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"You want me to do what?" Felicia said, completely deadpan. Her friend Mia was standing at her doorway, a panicked look on her face and a carseat in one hand.
"I need you to babysit, Fee. I'd never ask, but there's an emergency at work and I don't have time to call anyone else," Mia said. "Please say you'll do it."
Calling Mia her friend was technically a stretch. Mia lived across the hall, and they had hung out a few times. Mia had given Felicia her spare key, which had prompted Felicia to reciprocate, even though she didn't need a key to get into her or Mia's apartments.
"I know next to nothing about babies, Mia. This isn't a good idea," Felicia said. She'd never even babysat kids when she had been in high school. She liked cats because they were mostly self-sufficient.
Mia didn't say anything for a moment, and Felicia noticed tears had begun to gather on her lids. She sighed. "Tell me what I need to do."
The tension fell from Mia's shoulders and she launched into a lightning fast rundown of how not to kill a baby. "She's napping now, anyway. I shouldn't be gone more than a couple hours. Everything you'll need is in the bag." Mia dropped the diaper bag just inside the apartment and handed over the carseat, but not before leaning over to give her daughter a kiss. "You're a lifesaver, Fee. I owe you big."
Felicia shut the door, making sure it didn't slam and wake up baby Olivia. Not sure what else to do, Felicia set the carrier down on her couch, then went to grab the diaper bag.
She dug through the pockets, familiarizing herself with the contents: plenty of diapers and wipes, a change of clothes, bottles and formula and some blankets.
She set the bag on her side table. Before Mia had knocked on her door, she'd been trying to decide what to watch on TV. Now she wasn't sure if she should turn it back on; the noise might wake the baby.
Cleo, one of Felicia's cats, jumped up onto the arm of the sofa. Felicia ran her hand down Cleo's back. "What do you think, girl? What should I do to pass the time?" She was petting Cleo but staring at Olivia.
She was considering grabbing a book to read when a knock at the window caused her to jump. Cleo jumped, too, before running off to one of her hiding spots.
To Felicia's dismay, the sound startled Olivia, who woke up crying. She froze in panic, unsure what to do next. The knock came again, and she looked over at the window. Spider was attached to the side of her building, and he waved when he saw her.
She hadn't seen him in a week or so. Their last meeting hadn't ended as cordially as others, and Felicia had been ignoring his phone calls.
She looked back at Olivia, who was still using the full extent of her brand new lungs, trying to decide which problem to handle first.
She went over to Olivia and extracted her from the seatbelt contraption. She was flailing her tiny arms, but she didn't have much strength so Felicia managed it relatively quickly. She laid Olivia on her shoulder, careful to hold her head. Felicia was embarrassed to admit she didn't know the last time she held a baby, but she could remember the basics.
Trying to calm Olivia by bouncing her and patting her back, she went over to the window to let Spider in. He crawled over the sill and stood for a moment, not saying anything. He had a plastic shopping bag in one hand.
"What are you doing here?" Felicia asked. She'd switched from patting Olivia's back to rubbing it. Since she was over her shoulder, the cries weren't directly in her ear, which was a small comfort.
"I just brought you a couple things to apologize for being, well, a massive douchebag last week," he said. "But why do you have a baby?" He closed the window behind him.
"My neighbor had an emergency, and she dropped off Olivia. I didn't have much choice in the matter." Olivia didn't seem to be losing any steam. "You scared her when you knocked on the window." The crying had only been happening for a minute or so, but Felicia was reaching her limit.
He set the grocery bag down on the floor and held out his hands. "Give her to me."
Felicia did as he said, grateful the crying was even that small distance further away from her ears.
Spider cradled the baby in his arms and rubbed his fingers over her chest. Slowly, her cries trailed off. Felicia noticed her eyes start to close again, and soon enough she was asleep. "How did you do that?" she whispered.
"Most of the babies I see are crying for one reason or another. I figured out pretty quickly that parents don't care if you're the one who made their baby cry or not; they're upset regardless. So I looked up some soothing methods online. Makes everyone feel better."
Felicia stared at him, wishing he had pulled his mask off when he got there. Looking into the emotionless white lenses was not helping her process the combination of her surprise that he quieted Olivia and the shock of seeing him today. That and seeing the gentleness he used when he cradled Olivia was making her think about things she was not prepared to process.
"Well, thanks. I don't know what I would have done," she said.
"I'm sure you would have figured it out," he replied. He leaned down and snatched up the bag he'd brought. "This is for you. I got your favorite chips and a bottle of wine. I know they're a pretty lame apology, but I thought they would be a good first step."
Felicia took the bag out of his hand and looked inside. There was a bag of her favorite bodega salt and vinegar chips and a bottle of red wine. "It's a decent first step. Should we crack it open?" She didn't wait for his response before opening the bag of chips and popping a few in her mouth.
Now that his other hand was free, he pulled the mask over his head. "Aren't you on babysitting duty? Probably not the best time to start drinking."
She walked over and set the bottle on the kitchen counter. "You're the one with the baby, Spider." The question had mostly been rhetorical, but she wasn't sure what else to do. Today was not going at all like she had planned. She tried not to focus on how he was still casually holding Olivia in one hand.
"Felicia," he walked up to her, a serious look on his face. "I know I said some stupid things last time, and I want to make it up to you.”
She fiddled with her necklace, trying to school her face to be emotionless. “I’m not sure I’m ready to hear it, Peter. I asked you for something I thought was reasonable, considering our history and what we’ve been through. But you acted like I demanded you drop everything in your life and cater to my whims.”
He sighed, “I know. I wasn’t thinking straight. There’s no excuse.”
Her voice was soft when she replied, and before she knew it tears had started to sting behind her eyes. “I want to know this means something, Peter. I want to know I can rely on you, expect things from you. That you don’t think of me as—“ she stopped. The word seemed to stick in her throat like a pill she’d swallowed dry. “as disposable.”
She’d just asked him for commitment. To be exclusive. And he’d reacted like she tried to brand him. And now, here he was presenting himself as domestic as she’d ever seen him. The promise of what he could be stared her in the face, but the voice in the back of her mind kept saying it wasn’t for her. That it would never be for her.
He didn’t try to hug her. She might have injured him if he’d tried, but obviously he was holding Olivia so she couldn’t. “You do mean something to me, Felicia. You mean—you mean so much to me. And I should know better than to treat you like you don’t. I know it’s going to take some time to make up for what I’ve done, but I will.” He walked behind the counter and handed over the sleeping Olivia.
Felicia adjusted the baby in her arms, the small face turning into the warmth of her body. That thing inside her twisted again. Spider kissed her lightly on the cheek. “I’ll leave the two of you alone. When you’re ready to talk, I’m ready to be there,” he said. He was out the window in a flash.
Felicia looked down at Olivia. “You stay away from men. They aren’t worth it and they’ll break your heart.” Olivia didn’t wake, instead just licking her lips in response. “Right. Why don’t you and Auntie Felicia watch some trash TV. It’ll make us both feel better.”