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It was them against the world.
Rayleigh watched Roger’s broad back as the captain leaned against the railing, staring out at the sea as the sun disappeared behind the horizon. He could have sworn that Roger grew another inch or two in the past month. However his wide grin stayed the very same as it was back when they first mate.
Fate, Roger had called it.
And Rayleigh had known deep within that he was right. Back then, he was a lost soul, an aimless wanderer. He didn’t need much, he never did. A good book and a full flask, the sea breeze messing up his golden hair… Rayleigh enjoyed his solitude. He needed no one, he was fine on his own. It was easier telling himself this than to stare into the darkness within him.
Sure, those hungry kisses in dark corners of the bar were nice, but after a while they all started to taste the same—hollow, a little bitter even. Instead of filling the void, they only caused those cracks to deepen even further. It’s as if his soul was pouring out of them, oozing into those greedy hands that roamed over his body and would be forgotten when the sun rises again.
Not worthy of love.
Those voices were loud sometimes and made it hard not to believe them. He never stayed till the next morning. The warm colors of the dawn were for lovers only; it was the deep blue of dusk that was reserved for the lonely—people like him.
Back then when they first met, it was Roger who had dipped his fingers into Rayleigh’s soul, pouring nothing but gold into it, filling all the cracks with it. It was as if his laughter shook Rayleigh from within. As if he knew that this was the beginning of something; that this very moment will mark his life forever.
A life before Roger and a life after Roger. And later, much later, one without him.
It’s been almost a year since they set sail together for the first time. Their crew was small, but they were all good people. It’s as if Roger had just drawn them all close to him, like moths radiate towards the light. And oh, how bright he shined…
Rayleigh’s thoughts got interrupted when Roger turned his head and looked over his shoulder, probably feeling the intense stare of his first mate drilling in his back. He grinned, gesturing to him to join him. To say that his heart skipped a beat whenever Roger smiled at Rayleigh was an understatement. It leaped and vibrated in his chest and wouldn’t calm down until late at night, when Rayleigh was alone with his thoughts again. And all they did was to spin around Roger and Roger only, an universe on their own.
Roger reached for the bottle of booze in Rayleigh’s hand and took a sip before he handed it back to him. They were both leaning against the railing, so close that their shoulders and their arms were touching. Rayleigh could feel the heat coming from Roger’s body. He truly was like the sun, radiating this unknown warmth. And even as the night set and wrapped them into its dark veil, it was like Roger was shining brighter than anything.
Sometimes it was hard to believe that all of this was real.
Rayleigh watched Roger, his eyes lingering on his big, strong hands and the way his lips moved when he spoke. He always noticed the twinkle in his eyes and the way he adjusted his straw hat when the sea and its tides were getting a little rough. Sometimes he didn’t even comprehend what Roger just said, just the deep vibrato of his voice was enough to make Rayleigh weak in the knees. Everything about Roger made Rayleigh want to hold his hand out, praying he would take it.
He had no doubts he would.
“You’re deep in thoughts tonight.”
Roger flicked Rayleigh’s forehead as if he wanted to snap him out of it, causing the first mate to huff and laugh softly as he rubbed the aching spot. The captain always underestimated how strong he was.
“Just thinking about life and its odd turns. It’s strange, isn’t it?”
Rayleigh’s voice was low and his gaze wandered from Roger to the pitch black sea. It was a calm night, the sound of the waves rocking the boat was comforting, covering the loud drums of his heart. His hand brushed Roger’s and neither of them pulled away.
“It’s fate, Rayleigh, I told you.”
Roger grinned, his eyes pinned on his partner who now rested his chin on his palm, a small smile curling up on his lips. Rayleigh never had any doubts about it. What if not fate would make his soul feel so at ease with Roger, so light and warm, protected even? He’d put his heart in those big palms if he could, knowing he’d never ever hurt it.
He’d take it down with him to the deep, dark sea.
I’m falling for you.
The words echoed from every wall of his heart, sitting like a lump in the back of his throat. Not quite ready to fall out of his mouth yet, but he knew they will. And if they did, they’d blossom and grow into something bigger than life, bigger than the vast night sky above them. They’d build a bridge between the sun and the moon.
After all, it was fate, right?