Work Text:
Here he was once again. In this great tower.
‘His’ silky white bed was beside one part of the cold grey stone wall, fronted by a blue lavender velvet carpet. How many times had he sat there, just waiting in silence? He could not remember.
He had been there so many times, and yet… This place still felt foreign to him. There was no warmth in this room. Although there was a fireplace, – located on the opposite side of his bed – there was no way for him to light it up. Things could have been different if he had a pyro vision and if he had wood… but that was not the case.
And yet ashes were still present. Forever remaining in a warm state, sometimes fluctuating between hot and cold.
There were also some plants in the tower, bordering a small mahogany desk. As far as he can remember, these plants had never needed any watering from him. Like everything else in this room, they stayed the same through time, not changing a single bit, not even growing.
At least, not since they appeared. The desk and the flowers were the latest new furnishings in this room. They reminded him of the Knights of Favonius' headquarters. They had been there around the time he enrolled in the Knights.
He sighed, a melancholic smile starting to show on his face.
Looking away from the desk, he walked to the great bookcase on the right of his bed. Taking a quick glance at the book covers, he once again found himself both capable and incapable of deciphering their titles.
It was a strange feeling.
As if he was able to read the words, remembering their impact on him, but forgetting their meaning in the exact same moment he read them.
He remembered reading one of those books when he was younger. He ended up crying but had no idea why.
Putting back in place a book he had randomly picked, his hand wandered to a picture frame.
His melancholic smile slowly turned bitter as his fingers traced the red hair of the little boy behind the glass pane.
Sure, things were better between them now, but he missed the times they were both happy. With their…dad… and everyone else.
A time where everything that mattered to them was to have fun running around all day, playing pirates, reading books…
O how he missed that time.
He felt happy. He felt loved.
But now…
He looked at the window, the only source of light and escape from this place.
Although, he wasn't sure where the light was coming from, as it felt both natural and artificial. Was the window to emit light, or were there objects that emit light in the room, he would have been certain. But that was not the case.
As for the 'escape' part, that was not fully true either. Just as everything else in this room, the window was paradoxical.
It technically was the only entrance and exit of this room, but he could not put his hand outside of the frame. But as long as he stayed within the thickness of the wall, it was fine.
And that is what he did, as always. Taking the photograph with him, he sat on the window sill, his back against one side of the frame, and his feet against the other.
He could feel the wind coming from outside, and yet again, not really. It was the same thing as the books; he could feel the wind against his skin but was unable to tell if it was hot or cold, violent or gentle. He was constantly forgetting the feeling of the wind.
The only things that never changed in this damned tower were things dear to him, in a way or the other, such as the desk that tied him to the Knights of Favonius, or the picture of him and Diluc when they were younger. Everything else had been there from the first time he had awakened in the tower.
He sighed, turning his head against the pitch black view stretching before his eyes. Outside of his window was pure darkness. No light could pierce through this veil. It had been like that since he awoke here for the first time, years ago.
But when it was exactly, he could not tell. But if he had to hazard a guess, it would have probably started around that day, when he saw his biological father for the last time and was abandoned for Khaenir’ah’s future. It had been the first time he felt so lonely.
Closing his eyes, Kaeya listened to the noises outside of the tower's window. People chatting happily, bards singing, people crying, war roaring… Or so he wondered.
As always in this strange place, he could not tell what he was feeling, reading nor hearing.
All except the noise that had just started. Always the same, always announcing the same end, but never at the same time.
Perhaps.
He was not sure, as his perception of time was a mess here.
That sound… it always scared him. It especially did when he was younger and did not know this room yet.
Since then, he had developed the habit of resting on the window sill, feeling the wind on his skin, and listening to people outside. Even if he was forgetting those sounds and feeling instantly, it strangely helped to soothe him. That, and humming a song. It had been the same for years now, but he was incapable of remembering the lyrics, only recalling the melody.
Perhaps he used to hear it when he was still in Khaenri'ah? Perhaps his mother used to sing it to him, perhaps it was a people's song? He could not tell.
But it helped him calm down a bit while the tower was crumbling under him.
He could clearly hear every stone falling down and crashing into the others that had fallen before.
It was terrifying. Tears were rolling down his cheeks while he was shivering, still humming that song.
Things were going to be alright, he knew it. This dream was only a transitory dream, leading him to something… different.
But it always scared him. No matter how old he grew.
Maybe it was because of the sound, maybe because of the feeling of the ground giving out under him, maybe because he knew what kind of dream was waiting for him, or maybe, it was because of the horribly painful crash awaiting him at the end of the fall.
He opened his eyes in a start, taking a few seconds to compose himself.
It did not take him long to recognise the place, as well as the probable time.
How could he forget what happened during this stormy night?
He was sure the current dream was a manifestation of that time. Which meant…
He had to go find him. And if he had not moved, he should be there.
Now, standing up from below a tree, Kaeya started walking towards the building.
As he was walking, the silhouette of a man started to coalesce from the heavy rain.
Despite the weather, the man was not moving, as if rooted to the spot.
Having gotten closer, Kaeya gently placed his hand on the shoulder of the man before him.
Startled, the man turned his face full of tears towards Kaeya, which only made him tear up all the more.
Taking him in his arms, Kaeya tried to reassure him.
“It’s going to be alright, don’t worry. Everything will be alright, I promise.”
With a broken voice, the other man tried to reply, but it was merely a whisper.
“But… ‘Luc… killed me…”
This made Kaeya hug the man even tighter, stroking his hair with a pained sigh.
He had not called his dear brother ‘Luc’ since this incident, but at least they were back to somewhat good terms now. But this younger version of himself… He did not have the time nor the chance to ever settle things down with Diluc.
Having wandered between dreams for so many years, Kaeya knew he was bound to meet himself from that time, one day or the other. He knew it was going to be painful, but he had not anticipated just how much.
He had no idea how to convince his younger self that it was all an accident. Sure, Diluc got angry, and he had a good reason for that. After all, learning that your beloved brother and best friend is a spy, just after the passing of your father… That was a shock for sure.
But somehow, Kaeya always knew Diluc, even mad, would not kill him.
And he knew very well that he could have found a way to escape this fight if things were starting to go bad. But he wanted to stay and face Diluc. And, even if he would never admit it out loud, a part of him wanted to perish at the hands of Diluc at that time. But he also wanted to live and be accepted for who he was…
He sighed once again.
The result of this fight was just an accident and he knew it. But he had no way to make his younger self understand it…
“... Kae?”
The whisper was so low he wasn't even sure he really heard it.
“... Kae? Diluc… He… He still loves me, right? It was… It was just an accident, right? There’s no way he…”
Releasing his younger self to take him by the shoulders, Kaeya offered him his best smile.
“Of course he does still love you. You know how he is. Always so stubborn… But I’m sure he regrets it, it was no more than an unfortunate accident. Diluc… However mad may he be, he would never hate us enough to purposefully kill us.”
His younger self looked down, tears still rolling down his cheeks. He did not know what to say.
Kaeya, not knowing what to say either, grabbed the arm of his past self.
“Let’s head up inside, shall we? It might be a dream, but we’re still getting wet. …I think? I can never tell.”
“I don’t know… It’s not even relevant anymore anyways… I’m not even sure this… dream… goes to the inside of the winery…”
“Let’s try it out, alright? Just so we could at least sit down in peace.”
His younger self did not reply, but Kaeya, as he said, tried to go inside the winery.
The inside of the winery was a bit blurry, after all, it was not the last thing he saw before dying, so the dream had to create it from memory, but at least it was accessible.
As to avoid any more pain, Kaeya rushed into their room to be alone.
He sat down on the bed and invited himself to do the same.
“We can… Talk a bit if you want? I don’t know how long this dream will last, but since you are… Since I’m here, the dream allows me to tell you anything that has happened to us so far, so, if you want…”
His younger self looked at him, said nothing, and sat on the bed, looking out the blurry window. Things stayed like that for what felt like hours, until his alter ego decided to ask a question, still not looking at him.
“What happened after?”
“Everything?”
“Anything.”
Where should he start from? So much has happened since that day… But he wanted to make himself smile before the end of the dream, so he had to find a nice or funny story to tell. But what could make himself laugh right now? Usually, when he feels sad, he would go sit in the hands of the Anemo Statue in Mondstad, during night, so he could cry and let the wind blow his pain away, looking in the horizon while no one could see nor hear him.
But the statue was way too far to go there. And he was not even sure that could ease the pain of his younger self.
Then, how…
Oh, he had an idea. It is nothing much, but he always finds it silly enough to at least smile a bit. And since younger Kaeya did not know about it… It could work!
“Hm, well, I’ll try to make it short, but after our fight, Diluc left the Knights and gave up his vision.”
There was no reply.
“But, he could not fully give up protecting the people of Mond, so he kept doing it at night and disguised. “
“So what?”
“Sooo, people, not knowing who he was, decided to call him the Darknight hero.”
As he had planned, this silly little story managed to get a slight smile from himself.
“And believe it or not, this idiot thinks I don’t know he is the Darknight hero. And in case you were going to ask, I gave him back his vision. Although I had to hide it in a vase.”
“A vase?”
“Yes. It is a very long story, so I gave you a summary. The whole thing also involved a young girl named Collei, the Fatui…”
“Sounds like a lot happened…”
“Indeed. But you know, there’s a really good thing that happened recently.”
His younger self finally decided to turn his head away from the window to listen to him.
“It involves a traveller coming from afar. Lots of things happened during their time in Mond, but they were so lovely… Even though their future is uncertain, spending time with them made me feel like I was back at the winery during our childhood… Unfortunately, they had to continue their journey to find their sibling.”
“Sibling?”
The younger Kaeya was captivated by the story. An unknown traveller looking for their sibling? And that made Kaeya feel at ease? It was nothing out of the ordinary.
“Yes. Apparently they have a twin and are journeying through Teyvat to find them. So far, nothing much. But they always come back once in a while for festivals or just to spend time with everyone.”
“But wouldn’t that be a waste of time? Surely they would go faster if they did not take so much time for useless activities.”
“Hey! I enjoy spending time with them, don’t call that useless. Moreover, I think they aren’t from Teyvat, so they might want to make some friends and understand the culture of every nation.”
“That sounds nice.”
“...”
“... Kaeya?”
“Hm?”
“You think… They could prevent a war?”
Kaeya looked his younger self in the eye before looking out the window.
“You mean about Khaenri’ah?" He sighed. "I don’t know what will happen. And…”
For a few seconds, Kaeya closed his eyes, trying not to tear up and worry his younger self more than he already was.
“I guess someone who knows people and culture from every nation could perhaps be a mediator for a war, yes.”
Then, after his sentence, silence settled down for a few minutes.
“I was wondering… Do I remember more things about Khaenri’ah when getting older?”
“No. Not really. Father’s face becomes blurrier and blurrier with the years, but that’s all. I apologise, I don’t remember anything else.”
“Don’t worry, it’s not your fault. … Do you think the tower could be…”
“A memory from Khaenri’ah? We’re the same person, you already know that I keep asking myself that question. But if you want a real answer… I have no idea. That would be the most likely thing, but I am not sure.”
The younger Kaeya layed down on his bed, hands behind his head and looking at the ceiling.
Both of them had stopped talking for a while now. But seeing the dream starting to disappear, the younger Kaeya asked a question. But he did not even have the time to finish it when his older self started humming that song. He closed his eyes, listening to himself while the world around them started to fade away. The older Kaeya had sat on the edge of the bed, close enough to him so he could stroke his hair again.
“You know… I’m not sure I will remember what you told me after you are gone… And, we will never meet again as I’ll encounter different versions of ourself… But I…”
He was starting to tear up, words stuck in his throat.
“But I was glad… to have the chance to meet you. And I’m happy that despite everything ‘Luc does not hate us…”
Although he could not see it because he had closed his eyes, he could hear his older self had started silently crying, as his humming was a bit stuttery and had less control in it.
But only a few seconds later, the humming had stopped as the face of Kaeya had started to disappear with the dream. He could only feel his hand still stroking his hair.
The end of those dreams were always terrible, just as the start was. Whether it was himself as the dead Kaeya like today, or others the other times, parting with himself was always sad. Being the ‘big brother’ crying because he had to leave the ‘little one’ alone, or crying because he was the ‘little one’ having to be left alone to the unknown… Both were incredibly sad and painful.
Older Kaeya’s hand had already stopped stroking his hair when his own consciousness had started to wander.
At least, Diluc did not hate him…
Kaeya woke up in his bed, eyes full of tears.
“Fuck.”
He was going to need a drink tonight after yet another bad start to the day.