Work Text:
Alhaitham is running. He’s sprinting towards Kaveh as fast as his legs can take, even though his chest is aching, begging him to stop because he can’t get enough air in his lungs. It’s eerily quiet as he’s navigating through the forest, the only sounds he can hear are his shoes stomping against the grass and the crisp leaves that have fallen off the trees. Not even the sounds of people or creatures from nearby villages could be heard or seen, sending a shiver down his spine.
Every time he manages to catch sight of Kaveh, the blonde-haired boy already turned a corner, leaving Alhaitham feeling like he’s always ten steps further behind.
“Kaveh!” He yells out, voice running out of breath, unable to avoid the impatience and frustration in his tone to slip out. Why isn’t Kaveh stopping?
He keeps going, despite his legs beginning to feel like metal, taking extra effort to move forward. He pushes away the tree branches blocking his vision, fearing that he’ll lose sight of the other completely in the middle of the forest. Alhaitham continues to push forward, tripping over fallen branches before finally rounding one last corner. He runs and runs until there’s nowhere else for Kaveh to go. His steps slowly come to a halt when he sees Kaveh standing with their back turned towards him, fists clenched. Alhaitham lets out a labored breath of relief, his heavy legs walking until he was behind Kaveh, reaching to hold onto the other’s shoulder, arm, hand, anything to make sure that he wouldn’t run away again.
“Kaveh, what’re you-“
“You can’t just leave me alone, can you?” Kaveh interrupted, venom laced in his words.
In any other circumstance, Alhaitham would’ve become defensive, ready with a snide remark to retort back in an instant. Instead, he flinched at the harsh words thrown at him, suddenly unable to speak as if barbed wire dragged agonizingly slow around his neck.
“What?” Alhaitham was confused. He knew how much they argued with each other; It was just how they were, and half the time they never actually meant it. At least that’s what he thought, but this time it felt different. The air felt too thick and Alhaitham has never heard Kaveh sound this angry at him before, it was almost frightening, and something he certainly didn’t like.
“Don’t act like you didn’t hear me the first time.” The senior turned his head to the side, watching Alhaitham’s confused and trembling form out of the corner of his eye. “All you do is nag! Kaveh do this, Kaveh do that. You always need to know what I'm doing. You always talk over me, treat me like shit, and act like..like I don’t matter! It’s like I can’t breathe when I’m around you!” Kaveh turned around, his ruby-colored eyes now piercing through Alhaitham, leaving him stunned.
A lump formed in the Scribe’s throat, coming to an understanding that Kaveh was indeed being serious with him at this very moment. Panic and regret came at him in high waves. He didn’t know what to say, or do. How long has his roommate felt this way?
“Kaveh let’s go home together and talk about this-“
“Home?” He scoffed. “That place never felt like home. Not with you around.”
Alhaitham swallowed at the words thrown at him again. Every word felt like a poisonous laceration to the skin, the pain becoming increasingly unbearable each time. He could feel and hear his heart thumping loudly against his chest, neck, and ears. “I’m sorry you feel that way.” He said stoically, trying to keep his composure.
“Of course you’d say that.” Kaveh scoffed. “Even now, you can’t properly apologize. It’s always about you.”
“That’s not what I-“
“Meant?” Kaveh finished. “Archons, you think you know everything with that ego of yours. When really you don’t know a thing about understanding how people feel.”
“Kaveh, I-“
Alhaitham stopped when he heard footsteps against the grass. “I hate you. Don't follow me.” Kaveh shoved his shoulder hard before walking away, making Alhaitham stumble a step back. The footsteps eventually became quieter until they could no longer be heard or followed.
Alhaitham stood frozen, eyes wide, his breathing becoming heavy and uncontrollable. His mind screamed to reach for Kaveh again. To fall onto his knees, hug Kaveh’s leg and plead for forgiveness like his life depended on it. To ask him to say. To tell him that he was sorry.
No. He managed on his own his whole life, and if that’s how Kaveh felt about him, then so be it.
But who was Alhaitham fooling?
He tried to turn around and reach Kaveh, but shame and pride kept him rooted to the ground, incapable to move a muscle as he started to hyperventilate. He screamed his name, vision getting dark, Kaveh’s last words to him replaying in his head over and over.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you-
Alhaitham jolted awake. His bangs were stuck to his forehead from the cold sweat glossing his face, and his heart was pounding hard against his chest. He sat up and gasped in air to fill his lungs, eventually allowing panicked eyes to look at his surroundings despite it still being dark. With the slow recognition that he was in his room he laid his head back down on the pillow, processing the memories of the dream. Tears pooled around his eyes, causing him to quickly wipe them away in confusion, overwhelmed with the unfamiliar, foreign emotions coursing through his dazed state.
Lolling his head to the side, he blearily blinked his eyes towards the moon lit window. It was still barely morning, so Alhaitham figured he had been asleep for only a couple hours. However, after what he just experienced, going back to sleep didn’t seem like a viable option—not with his heart still thumping hard against his aching chest.
Eventually, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed forcing himself to finally get up. He shivered from the cold air as he trudged over to his closet to change his clothes, thinking he might as well get the day started. Opening the door as quietly as possible, the grey-haired boy snuck into the kitchen after getting ready, being mindful that Kaveh was still asleep in the next room.
Before Alhaitham entered the kitchen, he expected it to be a mess, since he remembered that it was Kaveh’s turn to keep it clean this week. However, much to his surprise, the kitchen was very much clean. There were no dishes piled in the sink, instead they were stacked neatly in the cabinets. The floor was swept. The chairs were neatly pushed under the table. The trash was taken out. Everything he could think of was done.
The Scribe’s initial accusation quickly dissipated, feeling an immense sense of guilt take over and gnaw at his insides for immediately doubting Kaveh first.
He pushed the thought aside and walked over to the coffee decanter on the counter to brew a cup to make up for being awake so unusually early. He needed the extra caffeine this time after the event that just happened, or else he might not be able to last the whole workday. Alhaitham watched the last bit of the coffee drip into the cup, nose crinkling in disgust from the bitterness after he took the first sip. He’d forgotten that Kaveh was usually the one to make the coffee for him if they were both up in the morning at the same time. Alhaitham doesn’t know what Kaveh does to make it taste so much better, a little embarrassed that he just now grasped the fact that he has no idea how to make his own coffee. If he’s never felt ungrateful before, he feels it now.
Walking over to the dining table to sit down, silence filled the kitchen leaving him with his never-ending thoughts. Alhaitham was always thinking about something, whether it was about work or his research. But right now, his mind keeps wandering over to Kaveh. His forearms rested on the smooth surface of the table, fingers warm from wrapping them securely around the cup, staring at the steam from the coffee swirl into the air. He looked up at the empty seat, wondering the last time him and Kaveh had sat down and ate together. Back then during their days at the Akademiya, they used to sit here and constantly argue about splitting groceries or who was going to cook that day. They never agreed on the same dish either, most of the times ending with Alhaitham cooking what he wanted while Kaveh pouting and whining that he never gets to choose.
It’s been way too long, the younger boy concluded. Once they both graduated, their schedules never aligned anymore. Then ever since the Sage got overthrown, it left him with an overload of paperwork and tasks to pick up the pieces, and with Kaveh getting more commissions and traveling for work. Now that Alhaitham thought about it, he doesn’t remember the last time they spent any time together that lasted more than five minutes without getting on each other’s nerves. Though, no matter how much Kaveh annoyed the shit out of him sometimes, Alhaitham still cared about him a lot. And while it’s unlike him to admit something like this—he really missed him.
Alhaitham breath hitched as images of that dream plagued his mind again. It wasn’t that difficult to connect the dots. Dreams can be random and meaningless, but this one felt too real and vivid for him to brush it off like it didn’t mean anything. The anger in Kaveh’s eyes and voice, the way Alhaitham genuinely felt hurt at what Kaveh said to him. It was just too hard to ignore. What if Kaveh really did hate him, and was just too nice to say anything about it? It’s surely a possibility. Kaveh is too kind for his own good.
The guilt continues to pull him further down into a dark void with no way out. He feels hollow, for only considering himself and not how Kaveh might’ve felt. Like when he badgered Kaveh about rent or house responsibilities, or ignored Kaveh when he needed someone to talk to, or the times he’d say something with the intent for it to hurt Kaveh. In hindsight, he was never really there for Kaveh.
What’s worse is that he hates feeling this way. He hates that he feels guilty, embarrassed, ashamed, vulnerable. The obvious solution was to just talk to Kaveh and apologize, but the Scribe who grew up too independent and kept relationships with people at arm’s length, refused to show any weakness. He doesn’t ever want to lose Kaveh, yet the thought of having to apologize made him feel stubbornly queasy.
“This is stupid.” Alhaitham rubbed the right side of his temple, a headache beginning to bloom. It was ludicrous to overthink about something that didn’t even happen. Deciding to go to work, he downed the last of his coffee and got up, the legs of the chair scraping across the floor. He walked out the front door, sighing as the breeze hit his face while he began walking to the House of Daena to start an early shift.
He really could use a distraction.
The night took over the sky and Alhaitham was exhausted.
Papers were stacked and strewn on the desk, practically engulfing it. Some papers have even fallen onto the floor, probably sitting there for hours untouched. No matter how many documents he went through they just kept piling. The scribe was on autopilot—writing, reading and signing for hours. The work was simple, at least, but it was becoming tedious to the point of getting writer’s cramp. All of the lights were dimmed down since it was after hours, rendering it harder to read the paragraphs of text on the paper. He squinted and blinked his eyes trying to decipher the words in front of him, watching the ink blur into black blobs. Shaking his head to clear his vision was followed by a wince, cursing at the intensifying headache that never seemed to have left. Thankfully none of the students or his colleagues were around either to attempt to bother him, since he feels like he could snap at anyone at this point.
A few long days have passed after that first night, and similar dreams of Kaveh kept occurring every single night since then. He took third shifts just to avoid sleeping at all. He also tried to write the dreams down to make sense of them, but all it did was make Alhaitham over think again. He hasn’t been able to see Kaveh at home either. The older boy is usually out of the house by the time Alhaitham gets home, so he couldn’t talk to him even if he wanted to.
Alhaitham continued, or at least tried, to work only for his head to nod off and eyes become half-lidded. The once firm grip on the pen waned and slipped from his slender fingers, dropping onto the desk. His ears tended to be more sensitive to sound when he was tired or half-asleep, so he jerked back to consciousness when the pen loudly bounced and rolled until it finally came to a halt, putting him on alert again. Battling against sleep proved to be a challenge still when he subconsciously rubbed his eyes and started to nod off again, the fatigue increasing each minute it was being forced to stay awake. Alhaitham sighed in defeat, got up and abandoned his work to go home in hopes he’ll just blackout into a dreamless sleep.
Returning back home was an even more difficult task with the weather dropping significantly during the nights, and the uncomfortable breeze blowing through the streets. His cloak and grey bangs were being pushed harshly against the wind, forcing him to walk faster to his warm and heated house. Once arrived at the door, he made a noise of frustration as he fumbled and struggled to unlock the door with the key, almost close to just kicking down the door instead. A noise of relief escaped his lips once the key slid into lock and turned with a successful click. Alhaitham stumbled to his room until he tripped over something hard, grimacing at the loud bang he made from kicking it. He looked down and saw it was Kaveh’s toolbox sitting unopened on the floor.
These dreams have been an eye-opening perspective for Alhaitham to come up with a list of reasons why Kaveh might hate him. First is remembering that Kaveh absolutely despised it (and has voiced it plenty of times) when Alhaitham touched and moved his stuff. So he let the toolbox be and walked quietly the rest of the way to his room, hoping the noise didn’t wake his roommate. Alhaitham was barely clinging onto consciousness when he made it to the door, kicking off his boots and throwing his akasha somewhere across the room. He collapsed onto the bed, lying on his stomach with his face buried into his pillow. A deep unknown sense of dread formed in his throat as the exhaustion he fought all day fully weighed him down, hitting him like a sumpter beast before everything went black.
Tonight was the Sabzeruz festival, and it was the first time Alhaitham engaged in the festivities. While he never really took interest in it and what it entailed, he understood the importance and the visuals of the whole set up around Sumeru City was undeniably stunning.
Attending the festival was a different experience for him this time, because Kaveh asked to accompany him tonight. Alhaitham showed some hesitance at first, he was never one to agree on something so quickly without trying to act cool and aloof first, but on the inside he felt giddy and excited. Kaveh usually never invited him to stuff like this. However, he will admit he’s partially at fault for showing disinterest in Kaveh’s hobbies and interests. He vowed that he would change that and tonight was the first step.
They both stepped out of their shared home and began walking to the city, Kaveh skipped a few steps ahead of Alhaitham and turned around, ranting about something related to the festival while he walked backwards so he could look the scribe in the face while he spoke.
“Don’t walk like that.” Alhaitham warned, crossing his arms. “I’m not going to catch you when you trip and fall.”
“I’m not gonna fall!” Kaveh whined, but slowed his steps so that he was next to Alhaitham again, probably because he knew how clumsy he actually was and would most definitely fall if he continued.
Kaveh started ranting again. The senior was looking straight ahead, so Alhaitham used the opportunity to stare at him. For a while, or maybe for as long as he knew him, Kaveh was objectively the most beautiful person he’s ever met. The silky blonde hair that framed his sharp jawed face. The slit red eyes that matched the perfectly placed pins in his hair. His slim yet toned body. His voice.
Alhaitham doesn’t exactly know when he noticed, but he very well understood the meaning of the ache that bloomed deep inside him when he was around Kaveh. His senior was pretty, intelligent, artistic, caring, and kind. The boy deep in thought desperately wishes he could tell him he was all those things. The sentences are there on his tongue, dying each time he attempts to try. It’s dizzying, and unlike him, to feel the need to be sincere.
Alhaitham swiftly looked away as soon as he saw Kaveh’s face shift towards him, keeping a straight face and hope that the warmth on his cheeks weren’t visible.
They both made it to Sumeru City, starting off by getting dinner at the tavern. Alhaitham ordered a lambad fish roll and a biryani dish. While Kaveh ordered a shawarma wrap with a charcoal-baked ajilenakh cake. It was nice, the two of them sitting and eating together like Alhaitham remembered during the Akademiya days. Kaveh would offer to help him study, then they’d take breaks by getting something to eat together. Alhaitham never told him, but as his junior he looked up to him back then because of that.
His thoughts wandered further, wondering if tonight meant something more to Kaveh like it did to him. Kaveh was popular, had a lot of friends, and garnered attention from girls and guys. The blonde could’ve asked anyone else to come to the festival tonight, but he asked Alhaitham instead. Was it…a date? Kaveh did offer to pay for their meals after all, and he’s never done that before. Usually inviting and providing the expenses meant it's a date, right? Did that mean Kaveh has feelings for him too? Alhaitham was never good at this kind of stuff, however. So maybe he was just reading this wrong. Forcing the confliction into the back of his mind so he can enjoy the rest of the night, they left the tavern and strolled out to Treasures street to check out the stalls. Kaveh showed him a few of his favorites like the flea market, fortune telling, and a few games. They had gone through every single stall, occasionally brushing their shoulders and hand against each other as they walked side by side, sending sparks of electricity down Alhaitham’s spine. The Grand Bazaar was their last stop, making it just in time for the festival’s finale. People began to crowd around the stage, cheering on the performance.
Alhaitham looked to his left, and watched Kaveh’s face glow from the lights and fireworks. He could see the older boy’s eyes sparkling, as well a small smile etched on their face as they watched the show. In that moment, Alhaitham felt content. Despite the crowd of people surrounding them, it felt like it was just the two of them there. Kaveh must’ve noticed he was looking at him, turning until their eyes met, but this time Alhaitham didn’t look away. Instead, he took his chance and leaned in closer until both their lips pressed together.
The kiss was short lived when he felt a pair of hands push harshly against shoulders.
“What the fuck, Alhaitham?” Kaveh shouted, his expression replaced with shock and anger.
“I thought..” Alhaitham couldn’t finish his sentence, too focused on the panic coursing through his veins.
“Thought what?” Kaveh asked. “That you could just kiss me because I asked you to hang out?” Kaveh waited for a response, staring at Alhaitham with a look of disgust.
Alhaitham stuttered, mouth opening only for it to close each time he tried to say something, at a complete loss for words.
“I apologize. I thought…maybe you returned my feelings.” Alhaitham’s voice shook as he confessed.
Time slowed down when he saw Kaveh’s expression turn completely blank and deadpan. Alhaitham didn't know what he was expecting. He was a fool from the beginning to hope that Kaveh would want to be with someone like him.
Alhaitham already knew the answer that was to come, but he wishes he was deaf so he didn't have to hear it.
“I’d never like you in that way. Ever.” Kaveh said, voice devoid of emotion. Not even pity.
A heavy stone sat in the pit of Alhaitham's stomach. He felt hollow, numb, yet tears threatened to spill over his eyes as he stared at Kaveh, who sounded so matter of fact with his response. As if it was painfully obvious that Kaveh didn’t feel the same, and that Alhaitham was just oblivious and too stupid to realize.
He let his body take over his mind and he turned and ran. He could feel bystanders look at him, some in pity as he pushed through them. He ran until he couldn’t anymore, suddenly feeling cold like he was drenched in a bucket of ice water. His knees felt weak when he finally stopped when no one else was around, and collapsed onto a nearby bench. It was futile. To hold it in. So the tears fell, and he softly cried, where no one could hear him.
Alhaitham woke up to the distant sounds of thunder and rain pattering against the window, facing the familiar wall of his bedroom. Teal eyes sluggishly darted around to realize that he was in fact in his room, and not outside on a hard, uncomfortable bench like he thought he was just a minute ago. He was lying on his stomach, an arm and leg hanging off the bed with half of his face buried into the pillow. He doesn't know how long he was asleep, but he was still so tired and his chest felt groggy. Not quite ready yet to process another Kaveh-dream, he let his eyes close only for them to open wide when the sounds of pots and pans clattered onto the ground, followed by a curse. Alhaitham groaned, forcing himself to bend his knee and place a hand flat on the mattress to push himself up. He hissed while he walked to the bathroom, massaging his neck to help soothe the throbbing crick. He flicked on the light switch, a little startled by his own reflection. He was never one to care about his appearance, but he looked…terrible, to say the least. He slowly moved his hand up to his face, fingertips lightly touching the prominent bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep. Ignoring it for now, he brushed his teeth and freshened up, then walked down the hallway, halting his steps before entering the kitchen. It’ll be the first time seeing Kaveh after a week. Suddenly feeling anxious, he took a deep breath and walked in.
“Why are you making so much noise?” Alhaitham coughed to clear his throat, voice still laced with sleep.
“Well hello to you too.” Kaveh looked up and quirked an eyebrow. “Did I disturb the Grand Sage’s beauty sleep?” He asked, head tilted toward Alhaitham.
“Acting Grand Sage.” Alhaitham corrected. “I’m just filling in until they find someone else to take the job.”
“Whatever you say.” Kaveh rolled his eyes. “And hey, I can make as much noise as I want! It’s 12:00 so it’s not my fault you’re sleeping in so late. What about all the other times you’ve woken me up, huh? You don’t hear me complaining.” The blonde accused, cheeks puffing out.
“It’s 12:00?” Alhaitham’s eyes widened in disbelief. He never sleeps in this late, and on top of that he’s already late for work. He was supposed to check out and collect data from a new area in Sumeru and write a report on it.
They both snapped their heads towards the window when a thunderclap echoed across the house, followed by flashes of lightning and heavy rain falling. Kaveh turned to Alhaitham, who looked like he was contemplating something.
Kaveh, attentive as always, gave Alhaitham an incredulous look, “You’re not actually thinking about going to work, are you? Maybe you should be sensible for once and reconsider going out in that weather. It’s supposed to get worse. You could get hurt.”
Alhaitham crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, “Well someone has to pay rent around here.”
“I- That's beside the point! I’m just saying it wouldn't hurt you to take one day off instead of putting yourself in danger.” Kaveh sputtered, scratching the back of his head while averting his gaze to look anywhere else but at Alhaitham, suddenly remembering he was technically a couple months late on rent.
“No, it’s fine. I was just kidding. You don’t…owe me anything.” Alhaitham said, his turn to look somewhere else.
“Huh?” Kaveh blinked, exasperated.
Alhaitham, deciding to change the topic, stepped further into the kitchen to assess the noise earlier. “Were you trying to make something?” He asked, looking around. Kaveh’s cheek and hair were smeared with flour. There was a cutting board with poorly chopped vegetables on it. A bowl of eggs had some shells mixed in with the yolk. Speckles of spices were spilled all over the counter and floor. Various pieces of kitchenware were spread out everywhere. It smelled like something was in the oven for too long. The refrigerator door wasn’t even closed all the way.
“Well I was trying to.” Kaveh whined. “While you were snoring all morning, I tried to make something for us to eat.” A smirk of satisfaction formed on the senior’s face when he watched Alhaitham’s face contort.
“I don’t snore,” Alhaitham replied, annoyed at himself now for how petulant he sounded. However, he could feel a tug at his heartstrings knowing that Kaveh tried to make something for him. He lightly shoved his senior, “Move, I’ll cook so you don’t ruin the kitchen.”
Kaveh gave a lopsided smile, “Sounds good to me!” He said in a singsong voice, skipping over to seat himself at the table.
The kitchen fell into a comfortable silence between the two. The sounds of Alhaitham chopping the meat and vegetables against the cutting board and Kaveh’s pencil moving against the sketchbook was a calming distraction to Alhaitham’s mind. He was worried how the other was going to react to seeing him today since they haven't talked in over a week, but Kaveh seemed okay to see him so he'll take it. It was honestly better than the versions in his dreams. Kaveh would occasionally break the silence to update what he’s been up to, or talk about the new designs he came up with for work. Sometimes he would stand behind Alhaitham and look over his shoulder to watch him cook.
The proximity was making Alhaitham uncharacteristically nervous. It was just like how he felt in his dream last night. Even Kaveh’s hair brushing against his shoulder was making him shudder. These dreams have left the Scribe confused, and questioning his feelings with the other. You don’t just randomly dream about having a crush on your roommate and then kissing them. To put it candidly, it’s not the first time Alhaitham entertained the idea of them being together. He wouldn’t even be able to count with his fingers how many friends he has—not like he has the desire to go out of his way to make any. Kaveh really is the only person he goes out of his way to talk to and they already lived together, so it simply made sense for Alhaitham to think about it. Though, it was only merely a thought, finding his work more important than something like dating.
Well, now he’s not so sure anymore. Ever since he started having these dreams it’s been getting harder to stop wondering about what it'd be like to date Kaveh, and do couple-y stuff with him. Even right now, he enjoys cooking meals for the blonde and wouldn’t mind doing it every day. It all felt more like a nightmare now than just a few simple dreams. Accepting these kinds of feelings are a hard pill to swallow, but even Alhaitham knows that it’s natural and it would happen to him someday. He just didn’t think it’d happen so soon and so fast.
He wants to do or say something about it because he’s getting sick of hyper analyzing everything. Alhaitham never had an issue with being upfront, but it doesn’t help that every dream involves Kaveh either being hostile or hating him. Alhaitham hasn’t even tried apologizing to Kaveh yet. He can't just suddenly dump on his roommate that he has feelings for him too. He doesn’t even know how to confess for Archon’s sake, and he doesn’t know if Kaveh feels the same way either. In other words, maybe it’s actually a sign not to confess to save himself from rejection. In addition to that, Alhaitham was never one to take no for an answer, so dealing with the rejection would probably hurt. If it hurt to experience Kaveh rejecting him in his dreams, it certainly would hurt ten times more in real life.
“Food’s ready.” Alhaitham said, putting the last of the cut up harra fruit into two small bowls.
“Took you long enough! I’m starving.” Kaveh plopped back onto the seat and immediately started eating the chicken shawarma wrap placed in front of him, eyes crinkling in happiness as he bit into the wrap.
“Tch, you're welcome I guess.” Alhaitham rolled his eyes as he sat himself across the table.
The sound of forks softly clanging against plates filled the silence again as they ate. Kaveh was too busy stuffing his face with food to conjure up a conversation, and Alhaitham was stuck in his own thoughts to bother talking either. He swirled his fork around, playing with his food rather than eating it. The weight of what he’s been dealing with is hitting him extra hard today, most likely due to finally seeing Kaveh for the first time in a while, causing an overwhelming rush of emotions and the impended realization that he in fact likes him. Even just looking at his senior made his heart want to leap out of his throat. Maybe the feelings were always there, hidden, and this week finally put things into perspective. The short-haired boy started to feel nauseous, biting the inside of his cheek as his stomach started to twist in knots.
“I’m going to lie down.” Alhaitham announced, pushing himself out of the chair, the legs scraping against the tiled floor.
Kaveh looked up in confusion, “But, you didn’t even eat..?” he pointed out, staring at the untouched plate then back at Alhaitham.
“Turns out I’m not that hungry. You can eat the rest if you want.” Alhaitham replied. A concerned frown etched between Kaveh’s brows, but went unnoticed as he already walked out of the kitchen.
Once he reached his bedroom he quietly shut the door with a soft click, letting out a shuddered sigh after he slumped onto the bed.
“Get a fucking grip.” He mumbled, carding his fingers through his grey locks. He lied on his back staring at the ceiling, trying to recollect himself. Conversely, it just led him to overthink again, making his anxiety reach a new peak. Needing something to re-stimulate his brain, he reached for the book on his end table and began to read.
It worked for a short while, until reading while lying down on his side naturally made his eyes feel heavy. He tried to fight it off, but the sleep deprivation forced the grip on the hard covered book to slip from his fingers, crashing onto the floor with a thud, finally falling back asleep.
It was nightfall when Alhaitham was beaten onto the ground, blood from his stab wounds soaking his clothes crimson. He grunts out in pain, clenching his jaw as he uses his arms to continue dragging and crawling his bloodied body forward against the sand, too weak to stand up and walk.
He’d been ambushed. No matter how many he fought them off they just kept coming, eventually out numbering him. His sword lay abandoned on the sand somewhere, leaving him completely defenseless in the desert.
Alhaitham, with labored breath, mustered all the energy he could to turn so he could lay still on his back, staring blankly at the star-filled sky. The sand blowing harshly on his face, the freezing cold air making him shiver uncontrollably.
Was this how he was going to die?
For once, he wanted to cry. He had so many regrets.
He’ll never find out if Kaveh ever felt the same. He’ll never get to tell Kaveh that he was sorry for being so hard on him. He'll never get to tell Kaveh that he always missed him when they were away from home for too long.
Alhaitham could feel a pool of his blood stain the sand below him as he laid still. Blood from the internal bleeding made its way to his throat and stream out of the corner of his mouth, making him choke.
He tried to call out Kaveh’s name, but it only came out garbled and unintelligible.
His eyes began to flutter, consciousness slowly ebbing away, begging him to finally rest. He tried to open his eyes to fight one more time, but they stayed shut, the last thought he had left—was that he was sorry.
The next thing Alhaitham knew there were a pair of hands on his back and arm, holding onto him tightly. He hears a familiar voice become clearer telling him, “Shh, It’s okay Haitham. It’s just me.” Kaveh’s voice quiet and soothing.
Alhaitham eventually feels his breathing even out, becoming more coherent as he recognizes the voice to be Kaveh’s, who was looking at him with a worried expression.
“How did...?” Alhaitham trails off, his speech still slurred from sleep.
“I heard you calling my name in your sleep. You sounded like you were in pain. Must’ve been a bad dream.” Kaveh replied. He raised his hand and carefully cupped Alhaitham’s cheek, stroking it with his thumb. Alhaitham couldn’t help but close his eyes and lean into the touch, still a bit disoriented to care, never wanting this newfound feeling of comfort to end.
His chronic headache decided to ruin the moment, squeezing his eyes shut. “Ngh, my head hurts.” Alhaitham whimpered, pressing a hand against his temple.
Kaveh tenses at the honest admission and positions himself so that he’s now sitting next to Alhaitham on the bed, pulling the younger boy into his arms. He expects Alhaitham to pull away, but instead felt him lean against his chest, melting into Kaveh’s embrace.
Kaveh delicately brushed Alhaitham’s hair with his fingers until they were silky and smooth, soothing the headache away. They stay like that for a little while. Alhaitham could feel himself dozing off until Kaveh “How long?” He asked.
Alhaitham startled and looked up, teal eyes meeting red eyes. “What?”
“How long have you been having nightmares? I could tell something was wrong with you, but I didn’t want to push anything. I thought maybe it had something to do with work, but you never push yourself that far. You looked like a walking corpse…I was surprised you were even able to talk at all today.”
Alhaitham with hesitation lodged in his throat, gave in, not finding the worth or energy to hide it any longer. Especially when he’s been tired of struggling with this alone.
“A week.”
Kaveh gave a low hum in response, but didn’t say anything after that. He continued to brush Alhaitham’s hair with an unreadable expression on his face. It made Alhaitham squirm uncomfortably, as he used to easily be able to tell what Kaveh was thinking just by a single glance, but this time he couldn't pinpoint it.
“I’m sorry.” Alhaitham apologized, voice strained.
“Why are you apologizing?”
“I kept…having these dreams, about you. Every dream you’d tell me how much you hated me, and how much of a shitty person I am. Then when I wake up I’d remember all of the times I ignored you when you wanted to talk to me, or when I’d tell you to pay rent when I knew you were going through a hard time. I’d remember all the times I’d say certain things to you even though I knew they were hurtful. I understood then that all the things you said to me in those dreams were true. I never supported you, yet you were still always there for me. I took advantage of your kindness, and I don’t think I can forgive myself for that.”
It was silent for a little while after Alhaitham stopped talking, and he didn’t dare to look at Kaveh in the eyes. He doesn’t know how much time had passed, but he flinched when a hand gently touched his cheek.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kaveh asked.
“I..I don’t know. I didn’t know how. It didn’t seem fair to, and I think part of me was afraid that you’d tell me I was right.” Alhaitham tried to look away once more, but felt those gentle hands turn his face, forcing him to look at the other in the eyes.
“Alhaitham, what ever you’re thinking right now, is not true. I don’t hate you. I never hated you. I don’t think I could ever hate you. Do you understand?” Kaveh said, with nothing but sincerity in his voice and eyes.
Alhaitham swallowed the lump in his throat, eyes beginning to shine with tears as he nodded.
“I want you to say it.” Kaveh replied in a stern yet soft undertone.
Alhaitham inhales a shaky breath.
“You don’t hate me.”
“Mm, and?”
“You could never hate me.”
Kaveh hugs him tighter, “Good.”
“I’m so sorry.”
Kaveh slowly repositions Alhaitham so that his head was resting back on the pillow, “I know.” He whispered. He watches Alhaitham relax back into bed, the stress and relief from letting everything out turning him into a state of drowsiness.
“Go back to sleep. You still need some more rest.” Kaveh cards his fingers through Alhaitham’s hair, then bent down to place a kiss on his forehead.
Alhaitham, despite his eyes half-lidded, sparkled at the kiss. “Will you be here when I wake up?” He asked, voice laced heavily with sleep.
“I will, don’t worry.”
The promise is enough for Alhaitham to close his eyes and chase sleep as Kaveh continues to stroke his hair. Tomorrow, he’ll start to make things right, and one day he’ll be able to confess to Kaveh how he feels.
For now, he let’s himself fall into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.