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Duncan was never a big fan of nightmares-scratch that,NO ONE is a fan of nightmares.Duncan had silly nightmares when he was younger,about Freddy Krueger,Michael Myers and up to some point : Celine Dion.But this time,it’s something way worse than he could ever imagine…
‘Danielle,what’s this?’An older man with black hair stepped into view,barging in Duncan’s old room without knocking.But Duncan didn’t have time to focus on that,the older man had rage in his eyes and looked like he’s on the edge of bursting out flames.Most importantly,his dad was holding something he’d been trying to desperately hide,
A binder.
‘Dad,don’t freak out, I can explain-‘ ‘Are you trans?’Duncan didn’t even get to finish his own sentence when he got interrupted by his father.He didn’t answer but instead looked down as he sat on the edge of his bed.He fiddled with his fingers and stared at his toes with troubled thoughts in his mind.He struggled to find an excuse or a proper response to his dad’s simple yes or no question.He never expected to come out that quickly,he was hoping to drop hints first but it’s clear he can forget his plan.To be honest,he never knew his parents’ thoughts on the LGBTQ plus,perhaps, they support it,perhaps maybe,just maybe,they will be okay and accept his decision.Maybe,they will be happy for me-
With slight hope in mind, he slowly nodded,still not daring to look his father straight into his eyes. For a short moment,there was complete silence,not even a single movement.Duncan was about to look up until,‘You’re a fucking disappointment and a disgrace to our family…’
Duncan shot his eyes open at his own blood-related father’s words,on the verge of tears,refusing to believe the slurs that came from his mouth.Before anyone could react,he felt a sharp pain on his cheek,it felt like it was burning and Duncan was sure his cheek was bright red. ‘You are a girl,not a guy!And you’ll never be one!Haven’t you already disappointed us enough??Why can’t you just be like your sister-‘ His father continued his tantrum,stomping around the room. Duncan didn’t dare to speak,he just held his burning cheek with his his left hand.His mind went blank with no thought at all,he had so much emotions waiting to burst out,yet not a single thought in his head.And it certainly didn’t help at all when his mum came in, ‘Honey,what’s wrong?Why are you yelling?’ The blonde woman spoke softly and came in with caution,hoping not to irritate the flaming man more. ‘YOU’RE DAUGHTER IS A FAGGOT,THAT’S WHAT!!!’ He threw the piece of clothing towards his wife aggressively. The lady had the exact same expression as her husband before his outburst,shock and disappointment. ‘Danielle Honey,don’t be silly.You’re a girl since birth.You’re just confused.’ ‘I knew there’s something wrong with you when you refused to wear the dress I bought you-‘ ‘Don’t worry,you’ll grow out of this phase soon enough-‘ ‘Don’t you dare let me catch you having this stuff ever again!’ ‘Why can’t you just be normal?’ ‘WHY CAN’T YOU JUST BE NORMAL!?!?’
Duncan gasped and sat up straight with cold sweat dripping from his forehead.He looked around to find himself back in the man’s cabin in the middle of the night instead of his room.’Right,I’m on Total Drama…‘Duncan felt a bit relieved when he realised he’s no longer in that hellhole,he called a house anymore.He stared down at the wet mattress underneath that was soaked in sweat.’Shit…..’ Duncan mumbled to himself as he got up and reached towards the bathroom,not noticing the pair of eyes from the lower bunk.
He splashed cold,fresh water on his face as he repeated two simple words in mind,’Calm down….calm down….calm down….’ He looked back up and stared at his reflection.His face looked far from feminine,with his mohawk and piercings,he looked like a tough man,probably even manlier than actual guys.However when he looked down,his short figure and tiny waist are practicality screaming the truth at him.He tried every trick in the book to look more masculine and yet they always ended with disappointment. The words his parents said haunted his head and the more he tried to get rid of them,the worse they became. He wanted to convince himself that their insults were meaningless but they just have a tendency to hurt you ten times worse when they came from your own loved ones.He couldn’t withstand it anymore,all these insults,all these insecurities,all these pain.With that in mind,he slowly slipped to the floor while brawling his eyes out.Big droplets of tears rolled down his face and fell to the ground but Duncan could care less about that-
‘…..Duncan?’ A raspy voice interrupted his mind and he twisted his head before thinking twice.He was face-to-face with a pair of emerald green eyes looking at him but due to the tears,his vision was blurry and he couldn’t see clearly.The only thing he could see was the door swinging open with a tall figure holding the door knob.But those eyes…..they’re just like his father’s…….With the thought of his father,he flinched and started shaking with fear.Originally,Duncan would know it’s impossible to see his father here on campus but now,Duncan’s mind was in a total shut down and too tired to think straight.
The man furrowed his eyebrows and parted his lips slightly in sight of his bully.His bully’s eye were red and filled with tears but shot open with snot dripping from his nose,sitting on the floor in a kneeling position but what concerned him the most was his frightened look,his pupils were bouncing around with his lips whimpering with fear and he could clearly see he’s digging his nails in his arms.Harold didn’t know what caused him to act that way but he knew now’s not the time to think about it,he needed to at least calm him down first.
As he took a step towards him,his bully immediately stepped back in reflex as he screamed,’No!Go away!’ That certainly startled Harold which made him drop dead in his track.Duncan continued to slipped back until he hit the wall.With tears dropping heavier than before,his whole body was shaking and he’s struggling to speak and could only watch the man slowly approaching him.He wanted to fight,to yell,to stop but he’s frozen in his spot,couldn’t move a single muscle.In response,he covered his ears with his hands,awaiting his father’s verbal abuse and covered his face in his knees,not daring to look at his father’s pissed look.
Harold slowly approached him and was surprised by Duncan’s sudden moment.Still,there’s no way he can leave him alone like this.So,he sat down beside him,not sure how to comfort him until he heard some mumbling,’I’m sorry….disappointment…..not good enough……leave me……Dad’ Harold didn’t get to hear clearly due to the hiccups in mid-sentence and his tone were getting softer and softer but he could already guess what’s this about. Without backing down,he hugged the shorter man in a tight hug and patted his back in a slow but steady motion,‘It’s okay,you don’t have to apologise.You’re not a disappointment,you never was,no matter what they said.You’re already good enough,you don’t have to listen to what they said.I’m here,you’re not alone,I’m here for you…..’
Duncan was expecting a punishment as per usual,some punches or kicks.So a hug was certainly a surprise to him that made him stopped in motion.It’s been so long since he received a hug,the last time he got one was probably years ago.Yet,he had to admit,it felt good…..His sympathetic words were even better,he really needed to hear them after such a stressful night with no one else to talk to.Up to this point,Duncan’s already sure that he’s not his father because he would have recognised his voice.But,he didn’t care,at that moment,he really needed a shoulder to relax and cry on,he needed someone that cared,someone that listened…..Duncan slowly melted in those scrawny arms and continued his sobbing less intense as he did before.
After what felt like ages,the sobbing in Harold’s arms finally stopped and instead was replaced by a different voice,’What are you doing here,dweeb?’ Normally,Harold would be mad at his nickname but he’s not an idiot,he knew now’s not the time for arguments. He let him go and parted away which Duncan obliged silently before continuing,’I saw you leaving the cabin and thought you’re about to do something stupid…..’ ‘Well,congratulations,you’ve caught me…..‘ Duncan snickered a little to hide his embarrassment and still not willing to look at him directly. ‘…..I know now’s not really the time for this but,’ Harold sat up straight and faced him directly,forcing Duncan to look at him too with his red teary eyes.’What were you crying about?’
Duncan knew he had to explain but at the same time he didn’t quite want to so he made up a lie,’I’m just a bit homesick-‘ ‘Don’t lie to me,you’re not homesick.Instead,I’m sure it’s something far from that.’ Harold cut him off with determination.After helping him,the least he could get was a reason. Duncan immediately stopped talking as he realised there’s no point lying,’…. I had a nightmare…..about my parents….’ Duncan continued,not giving Harold a chance to speak,’My parents are mad at me right now and I don’t know what to do.I wanted to come here to calm myself down but as you can see,it only made matter worse…After crying,I mistook you as my dad and started panicking….Sorry for the commotion…’ Harold nodded as he listened to his explanation and asked,’But what happened that made them so mad at you?’ Duncan was taken back by his sudden question.’Sh..should I tell him?’ His mind raced faster than before and started to flood with numerous ideas.What if he reacted just like my parents? What if he hates me? What if he tells everyone?He was so lost in his thoughts,he didn’t even realized he’s been freaking out again.
‘Hey,it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me…’Harold consoled him as he soothed his back.Duncan looked back at him to be met with a smile on his freckled face.Maybe,this time……’Because they found my binder.’ Duncan hesitantly answered. ‘Oh,you’re trans?’ Duncan didn’t answer but nodded in response.Shit,that was a horrible idea,why on earth did I tell him?I shouldn’t have done that-‘That’s cool.Good for you.’ Duncan looked up surprisingly at Harold who looked indifferent from his comment like it wasn’t a big idea at all.‘You’re not mad at me?’ ‘No,why would I be?’ Harold casually answered while still remaining the smile on his face. After all those years,he finally found someone who understand him and accept him for who he was,this is the greatest moment in his life.
‘We should probably go back.It’s already late,you know.’ Harold stood back up and lend a hand to Duncan.’Thanks,Harold and…. I’m sorry for what I did to you,’Duncan accepted his hand and smiled at him before reaching out the door.’Also,I had a confession to make, I actually voted for you instead of Courtney today.Although it’s sad to see her leave,I’m glad that you’re still so supportive.You’re a nice friend,Harold.’ Duncan left the bathroom with a big smile on his face,
leaving Harold alone in complete disbelief of what happened,’Uh oh…’