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Rin doesn’t like loud noise. He likes the sound of cheering crowds, he likes the screams of victory, he likes the yells of his teammates, but he doesn’t like loud noises. Especially not when the cause of the loud noise was none other than the man his brother brought over almost everyday, Shidou Ryuusei.
Rin should rephrase, he likes loud noise when its necessary. He however, does not appreciate the loud yells of Shidou when he’s in their home, he doesn’t like hearing the man's screams while Rin attempts to study, he doesn’t like when Shidou yells at him to join him and his brother, and he most definitely doesn’t like it when his brother joins in the yelling (he knows his brother only does it out of pity, he knows Shidou only does it out of pity, he knows neither of them want to spend time with him of all people, but it still hurts to decline.)
Maybe he just hates Shidou Ryuusei.
He doesn’t hate it when Isagi comes to his house with Bachira and they cause a fuss, he doesn’t hate it when his… energetic classmates cause a ruckus, he doesn’t hate it when other peoples yells interrupt his studying, he doesn’t hate the sound of honking of cars, or the sound of construction, or anything when he thinks about it… rather, he doesn’t remember hating any of those things as much as he hates Shidou.
He hates how loud Shidou is, he hates how he has no regard of the fact Rin doesn’t want anything to do with him, he hates that Shidou takes up all his brothers attention and has the audacity to call him over to bond and share. He despises Shidou’s loud voice, his overly loud appearance. Everything about Shidou Ryuusei was a loud blaring horn in Rin’s face and he despised it.
But, Rin would be lying to himself if he said he despised Shidou. He would be a liar if he said the house didn’t feel especially empty when Shidou was gone, he’d be lying if he told himself that he didn’t feel his mood dampen only slightly the days Shidou didn’t came over, he would be lying if he convinced himself that it didn’t make his heart skip a beat when Shidou came over when Sae wasn’t even there and told him he was there for Rin.
He’d be lying saying the way Shidou draped his arm so casually around him when he was near didn’t make Rin’s heart squeeze, he’d be lying if he said Shidou’s ever so smug smile, as if he saw right through Rin’s cold exterior, didn’t make Rin’s facade crumble for just a moment. He’d be a liar if he said Shidou’s voice didn’t make him feel lighter, he’d be lying if he didn’t secretly feel joy whenever Shidou invited him to play soccer, he’d be such a big liar if he said Shidou had no effect on him and that he hated him.
Rin was a liar, he was lying to himself in all shapes and forms.
Rin’s alone one night as he studies, his brother, parents, neither are home, neither bothered to call him or text him to tell him he’d be alone, but he supposes that’s not irregular. Rin’s eyes glance at the clock and he feels his stomach growl in hunger. He tells himself to finish his work first, then he could do whatever he wanted after dinner without the worries of his schoolwork.
There's a warm breeze which enters through his window, the fresh scent of spring reminding him of his upcoming exams. He’d be entering his second year, and Sae would be graduating. He felt his mood fall only slightly at the thought, Sae would graduate.. And that meant Shidou wouldn’t come over either, but that was good, it means the house will be quieter.
Rin can’t help but feel a little sad though. Even if he lied through his teeth and said he wasn’t.
The doorbell knocked him out of his thoughts, and he wondered who it could be. Sae wouldn't ring the bell, neither would his parents, both had keys. Sae wasn’t home, so his friends wouldn’t come over, and Rin’s never came over without texting him first, he checked through his phone and- nope, no messages.
There’s no one who would come this late to his house… well unless it was Shidou.
Rin’s heart skips a beat at the thought and he has to bite his tongue to keep himself from cursing himself out. He goes over to the door, he’ll just tell Shidou to fuck off and go home, Sae’s not here anyway, what would he even do here? Rin needs to study, and he knows damn well Shidou does too considering he’s graduating in a few weeks.
Rin prepares himself to tell Shidou off when he opens the door, he prepares himself to tell him to leave and shut the door in his face, he prepares his exterior as strong as he can and the most pissed off expression he can.
Yet when he opens the door and is met with a brightly smiling Shidou, he can’t find it in himself to tell him to leave, he can’t find it in himself to say anything actually.
“Oi RinRin! You eaten yet? I brought some dinner for you and Sae-Chan”
Rin stands there for a moment, he’s silent, and it’s not because he means to be. His eyes meet the white plastic bag Shidou holds, and he notices the lack of any sweater or jacket on Shidou’s figure. It was spring, it should be fine not to wear a sweater, but the voice in Rin’s head nags don’t make him stay outside, he’s cold.
“Nii-Chan isn’t here.” The way he speaks tells Shidou to leave, but the way he opens the door wider to let him in says otherwise. Shidou smiles as he steps inside, “Doesn’t bother me! Means I get more time with RinRin~” Rin has to ignore the sporadic beating of his heart at that, he hates this.
Rin goes to his room and Shidou follows, seems they’re having dinner in his room tonight. He organizes his study material, he can just do it tomorrow, and he sits down on the floor with Shidou, who’s already opening up the few containers he brought. Rin has to ignore the way his stomach growls and he practically salivates at the food, he’s hungrier than he thought..
Shidou takes out the last container, it's small, and Rin already knows what it is. “Bought you some ochazuke to eat tomorrow while you study, it was supposed to be for today but I got sidetracked” Shidou doesn’t elaborate and Rin doesn’t ask. He wishfully thinks that Shidou bought it because he knows it's his favourite, but he knows that isn’t the case.
“So RinRin! How's your exam preparation?” Shidou tries to make conversation, and Rin can’t help but cringe, he sounds like some distant relative who’s trying to ask about his life after not meeting for several years, and there's a slight pang in his chest at how distant the two of them are.
“I can ask the same for you, you’re graduating.” He hopes his sadness isn’t heard as he says the last bit, and if it is, he hopes Shidou interprets it as sadness for Sae and not him. “Don’t remind me! Remind Sae instead, he’s the one who really needs it.”
“Nii-Chan doesn’t need reminding, he’s responsible on his own.”
“Ya call him Nii-chan like you’re a little kid, why not you call me Nii-Chan for once? I can be your older brother too, can't I?”
“Not a chance.” Rin’s voice is dark as Shidou laughs, Rin hopes the embarrassment he feels doesn’t show on his face, and the heat pooling in his gut is out of embarrassment and nothing more. Shidou looks over at him with a smug grin, “Why are you blushing RinRin? Don’t tell me you’re into that are you?”
Rin has to resist the urge to hit him as Shidou laughs manically, “Does Sae-Chan know about this? Holy shit you- you really are a brother lo-” Rin hits him.
He hits him hard. Shidou looks back at him, stunned for a moment before a wide grin spreads across his face. Rin doesn’t get a chance to react before he’s met with a harsh hit to the side of his head, he’s launched to the otherside of his room (which wasn’t that impressive considering it was small) and he’s struggling to get up to fight back when he’s promptly met with Shidou shoving him down to the floor, his head hitting the hard wood.
His head spins as Shidou’s atop of him. He tries to ignore the way his head spins and his heart thumps rapidly in his chest, “Is this why you hate me so much RinRin? Think I’m trying to steal your brother from ya?” Rin can’t answer as Shidou’s face only comes closer to his own. Shidou’s practically stradling him and Rin’s quite literally terrified of the arousal which pools in his gut (moreso, he’s terrified of Shidou finding out what he does to him).
Rin swallows thickly as Shidou doesn’t back down, “I don’t care if you take Nii-Chan.” that’s a lie, he definitely cares if Shidou steals away Sae, but it’s not in the way Shidou’s thinking.
“Then why do you hate me so much RinRin? I try hard to be nice to you…” His voice is drawled out but any hint of sadness is overtaken by his almost sinister grin. “Tell me RinRin, tell me the truth.” His breath is hot against Rin’s lips, and Rin wants nothing more than to close his eyes and wake up with Shidou off of him and nowhere to be found.
Rin can’t tell him the truth, because not even he knows what the truth is. Why does he hate Shidou? Was it the way his voice brought life to the Itoshi household? Was it because his presence invaded every corner and crack of Rin’s mind? Was it because he felt his heart tear apart when he saw the way Shidou looked at Sae? Was it because he felt jealousy swirl in his gut as he wished he was in Sae’s place? Was it because he wished Shidou Ryuusei was his and not Sae’s?
Rin is quiet as he looks up at Shidou, and he feels like crystal glass. He can feel his exterior melting, he can feel his facade cracking, and he’s trying to pick up the pieces before he even shatters. “I hate you because you’re you.”
Shidou isn’t satisfied, and his smile turns into a disappointed frown. “You’re such a liar RinRin.” His voice burns through Rin’s skin, he can hear anger, disappointment, and a tinge of amusement. He feels weak for the first time in a long time, and he hopes Shidou doesn’t knock him off the shelf, he hopes Shidou doesn’t let him break and shatter.
“You’re a liar. A filthy fucking liar RinRin.” Rin wants to curl in on himself, and he watches with a lost look in his eyes as Shidou feels impossibly closer. Their foreheads are touching, their breaths intertwined as Rin’s heart rate surges. “You’re lucky I see through you RinRin, to me, you’re as clear as glass.”
Rin’s never heard Shidou so poetic, and Rin doesn’t get the chance to ponder as he feels Shidou grab his collar and pull him up, lips on his own. It’s not enjoyable, it's rough and desperate and needy and spit filled, but Rin can’t get enough.
Shidou isn’t gentle, and Rin, for once, doesn’t fight back. He lets Shidou kiss him as he pleases, he lets their teeth crash together and his lips be bruised, he lets Shidou overtake him entirely, and he feels his entire body burn in something inexplicable as he weakly grabs onto Shidou’s shirt. He’s dizzy when Shidou lets him go, and he looks up at him as Shidou scoffs and wipes his lips with his sleeve.
“Nothing to say now RinRin? If you really hated me, you’d kick me off right now.” Shidou’s voice is cold, almost like a dagger to the skin as Rin feels his heart drop. He feels himself shattering, and he can’t help but feel as though the look Shidou’s giving him now is stripping him down to nothing, every wall and barrier he’s put up taken down with one kiss.
A smile returns to Shidou’s face though, and Rin can’t hide the gleam and adoration in his eyes for the other man. “I’m graduating soon, thought I should kiss ya at least once before I’m off.” The sickly bitter feeling returns to Rin’s stomach, and that’s what drives him to finally pull Shidou in by the collar. Shidou’s smiling against him and Rin’s tempted to bite into him until he tastes blood. Shidou’s loud, Shidou’s annoying, and Shidou had taken his heart by smashing the glass of his exterior.
When he parts he feels the warmth on his face, he feels his pulse thumping his veins, and he feels so unbelievably dizzy. His gut swirls the same way it would on a roller coaster as he finally tells the truth.
”I like you Shidou Ryuusei.
The smile on Shidou’s face makes Rin’s heart race as he laughs. “Finally you admit it.” His voice is gentle, softer than Rin’s ever heard it, and it makes a smile spread across his lips. He gasps when Shidou kisses him again, and his ministrations are oh so loving. He can’t get enough of him, and it seems Shidou can’t either as they only part for a breath of air, kissing endlessly and Rin feels himself fall in love.
“Hey Rin are you- Oh.”
Rin feels his entire body freeze and then boil as his eyes shoot open to see his brother at the door.
Why now of all fucking times?!
Shidou smirks against the kiss, letting Rin go as he turns over to Sae with a smirk on his lips. “Nice to see ya Sae-Chan” his voice is taunting, a lilt of something unreadable in his tone. He turns back to Rin and presses his lips to his again, Rin tries to push him away, face unbelievably hot as he can feel his brothers stare on him. Shidou doesn’t seem to care, if anything he kisses him even deeper. Rin’s breathless when Shidou’s done with him, and Shidou looks down at him fondly, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead.
“I love him, Sae-Chan. Can he be mine?” Shidou doesn’t even back down from the word love and it can’t be good for Rin’s heart. Sae’s stare is unchanging, and he simply glances over to his brother, “Do you love him?”
Rin can’t open his mouth to say anything, but he nods. There’s a glimmer of sadness in Sae’s eyes, and his gaze turns cold as he looks at Shidou, “Take care of him.”
Sae leaves without saying anything more (he even has the courtesy to close the door behind him) and Shidou turns back to Rin, kissing him again.
Shidou’s kisses are endless, and Rin’s heart feels as though it’s being overfilled with his adoration.
Shidou Ryuusei is loud, and Rin Itoshi is quiet. Maybe that’s why Rin hated Shidou… Maybe that’s why he loved Shidou.