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Sometimes, HiMERU thinks Tatsumi is perfect.
With how calm and content he is, how he guides his juniors, and how he tries to paint himself with colors that don't suit him because in reality he knows he’s not worthy of the praise he gets. HiMERU gets mad about this, if he knows he’s not worthy why doesn’t he just kill himself? What's the point of playing a false idol?
HiMERU is in Tatsumi's bed again.
They don’t do anything but lie there, the curtains shining a light on them. He doesn’t know why he keeps on coming back to this damned place, but they keep each other there, even if their bodies are stable now they keep each other in motion – neither of them giving each other permission to leave.
Tatsumi’s arms are melting into him and he’s mumbling something about how he’s warm and soft, which seems contradictory to HiMERU. When he gets closer to him HiMERU starts noticing the small things about Tatsumi.
Like how his lips are chapped, and the lipstick he uses to try to hide it, how the expired perfume he uses still makes him smell good, even if it's not traditional for a man to use perfume Tatsumi still does and how he’s never really seen Tatsumi angry, always at peace like he’s dead.
HiMERU will never let him leave, at least not before he drags him to hell with him.
Tatsumi indulges in this, thinking he’s just joking around, because he loves him so.
Tatsumi doesn’t know what they are, they’re cuddling but they’re not boyfriends he assumes they’re not really friends either with the way HiMERU seems to despise him. He hugs him tighter. He doesn’t know when they’ll get out of his bed, but it's not going to be anytime soon. They just keep on dragging each other into deeper holes and messes bigger than the piles of clothes on his floor.
He’s not depressed about it though, HiMERU makes a good pillow so he thinks, at least for now, he can at least ignore the yelling and violent tendencies he has. Even though HiMERU is tired and sick of Tatsumi, he just can’t help himself to pick out good things about him. To not taint the image he has of him, he ignores his kind words even if they’re so tempting.
Is it Tatsumi’s or HiMERU’s bed at this point?
“HiMERU…HiMERU…it’s time to get up” Tatsumi softly mutters, going against his words by sinking deeper into HiMERU. “Tatsumi, if you really wanted to get up you’d get off of HiMERU” he sternly replies, he’s been wanting to get out but Tatsumi just weakens his control sometimes. “HiMERU…” he starts off sleepy “we should do something today though…” pausing for a few seconds to gather his thoughts “isn’t it rare that we’re both off today?” and he finally finishes his sentence, HiMERU deduces that Tatsumi is not awake enough to leave the house. “Unless you want to make a fool out of yourself, HiMERU is not letting you out” Tatsumi looks at him with a pout, but if either saw the other walk out the door it wouldn’t end well…so instead he smiles. “HiMERU will make you breakfast” hearing that, Tatsumi giggles “HiMERU loves me~!” He says this like it's a fact grounded in reality, light and soft, and ends it with a smile. HiMERU blushes a little, responding with a “Don’t get it twisted” and a couple of death threats to top it off.
Eventually HiMERU comes back with waffles topped with strawberries and two cups of tea, and they eat in silence, both of them eating from the same plate with the same fork and they’re taking turns feeding each other, because Tatsumi hasn’t washed his dishes and HiMERU isn’t unhygienic and other things alike.
They both sit in a comfortable silence, crumbs getting on their bed, Tatsumi thinks HiMERU looks cute like this. Sitting on his bed, mouth full, looking content he almost giggles. Times like these between them are rare, with their schedules, he thinks about how grateful he is for him to be with HiMERU right now, even if he doesn’t share the same sentiment.
Doesn’t change the fact they still don't know what they are.
If you asked Tatsumi, he’d say they’re best friends, even if they cuddle and occasionally share kisses on the cheek, really nothing serious. HiMERU wouldn’t even say they’re friends, and that tatsumi is a parasite. At moments like these Tatsumi really feels like they're dating, but labels don’t matter to him.
They finish the waffle and Tatsumi collapses on HiMERU, not wanting to get up or the other to leave. He gives chaste kisses to HiMERU even if the other looks up at him with disgust his love will always radiate.
By now, the tea on the bed has gone cold and the plate has been discarded.
Their love will always radiate.