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Anasui sat in the comfortless sterile of the delivery room, in a chair that was certainly twice his age. He was a wreck; not a single hair on his head had been combed in the past 48 hours, he reeked, and heavy blue and purple bags hung loosely below his eyes. He didn't care. He could look twice as bad and wouldn't bat an eyelid. 'It was over', he reminded himself 'the worst had already been done'. It was a mantra he'd been playing in his head since he got there, but only now did it mean something.
Jolyne was taking a well deserved rest on the hospital's bed, lips slightly parted as she let a hymn of breaths out to act as snores. She'd certainly seen better days, but Anasui couldn't care. She looked just as angelic as she always did to him.
She had just brought his child into the world mere five hours ago. 6 pounds, 3 ounces. A bouncing baby boy with a dollop of pink hair, a soft reminder of his beget. They hadn't even settled on a name yet.
Unfortunately, the soft tranquil of the sleeping mother and baby was interrupted by a phlem-like hiccup, and a bit of a struggle. Anasui almost shot up, every single possibility crossing his mind. Was he sick? Was he choking? What if he was having a bad dream? He hoisted his newborn up with both of his hands, being mindful of his head. The baby stirred, but didn't wake himself up, instead, accepting the haeven his father gave him as he was returned to the chair.
Anasui sat back down, cradling his son in his arms, finally getting a better look at him.
The child was a shade too coral for his liking; his face was a violent pink and red, and wrinkles gave him the appearance of a man a century older. His eyes were almost entirely closed, and he had freakishly pudgy hands, yet his fingers seemed almost spindly in comparison. The saving grace was a cute little beanie on his head; blue, with green highlights. It had been a babyshower gift from Ermes. The little child tried to get himself comfortable in the change of pace, scrunching up his face like a crumpled piece of paper. Narciso gulped; this was his son?
He hated to say it, but, he was kind of ugly.
Sure, he didn't expect a powdered baby lifted down from the Heaven's themselves to just land in his arms; the kid had just been born a couple of hours ago. He had leeway to be a bit strange-looking. He chastised himself for thinking that.
Despite it, he still found a sense of familiarity and adoration inside of him. He loved this child, or hoped he did; it was his own son, for God's sake. He had watch Jolyne haul herself around for the past 9 months. He'd feel guilty just to turn his nose up because the baby looked a little strange. He reminded himself he probably didn't look too pretty when he was born either.
He placed the tip of his index to the baby's mouth, who was starting to wake himself up. He offered it to him, trying to stifle him from being too loud as to not wake his resting mother. The infant took it cautiously, latching onto his finger with a little coaxing, staring at his father through the slits of his wrinkles.
He was lost in the moment, and hadn't noticed the giant of a man take the seat beside him; that giant being none other then Jolyne's father. The chair creaked, complaining of the weight of this brawn, and Jotaro responded in a deep grunt. He wasn't the man he used to be thirty years ago. Anasui kept quiet, simply tossing his head upwards in a silent greeting to his father-in-law. Despite being married to his daughter for close to a year, he still felt petrified beside him. He was confident they'd spoken 10 sentences maximum to each other, maybe even less.
"Aren't you going to show me my grandson?" Jotaro spoke, a tongue as sharp as a whip. His tongue clicked against his teeth with each word, giving Anasui the sense he wasn't going to be patient. Anasui sat himself up, and leaned against the scratchy navy of the chair. Jotaro leaned past him, and stared at the newborn. Watching the other man's face soften, and his gaze turn sincere, the years of hardships seemed to melt away, instead, replaced with a gentle yet prideful smile.
"He's adorable." He readjusted his hat to hide his expression. This man was impossible to read, Anasui thought. "He has my mother's eyes."
Anasui wasn't sure how he deduced that. The baby had kept his face scrunched the entire time. He'd take his word for it.
It took Anasui a few moments for him to croak out a response. His voice felt rapsy, like he hadn't talked in a decade. "He-He, has you and Jolyne's birthmark too." He tugged at the fuzzy blue blanket, revealing the infant's nape. Just below his collar was the infamous star-mark, a deep violet-purple. It reminded him of Weather- He had the same one before he died.
Anasui grimaced at the thought. He didn't want to upset himself with what was lost; especially at not the birth of his own son.
Jotaro stroked the shoulder with a this thumb, feeling the infant shake below him. "Unfortunate, but expected. His children will bear the same, and theirs too." He pulled his hand away, and rested it atop his lap. "I don't see it disappearing anytime soon." Anasui could sense a hint of sadness, and resentment in his voice. So he nodded; He didn't understand the severity of this mark, but through the glimpses of what he'd already seen, he wasn't sure if he *wanted* to. A part of him didn't want Jolyne to know what she already must have; he wanted to save her from the pain of raising a Joestar.
After all, what good was he if not to protect her?
After sitting in silence for a few minutes, Anasui croaked out a few words. His throat was raw, in dire need of a drink, and he found himself overcame with nerves. "How.. do you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Do.. parenting."
Anasui felt his cheeks swell up in embarrassment. He'd read plenty of books in the time leading up to his son's birth, but even so, a part of him was still tethering on the hope that there would simply be a blood-born connection. The moment he saw his child, he'd instantly know what to do. He felt wilfully under-prepared.
"That's the thing; you don't "just" do parenting. It's not like a skill, although parts of it are. But you'll get better with it with time, too." Jotaro placed a rough hand on top of Anasui's. "Your focus should be to care for your baby's needs, and make sure Jojo's doing alright. She's going to be out of it for the next few weeks, or maybe even longer if you're unlucky."
Anasui listened intently.
"Sure, there's some aspects you're gonna have to learn. Cooking, mentoring, changing diapers, and that's just a few. It's not easy, but I trust that you and Jolyne will make good parents. I've seen it before with your behaviours to Emporio. This is just on a younger basis."
Jotaro didn't move from his position, yet he spoke as if he'd lived this through a thousand times over, raising a thousand children a day. He paused for a little, giving way for Anasui to respond.
"I understand that, Mr Kujo." He begun. He was trying to find the right words; but he felt null. How could he put his insecurities into something as simple and malleable as words?
Anasui knew he was a twisted man; one who could barely even feel love and comfort from those who raised him. His heart was dark and twisted, grown cold by life and it's hardships. He knew he would be a liar to call himself anything lesser; an apathetic.
He grew up with a bitter feeling of loneliness, forever surrounded by people who just didn't quite get him. He was called all kinds of things. To take apart was a refuge, a way to get back at the world he was so harshly thrusted into; a condition which ravaged him from the inside. A need to dissemble. To see what made things tick, to see how much he could remove before it broke.
He was sure he was cursed, to live a loveless life. He felt things for his girlfriend, but to call it love would diminish it's short-comings. It wasn't love, rather a bandaid to wedge into the gap of his soul; a coverup to seem more normal then he truly was. A loveless relation built off lust and the need for companionship.
But this lack of love didn't stop him from doing what he did.
That day, he was sure that he wasn't as he was supposed to be. A nail in the coffin to solidify him as an outsider. He was classified sane; a medical certification to throw him into jail for his crime. But he didn't feel an ounce of it. If he was sane, how did he feel like this?
That was, till, he met Jolyne. The mother of the child he'd found himself fretting over. That brought him back to the real world, and made him close his mouth which had been left hanging. Jotaro was peering at him with piercing green eyes, awaiting his next sentence which Anasui had forgotten.
"I'm scared I'll hurt him." He choked out, after leaving the end of his sentence hanging. It was the mildest way to put his agitation.
There was silence for a few brief seconds. "I understand. I felt similar when Jolyne was born. I had what I assumed to be the strongest stand at the time." Jotaro traced the scar that Made In Heaven had left behind as he uttered the last three words. It was faded, but they both knew it would never truly be gone. "I was scared that, in some contrived way, I'd end up hurting her, or worse."
"What did you do, then?" Anasui leaned forward, hair tickling the young child's face.
"I didn't." Jotaro begun. "I controlled myself, taught myself discipline. I know it doesn't sound as easy as not doing it. When I played with her when she was younger, I was petrified that someway or another, I'd do something. So I played gentle. I never played with her when those thoughts arose; why would I? It would only ruin the fun."
Anasui was surprised "fun" was a word in Jotaro's vocabulary.
"Though the fear is also what lead me to be so absent. If I didn't hurt her, an agent of DIO would. I couldn't trust myself, and I couldn't trust that she'd ever be safe around me."
"Then how did that change?" Anasui was quick to quip back.
"It never truly went away. Even now, I find it though to trust people around her, especially myself. I still find myself petrified that I'll hurt her, or someone else will. But, I trust she won't let someone do that to her."
"Do you trust me?"
"I trust Jolyne, and she trusts you. So, yes, I trust you, and I trust that your son will aswell."
Anasui went quiet again. This time, though, it wasn't another delve through his pysche. He was readjusting himself to make said son comfortable, before giving a deep, guttural sigh.
"I suppose, I'm scared that I'll end up hurting the both of them. I always felt as if I had been cursed, to be some degenerate. That the only way I'd ever be free is through my protection to Jolyne." Anasui gave a deep sigh. "I thought, in some way, that if she returned my feelings, I would be purified. When we first got together, I finally had felt sanctified. I felt as if I had served my life's purpose, that this was my duty. To live, to protect.. But once I found out she was pregnant, all these feelings of dread overcame me. I was scared that, despite him being my flesh, and my blood, that I wouldn't be able to love him the way I love Jolyne.. that I wouldn't be able to protect him.. That I wouldn't want to. And that it would make me resent him, or hurt him."
Jotaro listened to every word he said.
"But, I do love him. But I find myself riddled with such anxieties. I find myself castigating over every small detail, as if I'm telling myself that it's a sign I don't love him, nor will I be able to. I feel sick to my stomach, but not with him, but the idea that I can't love him. I thought- I thought I was pure." He stuttered out, feeling a lump form in the base of his throat. He didn't want to cry in front of Jotaro; he'd feel emasculated. "But right now, I just feel.. such disconnect, I know he's mine, and I know I should love him, and, I do, in a way, but, I don't feel it yet.. I don't feel a bond, or any kind of special connection with him."
Jotaro knew it wasn't as simple as either of them wanted it to be. He couldn't just tell his son-in-law that if he thought he loved him, he probably did. This wasn't a high school romance. He didn't dare to touch Narciso, but watched him spill his feelings out like a watertank with a puncture.
"I understand." Is all Jotaro could murmur out. "Don't scold yourself for not being able to connect straight away. These things, they're special for a reason. Bonds don't suddenly appear as most people would want; just like anything, you're going to need time, and you're going to have to spend it with him. It's okay to be ambivalent. I mean, after all; you've just met him in a way." The older man chuckled to himself. "Don't expect these things to happen instantaneously. Give yourself time, Narciso."
Anasui nodded, and wiped what sliver of tears had made it to his eyes. He felt at ease. His anxieties hasn't melted away, but he felt as if someone understood them.
"Thank you, Mr. Kujo."
Jotaro gave him a smile in return, the first he had, ever.
"You can call me dad."