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Raising kids can be a challenge; very rewarding, but a challenge, nonetheless. Especially considering my situation back in 2000; around then, it was just me and my daughter Amy, who was starting her first year of high school.
See Amy has the best of both worlds; she got my jet-black hair, my Mediterranean features and her father’s blue eyes. She also had her own unique traits, like freckles over her nose, a pair of red, thick frame glasses, and a skinny frame. Personally, I always thought she was a wonderful young woman but kids at that age can be cruel, something I wish I knew sooner.
What I did know was that Amy wasn’t making a lot of friends at high school (I don’t get why; she really is a wonderful girl) and seemed to be more withdrawn and shyer than she was before. After a while we fell into a routine; we’d make small talk in the morning, talk a bit at dinner, and then she’d lock herself in her room for the rest of the evening. I’d try to pry a little deeper, but she’d just say “Things are just okay” whenever I asked how things are going and just leave it at that.
Around this time, I started reading articles about depressed teens and how some of them would turn to self-harm, cutting themselves on their wrists. I thought back to Amy’s outfits lately; she’d always wear something with long sleeves, whether it was a jacket or a shirt. This did not assure me…it shook me up worse than before! Could my little Amy be hurting myself this way? She never talked to me much and always kept locking herself in her room. It felt like there was this was wall keeping me from helping my baby and it was killing me. It took a while until I could find a crack in that stupid wall.
I still remember how it all went down like it was yesterday. I walked upstairs to Amy’s room to call her down for dinner when I noticed something; the door was left open just a crack. Amy must have left it open by accident. This very same door that was keeping her locked up from everybody…this was my big chance to get through to her!
I was about to shove my way through when a voice popped into my head, ‘Babs, think about what you’re doing. You were about to barge in there like it was a cop raid on a crack house; this is just like what mamma used to do to you. Now think, is that really how you want things to go down with your daughter? Not trusting you because you won’t give just that one smidgen of personal space?’
That stopped me dead in my tracks. The last thing I ever wanted in life is to become just like my mother. Plus, was it really that unusual that a growing teenager would want some time alone in their room? Maybe I was just overreacting to this whole situation and making it worse than it really was.
With that thought, I gripped the doorknob and almost closed the door before another voice piped up, ‘Babs this could be very serious. You read the articles; kids who shut them off like this are often very troubled and feel like they have no one to turn to. Even if this might just be nothing, do you really want to take that risk with your own daughter?’
Well now I was at a crossroads. Do I go in and strain my relationship with Amy even more? Or do I walk away and potentially leave the worst to chance? I thought about it for just a second and my answer was clear…I wasn’t chancing anything with my baby girl.
Gripping the doorknob even tighter, I slowly opened the door until I got a complete view of Amy’s bedroom. What I saw that day…well, it wasn’t nothing that’s for sure!
I distinctly remember seeing Amy’s floor-length, long-sleeved nightgown, a white cotton hand me down covered with flowers, lying crumpled on her bed. In front of the dresser mirror was my daughter, dancing along to a song playing on her small boombox.
“I know that I can't take no more/It ain't no lie/I want to see you out that door/Baby bye bye bye.”
This wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for your average teenaged girl, except…Amy was naked as the day she was born! And I would know, I was there that day!
I got blindsided big time; I was on the other side of the door preparing for the absolute worst, but never would I have imagined that I’d see this. I was so startled I couldn’t help but choke out, “Amy!?”
My daughter whipped her head around, her face like a deer in headlights. She immediately shut off her boombox and scrambled to grab her nightgown off the bed. After rushing to put it over her head, we sort of stared at each other for a bit, not really thinking of what to say to each other.
“Please don’t be mad,” Amy pleaded softly. She had the most guilt ridden look on her face, like she had been caught red handed shoplifting at the mall.
“Mad? Well honey, I’m flabbergasted, confused, and off kilter but I’m not mad,” I replied, trying to ease this very strange predicament.
Yeah, it didn’t help much since Amy just sat down on the bed, her face beet red from embarrassment.
“Oh Amy…” I walked over and sat on the bed with her, trying to reach out to her again, “What’s been going on? And the full story, not just saying everything is fine.”
Amy took a breath and started speaking, “It’s school. Ever since I started going, other kids were making fun of me, calling me a four-eyed freak and a twiggy bitch…”
“I’ll kill the little bastards,” I snarled, “Give me names and I’ll-”
“Mom, let me finish,” Amy dryly replied, a stern expression on her face. “Anyways, this had been going on for a while until I met a girl named Kimberly. She noticed that people were picking on me and started talking with me, telling me not to listen to them. We talked a bit more until we got to body confidence; she told me that she came from a nudist family and that helped her a lot with her self-esteem issues.”
“Wait, a nudist? Like those hippies who like to walk around naked and stuff?” I asked, surprised by where the story was going.
“Something like that. It’s this whole philosophy revolving around nudity this wholesome, positive thing and how bodies are nothing to be ashamed of,” my daughter explained, “This got me curious and started trying it out here at home. It started with just sleeping naked, then I started to not get dressed after showering, then I started undressing the moment I was able to get to my room.”
My daughter really started perking up when she started talking about this. “I ended up really liking the whole nudist thing! It felt just so calming to be so free all by myself with no one to judge me. After a while, I just stopped caring about what other people were saying, just like Kimberly.”
“Is that all? You mean…you’re not depressed or cutting yourself open?” I asked hesitantly.
Amy was confused for a moment until she said, “Oh…those youth health magazines on the coffee table make so much more sense now. Mom I swear I’m not cutting or anything like that. Look, see?”
She rolled the sleeves of her nightgown up and showed her bared arms. Just like she said, there wasn’t so much as a nick on her skin. I couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief, glad that was finally settled.
“But Amy…what was with all that business with locking the door and not talking to me about school? You had me seriously worried for you,” I told her, letting a bit of sternness into my voice.
She looked to the floor, that guilty look coming back to her face. “I…I thought you’d be mad at me for going around without clothes. I figured it was just safer to do it with the door locked.”
With that, I wrapped my arms around my daughter and gave her the biggest hug I could manage. “There are few things in this world you could do that would leave me mad at you Amy Giuseppa Bucciarelli,” I told her softly, “and you walking around in the buff? Not one of them.”
Amy looked at me, eyes getting wet behind her glasses. “Y-You really mean that?”
“Does a bear crap in the woods?” I gave my answer jokingly as I unwrapped my arms from Amy. That one actually got a little giggle from my little girl. I continued a bit more seriously, “I’m not going to lie, the whole nudism thing was a little out of left field and I need to learn a bit more about it. But if it really makes you feel better and if it’s not hurting anyone, I say go for it.”
“So…does this mean I can be naked outside my room?” she asked hesitantly.
“Sweetheart you can be naked anywhere around the house!” I replied, being as enthusiastic as I could be, “You can go nude in the living room, in the kitchen, in the garage…er, just make sure to keep the curtains open; I don’t want Mrs. Dordevich’s boys snooping around here. Well, go on and get comfortable if you want.”
Hearing that, Amy got up from the bed and pulled up her sleeping gown over her head, leaving it on the ground. I know it wasn’t just wishful thinking when I saw how happier she looked now compared to how I saw her the last few days.
Just as she was enjoying her new freedom she turned to me and asked, “Mom is this really okay? You know this means you basically have a nudist for a daughter now.”
On that note, I got a crazy idea; I don’t know where these crazy ideas come from, they just come to me. “How about instead of telling you, I show you it’s alright?”
I got to my feet and started undressing; I kicked off my shoes, took off my sweater, shimmied out of my jeans, and when I was down to my polka dot bra and panties, I peeled those off too. Now I was wearing the same outfit as my daughter.
“And voila; from now on there’s going to be nothing between us. No secrets, no reading behind each other’s backs, no clothes! Does that sound good to you, kiddo?”
“You can be really cool sometimes; you know that Mom?”
“Damn straight,” was all I said before bringing it in for one more hug; it was a bit awkward this time around, but I’m just glad me and my daughter were finally on the same page.
The following Friday we arrived at the house by the evening, Amy happily telling me all about what she’s been doing at school as we did a little disrobing. Yes the Bucciarelli household was now a clothes free zone; it made Amy more open and more outgoing, and it meant less clothes for me to wash. A win-win situation if I do say so myself (and I do).
It was around this time that Amy asked, “Oh Mom, is it alright if Kimberly and some other friends come over tomorrow night? We want to have a pajama party sleepover.”
“Pajama party? I thought you gave up pajamas cold turkey.”
“Oh, that’s the theme,” Amy smiled cheekily. “We want to have a no pajama, pajama party! It was mostly Kimberly’s idea, I just agreed to host.”
I asked, a little cautious, “Are you sure the other girl’s parents would be okay with that?”
“Don’t worry; as it turns out, there’s a small nudist commune not far from town. All of Kimberly’s friends are nudist too.”
“Ha, what a coincidence!” I snickered, unable to believe Amy’s luck, “Alright, alright you can have the party. On one condition…I get to come to the party!”
Amy chuckled at my request, “Why would you want to come to our party? What would you even do?”
“Meh, it’s Friday and I got no plans. I figured we could have a sing off. Throw in a little Abba, y’know?”
“No offense Mom but I want to make more friends, not drive them off.”
“Oh, Amy you wound me!” I cried, pretending to be insulted. Make no mistake though, I was just happy that Amy was finally happy.