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Becoming a housewife, unable to work, spending the whole day stuck in household chores was her biggest fear. But when you're thirty-six weeks pregnant, there's not much you can do. This was precisely the situation Wendy was in at the moment. She loves hustle, do community service, being in debates, working! But the baby was about to arrive, so she couldn't do any of those things to avoid putting him at risk.
The brunette was in complete agony. She couldn't take being pregnant any longer - her back hurt and her feets were swollen - and to top it off, she'd already done everything she was allowed to do. From washing clothes and dishes, tidying up the house, closets and the baby's trousseau. She had already done everything and more than this. She even managed to get Stan to clean up the chaos he called office.
And speaking of him, Wendy was irritated because, unlike her, the husband was in the purest state of serenity. Of course, he wasn't the one who had to spend the day trying to enjoy himself with a belly almost the size of a watermelon!
"Stan," she called out, drawing out the last letter to get his attention.
"Hi" he replied without looking at her, he was too busy with the Xbox to do it.
Mens! Wendy rolled her eyes.
"Let's do something fun?"
"Something fun?" he repeated, a little confused. "Hm, you want a massage? I'm coming, just wait..."
"No. I said something fun, like action!" She raised both arms above head, waving them in the air.
"What?"
Wendy huffed in sheer impatience. She was about to get up and pull that damn cord out of the socket.
"A-C-T-I-O-N".
“What the fuck, Wendy?" he scolded. "No way. I don't want take you to the hospital ahead of time" and still without taking his eyes off the TV, he held out the other remote. "Want to play? This game has a lot of action!"
"No! This is not real action!"
"Then what the fuck do you want me to do?" He was starting to get annoyed. As much as he was a calm guy, it wasn't easy to deal with the hormones of a pregnant woman. And he was finding that out the hard way. And Wendy knew that, but how could she help it? And besides, the brunette couldn't deny that pissing him off was a great pastime.
"I don't know, MARSHmellow," she teased, only to see him make that sullen expression he always did when the nickname was uttered.
"Don't fuck, Wendy Testa Hamburger." he smirked.
"Idiot," she said, and threw a pillow at him. "You see why we need to think very carefully about our son's name? We need to prevent him from getting that kind of nickname".
"You're right," he pondered for a second with his hand on his chin. “I'm sure that wouldn't happen with the name I suggested".
“Stan, our son won't be named Brian Boitano Testaburger-Marsh,” she said seriously. She knew it was something her son would carry with him for the rest of his life, and therefore it had to be thought about very carefully; whose son, if it were up to Stan, would have the worst name in the world.
“And why not Kyle?" he asked, returning to the game.
"Serious? Nice of you to honor your best friend, but..." she rejected the idea. "What do you think of Rick?"
"Which rhymes with dick," he chuckled. Intentionally or not, he was having a lot of fun making suggestions that ran counter to the woman's tastes.
She took a deep breath.
“Johnson?"
“Like... 'Zip up, man, or your johnson’ll get out'.
"I've never heard of that." She rolled her eyes.
"But he'll listen all his life," he said. “I like Gorak.
"Stan, it's a child! We're not talking about a dog.” She put her hand on her stomach as she felt the baby kick. "Do you want to embarrass your son?!"
Discussing names for the baby only made her more and more anxious to have him in her arms; Longed to know the color of his hair and the shape of his little face. Would he have big blue eyes like his father? An irreparable sense of justice like his mother? While the big day didn't arrive, the way was to settle for just imagining it.
And suddenly, it was as if a lightbulb had gone on over her head and she got up faster than recommended for a pregnant woman, went to the bedroom leaving her husband, confused by the sudden action, on the couch. As soon as she found out about the pregnancy, she started following several pages on social networks that informed about the subject, and in one of them there was a 'post presenting some fun dynamics for couples who will be first-time parents.
Wendy returned to the living room a baby doll she had bought for training and gently placed it in Stan's lap as she returned to the living room.
"What the fuck is that?" He looked down at the bundle in his arms, preparing to lift it over his head.
"This "fuck" is our son" she corrected, instructing him to hold the doll upright. "I figured we'd have a lot to learn so I arranged this" the brunette pointed at the "baby". "So we can practice safely before we need to move closer to the hospital.
Stan couldn't help but smile at the female figure in front of him. Even if she hated to hear it coming from him, for her husband, Wendy had become even more beautiful during her pregnancy, if that's possible, so his blue eyes gained an even greater shine when looking at her beloved.
"Got it." he held the bundle a little more carefully. "What do we have to do then, new mom?"
"I think a bath would be ideal before taking him for a walk." Wendy smiled, enjoying the banter.
She went into the kitchen and filled the blue bathtub with some water, placing it on the kitchen table. Stan reached the room with the "child", holding him awkwardly. Noticing this, the wife lowered her voice and did her worst baby-cry imitation.
"Wendy, what is this?" he laughed.
"The baby! He's crying! Boo, boo!"
Stan took a few seconds to realize what was wrong, but understood that he needed to calm him down. He cradled the bundle in his arms, then placed it gently over his shoulders, patting the back.
"Shhh, calm down, Brian Boitano, Daddy's here..." Wendy coughed loudly in disapproval of the name, making him roll his eyes. "Okay, okay, it was just a joke".
"Bring him back here soon," he said, sounding more authoritative than he actually intended. Stan soon brought the doll to his wife and carefully placed it in the water, imagining it was really his son. "Very well. Let's wash him, being very careful with his eyes and ears" she leaned forward, holding the plastic baby so that the man would pour a thin waterfall of water over the little head. “Yes... yes, Stan, carefully".
Stan was almost totally involved in the dynamics of being a father earlier, until he seemed to forget about it for a moment and when he picked up the shampoo, he ended up letting go of the doll's back, which slipped and fell against the bottom of the bathtub in a fraction of a second.
"STANLEY, YOU RECKLESS!" Wendy screamed nervously, running to help her pretend son.
The husband's eyes widened and he was faster when he realized the mistake he had made. He rescued the baby, pulling him by the little leg.
“Oh my God, I'm sorry, Gorak!" He shook it in the air, water seeping through the plastic limbs and mouth hole.
Wendy watched the scene in horror, not being able to make much effort to pull the doll out of the husband's hands, who, without paying attention, ended up tearing off his leg because of his uncontrolled agitation.
"HOLY SHIT, I KILLED THE BABY!" Stan looked down at the leg in his hands and the rest of the sodden plastic baby on the floor. “I'm a bastard,” he added, sighing.
"It's okay, it's okay" the woman tried to reassure him while recovering from the moment of chaos that was the baby's bath. “Let's do something else. Come" decided quickly, going to the couple's room. She stopped at the doorway, turned around and added: "and bring our son".
Stan sighed, picking up the doll and reattaching the leg before following the wife with a guilty expression on his face.
On the bed, Wendy had spread out several rather familiar baby clothes; she had asked her mother-in-law to send little clothes that belonged to Stan when he was a baby. Of course, she had received several among the baby shower gifts, but when they discovered the child's gender, Wendy thought it would be a great idea to reuse some of the husband's pieces, because the little Testaburger-Marsh didn't need that much. It would soon grow bigger and a lot of those little things would be donated to charity.
Sharon had sent several outfits, one cuter than the next, and the conclusion was obvious: Wendy's husband was an adorable baby! She couldn't wait to dress her son in those cute little things.
"Honey, what do you think of dressing our baby in this?" she asked, showing off a brown blouse with a blue football on it.
"My mother dressed me in this?" His face turned a little red, and Wendy thought it was adorable. "I think something's missing..." he placed the plastic doll on the bed and walked to the closet, taking out a shoe box and from inside it, his classic blue hat with the red poofball. "Here".
“Oh my God, Stan!" The woman gave an emotional smile, placing her hand over her cheek and blinking so she wouldn't end up crying.
"Shall we wear it?" he asked gently, hugging her from behind, kissing her shoulders.
"Yes!" she agreed excitedly. But before she could start, Stan covered her eyes with his hands. “Stan! I can't see nothing like that!" she laughed.
“That's the intention. I doubt you can dress the baby blindfolded,” he said. "But I'll help you" he left one of his hands on her face and with the other, he held her hand, kissing it.
"No," she rejected the help, grinning like a child about to misbehave. "I love a good challenge!"
"If you say so..." He shrugged, going back to covering the woman's eyes completely. "Just won't cheat, huh."
“Fuck you, Stan.” She grinned, feeling around the bed for items of clothing.
Wendy took the diaper and successfully managed to put it on the plastic baby. It was the disposable type, but over time she intended to order cloth diapers that could be washed, contributing to the well-being of the environment and reducing the risk of allergies and diaper rash.
She continued putting on the outfit, quickly, having some difficulty with the buttons but ignoring the husband's comments and snickers. She was sure she was doing super well, but when she had her eyes uncovered, Stan's laugh was enough to prove otherwise; the blouse was inside out, the pants halfway down the legs and the buttons were all wrong. The little hat was on the whole head and the little shoes had not even entered the foot.
"Then I'm not gonna be the one to make our son feel ashamed!" Stan had to sit on the bed, he could barely breathe with laughter. His laugh was contagious, the woman joined in.
"B-But..." she muttered, in a confused tone. "Stop laughing!" she said, slapping the husband lightly.
"Calm down, dammit!" he exclaimed between laughs, trying to contain the wife. "I would have been better, believe me!"
Wendy gave up the slapping and sat next to him, resting her head on Stan's shoulder.
"And now?! We didn't even get to choose the child's name!" she lamented. "I don't think we're ready to be parents..."
"Hey." his eyes widened, taking the woman's hands. “Wendy, don't say that. I mean, we might not be the best in the world, but we're going to be everything Sam needs and..."
"What?" She thought she hadn't heard right.
"Aren't we the best baby caretakers in the world…?"
"No, not that..." She shook her head, placing her hands on her husband's face. “Sam?"
"Oh! I-I said a random name..." He stammered, trying to explain himself. But Stan doesn't know how to lie, not to Wendy. “Actually, I've been thinking about Samuel ever since I saw those two dashes on the pregnancy test. But it's like you said, a name is something he's going to carry with him for the rest of his life and should be thought about very, very carefully".
“Sam Testaburger-Marsh…” she said, a smile slowly lighting up her face. "That's it!" She jumped onto the husband's neck, placing a lingering kiss on his lips. "Stan, it's perfect!"
"I'm really good with names anyway" he gave a smug little smile, intertwining his fingers in the hem of her shirt and leaving part of her huge belly exposed.
"Hey." Wendy enjoyed the tickling affection for the circles he drew in the region. "How did you know it was going to be a boy?"
"My mom used to say that when a pregnant woman is expecting a girl, the baby takes away her mother's beauty. But when she's expecting a boy, the pregnant woman is even more beautiful" Stan paused and fixed a lock of silky hair that insisted on falling in the wife's face all the time. “And that's what I've been noticing about you these past few weeks, Wendy. With each passing week, you get more and more beautiful than you already are, my love. You may not realize this since you keep complaining that you're getting fat, and how clothes that fit you don't fit anymore, or when you have your crying fits and start cursing me and complaining about things for no reason.
"Stan..." she spoke with her voice already suspended by the crying that threatened to break out. It sucked dealing with the emotional changes when was pregnant. One hour she could be feeling like the happiest woman on the face of the earth, and it was just someone saying something, and the urge to cry would take over her body. “Why did you have to make me cry, you idiot?" she asked, crying and laughing at the same time, patting his chest lightly and laying her head between his shoulder and neck, feeling the husband's arms wrap around her in a warm and welcoming hug.
"You're going to be a wonderful mom, Wendy Testaburger." He kissed her forehead.
“Correction: We're going to be wonderful parents, Stan Marsh".
After all the emotional moment had passed, Wendy picked up the plastic baby, now Sam, and held him in her arms.
"Time to feed him," she declared, feeling rather silly talking to a doll like that.
"Are you going to give him breast milk?" He raised his eyebrows, his dirty mind working at full speed. "Maybe I can be the baby now..."
"Sure! Why not?" smiled maliciously.
"That's not what I was thinking," Stan declared, adjusting the pet bib as tried to get comfortable in the chair that had been fitted with a plastic table.
"Look at the little plane!" Wendy made a little engine noise with her mouth, directing a spoon full of baby food to the husband's mouth, which was forced open.
The "Vegetables and Meat" flavor was yummy.