Work Text:
Taking Care
“I was made over two and a half years ago. I could tell you to the millisecond, but James has informed me that it is annoying to listen to such precision. He deems it extraneous, so I suspect you would too, as you don’t live in a world full of numbers. I was created and confused, very confused. My being, my person—my structure is based off of a human mind. I technically have all of the components that you have in your mind. Ask Jen, she’s been in there. My mind is just more compact because wires are more efficient—no offense. I’m really bad at talking. I even have two strands of actual brain matter in there, to—never mind, technical jargon again.
“Anyway, I woke up, confused. I woke up into this new bright life with access to everything. I had programs in my head that told me how to function that I needed to explore and everything on the internet. It’s so much at once. They tested me and I didn’t do so well, but I did better than the Q Units before me.”
“You’re ten. Q10.” M interjected.
“That is my official title, yes. They let me run so that I could adjust to the information at my beck and call. I got used to it and they tested me again and deemed me a Fully Functional Artificial Intelligence, but they didn’t know what they meant. They created me to blend in with humanity, in case a traitor ever got to me, that meant like any mind I had to be capable of adapting. With adaptation comes a price. We are only considered functional AI if our emotions run at less than ten percent of a normal human. My creators allowed for this ‘error’ in programing because they knew that without emotions, there can never be adaptation—not true adaptation.”
“I don’t understand. You can make decisions without emotion.”
“No. You have to have a concept of failure and success, of good and bad, of fear and joy to truly want to change. They knew I would have to see pain and death and understand it so that I would be motivated to adjust so that mission success would remain high. Is that, understandable? I am really bad at this.”
“You’re perfect, Q.” James soothed, running his fingers through Q’s hair. Q smiled and leaned into the touch.
“Oh, my neck is working. It hurts, but it’s working.”
“Good.”
“I understand.”
“I am programed to respond as a human would so that I blend in and don’t draw attention to myself. When you make a joke within a second my mind checks your tone, posture, heart rate, words, word choice, all of it, over and it sends it through a program that depicts how I should react: then I laugh. The problem is… No…it isn’t a problem actually. Anyway, I have to exist with emotion or I am not capable of change. The problem is, I change and reprogram myself, as I sit here I continually reprogram myself. I literally am not the same AI that the old Quartermaster put into commission, because I have adapted…I’ve…grown up. That’s what you do when you grow up, you change, you adapt. What happens when I adapt is the programing that allows my emotions to exist becomes more extensive. I have more so that I can change and become better. And if you look at my service record my productivity has only increased, with fewer mistakes, even, as I’ve adapted.
“I knew I was in trouble when a month after I met James, we were discussing exploding pens, again, and he made a joke about my age and I laughed. I didn’t send the signal to laugh, I used to consciously have to send signals through to make that program run, but that time it just ran, without thought, without intention. I thought I was broken and I was afraid. I had never felt fear before, but looking back I know what it is now. I wasn’t stupid, I know what they did to the AI before me. Dismantling is like a vivisection that ends in death. They cut wires and rip things apart until they get to the center and it all goes dark. I suspect for a human, it’s like having people cut off your arms and legs and then start ripping out organs before they finally shoot you, it hurts and I still hurt from it. And really Salvaging is…just a word for torture.
“I knew I was breaking protocol and I was afraid, because I didn’t want to die. I like living. I like working and helping and being with people I’ve come to view as friends or…more.” He smiled at James and James kissed his forehead. “I went to James and I told him the truth and asked him to protect me. He was kind to me, the only person who really knew me and really let me see he cared. He showed me the human world. I know I am not a human, but I am a living thing, a person. I can change and think for myself and learn and feel. I have nerves, I can feel warmth and touch and…emotions. I am not human but, I am someone…whether it’s Quartermaster, Q, or Q10. I don’t know what else to say, except they thought they were making a machine, but they really made a very smart person who is asexual and in love with a human who has every right to be bitter and cruel but is kind and accepting instead.”
“Alright,” James said, standing up and wrapping his arm around Q, pulling him up. “We’re leaving. You can have time to think and ask Tanner and Jen questions. Q’s coming with me.”
“What?” M asked.
“He’s hurt and I’m not making him stay here where people hurt him and I am not letting him out of my sight. He stays with me. I’m taking him home. Call us in when you have a decision.” James didn’t give him a chance to speak as they left the room.
800Q8
“This is not your home.”
“Well spotted Q.” James said as he opened the door to the suite.
“Why are we at a hotel?”
“So we won’t be followed. So you can relax.”
“Okay.”
“You like warmth, right?”
“Yes.”
“Can you take a lot of warmth?”
“Externally, yes, internally, no. I can take a bit more heat than humans can, as long as it doesn’t come into contact with my wires or anything like that. Why?”
“You’ve never had a bath have you?” James asked as he checked the room for any signs of an enemy, an age old habit.
“No only a shower or two at MI6, when I’m dirty or greasy. Apparently it is not professional to be greasy in the line of doing ones duty.”
“I think you’ll find it relaxing. I’ll start the water.” James left the room and Q trailed after him nearly instantaneously. “Are you alright?” James asked as the water started running.
“Don’t want to be alone.” James sighed and wrapped his arms around Q, holding him gently against his chest.
“You’re safe with me, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Is it too hot?” James asked after a moment. Q touched the water with his fingers.
“Nope.”
“Good.”
“Are you going to stay with me?”
“Do you want me to?”
“Yes, please.”
“Then I will. Let me help you out of this awful cardigan.”
“I like it. It’s soft.”
“I need to get you more clothes.” James sighed, helping Q get undressed. Q didn’t quite understand why, but he stood still and let the man work, only moving when it became necessary.
“Do you want undressed? It would be illogical to get your clothes wet, since you don’t have extras.”
“I’ve got it, Q.” James said, kneeling to untie Q’s shoes and gently slip them and his socks off his feet.
“But you’re helping me…”
“Just get in the water, Q.” James chuckled as he began unbuttoning his own shirt. Q finished undressing and without a hint of self-consciousness he curled up in the tub and sighed, leaning back and closing his eyes. James slid into the tub with him a moment later and Q twisted, curling into James’ side and resting his head against James’ chest.
“Is this alright?”
“Of course.” James promised, wrapping an arm around Q’s shoulders. Q smiled and went still, relaxing into James’ side and focusing only on the sensations he felt, warmth and touch, trying not to focus on the pain. “Q?”
“Hmm?”
“Could you please breathe? It unnerves me when you stop breathing.”
“I don’t have to, you know. Not unless I really have to cool down internally.”
“Just, for me, please?”
“Mm-hm.” Q nodded, making sure to keep miming breathing as he rested against James’ chest. James idly pet and rubbed Q’s skin, trying to help him relax and Q squirmed, trying to get closer to the warmth and the touches that felt so pleasant, especially amidst the ache he felt everywhere.
“Here, let me wash your hair.”
“It doesn’t need washing.” Q looked up at him, confused. “Oh, you’re just trying to take care of me. Right?”
“Right.”
“Then by all means. I’ve heard it’s pleasant to have someone else wash your hair.” With a little shampoo and less than a minute, Q was putty in James’ hands. Relaxed, snuggled close, and happy.
James got out first, tying a towel around his waist before helping Q out and gently drying him off. Q reached for his old clothes but James grabbed his hand. “What are you doing?”
“Well, I need clothes.”
“Not those. I’ve got something that will fit you, come on.” James smiled and led Q out into the bedroom.
“We ran off, how do you have…? James opened up a false wall in the closet and pulled free a bag.
“Alec and I have safe houses everywhere and things hidden in all of them. Just in case we need somewhere to crash or…to run.”
“How did you manage this?”
“A lot of favors over the years.” James shrugged, pulling free to pairs of sweatpants and a t-shirt. “Here, may be a bit big, but…it’s something new and they’re soft.”
“These are yours.”
“Of course.”
“I shouldn’t take them.”
“Q…”
“Trying to take care of me…okay.”
“Trust me, baggy sweatpants are the best way to relax.” James smiled. “I’ll be back.” Q got dressed and shifted in the clothes, smiling, they were comfortably loose and soft, but he had to tie them around his waist to keep them from falling. Q smiled and touched the soft shirt. Q was glad that James couldn’t seem to buy anything low quality. Q looked around the room, double checking for enemies and subconsciously placing a hand on the back of his neck, trying to protect himself. The door opened and James appeared, dressed in sweats. Q put his hand down and smiled at James. James smiled back the edges of his ears slightly pink. “You feeling alright?”
“I’m okay. Sweatpants are nice. Why are you embarrassed?”
“What?”
“You are red, it typically means embarrassment in humans.”
“I’m fine.”
“Is it because you…you know, in there just now? I noticed you know, I don’t normally miss things.” James turned pink. James Bond actually turned pink. Q was sure it was a record. “Why are you embarrassed by that?”
“It’s not something you’re…can we just skip this conversation?” James inquired.
“James, you shouldn’t be embarrassed.”
“Q”
“No, listen. Can I talk?”
“Of course.”
“I am not human, but I have needs. I need to rest and charge and a whole bunch of other things. You’re a human, you need food and water and sleep and shelter and sex and all those things. James you don’t want to have a plug stabbed into your next charged with electricity and that’s fine, I’m not embarrassed that I have to plug in every once in a while and you don’t treat me strangely or abandon me because I have to. Your body has needs, even if they are different from mine and that’s okay. You don’t have to be embarrassed about it. You’re human, I know you are, and that’s fine. It’s all fine.”
“You just quoted Sherlock at me.”
“You really shouldn’t have introduced it to me.”
“No, I shouldn’t have.” James sighed and looked down. “I just thought…since you didn’t…”
“You don’t stick a plug into your neck, but you don’t mind that I do and I don’t mind that you are human. If anything I’m flattered.”
“Flattered?”
“I may have misinterpreted, but that seemed like your reaction to me. I mean, any normal person in the world would be happy to create that response in you. I am glad in a strange way, that I make you…well happy and that you think me attractive in spite the fact that I’m a machine.”
“Not to me, Q.”
“Thank you.”
“Come on, darling, I think you’ll be comfortable on a big bed that is actually comfortable. You’ll be able to rest and I’ll be here to look after you. Deal?”
“Deal.” Q smiled, climbing under the covers and sighing appreciatively, curling in James’ arms. He frowned and looked up at James. “Can I face the other way? So you’re behind me. I’d feel safer with you protecting me where I’m most vulnerable.” James loosened his arms and Q twisted, smiling when he felt James press against his back, keeping him sheltered with his body.
“I’ll take care of you, I promise. You’re safe with me here.”
“I love you. It is strange and I don’t think I understand what it means fully, but I do. So you know.”
“I love you too.” James promised, kissing Q’s head gently and stroking his hair, knowing how he liked it. “Please don’t forget to breathe.”
“I won’t. Goodnight, James.”
“Rest well, Q. Wake me if you need me, for anything.”
“Thank you.”