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Makoto's legs swung back and forth over the edge of her bed. She couldn't remember the last time she had been this nervous. Ann had called her out of the blue to ask if she wanted to study for exams together. Makoto had invited Ann over faster than she could think better of it. She chewed at her bottom lip. What was she thinking? Her heart was about to beat out of her chest, and Ann wasn't even here yet. Ann said she'd be over "soon." When exactly was soon? Makoto flopped back on her mattress, thoroughly exasperated with herself and letting out a long sigh. She was overthinking this.
It wasn't that Makoto was ever told she shouldn't show interest in girls, at least not in so many words. It was the sort of thing that seeped in through her lungs and the pores of her skin like an atmosphere she couldn't help but breathe. It was the way men looked at her. It was the way her sister only ever asked if there was a boy she liked. It was the way all her friends chatted about their boy crushes and falling in love and just how isolated that made her feel to have no part in it at all. So, she dove into her studies. She carved for herself a place in Shujin's social hierarchy where she was as in control as she could hope to be at sixteen. Her intelligence and grit gave her an edge. It didn't make her any less lonely, but it was an anesthetic for the pain in its own way.
Ann changed all of that for her.
It wasn't that Makoto was in denial, not anymore. She was aware of what she felt from the second she saw Ann in that red leather catsuit. It wasn't that she couldn't find the words. She knew exactly what she wanted to say. It was that atmosphere. Ann had been breathing it too and for just as long. It lay thick between them in a way that choked the words from Makoto's throat before they could be said. Because what if Ann wasn't interested in women? The last thing Makoto wanted was to make things awkward with the team. Makoto was sure things would be fine, but being sure did nothing to dispel the fear of misjudging her...friend in any regard.
Things between them were complicated as they stood, preferences aside. Ann had long been labeled a social pariah for various reasons, most eminently the open secret of her involvement with Kamoshida. Makoto had known everything wasn't as it seemed, but, if she was honest with herself, she had been too afraid to act. She was too busy slaving over student council work, studying every spare moment, and prostrating herself for men who held her future in their hands to help a student who'd been implicitly declared nobody's problem. Makoto still didn't know how she was going to live with that, especially after what happened to Suzui. Rationally, Makoto knew that she herself had been overwhelmed and set up to fail by school administration who really couldn't care less about any of them. Rationally, she knew that Ann didn't blame her. She'd said so. Knowing that made her feel no less responsible.
So why had Ann asked Makoto if she wanted to study with her and invited nobody else?
This was the first time Makoto and Ann had ever spent time together alone. Her sister would be out very late. It would just be the two of them. Makoto was definitely overthinking this. But the idea of spending hours alone with Ann with no interruption...she cut off her excitement and anticipation before they could gain any more of a hold on her nerves. This was going to be a nightmare.
Her doorbell rang.
Makoto scrambled from her bed into the living room and came to a full stop before the front door. She took a deep breath, and opened the door as casually as she could manage. Ann was wearing her usual red leggings under a short Shujin uniform skirt. She looked amazing. Makoto suddenly felt underdressed in a loose tee and sweatpants.
"Hi, Ann!" Oh god, Makoto sounded really excited about that. Maybe she should dial it back a little.
"Makoto!!" Ann was already through the door, practically tackling her in a hug. Makoto let out a surprised squeak, the immediate rush of mortification causing her to tense up and hug her tightly back. "I really owe you one. I can never focus with how loud the boys get, so this is so perfect! With your help, I'll pass no problem," she said with a warm wink, causing Makoto's heart to skip a beat both at the open praise and the fact that Ann actually wanted to spend time alone with her. Makoto's heart was already beating so fast she could barely breathe, so she gently extracted herself from Ann and placed her at arms length by the shoulders before she lost the ability to form coherent thoughts.
"R-right. You're welcome," Makoto answered awkwardly. Her brain caught up with her, and she pulled her hands away from Ann's shoulders like she'd been burned. "So!" she said, clapping her hands together and studiously ignoring the look of perplexed confusion Ann was leveling her with. "What do you want to start with?"
It got a little easier for Makoto after that. This was territory she could manage. Greeting a guest at the door, leading them through and to the living room table, unpacking school supplies, that was all very familiar and very manageable. Makoto started to calm while they spread their materials on the table, right up until Ann sat down next to her.
"It'll be easier for you to help this way!" she said, voice wobbling slightly with what Makoto could only call nervousness. Makoto's heart lept in her chest. Nervousness? Why would she be nervous? She didn't dare put her hunch into words, but she felt it all the same.
Every time Ann looked up from beside her through her long eyelashes and pointed to a problem she needed explained with her slender fingers, every thought fled from Makoto's mind. Every time Ann shifted a little, brushed an arm against her, and stayed just that little bit closer, Makoto's composure cracked a little. She made it through Japanese and a little math before she finally spoke.
"Hey, wanna go for a ride?"
Ann looked confused for a moment before comprehension sparked in her beautiful blue eyes. Makoto could stare into them forever. "...on Johanna? You don't let anyone touch her."
Makoto wasn't sure where exactly this burst of bravery had come from, but she was abruptly finished with dancing around all of this between them. The terms of her pact with Johanna — full-speed, nonstop — they pushed her onward. "Well, you aren't just anyone," she said firmly, warmly. She needed to finish talking before the embarrassment caught up to her. "Do you want to?" She'd long since seen Ann's stolen glances, understood how being near her made Ann nervous. She'd read them then as signs of lingering distaste, but maybe she'd been wrong. The way she'd been acting today didn't line up with her original conclusion. Her proposition hung in the air between them. Somehow, having said the words made Makoto feel lighter.
"I thought you'd never ask." And that was that. It didn't need to be any more complicated.
Ann's arms wrapped around Makoto's waist; Johanna's motor purred beneath them. The radiantly metallic surface of the persona was almost searing to the touch as it thrummed with the self-assured power and authority of a queen. They sat pressed together on Johanna's back at the mouth of Mementos. She'd wanted this for so long. Just being near Johanna was intoxicating, but sitting there behind Makoto, it was something else entirely. Ann felt like she could do anything. But she settled for tightening her grip around Makoto and pressing just a little closer to her in that tight bodysuit. Makoto revved the motor, Johanna's mechanical roar echoing from the cracked concrete walls and flooding the tunnel with the harsh, sweetly ringing assertion that this place was theirs, just for the evening. Studying could wait. This was more important. They were more important. Ann held her breath.
Johanna streaked off down the straightaway in a rush of cold blue fire and the rattling of broken chains. The shriek was stolen from Ann's lips by the wind whipping her hair back. The persona surged beneath them with unbreakable might. It took Ann's breath away, how Johanna drove them forward through the night like a spear thrown by a titan. So this was Makoto's heart.
Johanna's tires screeched against the concrete, throwing them in a wide arc around a tight corner before accelerating straight back to full speed with force enough to shove her hard back into her seat. The tall walls of Mementos were a blur beside them. Johanna looked fast from the outside, but on her back felt like riding a meteor fearlessly straight into the sun. Maybe fear was the smart thing, but she was too consumed by this moment to reach anything so insignificant. This was Makoto's world. Speed, power, invincible confidence, and the awesome strength to cut through reality with her mind's razor edge. She loved it. She loved that Makoto had shared this with her.
They cut another corner, sideswiping a shadow and spattering it against the opposite wall a black smear. Johanna didn't even slow down. She showed no signs of ever slowing down. Makoto gunned it, a wild grin splitting her face that sent a pleasant chill down Ann's spine. They tore through another and another, breaking free of the pack in a cascade of nuclear light and speeding out of sight.
Johanna screeched laterally to a stop right back where they started. Makoto really was too good at this. She made it look so easy. She was panting with exertion, red in the face and sweaty like she'd just run ten miles, but, somehow, she made it look easy. Her body heat radiated through her suit. Ann felt so close to her here. She was irresistible.
Ann pressed a kiss to the hot skin at nape of Makoto's neck and was immediately met with another undignified squeak. Adorable. Makoto twisted around in her seat, pleased shock written all over her face. This was Makoto's heart too: sensitive, vulnerable, easily embarrassed and doubting herself even now, but refusing to be held back anymore by that fear. Always breaking through, but more soft-hearted than she let anyone know. Ann loved that about her. There was no contradiction, just Makoto. Ann laughed and leaned in, placing a quick kiss on her lips too, grinning from ear to ear. It really wasn't that complicated.