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Hera was twenty now, so they had been together for about a year and a half.
He remembered it. Meeting her when she was eighteen. It was such a different time. She was so light and airy, as if she didn't have a care in the world somehow–even though clearly she did. She cared about everyone. She was always more in touch with the pain of others than she was with her own emotions. She was alone, not taking into account the company of her droid of course, but she didn't seem bothered by it. She never lost hope in people, despite the fact that no one had believed in her enough to join her cause yet. That was the thing about eighteen-year-old Hera. She could connect with and understand just about anyone, but no one could really understand her.
She was always magnetic. Eyes and smiles followed her wherever she walked. But the thing that captured all kinds of people, the thing about her that made the air in the room become arid and still, as if the wind itself was stopping to listen--was her voice.
It didn't matter who was listening. Whether it was thugs with nowhere better to be or a wealthy rogue senator over a transmission or even a disillusioned ex-jedi who had used up all of his strength to bury and suffocate the love inside of him. When Hera spoke, you listened, some of the thugs even nodded, and everyone obeyed.
Her voice was the first thing that captured him the second that they met. But it wasn't just the sound of her voice. It was the soul behind every vibration. He just knew there was something more. Something deep inside of her, yearning for him to pull it out--set it free.
Of course, he didn't realize that that was the reason he loved her voice, at first. He just thought it was beautiful--and he wasn't wrong. It's just that now, he realized there was so much more to her voice.
Now, what he had always known had been fully realized: the reason that he couldn't help but follow her and eventually get completely and permanently swept up in the storm of sound she created every time she spoke.
Now, he realized that her voice had always been calling to him because her voice was his calling. Hera's voice was one of the biggest ways she expressed herself and exposed her soul to the world. However, as open-hearted, expressive, and brave as Hera was, she still kept so much of her soul private--which, at this point, meant between the two of them.
He knew that there was so much of her soul that only he got to see--as if that part of her was made just for him. He was the only person who got to see and love and be a part of all of her.
He was beyond honored and ecstatic to be that person--the one who got to love everything she is.
But there was still one part of Hera that not even he had fully experienced yet.
The first and only time he had ever heard Hera sing was in the middle of the night when he was half-asleep, just waking from a nightmare, eyes so blurred with tears that he could barely make out her face right above his. But he could hear the melody she was singing and it was like nothing he had ever heard before. It felt like a dream, but when he woke up the next morning, remembering what he had heard the night before, something inside of him just knew it was real.
He often replayed that memory of her singing to him and it always made him smile, but a part of him just wanted to hear more.
He was just replaying that favorite memory of his while making repairs in the cargo bay when suddenly, he heard it.
"Hold me close and hold me fast."
He stopped his work.
"This magic spell you cast."
He climbed up the ladder to the lounge, his mind solely focusing on her voice.
“This is la vie en rose.”
When he reached the top, he moved through the lounge as quietly as he could towards the cockpit, where the singing was coming from.
Luckily, Hera couldn’t see him, even though he was standing right outside the open doors to the cockpit, because she was lying on the ground positioned beneath the Ghost’s control panel.
“When you kiss me, heaven sighs”
”And though I close my eyes–”
She looked up to reach for another tool and right as she did, Kanan side-stepped so that his back was against the durasteel wall right by the doorway.
She grabbed the tool and laid back down.
“I see la vie en rose.”
He peeked his head into the doorway and continued to watch her sing—entranced by the way the song spoke to his heart.
The way he could sense the happiness radiating off of her told him who she was singing to—even if she didn’t know that he was actually listening.
“When you press me to your heart, I’m in a world apart–a world where roses bloom”
He relaxed against the doorframe, letting her voice wash over him.
“And when you speak angels sing from above. Everyday words seem to turn into love songs.”
He felt an overwhelming sense of calm. Peace flowed through him with every breath he took, as Hera’s song filled the air.
“Give your heart and soul to me and life will always be la vie en rose.”
As she continued on with her work, she began humming the melody of the song.
Kanan wanted to stay and listen to her all day, but he knew she would get suspicious if she found that at the end of the day he hadn’t finished all of his repairs. So he walked back down to the cargo bay, still listening to the sound of her hums as he went.
~
That night, as he pulled Hera close to his chest, he whispered against her forehead,
“Can I ask you something?”
Hera lifted her head to look at him, “Yes, love.”
Kanan laughed, “Okay, well…It’s just kind of a random question.”
She smiled, “Aren’t they always?”
He paused for a moment, then shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so,” he said laughing.
“So what is it?”
Another moment passed as Kanan wondered how he should go about asking this question. Slowly and simply he said, “Do you like to sing?”
What?
Hera was dumbfounded by Kanan’s strange question. She also couldn’t seem to verbalize any kind of response to it, which she wasn’t used to. However, as of late, it was becoming more and more common for her to be at a loss for words, specifically in situations involving Kanan. That man never ceased to surprise her.
Kanan just patiently waited for her to respond. She could tell by his expression that he was open to hear any answer she gave him. That always made her feel safe—the fact that she could just look into his eyes and know that there was never any pressure for her to do any certain thing or act any certain way. She could just be herself. She didn’t have to try around him at all. She could just be.
Letting that feeling of safety surround her is how she managed to finally get a few words out, “Uh…yeah, I do actually. Just not really in front of other people–well, I’m just kind of shy about my voice.”
“Oh,” he nodded. “I understand…Why are you shy about your voice?” he asked, tilting his head a little like an adorable puppy.
How could she not open up to that?
“I guess I just…I don’t know. I just–don’t wanna draw attention to myself? Even if it’s just one person’s attention. I just feel so vulnerable when I sing, you know?”
Kanan nodded once again as a silent moment passed.
“My mother used to sing to me a lot…She would always tell me that when you sing, you open up your soul to other people. You put a piece of your heart into the words you’re singing for all to hear…I just struggle with being that open I guess.”
Kanan smiled, “That makes sense.” He pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her. “You deserve to feel safe.”
~
When Kanan woke up the next morning, Hera was already awake propped up on top of him, her face right above his.
“Good morning, Hera,” he grabbed her face and kissed the space between her eyebrows.
She laughed, “Good morning.”
A tense moment of silence passed as Hera’s expression suddenly changed to one of worry. He could tell there was something she wanted to say—no, not necessarily say, but something she had to let out.
She rested her head on his chest. Another quiet moment and then,
“Wise men say, only fools rush in”
He looked down at her, awe in his eyes. She nervously fiddled with the hair on his chest.
“But I can’t help falling in love with you.”
His heart felt like it was going to explode. He smiled wide and kissed the top of her head, urging her to go on.
“Oh, shall I stay? Would it be a sin? If I can’t help falling in love with you.”
He held her closer, cherishing this moment. Soaking in this piece of her heart—this part of her—that she was finally sharing with him.
She moved to face him again as she continued.
“Like a river flows surely to the sea, darlin’ so it goes, some things are meant to be”
She moved a few stray hairs behind his ear, and their noses touched.
She touched his hand as she sang,
“Oh, take my hand”
Their fingers interlocked.
“Take my whole life too.”
“For I can’t help falling in love with you.”
She smiled, a big wide, genuine smile.
“Oh, I can’t help falling in love with you”
He lifted her face so that her lips met his. When they finally broke apart, they pressed their foreheads against each other and just sat there, happily looking into each other’s eyes, a quiet understanding between them.
He pressed her to his heart again.
After a moment, she popped right back up and with a wry smile said, “So when do I get to hear you sing?”
He laughed. “You hear me sing all the time! When a song I know comes on the radio, purposefully loud to annoy you, or embarrass you if we’re in public–”
“No, Kanan,” she laughed. “I mean, like actually sing.”
“Actually sing?”
“Like, actually try to sound good.”
He paused for a moment, “Hera, that is my actual singing voice.”
Her eyes went wide as she tried to hold back laughter.
“Guess I’m just a terrible singer,” he said sarcastically, but unable to hold back his laughter.
“I guess you are,” Hera laughed.