Chapter Text
We laughed as we ran around the yard. Somehow we weren't tired from running all day. We were currently playing tag and I was winning, key work WAS.
Josh sprinted towards me tagging me then running away. I whined trying to catch up. Our mothers both came out telling us it was time to eat dinner.
"First to the house wins!" Josh yelled running towards the house. I was taken aback but I soon ran after him, sadly I didn't win.
"I WON!" Josh cheered. Angelina (Josh's mom) picked up Josh and chuckled "I can already tell your going to love sports"
My mom picked me up as well. "Our boys are going to be sports players!"
Me and Josh turned to each other not knowing what our mothers were talking about.
Our mothers made their way towards the dinning table that was filled with food. Josh (who was a big fatty) immediately got excited by seeing all the food.
Honestly I did too, I LOVED food just as much as Josh did, maybe a little less.
Our mothers set us down and gave us each a plate of food. We started eating as soon as the plates were in front of us, probably very hungry form running all day.
We all had dinner and sadly Josh had to leave.
Josh waved goodbye as his father picked him up and put him in his car seat. I waved as well "see you tomorrow!"
Our mothers were best friends and me and Josh saw each other basically everyday. Which was AWESOME. We spent every day running around and having fun. We played tag, hide and seek, a game we liked to call Freeze and much more. We also often played with our dads. We played all different sports but our favorite was football. It was also our dads favorite so that might be why we liked it so much but it was fun!
Josh would also get mad at me for winning, he wasn't that good but he tried his best and we always hugged afterwards to make sure we weren't mad at each other. We never had a rivalry, we were always best friends. We were open to each other and spoke a lot about different things...
Our dads knew we loved to run around but they thought we needed a cool down and someplace we could talk. So they decided to build us a treehouse!
We sat in anticipation waiting for my father to finish our tree house. We jumped up as we saw my father walking over to us "It's finished boys go play"
Me and Josh RAN to the tree house. We walked inside the tree house and it was pretty big. We smiled "this is AWESOME!" Josh exclaimed
I nodded eagerly. It was fairly big with a window and some other things. We loved it so much we spend all day in it. When it began to get dark my father had to come get us down because we didn't want to. In the end we spend most of our days up there talking about different things, sharing secrets.
That tree house was very important to us, that made us even closer. I still remember that fateful day...
We were a lot older then (about 12?) but we were still children at heart. We LOVED our tree house, it was filled with memories and we just couldn't let that go.
We both sat down on the tree house and began to talk about different things like we always did. Me and Josh were VERY close there's nothing we wouldn't tell each other.
We had around the same opinions and loved the same things. Our family were close (clearly) so we always spent time together.
We sat down at our usual spot without talking.
"Hey" Josh started "come here"
I was confused but I moved closer to Josh. "Closer" I moved EVEN closer.
We were merely inches apart our hands touched but neither of us wanted to say anything. It's not like it wasn't normal for us, we held hands a lot, we were always very close to each other.
But that day was different...
I stared into Josh's eyes and he stared into mine. "Josh?" I called out his name.
I don't know why but suddenly his lips were on mine and we kissed. It was the first time we had ever kissed ANYONE.
We always talked about kissing each other as our first kiss (we thought it was normal because we were 'best friends')
Plus no girls were willing to kiss us (maybe because we were odd and wayyyy too close)
Josh pulled away still not saying anything. Our finger interlocked and we stayed quiet enjoying each other's company.
In our family we were very open with each other. We told each other EVERYTHING, there was no lies, no secrets, nothing of that sort.
So me and Josh knew we had to tell our parents about this little "interaction"
We thought it was normal and completely fine but as soon as we told our parents about it they took us to church, prayed for us, had the priest shower us in holy water and told us we were to never do that again as it was a "sin" then traumatized us by telling us we would go to hell if we ever did it again. Me and Josh were extremely confused and sad we couldn't do it again (not only that but hearing we would go to hell scared us to BITS) we always followed our parents orders, being told we were going to hell was just another reason why would should NEVER do it again.
After all our parents always knew best right?
We went home that day confused at what was so bad about us kissing but our parents refused to explain, later on we googled it and understood. We never did anything like that ever again but I feel like we always wanted to.
We had completely forgotten of that day and moved on calling our first girlfriends our "first kiss"
Which I honestly doubt either of us really liked but we were so convinced we were straight we probably thought we LOVED our girlfriends.
Our parents never mentioned that day ever again and swore to forget it for the rest of their lives.
I had forgotten of that day but as I saw Josh doing that to Oliver I knew. I knew those feelings were there, we weren't normal, we weren't straight, but we wanted to be because we didn't wanna go to hell.
I still don't want to go to hell...
But I also want Josh.
Is it really so wrong to love another man?