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Buck never thought he would be here. He's cradling Eddie’s jaw, the other man’s hands carefully perched on his hips. mere inches from making everything make sense. it felt like they were on the edge of the universe.
The thing is, Buck hadn’t known he wanted this until it was happening.
The second thing is, if he had imagined it, dreamed it, he doesn’t think that the entirety of his family would be on the other side of the door.
But if that’s how it’s going to go. If this is the chance he has to taste a future he cannot hold on to, he’ll take it.
They're trapped in a warm bubble, just the two of them, the drowned out chants of wine drunk Karen and one too many shots of tequila Albert barely on their radar. Karen and Albert are out there, along with Claire. And he’s in here on the cusp of something with someone else. He’s been here before. But it doesn’t feel the same at all. And Eddie has James. James who is sweet and loving, on the brink of meeting Christopher, and who Eddie adores. And he has Claire. He can’t do this. Not again, he would never be able to forgive himself. But the churning in his stomach is starting to feel more like butterflies. Because this isn’t something he had fully known he had wanted. For years.
“It can’t. I- Not like this Eddie. Not like this.”
And the warmth is gone in an instant. Eddie freezes and looking at Buck like he’s betrayed him. And he can’t be here anymore.
“Guys, please, let us out. We-”
“You have to kiss!” Albert replies giggly, “Did you kiss?”
“No, okay, we didn't. But let us out, for the love of god, please let me out of here.” He didn’t mean to sound so desperate.
And he can feel how Eddie is looking at him without even turning back, the pleading in his voice stringing the tension tight.
He nearly falls out of the room as the door swings open.
And Eddie somehow pushes past him, face stoic and cold.
And hurt.
There’s hurt written all over the inch that Buck dares to look at without catching Eddie’s eyes.
“Baby what’s wrong? Is everything okay?” he hears in the distance, when the fuck did James get here?
“Everything’s fine, just ready to go to your place.”
Buck might puke right there. He never realized how much he hates this. Or why he hates it.
Claire stands in front of him as he stares after Eddie’s retreating figure.
He hates truth or dare. He should have just picked truth. Dares were stupid anyway, and it had ended with Eddie being hurt. That wasn’t supposed to happen either.
He can’t sleep.
He breaks up with Claire the next morning.
He’s gentle about it. And he’s honest.
They understand.
He’s over at Eddie’s because it’s Friday night. And that’s what they do. And Christopher is old enough now where half truths and broken promises are seen through.
They barely look at each other the entire night.
Somewhere between Chris making his way to bed and two beers and half a movie, Eddie says,
“I broke up with him. With James.”
Buck just hums.
He should've said more. But he would probably sound like the worst person on the entire planet if he did.
The credits rolled some time ago, and Buck changes into his sweatpants from his work bag and Eddie changes in his bedroom. They almost bump into each other in the hallway. It’s the closest they've been since that night.
It’s excruciating.
Because of that warmth. The warm bubble is back. And there is no more James. And there is no more Claire. And there are no more drunk family members chanting outside the door. Just their son sleeping soundly behind a closed door down the hall.
“What did you mean?” Eddie asks, “Not like what?” it's fragile, like glass, just sharp enough that it could have popped the bubble, but it doesn't.
“Not while- You seemed happy with him,” he replies softly, trying not to let the hurt paint the words too much.
“Oh,” Eddie keeps moving toward his room. And Buck can’t do it again. Can’t watch him go through another door. And he lets the butterflies flutter. And then they settle and he has never felt more sure of anything in that moment. And he grabs Eddie’s arm, spins him around, and kisses him.
Right there in the hallway.
Eddie makes a small noise in surprise and then starts kissing him back.
It’s warm, and feels like home, filled with years of unknown and unspoken want and hurt. It’s slow like molasses and over all too soon.
“I meant like that.” Buck says softly over heavy breath.
He then turns slowly and retreats back to the couch. Too scared to look back at Eddie, he doesn’t know what he would find if he did.
He doesn't sleep again.
“I kissed him, Maddie! What the hell am I supposed to do now? I snuck out of the house this morning. We were supposed to go to the Zoo! Oh god, I broke a promise to Christopher. Oh god.”
Maddie laughs over her cup of coffee.
“Do not laugh at my pain,” he glares at her playfully.
“I think you have to tell him. I really think you do,” she replies, schooling her features.
Buck just plants his face on the table and groans a little bit. He knows she's right. That's what older sisters are for.
“Now, go home, take a shower, dress up nice and go tell him you’ve been in love with him for years.”
“Ugh, fine.” he downs the last few sips of his coffee and heads out the door.
He’s staring at his closet. None of it seems right.
“I feel ridiculous, Maddie. All my clothes are terrible. I think I need a whole new wardrobe.”
“That’s how you know, remember how much I blathered on about my outfit before I went on my first date with Howie?” Her voice coming through the tinny speaker from his phone laying on his bed.
“Which time?”
“All of them Evan,” he can hear her eye roll “That's how you know. You ‘ll find something. Oooh what about that blue one that brings out your eyes? And those black jeans?”
“Maddie, you are a genius!”
“Yes I know, now go get him.”
“Love you!”
He hangs up the phone and gets dressed, styles his hair with a tiny amount of gel, leaving his curls mostly loose and soft.
He’s anxiously twirling his keys around his thumb in the elevator. It stops on the third floor and some movers with a large stack of boxes board the car. And everything moves so slow he almost bolts out of there to take the stairs just to escape the excruciating wait.
Finally the doors clang shut and it starts moving again.
And the process starts all over again when they reach the lobby.
He hears someone sigh, and he swears it sounds like Eddie. He finds it slightly ridiculous that he could identify his best friend that way, but that’s just how it is.
He shakes the thought from his head, but then the person speaks,
“Would you mind speeding up a little, I have to go tell my best friend that I’m in love with him.”
It’s definitely Eddie.
The mover finally fully exits the elevator and Buck looks up from where he’s been studying his white sneakers like they weren’t something he’s owned for a few years.
They stare at each other for a moment, smiles spreading slowly. And the doors start to close.
But Eddie slips in just in time.
“Hi,” he says, circling his fingers around one of Buck’s wrist.
“Hi,” is all he can muster in return, it’s weak and whispered but still full of reverence.
“I’m in love with you too by the way,” Buck is finally able to whisper.
“Good,” is all Eddie replies, cradling Buck’s jaw and pressing him into the elevator wall.