Chapter Text
I
5 a.m, 3/12/20, The log
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It was early in the morning, Espen guessed maybe around five. He hadn’t slept. He unloaded his satchel on the desk in the guest room of his brother’s house, his blood-stained dagger, books, and badges splayed across the wood carelessly. Espen heard a quiet knock on the door before it opened. Zorgen peered at Espen curiously. “Hey, I’m sorry but I just had to ask… Why are you suddenly so willing to come home? I’ve been asking for years and you always said no… so why now?” Espen didn’t turn to his twin brother Zorgen, worried he’d see Espen had been crying. “I just decided to come back, you know? Felt nostalgic and…” The excuse felt stupid, even to his own ears. “I know you, Liefde. You wouldn-” Espen gritted his teeth. “ Espen . Liefde is essentially dead now. He doesn’t exist anymore. It’s just Espen now.” Espen took the dagger off the table and began to aggressively wipe it off on the inside of his shirt. “Right- Look, I know my brother- I know you. There’s gotta be a solid reason for you to be here other than you “just felt like it.””
Espen sighed, and whipped around to face his brother. “Well that’s what you’re going to get!” Espen snapped. “Because honestly, I-” Espen stopped suddenly, regretting his actions. He shrunk a little bit in stature, bending slightly backwards. “I-I’m sorry. I’ll just- I’ll just leave.” Espen said quietly, turning around to collect his things. “Lief- Espen no, it’s alright. You’re upset, I get that.” The room grew quiet as Espen let go of the items in his hand, allowing them to softly fall upon the table. The two brothers stood silently for a few minutes, though to the two boys it felt like hours.
“I’ll ask again.” Zorgen paused. “Why are you here, shouldn’t you still be with the Land Van Zicht?” Espen, who had been wiping off his blade again, froze. Espen turned quickly to face Zorgen, before thinking better of it, choosing to face the table again. “I… I struck a bit of a nerve, didn’t I?” Zorgen said, crossing his arms. “Look, I get it. That place is hell, I don’t blame you at all for leaving. It’s just… I’m worried for you.” Espen sighed, and finally turned to his brother Zorgen. “I…” Espen paused, formulating the best sentence he could. “When I left…” He paused again, looking defeated. “You do remember… When someone would mess up… they would quote “lose the game of death”? You do remember… don’t- don’t you?” Zorgen’s head perked up, and he reached out his hand to Espen. “...Espen no you didn’t-” Espen stared down at Zorgen. “I’ve lost once before. But that wasn’t recently, and it isn’t relevant now. Just this morning I lost again, and was called to that- that podium.” Espen paused to breathe, his throat tightening. “And well, I wasn’t about to lose my final life over that so… God forgive me, I took my dagger and killed leader Geluiddemper. It- It was all just so sudden and-” Espen stopped, his breathing growing shallow and quick. “Zorgen please, I just can’t go back there now t-they want my head on a s-silver platter!” Espen said, stumbling over to his brother as he began to shake involuntarily. Espen placed his hands on Zorgen’s shoulder for support. “...Liefde…” Zorgen called. “I know, I know I'm a murderer jus-” Zorgen cut Espen off before he could finish. “No, you’re… crying?”
Espen raised his hand to his face, swiping at his eyes to rid them of his tears. Zorgen looked at his brother, he couldn’t remember the last time Espen had let himself cry in front of him. Espen let go of his brother’s shoulders, clinging to Zorgen’s cape instead and getting down on one knee. He kept his face down as he spoke so that Zorgen could not see his expressions. Espen took one shaky breath before he continued. “I couldn’t stay. Everyone saw me kill her. I'd end up having to take her place- either as leader or in hell, I'm not sure.” Espen laughed a fake, cold laugh. “I suppose those are synonyms… silly me.”
Zorgen looked down on his brother with a loving concern. “...Oh, oh.” Zorgen felt conflicted. On one hand, the man in front of him had just killed someone. But on the other hand, could he blame him? Geluiddemper had committed blatant torture. Would a man not go mad after seven years of that, especially a child? Zorgen grew quiet, as did Espen. The two stood, taking in all that had just been said and done. After what felt like days, Zorgen spoke up. “You can stay here for as long as you need, brother.” Espen’s head shot up and he stood up slowly. “Really? Are you sure?” Espen said hopefully. “This isn’t a trap is it?” Espen asked, his expression quickly shifting from optimistic to doubtful, anxious even. Zorgen reached out his hand to Espen warmly. “Of course not. I’m here for you.” Zorgen smiled, and after a slight hesitation, Espen took Zorgen’s hand.