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“I’m so happy for you two.”
Seungmin’s warm voice radiates through the speaker of Felix’s phone as he chops vegetables in his kitchen. The two are on Facetime as Felix details his proposal to his new fiancé. Felix had told the story a hundred times, but he hadn’t gotten tired of it just yet.
“Me, too,” Felix admits with a soft smile. “I’m happy for me.”
“I can’t wait to cry in the pew at your wedding,” Seungmin jokes. It was sarcastic, of course. Felix knew Seungmin loved him, but he was never the type to openly express emotions, especially not in such a public way.
“How are you going to cry in the pew if you’re the one taking the pictures?” Felix asks. Seungmin stops, and Felix smiles to himself as Seungmin puts the pieces together.
“You want me to photograph your wedding?” Seungmin concludes. Felix nods.
“I can’t imagine a better person to capture the happiest day of my life than one of my best friends,” Felix explains. It seemed perfect to him. Seungmin had been by his side since tee-ball. He was talented and meticulous and sentimental, too, even if he didn’t like to admit it. He would be the perfect photographer.
“I would love to,” Seungmin agrees after a few moments. He raises his voice a little before adding, “but I’m not responsible if I’m not a skilled enough editor to make Jisung look good!”
“I can hear you!” Jisung shouts back. He sat at the kitchen table a few feet away, drinking his fourth coffee of the day and responding to emails he should’ve answered days ago.
“That’s why I said it so loudly!” Seungmin teases. Felix rolls his eyes.
Seungmin and Felix had been friends most of their lives, playing on the same baseball team until the end of high school. After that, Seungmin took off to Massachusetts to fulfill his parents’ Ivy League dreams before taking a detour to Connecticut for law school. The pair remained in touch, but, during Seungmin’s time locked away in a library in New Haven, Felix had met Jisung.
At first, Felix didn’t think Jisung and Seungmin would get along. It was hard to find two people more different than his lawyer childhood friend and his concert promoter boyfriend. Seungmin followed the rules; Jisung wrote his own. They’d bonded quickly in their goofiness, though, and, now, Felix thought Seungmin felt nearly as close to Jisung as he did to himself.
“Listen, Seungmin,” Felix says. He figured if he didn’t ask now he would chicken out. He grabs his phone and positions himself so that Seungmin can actually see his face. “I need a favor.”
“Besides photographing your wedding for free?” Seungmin asks through laughter.
“We’re not broke! I can pay you!” Jisung snaps offscreen. He hated the idea of Seungmin doing anything for them pro bono, but Seungmin wouldn’t accept a dime from Felix.
“I work for La Croix and praise,” Seungmin insists. “What’s the favor?”
“How are you planning on getting to Charleston?” Felix wonders. Seungmin narrows his eyes behind his thick frames. Jisung was from South Carolina, and the pair had promised his parents before even getting engaged that they’d hold the wedding in Jisung’s hometown. Seungmin had known this was the case for a while. “Don’t look at me like that. I know you said you were wanting to do a road trip—”
“Yeah, to a national park, so I can take pictures. Not to South Carolina,” Seungmin says with a snort.
“Have you considered how many museums there are along the east coast?” Felix asks. Seungmin gives him the same look as before. “I’m just saying. It would be a great trip. Me and Jisung have driven from Charleston to NYC a million times. The beach is amazing, and the drive is easy. It would be such a serene vacation.”
Seungmin pauses. Felix knew he had always wanted to stop at the museums in Philly and D.C. He also knew Seungmin’s mom had been prodding him for months to take a vacation, insisting he would die earlier if he didn’t de-stress. Thus, Felix knew he would agree.
“Yeah,” Seungmin decides after a few seconds. “That sounds nice actually. I could leave a few days before the wedding and really make a trip out of it.”
“Yeah! For sure!” Felix says brightly. “And, you know, I know just the guy to keep you company.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, and he could really use the ride,” Felix admits, “so you’d be doing both of us a huge favor. I really want him there, and he’s supposed to be a groomsman.”
“I don’t mind bringing someone along,” Seungmin says. “If I’m going anyway, it’s no additional cost to me.”
Felix smiles as his plan starts to come together.
“Who’s this guy?” Seungmin asks.
“His name is Hyunjin,” Felix informs Seungmin. He says it so casually, like it’s no big deal at all. Felix knows Seungmin would’ve clawed his eyes out through the phone if it was possible.
“Absolutely not,” Seungmin says, changing his mind in an instance. Felix could’ve expected this.
Hyunjin was Jisung’s old college roommate, but his relationship with Seungmin was contentious, to say the least. When Felix had bumped into Hyunjin at a party their first year of college, he had already heard all the rumors about the Great Seungmin-Hyunjin War that had ended their friendship. As Felix understood it, Seungmin and Hyunjin had been best friends up until their freshman year of high school. After that, they’d entered a Cold War that had yet to lighten up.
Felix tried to play Switzerland, but it had gotten harder as the years went on. Even though he and Seungmin had been friends longer, Hyunjin had been a great, consistent friend in college. Hyunjin had even been the one to introduce him to Jisung. Felix didn’t want to choose between him and Seungmin. Now that they were adults, he just wanted everyone to get along.
“Please, Seungmin,” Felix begs. “He’s not the person he was in middle school anymore.”
“I would hope not because that person shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near your wedding,” Seungmin argues. Felix sighs. The subject of Hyunjin didn’t come up often, but each time it did, Felix could feel the pain Hyunjin had inflicted through Seungmin’s words.
“I’ve never even met that person,” Felix insists, “and I wish you knew the Hyunjin that I do.”
“Well, I don’t,” Seungmin replies, “and I don’t think a trip with the Hyunjin I do know sounds very serene.”
“Please?” Felix requests. He makes his eyes as big and round and desperate as he possibly can. “He’s changed, and he can’t afford the plane ticket to Charleston.”
There’s a long silence. If Felix wasn’t looking right at Seungmin, he would’ve thought the line went dead. It was a difficult decision for Seungmin, and Felix knew why. Ultimately, though, Felix really did believe Hyunjin wasn’t the same person he was at fourteen anymore.
“Fine,” Seungmin agrees, “but I’m doing this for you, not him.”
“Thank you so much, Seungmin,” Felix sings. “I need to call him and let him know.”
Seungmin just groans, and Felix blows him a kiss before ending the call. Shortly after, Felix dials Hyunjin’s number and goes through the same sticky love fest about being officially engaged before informing Hyunjin that Seungmin had agreed to drive him to Charleston. Hyunjin isn’t forthcoming with his emotions. This was atypical for him, but Felix suspected his silence came from a place of guilt. Seungmin was angry. Hyunjin was remorseful.
Still, Hyunjin accepts the offer. Felix had expected as much. He knew Hyunjin would be counting pennies to try and buy a plane ticket for the wedding, so Hyunjin didn’t really have much choice.
After they hang up, Jisung meets Felix on his side of the kitchen, standing next to him quietly for a few seconds while he adds ingredients to his pot on the stove before Jisung finally decides to say what’s on his mind.
“Felix,” Jisung says, cupping Felix’s cheeks and forcing him to meet his eyes. “Tell me you are not thinking of using our wedding to Parent Trap our friends who haven’t spoken since high school.”
“I love you too much to lie to you,” Felix says with a little grin. Jisung groans in exasperation.
“This day is supposed to be about two people, and they aren’t Seungmin and Hyunjin,” Jisung reminds him.
Felix furrows his eyebrows in confusion before asking, “our moms?”
Jisung laughs, but Felix can sense that a part of him is serious. It wasn’t often he complained; Jisung was the type of person who adapted to whatever hand he was dealt. Because of this, Felix had gotten used to decoding the little ways he’d voice his concerns.
“Jisung, the idea anyone but you could ever be the center of attention in a room you’re in is crazy,” Felix promises. He gently caresses Jisung’s cheek in the process to win him over. “You’re the star. Everybody else is a background character.”
Jisung gently meets his lips, slowly knitting a hand into the back of Felix’s hair as they kiss. Felix just wraps his arms around Jisung’s neck, pulling him closer until their bodies are pressed against each other.
“I promise I will not let anything distract from the fact this day is my one chance to marry the love of my life, okay?” Felix whispers, breath tickling Jisung’s ear as he continues to hold Felix close after they pull away.
“Okay,” Jisung says back quietly. “I love you, and I love that you care this much about our friends and their happiness.”
“I love you, too,” Felix replies, “and I can’t wait to marry you.”
“Two way street,” Jisung confirms in response. “Now, do you want to tell me the plan?”
Felix grins, nodding enthusiastically as he turns the stove off and begins to plate their lunch. He was thankful to always have Jisung as his co-conspirator. They’d been that way since the day they met. Usually, Jisung was the mastermind, but this particular issue was close to Felix’s heart. He imagined himself as a matchmaker, destined to piece Hyunjin and Seungmin’s relationship back together, and he was willing to use his own wedding to do it.
* * *
The first time Felix saw Jisung, he was hanging off of a crummy dorm room bed, upside-down, flipping through a volume of manga that Felix was certain had been read a hundred times already. His hair was messy, and his hoodie sleeves were pushed up his elbows. He didn’t even look up when Felix entered the room.
It was love at first sight.
Felix couldn’t explain why he fell so hard, so fast for Jisung; all he knew is that he would gladly hang out with Hyunjin at every given opportunity just to have the chance to stand in the same vicinity as his roommate for a few minutes.
Jisung notices. He could read a room like nobody else, and he wasn’t oblivious to Felix’s stammering or his stolen glances. By the end of their first semester, Felix’s nights are spent lying next to Jisung in that same crummy dorm room bed, watching TV together on Jisung’s laptop and accepting gentle kisses. To Felix, that was heaven.
Nearly a decade later, Felix’s heaven is still lying next to Jisung. They’d gotten older, but Felix had only fallen more and more in love with Jisung as time went on. Getting married to him was all Felix wanted; he knew they were supposed to be together, and he knew no one would ever make him as happy as Jisung did.
So, naturally, on the eve of his wedding, Felix is furiously pacing around the hotel room, checking his texts every thirty seconds to see if Seungmin and Hyunjin are in Charleston yet.
“Lix,” Jisung says, wrapping his arms around Felix and sinking his chin in the curve of his neck. “Why are you stressing about the arrival of our friends?”
“Because I’m afraid they killed each other on the way here,” Felix replies, resting his head on top of Jisung’s affectionately.
“You’re afraid they killed each other or you’re hoping they fell in love?” Jisung wonders. Felix grins.
“A little of both,” Felix admits. He sighs dramatically as he realizes that he sounds ridiculous when he says it out loud. “I’m being stupid, aren’t I?”
“No,” Jisung insists, “but I wouldn’t get my hopes too far up that they magically get along now.”
“I’m trying not to,” Felix whispers, “but think how great it would be if we could go out on double dates. Or even if we could just go out to a bar with the guys without having to strategically plan it on a day one of them is busy.”
“I get it. I just kinda think that, if they wanted to be together, they would be together,” Jisung admits. Felix feels something inside him sink hearing that even Jisung thought he was being nonsensical. “They had four years to repair their friendship in high school, Felix. There’s a reason they didn’t.”
“I think they just need a little push,” Felix insists. “You know them. Seungmin’s too proud, and Hyunjin is too embarrassed. They’ll both just keep avoiding each other for the rest of their lives.”
“Maybe that’s what they want,” Jisung argues. Felix’s heart breaks at the idea. He didn’t understand how two people who had once meant so much to one another could just leave each other’s lives.
“It’s not,” Felix decides. He wasn’t going to let Jisung convince him he was wrong. Felix’s phone buzzes, alerting him of Hyunjin and Seungmin’s arrival at the hotel. “They’re here.”
Felix excitedly slides on his shoes and grabs his hotel key and wallet. Jisung does the same, trailing after him like a chaperone.
“I really hate being the voice of reason in all this, you know,” Jisung complains as he and Felix wait for the elevator to arrive on their floor. “I’m supposed to be the one causing problems on our wedding day.”
“It’s not our wedding day yet,” Felix chirps, “and I’m not causing problems. Worst case scenario, I’ll buy Hyunjin a plane ticket home.”
Jisung scoffs out a laugh just as the elevator lets out a loud ding.
“What?” Felix wonders.
“Hyunjin will sit in dead silence the entire way back to New York before he takes our money,” Jisung points out. He presses the button to take the elevator down to the lobby, glancing back at Felix to gauge his reaction. The sight of Felix furiously gnawing at his bottom lip makes him sigh. “It’ll be fine. Seungmin is Seungmin. I’m sure nothing happened.”
“But Hyunjin is Hyunjin,” Felix points out. His intention is to stir up images of daydream-like romance, but all Jisung can think of is tearful pleas for forgiveness.
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Jisung admits.
Felix makes a performance out of their arrival, hugging Seungmin and enthusiastically viewing all of the photos taken on the way up as Seungmin cycles through them on his camera. A pulse of excitement races through him when he catches a glimpse of photos of Hyunjin on the beach in the cycle, but he doesn’t say anything. Jisung was wrong; the plan was working.
Confident he’s making headway, Felix decides to announce to Hyunjin and Seungmin that he’s booked them in the same room in the hotel. If the look on Seungmin’s face wasn’t indication enough to inform Felix the road trip alone hadn’t been enough to foster a renewed love story, the disdain in Seungmin’s tone as they check in confirms it.
Jisung and Felix follow Hyunjin and Seungmin up to their room, but as soon as Seungmin drops his bags on his bed, he sighs.
“I forgot my camera bag in the car,” he announces. “I need to go back down and get it. Will you come with me, Felix?”
“Sure,” Felix agrees. He and Jisung make eye contact for a split second, and Felix can tell that, like Felix, Jisung is entirely too aware of how angry Seungmin is.
When they get into the elevator, it’s silent for the first two or three floors. Felix stares up at the mirror in the ceiling just to have somewhere to look besides at Seungmin.
“Are you mad at me?” Felix asks finally. Seungmin crosses his arms in thought, glancing over at Felix as he tried to decide how to respond.
“I let him come with me as a favor,” Seungmin reminds Felix. “I love you, and I’m glad you’re getting married. I wanted to help you help your fiancé’s best friend attend your wedding. I didn’t agree because I wanted to make up with him.”
“I know,” Felix insists, and he really does believe what he’s saying. He knew Hyunjin and Seungmin’s relationship wasn’t in a good place; he was just hoping it could be mended. “I’m really thankful you’re helping him.”
“Good,” Seungmin says. “Then, you understand I can’t stay in that fucking hotel room.”
“Why not?” Felix asks, furrowing his eyebrows. “You survived the trip here without killing him.”
“I’m not worried about killing him,” Seungmin snaps. Felix’s entire face lights up in realization.
“You like him,” Felix decides. Seungmin scoffs.
“Don’t be immature,” Seungmin says. “He is shallow and completely two-faced and artificial and vain—”
“And you’re totally in love with him,” Felix teases just as the elevator doors open to the lobby. Seungmin storms out, hiding his freshly flushed cheeks by walking too fast for Felix to keep up. “Kim Seungmin, wait up!”
“You don’t understand, Felix,” Seungmin says when Felix finally corners him as he fishes the bag out of the backseat of his car. “Being with him yesterday felt like it used to before everything. His laugh…”
Seungmin trails off, closing the door to his car in frustration.
“That’s a good thing!” Felix exclaims. “Do you really want to spend your entire life mad at him?”
“No,” Seungmin says, “but I also can’t risk finding out if he’s changed or not. I can’t stay in that hotel room. I couldn’t even eat dinner with him last night.”
“It’s too late to change now,” Felix argues. “It’s going to be real fucking awkward driving back if you refuse to stay in a room with him.”
“Fuck,” Seungmin breathes. “I should kill you.”
“I love you,” Felix says back, though a part of him feels the guilt starting to settle in from making one of his closest friends feel so upset. Still, he thinks, once Seungmin and Hyunjin work through this, everyone will be better off. “C’mon, let’s go get lunch with the guys. It’ll be fun.”
“He needs to sit on the opposite side of the table from me,” Seungmin insists. Felix just laughs, taking Seungmin by his wrist and pulling him back toward the hotel.
* * *
Felix complies with Seungmin’s request at lunch by strategically seating everybody according to which side of the wedding party they belonged to. Felix and Jisung take the chairs in the middle of the table. To Felix’s left, Chan, Jeongin and Seungmin congregate. Chan and Jeongin were both Felix’s fraternity brothers, with Chan being his best man and Jeongin simply along for the ride. On Jisung’s right, Hyunjin sits alongside Minho and Changbin, two of Jisung’s friends he’d met in the music scene.
“I can’t believe I’m at Felix and Jisung’s wedding,” Chan sings through bites of food.
“I can’t believe I’m in North Carolina,” Minho grumbles, significantly less affection gracing his tone.
“Well, you shouldn’t. You’re in South Carolina,” Seungmin corrects. Minho mocks him with an eye roll.
“Sorry, I didn’t acquaint myself with every state on the way down here,” Minho snaps. “Tell me why Mr. Prosecutor didn’t buy himself a plane ticket again?”
Felix glances over at Hyunjin, and he immediately can sense his embarrassment. He was the reason Seungmin hadn’t flown to Charleston, even if Seungmin maintained to Hyunjin’s face that he would’ve taken the road trip regardless.
“The east coast is beautiful,” Seungmin says simply. He makes no reference to Felix’s request or Hyunjin needing a ride. Both were secrets Seungmin would continue to hold close. “You could benefit from spending less time inside the gym and more inside museums.”
“You could benefit from some time in the gym,” Chan observes. He reads over and squeezes Seungmin’s bicep. The entire table bursts into laughter at the squish in his arm.
“This is true,” Seungmin admits, unable to deny it after Chan has presented him with evidence. “Am I allowed to come with you if my intention isn’t to have zero percent body fat?”
“No,” Chan and Jeongin reply in unison.
The rest of lunch has a similar demeanor. The group laughs and reminisces and teases one another, and everyone radiates happiness and closeness. It’s not until they’re wrapping up their meal to leave that Felix notices Hyunjin barely spoke the entire time. Instead, he watched Seungmin talk to their friends—his friends—like they were a close knit group. Felix thinks it’s probably then that Hyunjin realizes how difficult it was for Felix and Jisung to maintain their bonds with both Hyunjin and Seungmin when they couldn’t invite them to the same functions. In their current state, Hyunjin and Seungmin rotated who attended what. Hyunjin was invited to bowling night; Seungmin got to come to karaoke. They switched off who attended dinners at Felix’s apartment and nights out at the bars. Hyunjin and Seungmin didn’t even know this system was in place.
As they’re leaving the restaurant, Felix pulls on Jisung’s sleeve to stop him from following the others. Jisung turns back around and wraps his arms around Felix, expecting a kiss. Felix gently pushes him away.
“I need a favor,” Felix requests in a whisper as the others head toward the car.
“Anything for you,” Jisung replies, knitting a hand into Felix’s hair. Felix feels guilty knowing that Jisung isn’t going to like what he has in store.
“Once we get back to the hotel, I’m going to meet with Seungmin to talk about pictures tomorrow, and I’m going to try and figure out what happened yesterday,” Felix explains. Jisung’s face falls as he realizes Felix is just roping him into his meddling. “I need you to talk to Hyunjin about it.”
“Lix,” Jisung says quietly, “I really think you should leave them alone.”
“I can’t,” Felix says. He pouts, taking Jisung’s hand into his own to try and persuade him. “Please?”
Jisung sighs.
“I’ll see what I can do,” he agrees ultimately. Felix grins, excitedly pulling away and beginning to chase after the others. This time, Jisung is the one to hold Felix back, clasping a hand around his wrist. “I don’t work for free.”
Felix just laughs, pressing a kiss to Jisung’s cheek before once again skipping off to join the group back at the car.
* * *
Back at the hotel, Felix drags Seungmin off to scope out the location for the ceremony along with pictures of the wedding party. He wanted everything to be perfect for tomorrow, and, more than that, he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to snoop.
“Do you want to do formal pictures before or after the ceremony?” Seungmin asks as they walk beneath a gazebo already rigged up with fairy lights.
“After,” Felix replies. “Before the reception. Isn’t that what most people do?”
“I wouldn’t know,” Seungmin admits with a small smile, “but that works for me. There’s a lot of good backdrops out here, too. I bet it will look really nice in the late afternoon.”
“I think so, too,” Felix agrees. “Hyunjin is going to look ethereal in the golden hour.”
Seungmin pauses, glancing over at Felix to acknowledge that he knows what Felix is implying. Instead of replying to Felix, he just continues his thoughts on the pictures. “I’ll try to move around during the ceremony and get a lot of different perspectives.”
“You can talk to me about it, you know,” Felix says, ignoring Seungmin’s comment altogether. “I love Hyunjin, but Jisung is the one who’s ride-or-die with him.”
“What am I supposed to say, Felix?” Seungmin asks. “We went to Philly and D.C., and it was awkward. I kept thinking about what you said about how you never met the Hyunjin I knew, so I told him to just treat me like a stranger. Then, we went to the beach, and he was asking me to take pictures of him and laughing at all my jokes. And that was even worse than when it was awkward.”
“Why?” Felix wonders. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“No,” Seungmin says firmly. “I didn’t want to eat dinner alone in a random park just so that I could think straight for the first time all day. I don’t want to have to sit here wondering if Hyunjin is who I wish he was or who he proved himself to be.”
“I wish you would give him a chance,” Felix admits. “I wish you would tell me what happened to start all this in the first place.”
Seungmin hesitates. Felix recognizes the look on Seungmin’s face immediately. Jisung referred to it as short-circuiting. He’d always joke that it meant that Seungmin, the perfect robot he was, had an issue with his programming, unable to parse the data laid out in front of him.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Seungmin’s says finally. “Don’t you need to go get changed before rehearsal?”
* * *
The rest of the afternoon is reserved for walking through the ceremony and rehearsal dinner. Felix spends most of the night too distracted by his own wedding and family to try and intervene in Seungmin and Hyunjin’s lives any further. The closest he comes to pressuring Seungmin is by forcing him to sit down and actually eat during dinner instead of running around taking pictures. Hyunjin mostly entertains himself, drinking a little too much while talking to Changbin and Minho. Felix thinks he catches Hyunjin looking across the room at Seungmin a few times, but he doesn’t know if it’s all in his head.
By the time they return to their hotel room, Jisung is so exhausted he flops down into bed without even taking off his tie. Felix just looks over at him and laughs as he changes into his own pajamas.
“I don’t think sleeping in that suit will be very comfortable,” Felix hums. He reaches into Jisung’s suitcase and collects a navy hoodie, pulling it on over his head before Jisung can protest.
“I didn’t pack enough clothes for both of us to live out of my suitcase,” Jisung points out as he sits back up and looks over at Felix. Felix ignores him, grabbing an outfit for Jisung to change into from the messy pile of clothes spilling out onto the hotel carpet and setting it on the bed next to Jisung. “You have twenty jackets just like that in our closet that you could’ve brought, you know.”
“Why would I pack a hoodie when it’s so hot outside?” Felix queries dumbly as though he doesn’t comprehend the irony of him fishing the clothing item out of Jisung’s bag to wear anyway. Jisung accepts his defeat, loosening his tie until it slides off over his head. It had been tied by Felix prior to the start of rehearsals. Jisung had never had any need for learning to tie one himself.
“Also,” Felix adds as he takes Jisung’s tie and carefully drapes it over the hanger Felix was using to collect their neckwear for the weekend. “It kinda hurts my feelings that you see our hoodies as being separately owned. What happened to what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine? Do you want a hoodie prenup?”
“No,” Jisung laughs. “I’m happy with the current arrangement.”
“Good,” Felix grins. “Now, when are you gonna tell me what Hyunjin said?”
“Said about what?” Jisung asks. Felix notices how Jisung is suddenly interested in getting ready for bed. He makes himself look busy, changing his clothes and brushing his teeth. A minute ago, he hadn’t wanted to move from the bed.
“About Seungmin,” Felix clarifies.
“He didn’t say anything,” Jisung informs Felix, though he’s hiding in the bathroom, allegedly flossing.
“He didn’t say anything or you didn’t ask?” Felix wonders.
“I asked,” Jisung promises, “but he didn’t want to talk about it. He just kept rambling about all the museums they went to.”
Felix groans like it’s the worst news he’s ever heard. He joins Jisung in the bathroom, beginning to scrub his face in annoyance.
“They’re barely telling me anything,” Felix complains. “How am I supposed to fix anything if they won’t even tell me what’s going on?”
Jisung clicks his tongue softly in response. Truthfully, Hyunjin didn’t have many secrets. The ones he did have were promptly shared with Jisung (and then Felix, by virtue of their shared consciousness.) If Jisung really wanted to be involved in this, he could just ask. But he didn’t want to.
“I’m tired,” Jisung announces suddenly. He places his toothbrush back into his travel case for safe keeping, then he backs away from the bathroom.
Felix continues washing his face, then he follows Jisung back toward the bed, turning off lights and finishing his final preparations for sleep as he goes. He eventually settles into the left side of the bed. Prior to meeting Jisung, he’d slept on the right every night of his life. Now, he’s grown accustomed to filling in the blank space Jisung left over.
“Are you okay?” Felix questions as he envelops Jisung into his arms. Jisung nods, curling up into Felix’s side. Felix holds him tight, drowning Jisung in his affection as though he needed it. “If you’ve decided you hate me and don’t want to marry me anymore, I’d rather you tell me now.”
“Why would you say that?” Jisung asks. He pulls away and props himself up on an elbow so that he can look at Felix. “Today was one of the best days of my life. Tomorrow’s gonna be even better.”
“You’re not mad at me?” Felix wonders. Jisung shakes his head.
“For what? Loving your friends too much?” Jisung jokes. “I’m not mad you want Seungmin and Hyunjin to be friends again. I just think sometimes things are the way they are for a reason.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Felix asks behind furrowed brows. Jisung had been on edge since Felix had first set his plan into motion, implying or outright saying it was a bad idea. It was an unusual reaction for him, to say the least.
“I mean, I saw Hyunjin today. You did, too. He didn’t look like he was happy he’d been trapped in a car with a guy who has hated his guts for a decade,” Jisung explains. “He’s my friend, Felix. I don’t like watching you torture him. If they were gonna make up, it would’ve happened already.”
“Seungmin told me that it felt like old times,” Felix points out. “They’re getting there.”
“Seungmin also begged you not to make him sit next to Hyunjin at lunch,” Jisung counters. “It’s complicated. They’re complicated.”
“Why can’t we uncomplicate it?” Felix begs. “I just want everybody to be happy.”
“I think they were happier before Seungmin started channeling his workaholic anxiety tics into wedding photography while Hyunjin double fisted wine glasses at our rehearsal dinner,” Jisung observes. Felix sighs.
“You’re right,” he admits. “I’ll leave them alone.”
“Good,” Jisung whispers. He leans in and softly kisses Felix’s forehead before pulling away. “I love you. Go to sleep.”
Felix spends the next few hours staring at the ceiling. He listens to Jisung’s quiet breathing as he sleeps, and all he can do is wonder how Jisung could be calm enough to sleep.
* * *
The next morning, Felix sneaks out of the hotel room before Jisung wakes up. It was cliché, but Felix wanted to savor his last morning, the last few hours before everything changed. He’d never had any doubts about marrying Jisung, but that didn’t make the day any less exciting and scary all at once.
Felix wanders out to the gardens behind the hotel. There, he finds Seungmin, camera around his neck, taking photos of plants and insects in the area.
“Good morning,” Felix says softly. “Avoiding your roommate?”
“Not necessarily,” Seungmin mumbles. “Avoiding yours?”
“Not necessarily,” Felix mimics. He pauses for a few moments, and he starts to feel guilty as he remembers his conversation with Jisung the night before. “Seungmin, I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Seungmin wonders with a small cock of his head. He seemed genuinely puzzled, like he couldn’t identify Felix’s crime.
“For the whole set up with you and Hyunjin,” Felix says. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Oh,” Seungmin says. “Thank you for your apology.”
Felix nods.
It’s quiet for a few minutes before Seungmin breaks the silence.
“Can I ask you a question?” Seungmin says, looking right at Felix. Felix looks back at him expectantly. “How did you know Jisung was the one?”
“Do you want the funny answer or the serious answer?” Felix offers. He’d been asked the question in some form many times since getting engaged. Jisung thought it was a dumb thing to ask. He would always reply with something ridiculous, like that Felix had the lowest kill-to-death ratio on Fortnite Jisung had ever seen or that he’d proposed to hundreds of guys and Felix was the only one who’d actually said yes. Even so, Felix had really thought about his answer.
“Both,” Seungmin replies.
“The serious answer is that, when I’m with him, I feel more confident, like I can do anything, and, when he smiles at me, I feel like everything’s going to be okay,” Felix explains. There was more, of course, like that Jisung was the only person in the world who laughed at every single one of his jokes and Felix wanted to be around him every second of every day. He keeps these thoughts to himself, though. “The funny answer is that, on our third date, we were at this shitty little bar a block from campus, and “Every Breath You Take” by The Police came on. He got all excited, and he sang me every single word.”
“So?” Seungmin wonders with a laugh.
“After, he got really embarrassed and started apologizing, telling me he only knew the words because his mom used to sing it to him when he was a kid,” Felix adds.
“So?” Seungmin repeats. He was smiling at Felix despite the forced annoyance in his voice.
“It’s my mom’s favorite song, too,” Felix continues. He smiles softly to himself. “It just always felt like fate, and he still sings every single word to me every time it comes on.”
“That song’s about divorce, you know,” Seungmin tells Felix quietly. He stares down at the flowers in the garden, not even looking over at Felix. “It’s not really romantic.”
“I know,” Felix says, “but, when I see the look on his face every time he hears the opening instrumental, it doesn’t matter.”
Seungmin exhales loudly.
“You two make me sick,” he says. Felix can feel the playful, sticky jealousy clinging to every word. “I don’t even think you should get married. That’s how sick you make me.”
“I better call off the wedding,” Felix jokes. Seungmin nods affirmatively.
“You probably should.”
* * *
The rest of Felix’s day is magical. He cries when he sees the venue completely decorated for the first time. He cries again when he sees Jisung and it hits him that they're really getting married. He cries throughout most of the ceremony, especially during their vows, even though he actively tries to look nice when Seungmin’s camera is pointed at him. He stops crying briefly so they can get their photos made, but he cries again during Chan’s speech. Jisung spends most of the day wiping his tears while Felix frantically insists to anyone who will listen that they’re because of how happy he feels.
Throughout the reception, Felix finds himself noticing Seungmin; he moved about quietly, but Felix saw him. He saw the way his camera always seemed to be pointed at Hyunjin.
After they cut the cake, the night devolves into dancing and drinking. Felix has the time of his life showing Jisung off to his relatives and embarrassing both of them any time they’re on the dance floor.
As the night pulls close, Felix decides Seungmin has worked enough. He takes both of Seungmin’s hands into his own and pulls him toward the now-empty groomsmen table, ignoring Seungmin’s protests that he was fine to finish out the night taking photos.
“Can’t we just sit for a minute?” Felix requests.
“I guess I can’t say no to the groom on his special day,” Seungmin decides. He pulls up a chair next to Felix, watching the dance floor as he takes his first break of the night.
“Can I see your pictures?” Felix asks, gesturing toward the camera. Seungmin takes the strap off from around his neck, pulls up the camera’s memory and passes it to Felix.
Felix sighs softly as he looks through the pictures on the camera and he sees Hyunjin the way Seungmin sees him. Seungmin only took Hyunjin’s picture when he was certain he wasn’t looking. He was always distracted by something else: Chan’s dorky best man speech, Jisung stepping all over his mom’s feet trying to dance, Jeongin doodling on his place mat with crayons he’d stolen from Felix’s little cousins. Even though he wasn’t posing, Hyunjin smiled, and Seungmin always noticed when he smiled.
“Seungmin,” Felix says, “I’m about to break a promise I made to my lawfully-wedded husband to say this, but, this morning, you asked me how I knew he was the one. I think it’s my turn to ask you how you know Hyunjin isn’t.”
Seungmin’s cheeks flush as he makes a quick move to grab his camera from Felix in embarrassment. Felix didn’t think he’d even realized how telling his photographs could be.
“I was just taking pictures of your guests,” Seungmin insists.
“You took pictures of my grandmother, too, but they’re not filled with love the way those are,” Felix reasons, “and I just wish I understood how you can be that in love with somebody and not want to give them a chance.”
Seungmin sets his camera down on the table, then he grabs the nearest glass that still held alcohol and drank until every last drop was gone.
“When we were kids, I always knew Hyunjin was too good for me,” Seungmin recalls. “I knew he was handsome and charismatic and magnetic and people just liked him, and I knew I didn’t have that effect on people. So, I knew. I knew, no matter how hard I worked or how in love with him I was, he was always just going to be in a different league from me. I knew that. I always knew that. I just… I didn’t know he knew that, too.”
“Seungmin…”
“I know. I know it shouldn’t hurt that he chose other handsome, charismatic, magnetic people over me. I know it was high school. I know that, a decade later, whatever stupid things people said to me to feel better about themselves shouldn’t bother me. I know I should get over it,” Seungmin rants, “and I have. I can’t even remember the names of the other guys who made fun of me and called me names. It just hurt more because it was him. I thought he was going to be my Jisung, singing me our song at a shitty college bar and crying like a little bitch at our wedding. Instead, I’m taking pictures of him from across the reception hall, and he’s crying every night, and I don’t know what to say. I never know what to say.”
Seungmin wipes a single, hot tear from the corner of his eye, then he turns to Felix and asks, “satisfied?”
“No,” Felix admits through a bitter laugh. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Seungmin replies. “It feels cathartic to say it all out loud.”
Felix nods, pulling Seungmin into a hug against his will. Seungmin wasn’t physically affectionate the way Felix was, but Felix couldn’t resist when he saw one of his friends that upset.
“Just so you know, Seungmin,” Felix whispers before he even pulls away, “you are smart and hard working and loyal, and Hyunjin would be lucky if you told him how you feel and gave him a chance to apologize and reciprocate.”
“Oh, please,” Seungmin mumbles through a sniffle as he tugs away from Felix.
“All I’m saying is that he doesn’t need a camera to make it obvious how he looks at you,” Felix reports. He was certain Seungmin’s feelings were mutual.
Seungmin reaches back behind him and grabs his camera once more. He opens his storage up to the last photo Felix was viewing, then he hands the camera over so he can finish looking through the rest of Seungmin’s work. Felix knows this is a way of distracting him, but he figures he’s taken this conversation as far as it can go.
Following the final song a few minutes later, Felix says his goodbyes to Seungmin as Jisung pulls him away. Felix wants to encourage Seungmin to tell Hyunjin how he feels one last time, but he doesn’t risk being scolded by Jisung, especially not when they’re twelve hours away from departing for their honeymoon.
* * *
The next morning, Felix wakes up early and packs up he and Jisung’s hotel room. Jisung was the messier of the two, and he’d strewn clothing and miscellaneous items all over the floor in the short time they’d been staying at the hotel. Felix sorts everything into their suitcases and backpacks then chooses an outfit for Jisung to wear to the airport before finally waking Jisung up.
“Wake up, sleeping beauty,” Felix giggles as he flops down into bed next to Jisung and pokes his cheeks. “We have a flight to catch.”
“Already?” Jisung groans. Felix nods in confirmation. He gently strokes Jisung’s hair, eventually leaning in and pressing a chaste kiss to his temple to stir him from sleep. “I wish I could teleport there.”
“You can sleep more on the plane,” Felix promises. Jisung uses this as his motivation to crawl out from under the blanket and begin to get ready.
Felix just watches Jisung, happily glancing down at the ring on his finger every so often. He narrates all of Jisung’s actions aloud, being sure to take every opportunity to say the word husband. His husband brushes his teeth. His husband washes his face. His husband changes into his sweats. His husband ties his shoes. His husband puts on his beanie.
“Your husband is ready to go check out,” Jisung announces as he slings his backpack over his shoulder. He stretches out his arm toward Felix to offer him his hand. “C’mon, you know I love airport breakfast.”
Felix takes Jisung’s hand, and Jisung practically skips down the hallway, leading him to the elevators and back to the lobby.
Downstairs, they find many of their friends and family on their own way out. Jisung quickly becomes entangled in a conversation with his sister-in-law and nephew. She could talk more than Jisung’s older brother and mom combined, especially about something like a wedding. Jisung complained often about it, but Felix sees the opportunity to check in with Seungmin, so he abandons Jisung while he’s knee deep in a discussion about caterers to investigate.
He first finds Hyunjin in the lobby saying goodbye to the other groomsmen.
“Have you seen Seungmin?” Felix asks.
“He went to put his stuff in the car,” Hyunjin replies. He sounded drained, exhausted. It wasn’t unusual after the marathon yesterday had been, but Felix had hoped both he and Seungmin would be more peppy today. It seemed like a bad sign.
Felix wanders out to the parking lot, and he finds Seungmin, sitting on the trunk of his car, alone.
“What are you doing out here?” Felix asks. Seungmin looks up at him, and Felix knows just from the bags under his eyes that he feels just as shitty as Hyunjin does.
“Enjoying my time alone before I’m trapped in the car with you-know-who for twelve straight hours,” Seungmin replies. He breaks eye contact with Felix to stare down at his shoes, propped up on the bumper of his car. Felix was surprised he was even willing to risk messing up his paint job in such a way.
“I take it telling him how you felt didn’t go well,” Felix concludes. Seungmin shrugs.
“I never got the chance,” he explains. “I went back to the hotel room, and he just started telling me that he was sorry and regretted everything. And I didn’t have to ask him to or tell him how badly he hurt my feelings. He already knew, and he felt terrible about it.”
“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Felix wonders in confusion. It sounded like all Seungmin could’ve asked for, as things were.
“Yeah, it was,” Seungmin admits with a bitter laugh, “and, for a second, I thought everything was going to be okay.”
“That’s a good thing, Seungmin,” Felix insists. Seungmin shakes his head, pausing to swallow back his tears in order to retaIn his composure in front of Felix. Felix saw through him, though, and it made his heart ache.
“He told me he loves me,” Seungmin continues, “and I didn’t know what to say. It was scary, and I knew he was drunk. He could barely form a thought. So, I told him we should talk about it when he’s sober. I thought I was doing the right thing. Does anybody want to have a life changing conversation when they can’t even spell their own name?”
“So, what happened this morning?” Felix prods. He didn’t understand how Seungmin could be a crying mess when Hyunjin felt the same way he did, how they weren’t giggly and grinning, ready to hold hands the entire way back to New York. Everything Felix wanted had happened, and, still, Seungmin was crying in the parking lot.
“Nothing,” Seungmin says simply.
“Oh, c’mon, Seungmin. You told me this much,” Felix complains.
“Nothing happened,” Seungmin reiterates. “He didn’t say a fucking word about it.”
Felix pauses to process what he’s being told. “He forgot about it?”
“He wasn’t that drunk, Felix,” Seungmin informs him. “Turns out Drunk Hyunjin wants to be with me, and Sober Hyunjin just wants a ride back to New York.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Felix assures him. “You should talk to him about it. Maybe he’s just scared he embarrassed himself.”
“Yeah, right,” Seungmin scoffs. “I’m not gonna let him break my heart, Felix.”
Seungmin jumps off his car, planting his feet on the concrete in preparation of walking away. The conversation was over, whether Felix was ready for it to be or not.
“Not again,” Seungmin adds. Felix feels a stabbing feeling in his gut as his grief from trying to force Seungmin and Hyunjin into something they weren’t ready for settles inside him. “I’m going to go get him so that we can leave and this nightmare can be over. Congratulations on your wedding, Felix. I’m really, really happy for you.”
“Seungmin—”
“I can’t do this,” Seungmin whispers. He keeps walking back to the hotel, and Felix just stands there, regretting all the things he’s done.
* * *
Felix and Jisung’s honeymoon is perfect. There is no greater distraction from what a horrible friend you’ve been than ten days on the beach with your favorite person in the world and limited internet access. Felix gets so caught up in the surf and sun and Jisung that he nearly forgets the problems he’s created back home.
When they arrive back in New York, Felix is hopeful that things have resolved themselves. When he actually speaks to Seungmin, he knows they haven’t. Seungmin speaks stoically and radiates reluctance to spend time with the group, even without Hyunjin’s presence. Felix supposes that he’d been too optimistic. Seungmin and Hyunjin had ignored each other for a decade prior to his wedding. There was no reason they couldn’t fall back into their old ways.
Despite Felix trying his best to pretend nothing is wrong, Jisung quickly catches on to how distant both Hyunjin and Seungmin have become. Seungmin agrees to coffee or brunch, but he maintains only pleasantries about the wedding and honeymoon and the weather. Hyunjin barely leaves his apartment, insisting he’s caught up with work. Jisung mentions their strange behavior, but Felix acts like he hadn’t noticed.
Felix is sitting at the end of their couch, cuddled up underneath a blanket and watching old episodes of Ninja Warrior when Jisung finally grows tired of pretending nothing was wrong.
“So, when are you going to tell me what happened at our wedding?” Jisung asks. He laid on the other end of the couch with his feet in Felix’s lap and his eyes glued to his phone. He doesn’t even bother to look up when he speaks. Felix sighs, pressing the button on the remote to power off the TV. He knew this conversation was coming. Jisung just looks up at him expectantly.
“It’s a long story,” Felix offers sheepishly. Jisung just stares at him, waiting for him to change his response. “Actually, it’s a short one. I told Seungmin to confess to Hyunjin. It didn’t work out, and now they’re both heartbroken.”
“You did what?” Jisung groans. “I thought we agreed you were going to stay out of it.”
“I was! I wanted to!” Felix promises, “but I saw the way Seungmin looked at him, and it was hard to pretend I didn’t.”
“I, for one, saw it, and I didn’t say a damn thing,” Jisung recounts. “I minded my own business.”
“It is our business,” Felix snaps. Jisung’s face falls. It wasn’t often Felix used that kind of tone of voice with him, if he ever had. “It’s my oldest friend and your best friend, and they can’t even be in a room together. Seungmin has been upset about this for years, and now, I know Hyunjin has, too. I had to sit them at opposite ends of the table just to have lunch with all our friends the day before our wedding.”
“And it was perfectly fine—”
“It wasn’t,” Felix insists. “Not to me. It’s never been fine to me. Tip-toeing around both of them, keeping secrets, having to choose who we let come to shit like our birthday dinners… I’m sick of it. I just want things to be normal and for everyone to get along, and if my friends are hurting, it’s my business.”
Jisung’s exhales deeply, then he sits up, tossing away his blanket and tucking his phone into his back pocket. Felix watches him, frozen thinking that Jisung was so mad at him that he was storming out. Their marriage wasn’t even a month old, and they were already fighting.
“Please don’t go,” Felix begs as Jisung pulls on his shoes behind the couch.
“I have to,” Jisung replies exasperatedly. “Our window to fix this is closing.”
“What?” Felix whispers in disbelief.
“You already tried to meddle from the Seungmin side of things,” Jisung explains, toppling over awkwardly as he tries to tie his shoe against the wall. Felix feels better just seeing how effortlessly cute Jisung was. “It’s time for a Hyunjin approach.”
“Really?”
“Really,” Jisung confirms. “We’re a team, and if this is important to you, it’s important to me.”
“Thank you,” Felix says quietly. Jisung leans down and kisses his forehead in response then quickly pulls away and begins on his way out of their apartment.
“Besides,” Jisung calls, “I’m a lot better at this kind of thing than you are.”
Felix couldn’t argue with that.
* * *
Felix doesn’t know what Jisung says to Hyunjin exactly. For a while, he isn’t entirely sure it worked. Then, he receives a phone call from Seungmin one Saturday afternoon.
“He apologized,” Seungmin says. He doesn’t even bother with a greeting. “Again. He showed up at my door with ice cream and food and told me he wants to be in my life again.”
“And? Are you in love now?” Felix asks. This catches the attention of Jisung, who was on the opposite side of their bedroom. Felix considers putting Seungmin on speaker for Jisung’s benefit, but he doesn’t trust Jisung to be as quiet as would be necessary to avoid tipping Seungmin off. Instead, Jisung races to the other side of the room, leaning down next to Felix and putting his ear as close to the speaker as he can.
“No,” Seungmin replies, much to Felix and Jisung’s disappointment. “I’m not mad anymore. I just— I don’t know if where we are right now is something we can build a relationship out of. And I don’t know if I can just suddenly be friends with him either.”
“That’s very mature of you,” Felix admits, and it’s the truth, even if Felix wishes it wasn’t. “Where do you go from here then?”
“I think I just need some time,” Seungmin theorizes. “I need to decide what I want, and I don’t want us to have the kind of friendship where we don’t seem like equals and he feels like he has to grovel for forgiveness all the time.”
“Hyunjin will still be there when you figure it out,” Felix says. He knows this to be a fact. If those feelings had lasted a decade, they would last a few weeks.
“I think so, too,” Seungmin agrees. “If he’s my Jisung, he’ll wait for me to come to that conclusion on my own.”
“Yeah,” Felix confirms softly, gently reaching out and touching Jisung’s arm in acknowledgment.
“Oh, and speaking of Jisung,” Seungmin begins, “you should tell your Jisung that, if he doesn’t want me to know he’s listening, he should stop breathing through his mouth.”
Jisung rolls his eyes, grabbing the phone from Felix and putting Seungmin on speaker.
“Can you please just kiss the poor man? This is getting ridiculous,” Jisung begs through the phone. “I feel like I’m on season five of a terrible soap opera and the leads haven’t even held hands yet.”
“Fuck you, Han Jisung!”
* * *
After that, things happen slowly. Seungmin takes time to heal, to figure out what he wants with Hyunjin and determine if either of them are in a place to fulfill each other’s desires. Felix accepts it as progress; Jisung just finds it annoying.
Each time Seungmin sees Felix and Jisung in person, Jisung asks the same question: Have you called Hyunjin yet? The answer is never what Jisung wants to hear, but he keeps asking, hoping one day he’ll get the response he wants. Until then, Seungmin finds a new way to say no for each encounter.
Ultimately, it’s Hyunjin who delivers for Jisung.
Felix is in the middle of cooking dinner for he and Jisung’s regularly scheduled Monday night viewing of The Bachelorette when there’s a knock on the apartment door.
“Who the hell is that?” Jisung asks. He was leaning against the kitchen counter, tapping his fingers against the marble and rambling into Felix about nothing in particular. He couldn’t think of anything that could be the source of the sound that wouldn’t be an inconvenience.
“I’m not expecting anyone,” Felix replies with a shrug. “Will you go see?”
Jisung nods, straightening out his back and heading toward the front door. He peers out the peephole and captures an eye full of his best friend, messy haired and dressed in his office clothes.
“Hyunjin incoming,” Jisung announces as a warning to Felix. Hyunjin’s presence meant Bachelorette Night was decidedly delayed. Jisung undoes the lock and twists the door knob to allow Hyunjin entry. Hyunjin doesn’t even wait to be greeted, immediately storming inside and taking off his shoes and jacket.
“I’m freaking out,” Hyunjin groans as he follows the smell of food to the kitchen. He helps himself to a seat at the bar, making no effort at small talk.
“Hello to you, too,” Jisung says. He joins Hyunjin, climbing into the barstool next to him so that they can both watch Felix cook. “It was so nice of you to come here, completely announced and with an invitation.”
“Shut up. I’m suffering,” Hyunjin snaps. “I had lunch with Seungmin today.”
Felix drops the spoon he’s using to stir on the floor. It clatters down in a dramatic fashion, mimicking the excitement Felix felt inside.
“Like a date?” Jisung proposes. Hyunjin shakes his head, and Jisung and Felix are both filled with a distinct feeling of defeat. “Why not?”
“It’s hard to go on a date with a guy who doesn’t have romantic feelings toward you,” Hyunjin explains. Felix meets Jisung’s eyes, trying his best to warn Jisung to keep his mouth shut with only a look. Luckily for him, they’d perfected non-verbal communication skills at some point during college.
“Have you asked him?” Jisung says. It’s a reccomondation, an urging for the two to finally mutually admit their feelings. He was sick of watching them chase each other in circles.
“He told me today that he doesn’t want to fall in love with me, so I don’t think I need to,” Hyunjin says. Felix can see Jisung straining not to just tell Hyunjin that Seungmin likes him, too.
“How in the fuck did that come up?” Jisung wonders in disbelief. “He just randomly announced he doesn’t love you?”
“No,” Hyunjin denies. “I suggested we get to know each other again by asking each other those questions that supposedly lead to love.”
Jisung just blinks at him, prompting laughter from Felix. As frustrated as they both were, it was hard not to find humor in how it felt like Hyunjin was constantly discovering new ways to redefine himself as the sappiest person they knew.
“You suggested what?” Jisung says finally. It just makes Felix laugh harder.
“It’s a good idea,” Hyunjin maintains, though blush was creeping up his cheeks. He quickly takes his phone out of his pocket and pulls up the list of questions for Jisung to see. “Look, it’s a nice way to get to know somebody in a meaningful way.”
Jisung grabs the phone, scanning the questions for a few moments. Felix can tell he’s not convinced of Hyunjin’s claims from the grin on Jisung’s face as he reads.
“Hey, Felix,” Jisung says through laughter. Felix raises his eyebrows, inviting Jisung to continue. “Question 7: Do you have a secret hunch about how you’ll die?”
“Oh, that’s easy. I think a stranger is going to push me onto the subway tracks,” Felix replies, completely nonchalantly. Jisung furrows his eyebrows.
“For real?”
“Genuinely,” Felix confirms. “That’s why I always stand in the middle of the platform.”
“Wow, I never knew that. These questions really do work,” Jisung decides, though Hyunjin can tell he’s being facetious.
“Whatever, Jisung,” Hyunjin grumbles. “It might not work for you two because you share a brain cell or whatever, but it works for me and Seungmin.”
“No, I believe in this now,” Jisung insists. “Lix, Question 28: Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.”
“I like that you would never bully our friend for the method he’s using to attempt to repair a friendship that is important to him,” Felix teases. Jisung sticks his tongue out with an exaggerated scowl. “Oh, and I like that you always eat the stuff I bake even if I get distracted and they end up burnt.”
“You’re making fun of me when you are eating burnt cookies for this man?” Hyunjin realizes. Jisung shrugs.
“Eating a burnt cookie is a much more painless way of getting a boy to fall in love with you than asking him what friendship means to him and when the last time he cried was,” Jisung concludes. Felix scoffs, crossing his arms in an effort to seem annoyed.
“Jisung, are you saying you don’t care what my most embarrassing moment is?” Felix scolds before breaking out into a smile.
“I hate that that’s really a question on this list,” Jisung laughs.
“Is it really?”
Jisung nods, highlighting the text on Hyunjin’s screen before turning it around so that Felix can see. Hyunjin snatches his phone away in a huff.
“I’m leaving,” he announces, pushing himself away from the counter so that he can stand up. “Clearly you two are void of compassion.”
“Aw, Hyunjin,” Felix coos with a pout. “I really am happy that you and Seungmin are reconnecting. And I think the questions are a nice way to make sure you have something to talk about. It’s a good idea.”
“Thanks, Felix,” Hyunjin murmurs.
“I think it’s corny,” Jisung maintains. Hyunjin groans loudly. “I also think that nobody plays a dumb game like this platonically.”
“I’m not listening to this anymore. Enjoy your happy night with your lawfully wedded husband. I’m going to go play in traffic!” Hyunjin calls as he exits the kitchen.
“Get home safe!” Felix yells back as he hears the front door to the apartment slam.
* * *
For weeks, Felix watches from afar as Hyunjin and Seungmin work their way through Hyunjin’s prompt list. He gets the occasional panicked phone call from Seungmin because Hyunjin came to care for Seungmin’s cold or surprise visit from Hyunjin to muse about how hard it is to just be friends, but, for the most part, they keep to themselves. Felix hates it.
“You know,” Felix says one night after Jisung has already turned off the lamp in their bedroom. “Hyunjin and Seungmin are getting along now.”
“Yeah,” Jisung mumbles into his pillow. His eyes were closed, and Felix can barely make out the word in the jumbled sounds.
“That means that I’m allowed to invite them out at the same time, right?”
“Sure,” he replies, equally sleepily.
This is all the permission Felix needs to begin his mission to unify the friend group. He plans a night out at the bowling alley, and he makes sure to invite everyone, including both Seungmin and Hyunjin for the first time.
At the bowling alley, they separate into two teams: one led by Felix and one by Jisung. They decide the rest of the teams by schoolyard pick.
“I’ll go with Seungmin,” Felix says in his first selection. Seungmin wouldn’t help him win, but Felix was fine with that. Jisung could pick Changbin or Chan, who were probably a little too good at this, and that would allow Felix to make sure Hyunjin and Seungmin ended up on the same team.
Only, Jisung fails to catch onto the plan. Of all the times Jisung had perfectly read Felix’s mind and done exactly what Felix wanted, this was not one of them.
“Are we picking in reverse order?” Jisung laughs. “Awful bowlers first? I’ll take Hyunjin then.”
“I’m not that bad!” Hyunjin laughs, but he takes his spot on the side of the lane with Jisung, happy not to have been picked last.
“Chan,” Felix says through clenched teeth. He wanted to get onto Jisung right then, but he thought Seungmin would never forgive him for doing something so humiliating in front of everyone.
They continue to divide the teams, with Minho and Jeongin joining Jisung and Changbin completing Felix’s team. Luckily for Felix, he’s able to forget about his failed plan once they start to play. Chan and Changbin were both competitive, and Felix felt pressured to win with both of them on the team. He’s so focused on beating Jisung that he’s mostly forgotten about his efforts towards reunification after the first couple of rounds.
When it's Seungmin’s turn to bowl, he carefully selects his ball off the return, a purple mid-sized one he’d been rolling all night.
“Hey, I wanna use that one!” Hyunjin complains. “It’s the perfect size!”
“Pick a different one!” Seungmin says back. Hyunjin huffs, walking up behind Seungmin as he approaches the lane and attempting to wrestle the ball out of Seungmin’s hands before he throws it. Felix watches as Hyunjin runs his fingers against Seungmin’s sides, gently tickling him to get Seungmin to let his guard down. Seungmin laughs, trying his best to defend his ball and get away from Hyunjin unscathed. He pivots around to face Hyunjin, and, for a moment, they just look at each other, laughing and smiling with a fondness for each other Felix had never seen between the two of them.
“Hey! You can’t do that!” Changbin calls.
“Oh, uh, yeah! That’s a foul!” Felix agrees. He wanted to address the obvious closeness, the undeniable reality that Hyunjin and Seungmin were past the point of pretending to be friends. Instead, he keeps to his duties as captain. “Stay away from the lane!”
“Yeah, can we not hug the enemy, Hyunjin?” Jisung scolds as Hyunjin backs away from Seungmin and begins to look through the available bowling balls once more. “Jesus, I knew I should’ve picked Chan first.”
After what he’s just witnessed, Felix is unable to keep his thoughts to himself any longer. He waits until Seungmin bowls, then he loudly announces he’s going to go get everyone another round of drinks.
“Seungmin, will you help me since you won’t be up for a while?” Felix requests. Seungmin nods, following Felix toward the opposite end of the bowling alley to the bar.
Felix orders, and, as soon as the man behind the counter swipes his card, he decides it’s time to begin interrogation. He could barely contain himself thinking of how Seungmin and Hyunjin had grazed their hands and laughed.
“What was that?” Felix squeaks as they watch the employee pour their drinks.
“What was what?” Seungmin queries obliviously.
“I thought you said nothing was going on with you two,” Felix continues forth, ignoring Seungmin’s attempts to appear indifferent. “He was tickling you. There was giggling.”
“Nothing’s going on,” Seungmin maintains. “We’re just comfortable is all.”
“Yeah, you looked really comfortable,” Felix says with a grin. Seungmin scoffs.
“We’re friends,” Seungmin clarifies.
“Friends who want to kiss,” Felix taunts back as he begins to collect his share of the drinks off the counter. Just like Jisung, he struggled not to divulge what he knew to Seungmin. He wanted to tell Seungmin how Hyunjin talked about him like he was his favorite person in the world and how he could repeat the things Seungmin said back to Felix word for word. Felix wanted them to be together so badly. He knew they’d both be happier.
“So what if I do?” Seungmin barks. He realizes how aggressive he had been and softens his tone. He turns to Felix with an apologetic look then explains, “we’re taking things slow, okay?”
Felix is so excited he almost drops Jisung’s beer on the already stained bowling alley carpet.
* * *
Jisung warns Hyunjin before they even get to the karaoke bar for their second outing as a complete group not to drink too much. It’s obvious within minutes of their arrival he will not be abiding by that request.
The group has fun anyway. Jisung and Felix sing their usual duet of “Every Breath You Take.” Changbin discovers “Backstreet’s Back” on the machine and proceeds to impress the entire group by knowing every word without even looking at the screen. Hyunjin sings “Umbrella” while already so inebriated he doesn’t sing a single line in the right key. Chan performs “Baby Got Back” and is promptly booed by Jisung and Jeongin.
By the time it’s Seungmin’s turn to sing, Hyunjin is tightly wound around Felix in their booth as Seungmin queues up his song. He had a reputation as a sleepy, clingy drunk, and today was no exception. Felix didn’t mind, though. He pats Hyunjin on the head as Seungmin begins to sing.
As Seungmin belts out his rendition of “Love Poem” by IU, it becomes obvious to Felix that Seungmin is looking their way. At first, Felix thinks he’s singing to the group as a whole. As the song continues, though, he realizes he’s looking right at Hyunjin. It only seemed fitting.
By the end of the song, Hyunjin has fallen asleep, Seungmin’s voice a lullaby to an already drunken mess. They stay and sing a few more songs, but all Felix can think about is that this was all getting a little cruel.
At the night’s close, it becomes apparent there will be no returning Hyunjin to his own apartment that night. It wasn’t rare for Jisung and Felix to drag Hyunjin home with them, and Hyunjin was accustomed to sleeping on their couch by now. What was new, however, was Seungmin’s insistence he come along, too. Jisung tries to resist his help, but it becomes apparent Seungmin won’t be swayed.
When they arrive back at the apartment, Seungmin helps Jisung guide Hyunjin to the couch, then they meet Felix in the kitchen a few feet away.
“He’s a lot heavier blacked out,” Jisung complains as he retrieves a water bottle and sustenance from their pantry for Hyunjin. “Thanks for the help, Seungmin.”
“No problem,” Seungmin replies with a soft smile.
Jisung returns to Hyunjin, forcibly waking him up and flopping down beside him. Felix sighs softly. The entire scene was reminiscent of their college days, when Felix was an unwanted stowaway in their dorm room and Seungmin was three hundred miles away. It was funny, Felix thought, that Seungmin still felt that far away sometimes.
“Seungmin,” Felix says, “don’t you think this has all gone on too long?”
“Karaoke night?” Seungmin jokes, clearly unaware of what Felix was insinuating.
Felix shakes his head, looking over his shoulder at Jisung and Hyunjin sitting together on the couch. Jisung was throwing pieces of a roll at Hyunjin like he was a duck by a pond. Hyunjin, in a drunken bliss, played along, attempting to catch the bread in his mouth. Felix liked to see them both happy, as dumb as they could be.
“Making Hyunjin wait,” Felix explains, quieting his voice so that Hyunjin and Jisung can’t hear them over the sound of the television.
“I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean,” Seungmin replies adamantly.
“I mean that you told me and you told him that you didn’t want your friendship to be him constantly begging for your forgiveness,” Felix recalls, “but letting him think you don’t care about him when you so obviously do—when you’ve told me you do—really feels like a punishment.”
“Look at you, siding with Hyunjin,” Seungmin realizes in disbelief. “Just like you did at the wedding and when you asked me to drive him there and when you decided to become friends with him in the first place even though you knew he hurt me. Hyunjin wins, Seungmin loses. What else is new?”
“This is the problem, Seungmin,” Felix snaps. “You still treat him like the enemy. He hasn’t done a fucking thing tonight except butcher a Rihanna song, and you’re still talking about how he’s winning.”
Seungmin freezes, and Felix hopes that he’s making progress, that for once something he’s saying is clicking to Seungmin.
“He’s been waiting for you, and he’ll keep waiting for you forever. That’s just who Hyunjin is,” Felix concludes, “but I think we both know it’s about time you either let him in or told him to go home.”
Seungmin sighs, burying his face into his hands. Felix could feel how upset he was just from standing near him. He instinctively wraps him up into a hug, trying his best to spread warmth and comfort when Seungmin desperately needs it.
“What if I know you’re right and I’m just scared?” Seungmin mumbles into Felix’s shoulder.
“Would you rather be brave or spend forever wishing he was yours?” Felix replies.
They both know the answer.
* * *
A few days later, Seungmin video calls Felix after getting off of work.
“Hi,” he says. His eyes scanned the screen as he sizes up Felix’s surroundings.
“Hello!” Felix replies. He realizes what Seungmin is doing and adds, “Jisung is here.”
“Hey, Seungmin,” Jisung calls, leaning into the screen so that Seungmin can verify his presence. Felix laughs, pushing him out of the frame.
“What’s up?” Felix asks.
“I’m gonna do it,” Seungmin announces.
“Do what?” Felix wonders.
“Kiss the man?” Jisung assumes, once again leaning into the camera. He was desperate to see Seungmin’s reaction and find out if he and Hyunjin were finally going to stop acting like elementary school kids on a playground.
“Hopefully,” Seungmin confirms. He presses a hand against his cheek in a pathetic way of hiding the redness appearing across his face. “If he wants to kiss me.”
“He does,” Felix promises. “This is great, Seungmin.”
“I hope so,” Seungmin whispers. “I just— I want to move on. I want to be as happy as I was when we were bowling or at karaoke all the time. I’m ready.”
“Finally,” Jisung groans dramatically. Felix clamps a hand over his mouth before he can discourage Seungmin any further. Jisung licks his palm to make him pull away.
“So, how are you going to do it?” Felix asks, wiping Jisung’s spit off onto Jisung’s sweats instead of his own. Despite Jisung’s behavior, Felix’s inner romantic flourishing under the current conditions.
“I want to take him on a picnic in Central Park,” Seungmin announces.
“Corny,” Jisung evaluates.
“Romantic!” Felix declares, ignoring Jisung altogether. “What are you going to make?”
“Well,” Seungmin begins, “that’s why I called. I have a great friend who is a great cook, and I photographed his wedding, so I was thinking I might have a favor stored up.”
“I told you we would pay you,” Jisung quips. Felix rolls his eyes.
“I’ll do it,” Felix agrees.
* * *
The morning of the picnic, Seungmin arrives to collect the picnic basket Felix had lovingly prepared for two of his best friends on what would eventually amount to their first date.
“Have you decided what you’re going to say?” Felix asks. He nervously adjusted Seungmin’s hair as though a single hair out of place would ruin their perfect moment. He wanted everything to go well and, bar following them on the date itself (which Jisung had already told Felix he could not do), Felix didn’t know how to ensure that would happen.
“I’m just gonna tell him how I feel,” Seungmin answers, “and that should be enough.”
Felix smiles softly. He was certain it would be.
“I’m proud of you for being brave,” Felix says.
“Thanks,” Seungmin replies, returning Felix’s smile. “Well, I better go. Can’t give him any reason to reject me.”
Felix gives him a little wave, and Seungmin starts to see himself out of the kitchen toward the exit of the apartment. Before he can leave, though, he turns around to face Felix once more.
“Oh, and, uh, Felix,” Seungmin’s says, “thank you for everything. I didn’t realize how much I missed him until he was in front of me.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Felix chirps. He would probably pretend he had no ulterior motives in making Seungmin drive Hyunjin to his wedding for the rest of his life.
“I mean it,” Seungmin insists. Felix offers him a knowing nod, silently accepting his role in setting into motion everything that had happened between the two of them.
Once Seungmin hears his front door click shut, Felix sighs dramatically.
“Jisung!” he calls, wandering back toward their bedroom where he expected to find his husband, still wallowing around in bed. “Are you sure we can’t go to Central Park?”