Work Text:
After the award ceremony, onstage with the audience cheering, John was presented with a big, gaudy bouquet of flowers.
John gingerly accepted the flowers with a pained smile, as if the pretty blonde woman who was handing them out had just given him a pile of dirty leaves instead of the red, plastic-wrapped blossoms. John waved to the audience and smiled like he usually did, but where Karkat stood next to him he could tell how uncomfortable John was.
They got back home at 2:00 in the morning, both of them tired and slightly buzzed from champagne at the after-party. John tipped the limousine driver well. The man smiled and handed John the bouquet.
“Don’t want to leave these now would we!” John accepted the flowers with thinly disguised disgust, but gave the driver a warm smile anyways.
“Thanks Lorenzo.” The old man smiled, tipped his hat and drove away
John held the flowers upside down, letting the blossoms almost touch the ground, as he and Karkat walked up their driveway. Getting the lock open was a little difficult as the champagne had left them both less than graceful, but they managed the lock and went inside.
John threw the bouquet on the kitchen table, undid his tie and flopped down face-first onto the couch. Karkat eyed the flowers.
“John, shouldn’t we put them in water or something?...”
John murmured into the couch cushions “Do what you want but I HATE roses….”
Karkat came to sit next to John on the couch. John wound an arm around Karkat’s waist and pulled him down to cuddle with him. Karkat let himself be pulled down to John giggling. They laid on the couch, noses almost touching, looking at each other through sleepy half-lidded eyes.
“...hi…” John whispered.
“...hi yourself…” Karkat whispered back “.....Why are we whispering?....”
John only giggled and took one of Karkat’s hands to kiss it.
“...so why do you hate roses John?....”
John looked aghast for a moment “I love Rose! She’s one of my best friends and I love her no matter how many of her there is!”
“I meant the plant asshole.”
John grinned “I know, I just like messing with you.”
John pulled Karkat closer, Karkat settled his head underneath John’s chin and John continued.
“Roses, are assholes…”
Karkat shrugged “the plant or the woman?”
John smacked him lightly and Karkat giggled.
“The PLANT roses. Those are assholes.”
Karkat looked up at him “How can a plant be an asshole?”
John gestures with his hands, jiggling Karkat slightly where he rests in Johns arms. “Because they LOOK like they’re all pretty, and perfect, and everyone loves them for some fucking reason, but you get under that pretty exterior and BAM!”
John hunches in “They have thorns they were hiding! underneath all of that charm and prettiness they’re just thorny assholes.”
Karkat hums noncommittally.
John nods sagely “They’re Vriska flowers are what they are….”
That gets a couple of wheezing laughs from Karkat “JOHN!”
“Its true! When I first met Vriska I really liked her as a friend, but I got to know her better and I guess she’s still my friend….but she’s a complete fucking asshole.”
Karkat hums in agreement.
“I’m an asshole too you know John, If we’re talking plants I’m...I dunno...Some kind of fucking cactus.”
John chuckles a bit and pauses “....Have you ever heard of the orchid cactus?”
“No….the fuck is an orchid cactus?...”
John leans down to look at Karkat “Its this rare type of cactus thats short and prickly…”
Karkat smacks John “Do you want to sleep on the couch tonight? Because you’re really not helping..”
“We already are sleeping on the couch and besides I wasn’t done yet!”
John huffs and continues “Its short and prickly….but if you take care of it well...it will get these gorgeous, exquisite white flowers that only bloom at night….”
John leans down into Karkat’s space and puts a hand in his hair “It pretends to be an asshole...but underneath all of that it’s more beautiful than any rose ever could be…All it takes is love and patience....”
Karkat’s eyes are shining with unshed tears, he closes his eyes and leans up, their mouths are only millimeters away and-
“also ‘Cactus’ kinda sounds like ‘Karkat’....” John murmurs against his mouth.
Karkat rears up, he straddles John’s hips and grabs a nearby throw pillow and starts whacking John with it. John giggles, his glasses getting knocked off and flying off of the edge of the couch as he half-heartedly fends off Karkat’s pillow assault.
“WE WERE FUCKING HAVING A ROMANTIC MOMENT YOU SHITLOAF”
John only laughs harder and Karkat can’t help but laugh too, he flops back against John’s chest. John lets out an ‘oof’ with the sudden force, but curls an arm around Karkat as their giggles die down.
Karkat smiles against his chest “If i’m an orchid cactus you know what you are?”
John smiles back “No what?”
Karkat pokes John’s chest “then you’re a fucking sunflower.”
“nooooo I don’t want to be a sunflower!”
Karkat grins “But it fits! You both are tall, gangly, overly cheerful assholes.”
“nooooooo” John whines into the couch cushions “At least let me be a manly plant like a pine tree or an oak.”
“Nope!” Karkat smirks “You’re a fucking sunflower now deal with it!”
“....karkat….” John whispers.
“....what….” Karkat whispers back.
“....Karkat….”
“....WHAT…..”
John has the biggest shit-eating grin right now.
“....If you let me be an oak tree, I’ll let you touch my acorns…..”
Karkat rolls off of John and to the floor he’s laughing so hard. John is laughing too, he peeks off of the side of the couch.
“Karkat?” he wheezes “Are you ok down there?”
Karkat grabs the collar of John’s suit and pulls John down with him. They both collapse onto the carpet giggling.
Karkat is still laughing as he tugs John’s face level with his “You’re an idiot!”
John smiles “I love you too.”
They make out on the carpet and fall asleep. The next morning they will be sore and tired from rolling around on the ground, but now they’re just content to lay on the carpet in each other’s arms.