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He hasn’t eaten since yesterday. Hard to remember his body, when it’s easier to almost ignore it.
Ignore the self. Focus on the war.
(He doesn’t want to die. He wants to live, to go home, to kiss Yuusuke and know that death doesn’t follow them all. He wants to see Natsumi. He wants to not have cast Daiki away for his own protection. He wants to Journey, and he wants to help people.
He wants to rest, even. Just lay down and do nothing. But those are not options for Kadoya Tsukasa— there is no Kadoya Tsukasa.
There is Decade and there is Destroyer of Worlds. )
He should get on that, soon. Any weakness could ruin everything. He needs to survive, after all. If he survives, until it’s time, then everyone survives.
(He doesn’t care if he’s hated. He became Great Leader again, after all. That was less than two months ago, somehow.
And he hadn’t been able to explain, then. It wasn’t about power. He knew it was wrong. He just didn’t care, because everything in him was already telling him he was doomed, and Dai-Shocker said there was another way.
So if he’s hated, at least it’s for doing the right thing, this time.)
He’s so tired, though. So tired of it all.
It’s nothing but hopelessness inside, as Tsukasa collapses, weakly. He should also possibly sleep, but the exhaustion is just too damn deep, for that. It’s hopelessness, he thinks. For himself.
He’s injured, too. He’s always injured. Someone’s shot managed to graze a leg.
He leans against the chain link fence, and he just… cries.
He can’t stay here, of course. Peace is a forgotten concept. Peace is not something he will ever experience again.
If he closes his eyes, there will be nothing but wind. This is a false world, after all. Anything living must soon die.
“I’m not mad,” Yuusuke said, curling up against Tsukasa. It was after they left Tsukasa’s World, and there was just a desire to know they were together . “But I do want to ask why.”
Natsumi was on Tsukasa’s other side, holding him.
She’d whispered apologies into his neck, like he could possibly blame her for long. He deserved it. He deserved everything, and even worse.
“I don’t think I could explain,” Tsukasa said, quietly. He doesn’t like being unsure. “But I do know that…”
(That thinks would get worse. That fate tinges the air, and he felt like it wanted him dead, and it wanted Yuusuke dead, and he didn’t know what to do with the feeling, not now.
Dai-Shocker’s false promises felt like the only way out, and now even the lies were gone.)
“Forget it,” he said, instead. “The future is coming, either way.”
I don’t want to be alone, he thinks. Please let this moment never end.
Natsumi tensed, against his back.
“I won’t let you be alone again, Tsukasa,” she said. “I’m sorry—”
“I was a monster,” Tsukasa replied. “You made the right choice. The monster…”
The monster needs to die.
“Is that what you want?” Yuusuke asked. Tsukasa shook his head.
“It’s not about what I want,” he said. “It’s—”
Yuusuke interrupted him, pulling him into a deep kiss. Tsukasa let him lead, surprised.
“Yuusuke…”
“We love you, Tsukasa,” Yuusuke said.
“Always,” Natsumi agreed.
Tsukasa thought, in that moment, that love would be enough.
Tsukasa leans forward, as light fills the tunnel. A false world sometimes breaks the rules of reality. No sleep here, of course.
He rubs his face, and it comes back wet. Oh, tears.
He though he ran out, by now.
…no matter.
He can’t fall yet.
(He loves them, too.)