left the café, opened their umbrellas, and headed out into the rain.

It wouldn’t stop soon, the wanderer realized.

But just as he was about to say something, he noticed something else.

The door next to where Nilou was standing slammed open as a drunk student stepped out. The door was about to hit her, so she jerked sideways, slightly missing the narrow wooden floorboard, and threatening to fall if it wasn’t for him. His reflexes acted on their own and he caught her by gently holding her by the waist. And Nilou, her pupils dilating with shock, clung to the first thing she could get her hands on, which was his chest in this case.

So, they stood there in the rain under the narrow roof outside of the café. Close together. She in his arms. His breath was like frozen for a moment, it was all happening so fast. A new feeling flowed through his body which he couldn’t really describe. It was warm, vibrating and pulsating and something he didn’t hate.

“If you don’t have a heart…” She whispered softly against his chest, the world around them stopped spinning for a moment.

“Then tell me why can I still feel it beating?

No one but him could hear her words and he couldn’t make sense of them. He? A heart? He didn’t have one. And yet, Her words. Why?

When she let go of him after a while, he felt a sudden cold rushing through his body. As if something was missing.

“Thank you.” She said quietly before leaning slightly against the wall behind them again. This time, however, much closer to him.

His hands twitched, unsure of what to do.

“I don’t think it’s going to stop anytime soon.” He finally uttered his thoughts from earlier, his voice coming out so much thinner than he was used to. Why was he reacting so strangely around her?

“If you don’t mind… We can use my hat as an umbrella.”

He wanted to slap himself immediately for this suggestion. He still remembered very vividly how the traveler once asked him for the exact same thing and how annoyed he had been at that time. What’s gotten into him? Hopefully not that soulmate nonsense.

He was getting weak.

Nilou looked at him in surprise. “Well… if you don’t mind. Sure.” As she looked away, a little embarrassed, he felt his own cheeks suddenly warm too and it didn’t get any better when she shyly held onto his arm before they headed off into the rain.

The whole way no one said anything. Still, he felt her body heat on his arm the whole time. It made him feel weird. Even weirder than before. Was it dangerous to suddenly feel these things?

The thought of letting her go after this started to hurt. But why?

Nilou led him while he more or less followed her, trying to protect her from the rain as best as possible. Yes, his hat was big, but not really big enough for two people.

His gaze swept to the distant wet cobblestone streets of Sumeru City. He couldn’t really see where they were going. It wasn’t until they came to a halt that his thoughts came back to reality.

"My apartment is in the street over there. From here I can manage on my own.” He noticed how gently she stroked his upper arm. The air was cool. She was probably cold.

“Alright. Take care:” he said softly, not looking at her. But for a moment she didn’t move as she let go of his arm.

“Hey listen. Thanks for everything today.” She began, her eyes darting uncertainly between him and the floor. “I appreciate it that you told me the truth. I can see that this wasn’t easy for you. And I can see that you have many doubts about yourself…”

Nervously, she fidgeted with the hem of her skirt, unsure where to put her hands.

“But still… I don’t mind what you are and what it means for both of us. I can feel that you’ve been through a lot. But I don’t mind. I’m willing to try this anyway. Try this with us. And I hope you’ll give us a chance someday. No. I hope you’ll give yourself a chance.”

And with these words, she stood on her tiptoes and leaned in to place a gentle, fleeting kiss on his cheek. His pupils dilated in surprise, and the tingling sensation from before pulsed through his body again before his face grew hot.

“Thank you for everything.” She whispered before finally turning around and running across the street. There, she turned to him one last time and waved at him. And there it was again. That smile of hers. That radiant smile. It almost made him believe that everything in life was beautiful after all. Almost.

“I hope to see you again soon at the bazaar.” She hummed happily. Then, she disappeared into the pouring rain.

For a while longer the wanderer stayed right there. Like rooted to the ground. Like frozen in place. The last few minutes played over and over again in his head.

'I hope you’ll give yourself a chance.'

Her words echoed through his head.

Until now, he had always lived, knowing that he’ll end up alone. That he didn’t have a soulmate out there. That it wasn’t meant for a non-human like him.

And now she suddenly appeared in his life. Told him she wanted to try it. Although she knew what it meant. What difficulties and hardships it would entail. That it wasn’t going to be easy.

And for the first time in his life, his chest felt light.

And he considered it for a moment. A weak smile on his lips.

Maybe… Someday… I can give myself the chance and give this a try.